Hello! I hadn't anticipated putting this chapter up so fast, but a super awesome reviewer inspired me and the words just fell out of my... fingers? So, I would like to thank ataecina for the really thoughtful reviews (also, I tried to break up the long paragraphs a bit!)! I'm just getting back into writing after a 5 year long hiatus, so any constructive criticism or thoughts about the stuff I write is so very much appreciated! And honestly, having someone else read over things and ask questions or point out potential inconsistencies is so helpful. I'm too much of a weenie to let anyone I know read my writing, so all of the grammar checking and editing is done by me!
I really hope you enjoy this chapter! It's a long one!
I don't own A:TLA! :(
Moonlight spilled into the cell through the barred window above. Zuko sighed when he saw his Uncle sitting with his back to him; it was as if the old man hadn't moved since his last visit. Zuko took a long breath in through his nose, willing himself to let go of the rage and confusion that had been building up inside of him ever since his return home. He placed the tray on the floor in front of the bars and sat down, wishing he hadn't destroyed the stool on his previous visit.
"Uncle," He started, "It's me again. I… I don't know what's happening. It feels like I'm being torn apart. I'm finally home and I know I should be happy but I'm not, I'm even more confused and miserable than I was before." He gazed up at his Uncle, who gave no sign that he heard him. Zuko frowned and continued, "I hired an assassin to go after the Avatar. I thought that knowing he was dead would bring me solace, but instead… I realized that they would all die… and despite everything, all that I've worked towards, I ran back to try and stop him. I'm constantly sabotaging myself! I feel like fate is pulling me one way and as hard as I try to follow it and accept it, something is holding me back."
Zuko clenched his fists, trying to contain the frustration he felt rising in him again. His Uncle hadn't budged. The Fire Nation Prince had never been particularly good at voicing his feelings, putting words to the pain and tumult he felt inside; even to Iroh, arguably the only person who truly knew him. "I… I feel guilty, Uncle. When I was banished… you were the only one that stayed with me, the only one that cared. Despite everything I put you through over the years, all of the times I yelled, you stayed and you cared. And then in that cave under Ba Sing Se… I saw the same care in the waterbender's eyes; she told me what the Fire Nation had done to her family and her village and I felt… shame. I had been a part of that." Zuko unclenched his fists and placed his face in them. "She forgave me. This girl, who I had used as bait for the Avatar, looked in my eyes and told me it wasn't too late; that I could choose my own path. And for a moment, I believed her. Then when it came time to choose..."
He could hear the faint sound of Iroh breathing on the other side of the bars, but got no response. Zuko sighed again, "I understand that you don't want to talk to me… I guess I just wanted to tell someone. I'm sorry, Uncle. I never deserved to have you in my life." He stood up and pushed his growing mane of black hair out of his eyes, "Enjoy the tea."
As he was turning to leave, he noticed movement in the cell. Iroh had turned his head and was looking over his shoulder. "Zuko," his voice was raspy, "Why didn't you just start by saying you brought tea?"
Zuko's jaw nearly hit the floor when Iroh turned around, eyed the tea pot, and then lifted his gaze to his nephew, with a toothy grin. The old general crawled over to the iron bars and sat cross-legged in front of the tray. Zuko was completely dumbfounded and not sure if he should be relieved that his Uncle was finally acknowledging him again or upset that it was because of the tea.
Iroh reached his hand through the bars and gently pulled off the lid on the teapot, inhaling deeply as steam rolled out. "Jasmine," he sighed, a fondness in his tone, "I knew there was still good in you."
Zuko yelled, "What is it with you and tea?!" Then he sat down in front of the old man, shaking his head while he poured him a cup.
After finishing his first cup without another word, Iroh handed Zuko the empty container for a refill. Zuko complied. "Uncle, I don't know what to do. I sent an assassin after them and now I'm filled with regret." He passed the steaming cup back to Iroh through the bars. "I sent the assassin."
