Title: the hardest choice would be best

Characters: Yamamoto Takeshi; Tomoe Hotaru; Miura Haru; Rokudo Mukuro; Sawada Tsunayoshi; Gokudera Hayato; Chrome Dokuro

Relationships: one-sided Takeshi/Hotaru; Hotaru/Mukuro

Summary: For Gerbilfriend. Saturnine from Takeshi's point of view. Takeshi had lost this fight before he knew he was in it.

Warnings: Saturnine-AU. Timeline is deliberately vague because I am also confused (this person).

Note: Poor Takeshi, losing in popularity to a dude who's stuck in a fish tank. I'm still amazed at Saturnine's popularity and the number of requests I get for Mukuro/Hotaru. I wonder what would have happened if the main story was Saturnine and Petrichor was the AU.

Song of the chapter: Just Be Friends – Megurine Luka (Dixie Flatline)


How much did you 'know' a person?

Takeshi didn't expect to know everything about a person. For one, he didn't know himself fully, and he was the person that would know Yamamoto Takeshi the best, apart from his dad. If he didn't know himself, then he couldn't expect to know others.

But you could know things about a person. Some things could be told.

["My parents are dead," Hotaru told him, years after that funeral. It was both light and heavy – light, in her admission of it, as if the words were easy to speak, but heavy because of the light in her eyes and Takeshi knew that was what she meant when she said she didn't know how to make it better.]

And some things were observed.

[Sometimes Hotaru got a tender, sad look in her eyes, when she saw him. It was in moments like when he was eagerly talking about a baseball game, or when he complained about not liking math, or when he gave up trying to get her to drink milk and drank it himself.

It was the look he saw in his own face, sometimes, when he missed his mom and caught sight of himself in the mirror. It was directed at someone not here, someone who wasn't him, but someone he sometimes reminded her of.]

He didn't know everything about Hotaru. But he had been her friend for years, had observed her in different states for years, and he could say with absolute certainty that Hotaru, despite looking like she was going to burst into tears, was very, very happy.


In the hospital, all of them recovering from their trip to Kokuyo Land, Tsuna, who had been the last one standing, took the time they had on hand to tell them what they missed out on. Takeshi listened quietly to Tsuna's recounting of the fight that he couldn't have been at the side of, swearing to himself that he would do better.

"Rokudo Mukuro was," Tsuna paused, trying to gather his thoughts.

Takeshi waited patiently, wondering what the word of choice would be. Crazy? Cruel?

"Sad," said Tsuna, breaking expectations as usual.

"Rokudo Mukuro was sad?" Gokudera repeated. It was shock, but not rude disbelief because even when taken off-guard, Gokudera would never disrespect Tsuna.

It was an odd word to describe the guy Tsuna fought in what sounded like a pretty harsh fight, but Tsuna didn't take it back. He had mixed feelings, that was obvious, but he stood by his impression.

"Maybe I was the one who was sad," he murmured, because Tsuna was a good guy who could worry about someone who beat him up. "But I think he was sad in his own way, too, and just didn't know it because no one had taught him."


Mukuro wasn't, objectively, a good guy. But he did fight on their side – through Chrome, which Takeshi was still a little confused about on the how of the matter – and Tsuna said it was fine, so it was okay.

But if anyone asked Takeshi if he expected to see Rokudo Mukuro crying –

No one asked, but there it was. Chrome was gone, replaced by a guy their age in the Kokuyo uniform, and he was kneeling, before Hotaru, with tears running down from his mismatched eyes.

The thing most important to him right now, though, was Hotaru, who –

Looked happy. So happy that she was about to cry.

Something in Takeshi clicked. Not necessarily for the better, but in understanding, nonetheless. It made sense, now.

"I'm sorry," Mukuro croaked. "Princess, I'm so sorry."

And then Hotaru, deep relief and joy and love washing over her face, leaned in to hold Mukuro tightly, wrapping her arms around him like he was the most precious thing she would ever hold.

Oh, thought Takeshi.

Not all fights, he learned that day, as Hotaru said something he didn't understand, and then the two of them snapped back into reality and then ran away, hand in hand. Not all fights were started with both sides having a chance at victory. Some fights, you lost from the start, before you even began.


Gokudera freaked out, and so did Tsuna.

The next day, Chrome shyly standing next to her, they met at Hotaru's house. Gokudera had been eager to confront Hotaru – and Mukuro – on what that had been all about, and Tsuna was kind of dragged along even as he panicked.

And Takeshi? Well, he was kind of curious, too, and worried, so he was there as well.

"Give me a short and concise version of how you know Rokudo Mukuro," demanded Gokudera.

"Gokudera-kun, please," Tsuna pleaded, trying to get the silver-haired boy to tone down his rudeness.

"You don't have to say if you don't want to," said Takeshi because Hotaru was, at the end of the day, still Hotaru, still his friend, and no matter what he was going to take her side. Even if he was dying of curiosity, and just wanted to know – how?

"Just – calm down," requested Hotaru, and eventually, Gokudera, with a huff, sat back down. Tsuna slumped in his seat, looking frazzled. Reborn tipped his head, expression giving away nothing.

Chrome kept her eye turned down, towards her lap. She seemed – well, she looked as jumpy as usual, but she was oriented around Hotaru, which suggested that there was some level of comfort she felt with her.

"I remember my previous life," said Hotaru, with a nervous cringe as she said those words. "And, so does he, and we knew each other back then. And, well, we died."

Chrome bowed her head quietly, which was the tamest reaction of them all.

