Chapter Thirty-One: Mirror, Mirror
Twenty-two year-old Hawks did not look up from his shaking hands. His knuckles were white and he could feel a prickling sensation spreading through his fingers from a lack of circulation. He did not avert his gaze from his paling digits, keeping them pressed together as his nails bit into his skin. He kept his sight down. Tensei was sitting directly across from him, and he was not ready to see his face.
Looking inward was not much better. The voices' walls kept them from experiencing his memories but he knew they caught flashes. The exchange was not equal on both sides. He could not sense what they were feeling at all. It was almost a relief. He did not want to know their thoughts. He was afraid of what he would see.
"Kaetsu became addicted to the euphoria my fear gave him." Hawks finished his tale in a toneless whisper. "I was almost like a drug to him. He's been obsessed with me ever since. I think the Commission let his arrest play out because they could tell he was close to… snapping again and they didn't want him near me in case I broke again. They wanted me obedient, not dead. I wasn't… I wasn't perfect but I was obedient enough until… Amplifier attacked me. And I fought back."
Hawks's voice cracked as he realized the true weight of what he had done. He had fought the Commission and Kaetsu was free, ready to be used on him again. The anxiety that had been building inside him reached a new high and he hunched his shoulders, denying how they shook.
Tensei was silent.
The voices were silent as well. All eight of them.
Hawks may as well be alone. He wished he was alone, because as minutes or hours or eons passed and the silence grew more and more oppressive, his hands squeezed tighter until he was sure he would break his own fingers. His breathing grew rapid and his throat and eyes burned but he did not cry because Heroes did not cry.
They hate me they're disgusted they know I'm weak they know it's my fault I shouldn't have said anything they think I deserve it I should have kept my mouth shut they hate me they're disgusted they blame me they're right—
"I'm sorry I burdened you with this." Hawks croaked. "I shouldn't have dropped all this on you. But I needed to talk to someone. When Endeavor attacked me, all I could think of was him and the memories came back. I couldn't tell Rumi or Katniss. They'd be angry. Not at me, I think, but— I-I can't. Aizawa…" Hawks blinked rapidly, breathing sharp. "I can't bear for him to know how stupid I was. And Toshinori would tell All Might so…" He stood abruptly. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have used you like this. I'll leave now—"
"No." Tensei said, voice low. "You don't have to leave, or apologize." He stood as well, but only to settle on the couch next to Hawks's position. "If you want to keep talking, I'm listening. If you don't want to talk any more, I'm still here for you. In a year, or five, or ten, I'll still be here to help you."
Hawks slowly sat back down. He felt the voices shift, but they were muffled, like they were keeping their distance from him. His hands quivered and more imprints joined the other nail marks in his flesh. Were they that disgusted with him? Did they not believe him? Did they think he wanted this?
"We'd never blame you." Red croaked, making Hawks jump.
Her emotions washed over him— sorrow, support, compassion, protectiveness, determination— and he realized the voices were giving him space so they did not overwhelm him. There was guilt there too as they comprehended just what they had done when they took over without telling Hawks, but the voices stubbornly squashed it, adamant that they would not cause Hawks more distress.
Despite that support, Hawks wished he could hide. From them, from Tensei, and from himself.
Do you think less of me, knowing that I let myself be controlled by a Quirk that isn't even explicitly for mind control? Are you disgusted with how weak I am that I let him use me like an empty doll?
"Never." Red repeated, voice rough.
Green appeared so suddenly that Hawks physically jumped. "Please don't tell me you've been so willing to let us have control because you wanted to make yourself used to losing it."
Hawks wished he could vanish. He hugged himself, trying not to feel more worthless than he already did. "I didn't want that. I swear I didn't. Please don't be angry."
"I am not angry at you." Tensei said, mistakenly believing Hawks had been speaking to him. Or maybe Hawks was. "Hawks, what happened to you was not your fault and you did not ask for any of this."
Hawks did not bother to hide his disbelief. How could Tensei believe such lies?
"Yes it was my fault." Hawks confessed steadily. "I was arrogant, and stupid, and naive enough to act like a lazy, cowardly, ungrateful brat who wanted to redeem Villains."
Tensei's expression was solemn. "Hawks, the Commission didn't want to use those programs because they decrease Villain activity and give Heroes less to do. That would make the Commission less profit. 'Laziness' was just their excuse to hurt you."
He sounded so certain that Hawks initially could not find the words to contradict him. His mouth moved wordlessly until he eventually found his voice. "That's not true. I… I was acting unheroic."
"Preventing people from becoming Villains and helping them reform is not 'unheroic'." Tensei stated. Again, he sounded so sure, like he was stating simple facts. Tensei caught Hawks's eye and his voice grew gentler. "Why can other Heroes use such methods and not you?"
Hawks lost his voice again. "I— I, uh—" His mind failed him as he tried to come up with a logical reason, only to come up blank. Icy panic tore through his gut and he hunched over, hugging himself tighter. "It's not that any of that matters or anything." he rambled. "My selfish and snobby attitude was reason enough for them to do that."
"There is no reason for them to hurt you." Tensei emphasized like he was stating facts instead of misinformed opinions. "None."