Iroh's eyes widened and met Zuko's gaze as he took the cup. "Oh, Zuko." He knew whom Zuko was referring to. "What will you do?"
"I tried to find him again. I… I can't explain why, but I worried that I had also condemned her to die- the water tribe girl. The avatar must die still, it's the only way I can regain my honor. But the others…"
"And did you find him in time?"
Zuko looked down, clenching his jaw. "No," he spat, angry with himself again. "He was gone."
"Zuko. You cannot make yourself feel something you do not. You cannot live a life pretending to be someone you are not. You can only become who you are meant to be by feeling what you feel and following those feelings with action."
Zuko looked to his uncle, "What does that even mean? I'm so lost, Uncle. Can't you just tell me what to do?"
"Yes. You must seek out the history of your great-grandfather. You need to know the story of his demise; it will reveal your own destiny. You may find the answer to the question you keep asking yourself."
…
Aang was amazed by the temple's quaint beauty. A circle of stones, at least twice his height, stood tall and mossy, protruding from the groomed volcanic sand around the entrance. The walls of the temple wrapped around a stone atrium that contained a flourishing lush garden of medicinal herbs in long, parallel planters.
"Yangchen's shrine is back here," Miku motioned to him, heading around the back of the temple. Aang followed, still examining the small structure and its surrounding grounds in awe.
He rounded the back corner of the temple to find a small wooden tea house pressed up against the back wall. Miku stepped inside and he followed. The air was musty and dust covered the floor in the corners.
Miku sighed at the sight of the dust, "I sweep in here twice a week and it always seems to gather dust somehow. It must be the wind blowing it in under the door."
Aang approached the shrine at the opposite end of the room. A collection of dried flowers, herbs, and other small monetary offerings had been placed at the base of a small statue of Yangchen's likeness. Behind the statue, a staff leaned against the wall. Aang instantly recognized it to be a glider; Yangchen's glider. Without thinking, he reached out and grabbed it.
The shrine and Miku faded into darkness around him and a booming voice filled his ears.
"Avatar Aang."
…
Zuko stood in the long hallway, staring up at the face of his great-grandfather, Fire Lord Sozin. The resemblance to his own father was unmistakable, albeit Sozin looked much older than the current Fire Lord at the time of the painting. His expression was stern, his brow furrowed. Zuko couldn't remember much from the stories he had been told of Sozin as a child. He knew the war had started with his great-grandfather, but he could not recall any details about his end.
"It's never too early for a sitting with the court painter, Zuko." His sister's voice echoed in the otherwise empty hall. "Make sure he gets your good side."
His sister's presence surprised him and he turned his head to watch her pass behind him, ignoring her comment about his scar. "Wait, I need to ask you something. What do you remember about out great-grandfather's history?"
Azula turned around. "Oh, Zuko," she sighed, "It's so strange how your mind works. Fire Lord Sozin began the war, of course. He spent his early years secretly preparing for it." She stood next to him looking up at the painting, a glint of cruel admiration in her dark eyes. "But he was as patient as he was clever. He famously waited for the comet, later named Sozin's comet, and used its power to launch his full-scale invasion of the world. In the end, he died a very old and successful man."
"But how did he die?"
Azula sighed again, looking to her brother, one eyebrow raised. "Didn't you pay any attention in school, Zuko? He died peacefully, in his sleep. He was ancient." She turned and continued walking down the hallway, leaving Zuko staring up at the face of Sozin.
He frowned. How would this information help him determine his destiny? Sozin lived to an old age and died peacefully in his sleep. What did his uncle think he would glean from that? Zuko exhaled, resolving to ask Iroh the next time he sneaked out to visit him. He was walking towards the kitchens when he heard footsteps and voices coming from an adjacent hallway; he recognized the voices as two of his father's advisers.
"What did the message from the Admiral say?"
