AN: I promise that from this point on, I'm going to be working on Kuon's recovery. I'm not the type of writer who wants to wrap all of their fics up with a nice little bow and got scared of the thought of not writing this particular fic. Now, I know I could have gone with a bad seizure leading to some brain damage but hey, jumping that shark's sometimes pretty fun.
Chapter Fifty Five
I'm staring at that demon with my hands at my side but my heart is beating painfully in my chest. I want to argue against him. I want to tell him to shut up and protect myself, protect my shaking nerves. He's a Beagle. He should learn how to sit and act like a Beagle.
"If that person continued feeling that way, unable to escape his life, then by now, he is most likely broken or has already left this world."
KyKuKyKu
I can't help but keep remembering the way those words sounded inside my head. I'm so happy that he's alive but they've broken him so badly. If his outside matched his inside then maybe I wouldn't recognize him. I feel guilty about saying that. I go over to him as he sits there shaking as he looks out the window. I take a seat opposite him and reach out to take his hand. "Hi," I try to say in a calming manner but his eyes widen as he looks at my hand. Should I not have taken his?
"It doesn't hu-hurt you?" he asks me as he lets his fingers tap against my skin. I stare at him. What does he mean that it doesn't hurt me? What was supposed to hurt me?
"I don't understand," I tell him as I lean forwards. He bows his head and shivers. "Kuon?" I ask nervously. I'm a little afraid that I don't know what his triggers are. I know that I'll be ready to use physical force if needed to protect myself but I'm scared for him. I have to believe that he's still present.
"My cl-cl-claws," he says as he pulls his hand out and then turns his hand in front of him, staring at it. I look at him. I know he's had some type of illegal substance or poison or at least a rare drug through his body but his mind can't be that twisted. I don't know what he's seeing when he studies his hand like that.
"Claws?" I ask gently and he looks at me with wide eyes.
"I'm not hu-hu-human," he says before looking away, the fear of rejection on his face. I freeze. What is he talking about? Claws? Not being human? What kind of drugs did they have him on? Who were those people who had him? Is he safe here? Maybe we should leave and go to Kyoto or something. "I'm sorry. If I ha-hadd known…" He pushes his head to his knees and I feel the torture that's going through him.
I kneel in front of him.
If that person hasn't already been driven to insanity, then he has probably already left this world.
I cringe as I hear it and as I look at Kuon, I think about what I once heard about people who were insane. You can see it in their eyes. It's like something that has been cracked. I take very slow breaths as I tilt my head to the side and he looks at me, his whole body slumped over. I don't know what to say but I have to keep smiling supportively. "I think you are very much a human," I tell him.
I have to be honest with myself. I knew that Kuon had some mental and psychological issues when I agreed to marry him. I knew that there was a chance that our children might develop them if they were hereditary. I even knew that Ren had a dark part in his heart before I even knew the connection between him and Kuon.
"I'm sorry," he whispers before crying, his head hung and I gently move so that I can wrap my arms around him as close as possible. I don't care that he's crying or that he might have a drug dependency or that he's having violent outbursts. I thought that he was dead. I thought that I had lost him. I've dealt with my own anger and darkness in the past and I know that there's the sweet Kuon, the amazing Corn, underneath all of this pain. He just needs to be reminded of that. "I should be lo-cked up."
I stand up and force him to look at me by placing my hands on either side of his face. "Look at me," I tell him and then kiss him passionately before drawing back. "We're going to get through this together. We have to just take it one step at a time. We have to break it down into tasks. Do you think that you could eat for me?" I ask him, he nods shakily. "Okay. Let me make us something to eat then."
KyKuKyKu
She's touching me without being hurt or burned. She still says that she loves me even though I was about to tell her that I was actually a monster who adopted a human form. It's as if that doesn't matter to her. I have to try to do better for her. What did the doctors tell me when I was starting recovery. Pick things that matter and prioritize them. For me what matters most is Kyoko and the girls, aka my family.
I need to concentrate on who I want to be rather than who those two women told me to be. "Rose an-ddd Ana?" I ask as I turn to Kyoko and her back immediately straightens and she shifts nervously.
"I think they are doing okay. I haven't spoken to them for a little bit. Julie-san has been taking care of them," Kyoko admits. I hear the guilt in her voice. I don't blame her although it saddens me. I wish my girls could have stayed together. "Are you angry?"