Why was he saying this? Why was he acting this way? He should be disgusted or at least find Hawks pitiful and weak. But Tensei did not look at Hawks with pity. He did not look at him like he was stupid for failing to see what he did. Instead he just looked calm, and stable, and there, as if Hawks were owed his full attention with none of the harsh judgment he deserved.
Hawks did not understand. He could not understand. Why did Tensei not see Hawks was the one in the wrong? Why did he not see Hawks was the reason Kaetsu became what he did? Why did he not see Hawks brought this upon himself? Why couldn't he see Hawks was the one to blame for his own misery?
Confusion became desperation to prove him wrong and Hawks grasped his coat. "The Commission didn't do this to me."
Hawks pulled his coat off and yanked his top aside just enough to reveal the jagged scar on his chest, right below his collar bone. It was colored by bruises from Endeavor's attack, but the scar was still clearly visible. On his back, it was even clearer to see where Pathfinder's blade had run him through.
"I wanted to die." Hawks admitted in a tone more appropriate for giving students a boring verbal lesson about how to patrol efficiently. "I wanted to die so badly I convinced myself I was afraid to be free so I could use Kaetsu's Quirk to my advantage. I threw myself on a sword hoping it'd go through my heart. I'm manipulative, and cowardly, and selfish so I wanted to take the easy way out." He pretended his voice did not crack.
Tensei glanced down at the scar but his gaze quickly returned to Hawks's face. Having not expected that— people always stared— Hawks lingered uncertainly, leaving the mark exposed. Did he want Hawks to remove his shirt or something? Did he need more proof? Did he think Hawks was lying—?
Tensei frowned and slowly reached out, as if he were making sure Hawks had time to lean away. He pulled Hawks's coat back up his arm and laid his hands on his shoulders. Both of them.
"Hawks, are you thinking about killing yourself?"
Hawks stared at him in a detached type of bewilderment, feeling like a bomb had blown up in his face and he not had no idea what to do next. "Of course not. I can't die now. People need me to be alive."
The voices grew tense.
Tensei did not. He remained calm and gentle, as solid as a rock. "I'm sorry to have to ask this." he said, quiet but firm. "But just to clarify… the Commission knew Kaetsu was sexually abusing you?"
Hawks flinched and his wings closed protectively around himself. "No! I mean, yes they knew Kaetsu was… doing things but it wasn't— that. It was for training. Because sometimes Villains might try… things. So Kaetsu was training me to prepare me." Deep down, Hawks knew that wasn't true. He swallowed. "But uh, even if it wasn't training then it, um, it still wasn't sexual abuse because he didn't rape me."
In his line of work, saying words like that was common, but here it felt wrong to even speak those words, like he was trivializing the suffering of others who had actually gone through that type of thing for daring to think his own trauma came close. Yes, he obviously knew sexual abuse included non-consensual kissing and touching but…
Hawks realized he'd made the Commission the villains again and rushed to clarify. "The President stopped it after Kaetsu let me go. They tried to help, really. They tried to make him stop with remedial courses but it didn't work. They knew about it but it wasn't…" He slowly realized what he was defending. "…their fault?"
Tensei did not argue with him. He still didn't look pitying or disgusted.
"May I hug you?" he asked abruptly.
Hawks's brow furrowed but he nodded cautiously. He stayed in place as—with slow and deliberate movements— Tensei embraced him. Tensei's arms were warm. They were firm. Like Miruko's hugs, but… softer. Not like Hawks would break if he was held too tightly, but like Tensei was consciously lingering, ready to hold Hawks up if he began to fall. Hawks resisted the desire to lean his head on Tensei's shoulder and tried his best to ignore his body's panicked mantra of 'don't seek comfort don't seek comfort don't seek comfort—'
"I'll help you get support." Tensei stated. "Things will get better."
The offer of support made Hawks as nervous as the promise of improvement gave him hope.
"Please don't tell anyone." he pleaded.
"I won't." Tensei promised. "If you ever want to come forward, it will be your choice."
"Thank you." Hawks pulled away and rubbed at his eyes. He glanced at the time and was stunned by how late it was. How long had he been speaking? He should leave but it would be risky to fly so late at night with the Commission and Kaetsu out there. "I'm sorry to be a bother but can I spend the night? I can't go to Rumi's and I don't want to be alone."
"You are not a bother." Tensei stated. He crossed his arms. "Tenya might be coming over with Shoto. Is that alright?"
Hawks wondered how this man could be real. Even after Hawks admitted what a weak, manipulative, and dangerous risk he was to be around, Tensei was still okay with him being near his brother?
"Tensei does not blame you." Silver whispered in his ear.
It should be a reminder, but it felt more like a confirmation.
Hawks should know better than to feel that way but he did.
He nodded hesitantly. "Seeing them is okay." He clasped his hands together and forced himself not to rock from side to side like a guilty child. "You… won't say anything? About the Commission? Or Endeavor?"
"No." Tensei assured him. "You can choose who you want to know."
It was weird that Tensei kept saying that but Hawks would vehemently deny that reassurance relieved him.