"They ran into a captured ship on their way to Ba Sing Se. It was heading west from the Serpent's Pass. The commander from the ship had said they were from the Eastern Fleet and had been sent by Admiral Chan to deliver cargo, but Chan has been on leave for months. There was a waterbender and an earthbender on the ship and they attacked them, escaping when the serpent attacked."
Zuko's eyes widened. A waterbender and an earth bender heading west from Ba Sing Se? That must be them. They must have been laying low to avoid detection as the Fire Nation Fleet headed to support Ba Sing Se's occupation. If the advisers knew, surely they would be going to tell the Fire Lord. Hopefully, he wouldn't know what that meant; The Avatar was surely aboard that ship. Zuko considered this and saw his opportunity. He could reach the ship before the Fire Nation navy and warn them that they were discovered, before killing the Avatar himself. Then the navy wouldn't be able to find them and no one would be able to report to his father of his failure. This was his best chance.
Having made the decision, he rushed to the throne room, intending to beat the advisers there. When he arrived, his father was alone, having just excused Azula. She brushed past him as he entered the throne room, a smirk on her face as she mumbled, "Kissing up to father again, Zuzu?"
Zuko ignored this and approached the wall of fire that his father stood behind.
"Zuko," the Fire Lord acknowledged, "What is it, my son?"
Zuko bowed, scrambling to come up with something to say.
"Father," He began, "I wanted to ask your permission to borrow a small ship, something fast."
The Fire Lord frowned, unsure what to think of this strange request.
"I want to take Mai to Ember Island," Zuko swallowed. "If we are to be married in the future, I thought I should start the courting process sooner rather than later to…" he paused, "Ensure the match. It would just be for a couple days and with a fast ship, I could easily be back in time for the war council meeting next week."
The frown left the Fire Lord's expression, "I suppose it's never too early," He replied, with a wave of his hand. "Go talk to Admiral Wong and tell him I send you with my permission to acquire one of the palace vessels. I expect you back in time for the war council."
"Thank you, father," Zuko bowed again, "I look forward to attending the meeting."
He turned and strode out of the throne room, trying to conceal the relief and anticipation bubbling up inside of him.
...
Katara was pacing through the halls of the Fire Nation vessel, feeling restless. She had been trapped on the iron ship for days, unable to do much of anything. Their brief encounter with the other Fire Nation ship a few days ago was all the real action she had seen in weeks. She could barely sleep, haunted by dreams of the Fire Nation prince; her confinement in the iron ship, decorated with Fire Nation flags, hardly helped calm her anxieties upon waking. Katara was only allowed on the deck of the ship under the cover of darkness, to practice her waterbending in the night. As much as she hated the policy, she knew her brother and father were right; a woman and a waterbender aboard the deck of a Fire Nation ship was a surefire way to give themselves away, particularly after their run-in with the Fire Nation navy a couple days ago.
Toph was also struggling, she knew, being treated like precious cargo on their long journey to the Fire Nation islands. They would run into each other every once in a while, wandering the corridors of the ship out of boredom. Whenever they did, a short sparring match would ensue; today was no different. Toph always had the unfair advantage in these matches because she would see Katara coming through the vibrations in the metal ship long before Katara could see the blind girl around the corner. Toph tried to be fair about it though, and waited until she knew Katara had noticed her to attack. Katara rounded the corner and saw the earthbender, in an attack stance, waiting for her.
Pulling the water from the skin at her hip, Katara whipped it towards Toph's ankles, an attempt to knock her off balance. Toph saw it coming and lifted her foot, turning to peel a sheet of metal from the floor under Katara's feet. The waterbender cursed and jumped towards the wall, pushing herself off it and freezing the water below her feet to slide across the gap in the floor that Toph had created and up the opposite wall of the corridor. She had learned in these sparring matches with the blind earthbender that it was best to stay on the move and standing on ice made it much more difficult for Toph to track her movements.
She propelled herself off the ice and into the air, liquefying her icy bridge just in time to avoid Toph's next attack as a steel door from down the hallway came loose and flew towards her. She pressed her back the wall and shot water towards the corner of the door, knocking it off course to clang into the wall across from her.