"What?" shouted Gokudera.

"What?" said Tsuna, stunned.

Takeshi blinked, and if he'd been holding something, he would have dropped it. "Huh?"

Realizing that may have been too succinct an explanation, Hotaru hurried to explain that she had memories of her previous life, where she had been a princess. Haru would have been happy to know that, Takeshi thought.

"And Ia – Mukuro was my retainer back then," she said. "As was Chrome."

Chrome still kept her eyes downwards, ignoring the several pairs of eyes that turned to her.

"She doesn't remember," added Hotaru. "And that's fine. She doesn't have to if that's what she wants."

The last words were firm, and Takeshi knew she would not be budged on this. For Chrome's sake, to take away every bit of blame the girl might try to place on herself.

"May I ask how you died?" asked Reborn.

It wasn't Hotaru who flinched. It was Chrome, Takeshi and Tsuna who did, and even Gokudera winced a little.

Hotaru took the question better than she had given her answer to how she knew Mukuro. "Our kingdom was attacked and fell."

The kid wanted to ask more questions, and Takeshi tried to pull him back but Hotaru was faster. "I don't really want to talk about it beyond that."

And that was that.


At least, for the others.

Unlike with her healing, Hotaru didn't keep it from Haru. They gathered together – at Hotaru's house, snacks laid out on the table and ignored because the things she was sharing with them was far more interesting than cake or cookies – and they learned about their friend, before she was their friend. Before she was even born.

"He was your retainer?" Haru repeated, eyes still sparkling from when she learned that Hotaru had been a princess.

"Since he was a young boy," said Hotaru. "He was raised to be loyal to me. To be a perfect retainer for me."

"That's so romantic!" gushed Haru, and Hotaru shook her head.

"He didn't have a choice," she said firmly. "It was cruel."

Takeshi tipped his head. "But he was happy to see you."

Sure, Mukuro had cried – something that still creeped Gokudera out when he remembered, which was easy to know because out of the blue he would shudder like someone was walking on his grave – but. Takeshi had seen his face when Hotaru hugged him, and how eagerly he had let her pull him away.

It wasn't just Hotaru that had looked at him with love. Everything about Mukuro's actions from that day – the tears, the kneeling, the following like she was the only light in the world – said that it was love.

Hotaru smiled at that, her lips curving upwards like a reflex. With a pang in his chest, Takeshi realized that just the thought of Mukuro being happy made Hotaru happy.

"He chose me, that life, and we were happy." Hotaru paused and frowned, leaning the side of her face against her hand. "And then, um, we died. But we were happy."

Haru's eyes grew as wide as the saucers of their untouched teacups. "You were married?"

Her hand slipped and Hotaru's head nearly crashed into the tabletop. "No!"

"But you said he chose you," Haru pointed out, and Takeshi silently agreed. Even if it was a little weird for the retainer to be the one choosing the princess. Wasn't it usually the other way around?

A red flush colored Hotaru's cheeks. "I meant he chose to stay as my retainer instead of leaving," she said, choked with embarrassment.

"But you still like him, right?" If this was baseball, Haru had just hit a home run.

Face redder than he'd ever seen her, Hotaru nodded silently.

Haru clapped her hand together once, as if to say that settled it. "Then it's romantic. It's a second chance, and this time you'll be old grandparents together because you'll stay together for a long time."

Hotaru buried her face into her hands and giggled.

"You're right," she said, after emerging. "You're absolutely right, Haru."

Takeshi waited until Haru went to the bathroom.

"As long as you're happy," he said, because that was what was most important. "Thank you for telling us."

There had been things he would never know about her. Takeshi would never have known about her past life until she told him. Technically, she didn't even have to. She could have just said that she and Mukuro fell in love or something.

But Hotaru chose to tell him and Haru, show more of herself that she'd previously kept hidden. It wouldn't have mattered if she had told them before, and it didn't matter now – Hotaru was still precious to him, still his oldest friend. What mattered was that she chose to tell them.

The trust was important to him, and so he returned it in the best way that he could – by just accepting it.

Hotaru smiled at him, affectionate in every way. "Thank you for taking it so well."


"I know you fought for Tsuna," Takeshi said cheerfully. "And thanks for that, by the way."

Mukuro looked at him like he was insane. Haru was keeping Hotaru occupied, because Haru was a good friend and was going to return the favor for Takeshi keeping Hotaru occupied while Haru gave her version of the 'interview the guy in love and loved by my friend'.

Also known as the shovel talk. Haru was less interested in burying Mukuro, more in assessing and getting to know the guy.

"Make no mistake, Yamamoto Takeshi," he began. "There is no love lost between me and the filth that-"

"I know," interrupted Takeshi, and it was rude but that wasn't the main focus, so he needed to get back on track. "I'm here to talk about Hotaru."

The mismatched eyes narrowed at him, as if his casual referral of Hotaru irked him. Oh, right, for him, Hotaru had been a princess he served.

Well, Hotaru was his friend so he could deal with it.

"Are you going to make her happy?" Would he love her? Would he do everything he could to keep her happy, safe, smiling? Would he stay as hers as she was intent, willing on being his?

Would Rokudo Mukuro be Tomoe Hotaru's?

Even before he received an answer, Takeshi knew it.

"With my life," said Mukuro, no taunting smirk on his lips. "As I have told the four others that have come to speak with me, I am hers – always have been, and always will be."

Takeshi refrained from pointing out that he hadn't shown up until recently, because he didn't want him to try and make up for lost time.