I look at her before shaking my head. Of course I'm not angry. As much as I wish they could have been together to look after each other, I'm a nutcase. Well, maybe that isn't an accurate term but I let them down. I don't know what happened after I went to the hospital. I put a hand to my forehead and frown. I was in the hospital or I must have been and then there was Tina and a girl who said that she had helped Fuwa torture me before. There was blood and a gun and. I grimace with a hand to my forehead and Kyoko rushes towards me.
"What's happening?" she asks as she sits down with me once again. "Kuon? Sweetheart?" she asks as she cups my cheek and brings my chin up so that we can make eye contact. "Kuon?" she asks again. "I just got you back. You have to tell me if something is wrong."
"I…I'm fi-fine," I tell her and she looks at me not believing it. I don't blame her. I wouldn't have believed myself either. "I…this dark energy," I tell her and she nods. "I fail—failed you." I turn and stand up and she reaches for my hand but I pull away. My mind is spinning and the world seems blurry and then the blackness again. I feel pain in my hand and I pull back to see that I just punched a large hole in the wall. I look down at my knuckles. Did I bruise them? I can barely remember what happened.
"Sit down," Kyoko tells me and I look at her. I turn to see that a chair is broken into pieces by the wall which has a dent in it and one of the vases Kyoko picked out is shattered, the flowers and water all over the ground. I don't know what happened. Could I actually hurt her or the girls whilst I'm this way? It was like Cain Heel or my earlier versions of Kuon all over again. I start to visualize the claws, start to feel the horns and the tail and then I feel Kyoko grab my arm and pull me over to the chair at the table.
"Sit down," she says as she points to the chair once again. I follow her desire and sit down, she takes my hand in hers and examines it being very careful about it. She's much more concerned about my hand then the damage that I've done to the vase, the chair, or the wall. I look her over. She's not shaking. She doesn't appear hurt. She isn't running away from me. She stands and I get a little worried that she's going to report me for domestic violence or something but she quickly returns with a damp cloth, some bandages, and some ointment. She reaches for my hand and examines it again before wrapping the cloth around it.
"Kyoko," I whisper nervously. This is just like when I threw that lamp out of the window. I had no reason to do that, I just felt like I had fallen into a hole that time…just like this time. "I don't…I damage-" I try to tell her and she smooths my hair back.
"Don't worry," she tells me even though I'm not sure what happened. "Just focus on the sting of your hand. We can clean everything else up." I look back at the damage but she cups my cheek and brings my attention back to her. "See, you're still my sweet Kuon."
I look at her and then down at my hand again. How can she say that when I've obviously gone berserk?
"I don't…thi-thinkk I sh-should see the…girls ju-just…ye-yet." I'm stuttering again, stumbling over my words like I hadn't been doing before. This must be some kind of psychological issue.
She nods and then takes a look at my hand, she puts the ointment over my knuckles and then wraps my hand with the bandages. "I understand. They do know that you're alive so I think that you should call them later on. I've done a lot of damage there and need to make up for it. Do you think you can do that? A phone call?"
I nod. It's the very least that I can do. I see Kyoko rise and she grabs a plastic bag before starting to put the vase and flowers in it, she then starts to throw the parts of the chair that will fit in there as well, leaving the parts which don't by the side. I should be the one cleaning up the mess.
"I could…have d-done that," I protest but she just returns to me and kisses me, tears in her eyes again.
"I still have your birthday presents," she tells me and I bow my head. Before the accident with Rose, we were going to celebrate my birthday. She had already done so much planning on it. Now it's at least two months after that day and she still has my wrapped gifts despite believing me to be dead. "I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to give them to you."
I nod and see her go to get the gifts. I really suck. I made her clean up after me and I don't even remember breaking that stuff. I wonder if she was scared of me when I did it or how she managed to get me to snap back to reality. I need to figure out those triggers as soon as possible.
End of Chapter Fifty Five
Thank you for reading, reviews are appreciated
Thank you to the reviewers of Chapter Fifty Four
Guest, Kaname671
AN 2:
I really hate doing it this way but might start updating my fics based on review count for last chapter (unless they are ones I'm addicted to writing and excited to write like this one). I know Skip Beat isn't the most popular, this website is being visited less frequently, and fewer and fewer people are leaving reviews but I do want to write to people's interests.