"A door! That's hardly fair!" She yelled playfully to the blind girl, who was smirking back at her.
"None of this is fair," Toph responded, laughing "We're surrounded by my element and all you have is a pouch full of water. I'm just going easy on you to make it more fun."
This annoyed Katara slightly, she was a powerful waterbender and she didn't need anyone to go easy on her. "Well, stop going easy on me!" She shouted back, running towards Toph and jumping onto a block of ice, freezing the water before her into a slide that encircled the corridor.
The blind girl shrugged and took her stance again. She stamped on the ground and raised her arms to either side of her body, her hands clenched into fists. With her elbows bent, she slowly started moving her forearms together. The metal walls around Katara groaned as they began to close in on her. It was like a flashback from one of her recurring dreams and suddenly, a blind panic set in. Katara slid through the converging walls, summoning water from the ocean outside of the ship. Sea water came pouring through doors on either side of the corridor and from down the hall behind Toph. The earthbender's pale cloudy eyes widened as water crashed around her body and froze, paralyzing her movements. Katara was stuck between two metal walls that had closed in around her shoulders. She exhaled loudly, before breaking out into laughter. Toph was laughing too.
"So I guess it's a tie?" The blind girl asked between fits of laughter.
"Looks like it," Katara giggled.
"Release me from this prison, Ice Queen," Toph joked, and with a flick of Katara's wrist, the ice around the earthbender liquefied, releasing her.
"Ok, now my turn," Katara laughed. Toph pushed the corridor walls back into their original position and Katara dropped back down to her feet.
"I guess we were both going easy on each other," the blind girl said as she slid down one of the walls into a seated position. "I gotta say, sweetness, you definitely surprised me with all that water."
Katara sat down next to her, "Sorry," she chuckled. "If I'm being honest, the walls closing around me… well, I've been having this dream a lot lately and it was like a flashback. I panicked."
"I've been having weird dreams lately too," Toph responded, "something about sleeping on a Fire Nation ship gives me the creeps. Like that angry guy Zuko is going to show up out of nowhere and set the whole place on fire."
Katara looked away at the mention of Zuko; thinking about him caused a strange, involuntary reaction in her. She would get flustered, heat rising in her cheeks, and simultaneously angry. Of course, Toph couldn't see her response, but she could feel her heartbeat racing through the wall at their backs.
"Yea," Katara tried to sound unconcerned, willing the heat in her chest and face to subside. "But I'm sure we don't have to worry about seeing him here. He's probably back in the Fire Nation by now, groveling at the Fire Lord's feet."
"So," Toph probed, having caught Katara's weird response to the mention of Zuko. "What happened between you two when you were stuck in the catacombs anyways? You were down there for a while." The earthbender smirked a little.
Katara's face flushed bright red and any progress she had made in controlling her heart rate evaporated instantly. "What? What do you- I mean, nothing happened." She responded, inwardly cursing herself for stuttering. "I told him off and he…" She paused, "totally ignored me."
"So you didn't beat him up?" Toph laughed, trying to ease the tension her question had created. She knew something was going on there, but she wasn't the type to get involved; she just liked making people uncomfortable and the embarrassment amused her.
Katara laughed in response, hoping Toph hadn't picked up on her strange reaction. "No, I should have though, shouldn't I?"
…
"I have to say, I am surprised you were so eager to bring me on a vacation all of a sudden," Mai approached Zuko from behind as he stood in the bridge, pouring over a large world map. She didn't sound surprised, in her usual bored tone. "I was starting to think you had forgotten about me. I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks."
"I've been busy in meetings with my father's war council," Zuko lied.
"Well, either way, I guess it will be nice to get away from my family for a few days," Mai shrugged and reached up to Zuko's face to pull him into a kiss.
When her hand neared his scar, Zuko grabbed Mai's wrist; She frowned at this.
"Still afraid to let anyone in, I see." She pulled her hand back and turned to leave.
"I'm not afraid!" Zuko yelled, turning to face her. "Fear is for cowards."
Mai was already at the door.
"Whatever," She replied, with a dismissing wave of her hand. Then she was gone.
Zuko grunted, looking up to the captain of the ship, who was staring stupidly at him, his mouth hanging open.
"Did I tell you to slow down?" Zuko spat, "Why are we going so slow?"
The captain came out of his trance and began to stutter, realizing he was being addressed.
"Uh, no, Prince Zuko," He stammered, "My apologies. I will bring us up to full speed."
Zuko scowled at the man, fire in his eyes. He knew this was a risky plan and he would not tolerate disloyalty.
"No one can know about this," He reminded the captain, his tone acidic. "This is a covert operation sponsored by the Fire Lord himself. He will not be pleased to hear of failure."
The captain bowed, "I understand, Prince Zuko."
"I'm going out to the deck. Stay on the course I have outlined for you and don't do anything without consulting me first."
The captain nodded silently as Zuko stalked through the door.
Zuko walked out onto the deck, looking west towards the setting sun. They were making decent time, a half day's journey ahead of the Fire Nation fleet at least.
…
Katara climbed onto her bed, dreading another night of restless sleep. She had cut her waterbending practice short tonight at the gentle nudging from her father. After drenching the inside of the Fire Nation vessel during their sparring match earlier, Sokka, soaked from head-to-toe came running down the corridor.
"What were you thinking, Katara?" He had yelled. "You're lucky there wasn't anyone else around! It looked like our ship was thirsty; water washing up on the deck and flowing through the- the portholes!" He had gestured towards one of the open windows, still dripping. "Are you trying to blow our cover?"
Katara had got angry at this; he should know that she would never purposefully try to put them in danger, especially not with an unconscious Aang on board. It wasn't like she had intended things to go that way, it was a panicked reaction.
"It was just water!" She had shouted back, "It's not like anyone would have seen a woman aboard the ship," the word was laced with poison, "Oh no, we better keep all of the females hidden and locked up inside. What ever will we do if they see the light of day?"
"Katara, you know that's not what I believe!" Sokka had responded, before calming down and reaching out to her. "I'm sorry, I know this sucks for you."
Katara sighed, "And I know you don't believe that," she conceded, "I'm sorry, Sokka. I didn't mean to pull all of that water into the ship. I'm just getting so agitated being stuck below deck all the time. And Aang is still out, I just feel like there is nothing that I can do to help and I hate it."
Sokka had brought his sister into an embrace, "Of course you are helpful. Without you, Aang would be dead and we would have been caught by the Fire Nation."
Although they had made up, she still decided it would be best not to push her luck tonight. She knew Sokka was only trying to get them safely to the Fire Nation and they were only a couple days away now. They had just passed through the Great Divide and were nearing the Waterfall Lagoon where her and Aang had first practiced waterbending together. The memory made her smile; she had been so jealous of his aptitude for bending at the time. Then she remembered what had happened as a result; Zuko had shown up with pirates and tied her to a tree, holding her mother's necklace hostage. She was so sick of Zuko intruding her thoughts and memories. She was especially annoyed with how she kept dreaming about him. Yes, she was a teenager and those kinds of thoughts and feelings weren't unheard of… but Zuko of all people? She would have been better off fantasizing about Jet for the rest of her life; he wasn't exactly a paragon of virtue and honor, but at least he was on the right side of the war.
Frustrated yet again, she threw herself back onto the bed and tried to will her mind into a dreamless slumber.
…
They pulled into port at the trading village that Zuko's uncle had scoured for a Pai Sho piece, what seemed like a lifetime ago. It hadn't taken Mai long to realize they were not on their way to Ember Island; the black-haired girl always seemed depressed, but she definitely wasn't stupid. Zuko had told her he needed to run an errand, something he had to do for his uncle and promised they would stop at Ember Island soon. She had eyed him suspiciously, surely knowing what Azula and the Fire Lord would think about this. In the end, she had just shrugged and gave him her usual "whatever" response with a sigh. She had gone to bed long before they had pulled into the trading village.
He grasped the hilts of his dual broadswords and pulled them down from their place on the wall, sliding them into their sheath. Zuko then pulled the chest out from under his bed and rifled through his belongings. Below layers of red tunics and pants, he felt something rigid; his mother's mask. He removed the blue mask from below the layers of clothes and examined it in his hands. Upon his Uncle's urging, he had discarded it in Lake Laogai, only to return and retrieve it later. Whatever it had represented to him in the past, it had still belonged to his mother and was one of the few things he had to remember her by. He tucked the mask into his shirt and rolled up the papers he had been scribbling on, slinging his sword sheath across his back.
...
For the first time in weeks, Katara fell asleep almost instantly. Perhaps it was the lack of nightly waterbending practice, or the exhaustion of bending earlier in her sparring match with Toph, or perhaps her restless nights had finally caught up with her. Whatever the reason, she fell into a deep sleep on top of her bed, not even bothering to get under the covers.
Her dreams were queer reiterations of the same sequence of events with slight differences. She was in the catacombs in Zuko's arms, nuzzling her face into his rigid, muscled chest. Then she saw Aang, crumpled in the corner, his clothes singed from a lightening strike to his back. She was carrying his limp body, running through the labyrinth of caverns and passageways under Ba Sing Se, but she was moving to slow. There was someone behind her, gaining on her. She stumbled into a room in the Fire Nation palace, the walls covered in red tapestries, suddenly alone; Aang was no longer in her arms. She spun around, searching for her friend, but it was just her. The room was a bedroom, with no furniture but a large canopy bed against one of the walls. There were no windows or doors, just tapestries. She started to panic; there had to be a door somewhere. Katara ran to a tapestry across the room and pulled it back to reveal a blank stone wall. Where was the door? She had to find Aang. She tugged at the next tapestry; another stone wall. Before long, she was frantically ripping the tapestries down, flinging them across the room. Suddenly, a pair of strong arms grabbed her from behind and, before she could scream, she was back in the catacombs, leaning against Zuko's chest.
...
Zuko eyed the iron ship as it crept silently towards the narrowed section of the river. He couldn't attract any unwanted attention and trying to board the Fire Navy ship directly from his own vessel would certainly do as much. He had resigned to jumping on board from an overhanging cliff at a choke-point in the river; it just had to be timed right. Pulling out his mask, he crouched on the edge of the precipice, watching and waiting. There only appeared to be two men standing guard on deck, both near the bow facing towards the front of the ship; as long as they didn't see him, he should be able to get aboard undetected. The front half of the vessel passed underneath him and he jumped, landing on his feet and rolling into the shadow of the bridge when he heard one of the men say to the other: "Did you hear something?"
With his back against the iron structure of the bridge, hidden in shadow, Zuko sidestepped around the corner. Jumping, he reached up and caught the protruding edge that marked the second floor of the bridge. He pulled himself up and swung his legs up onto the ledge. Rolling under the railing, he crouched back into the shadows. He could hear footsteps around the corner. Cursing inwardly, Zuko rushed to the other side of the bridge, trying to tread lightly. When he turned the corner, he saw that one of the windows on the level up was cracked open. He jumped and scrambled up the iron wall until his hand grasped the bottom edge of the window. With all his strength, he pulled his body up and into the narrow opening just in time. The room was warm and a candle flickered in the corner; it reminded him of his own room aboard his old vessel, the resemblance was uncanny, although the Fire Navy was not exactly notorious in their aptitude for interior design. He heard movement behind him and froze.
"Zuko..."
Whew! So I actually had to cut off a little bit of this chapter because it got way too long! So um.. cliffhanger! :)
Please please please tell me what you think!