Tensei gave him one more, comforting squeeze and released him again. "I'll get the first aid kit to clean you up."
"We should take those pictures first." Hawks mumbled. "For evidence."
Tensei leaned so he was looking Hawks in the eye. "Do you want to?"
Hawks bit his lip. "I… should...n't?" His teeth broke through the skin. "Would this help or hinder the case for him abusing his family? Miruko's been compiling evidence and I don't want to mess it up and have people focus on this when it's his family that's been hurt and deserves justice but maybe if this is brought up it would help their case and people would bother me instead of them because I doubt they want to be dragged into the media circus and I can handle it—"
"Hawks." Tensei said gently, interrupting his rambling. "Do you want me to take those pictures?"
Hawks finally comprehended what was weird— familiar— about his tone and questions. It was the kind he himself used with Eri. The realization rattled him and he averted his gaze.
"Yes." he said. It might help Shoto's case.
Ingenium went through the process of taking pictures of Hawks's injuries with calm professionalism. Hawks knew the procedure by heart and being on the receiving end was humiliating no matter how much Pink, Silver, Red, and White soothed him and whispered that he was doing okay.
Hawks tried to comfort himself with the knowledge that it was simply documenting evidence for injuries and not a more invasive kind of test and his self-loathing tripled. How could he feel that way? Would any of the Todorokis be 'relieved' that they had to show off the marks their father left on them?
"You should take your own advice." White said, but there was no judgment in his tone. "You don't need to compare our past traumas."
Hawks tried to take his words to heart and it helped a little.
Ingenium locked the photos and Hawks's statement about Endeavor in a safe meant for such things and Tensei came back with the first aid kit and an extra set of clothes. He began bandaging Hawks's injuries and applying lotion to the burns, telling Hawks what he was doing and seeking permission before touching him. There were more injuries than Hawks had thought. His throat grew tight.
"Shoto is staying over with Tenya at our parents' place. They'll be over tomorrow so it'll just be the two of us tonight. Do you want something to eat?" Tensei asked.
Hawks's stomach grumbled and he nodded.
"What would you like to eat?"
Hawks shrugged.
"There is a Pho place that delivers." Tensei offered. "I often go there whenever I'm here." He startled, as though recalling an important detail. "Er, Pho is a Vietnamese soup with spices and thinly cut beef or chicken, usually. Does that sound good?"
Hawks nodded again.
Well. It looked like he was done talking for the day. That was unfortunate.
Tensei did not seem to mind. He got the menu and Hawks pointed to what he wanted. He got changed out of his costume and into the clothes. They were a too big for him, but the sweatpants had a drawstring he could use to keep them up. The sweatshirt was a simple green, with no Hero logo. Hawks knew Tensei had drawers of Hero merch thanks to Silver's memories— Don't think about that.— but appreciated the lack of them.
The sweatshirt also had slits in the back that most likely had not been there a few minutes ago. Hawks tried to focus on his gratefulness rather than his guilt, because it was kind of Tensei to cut holes in the shirt for him.
Hawks remained far out of sight when the delivery was made. Those at the restaurant knew Tensei since he was a regular customer, but Hawks did not want his presence know. He did not want the reporters to follow him here, and they certainly would as soon as they got word of his location. As he… sat— not hid— behind a wall he heard the deliveryman ask if Tenya was over again. Tensei laughed and gave a vague answer.
"Gold." Green murmured and Hawks jumped. "I'm sorry."
Hawks's inability to speak had spread to even his thoughts and he could not muster more than vague feelings of confusion.
"We used you for our own ends." Green said. "We were acting for 'the good of others', just like what the Commission claimed."
His voice trembled and his guilt was so blatant it may as well be a neon sign. That would not do.
Not like Commission, Hawks sent to him firmly.
Green's disagreement was clear. In fact, it was impossible to ignore with the guilt and self-loathing he emanated. "You're wrong. Gol— …Hawks, before we came back and ended up like this, our— my plan was to let you infiltrate the League again. In fact, much of our plan banked on that since we wanted the information your spy self had. I was willing to have you go on a suicide mission again for information."
A bunch of small oddities about Green suddenly made a lot of sense. Unintentionally— because Green was too kind to consciously think it— he had seen Hawks as an expendable party. After all, with Tokoyami dead Hawks was a long-dead stranger to Green and his friends. And to save those lost friends, Hawks was a sacrifice that could be made. That was, until they had ended up in Hawks's head— in the head of the person they may have seen as an acceptable loss— making that option impossible.
Hawks was expendable. He had been the one who would infiltrate the League for the good of the many, leaving the pressure of gathering intel and saving Hero Society on his shoulders once more until he was likely caught again and murdered.
That had been his intended purpose in Green's plan before everything went wrong.
It was a relief to finally know what his role was meant to be.
Hawks relaxed, his feathers lying flat. It's okay, Green. I'm not upset. I understand why you were willing to let me go on that mission. Hero Society is more important than my life.
Anguish erupted from Green and he fled.
Orange gave a low whistle. "Damn. That might have been the absolute worst thing you could say right then."
"Don't apologize." Pink said before Hawks could do just that. Her somber mood dragged down his own before she could reel it in. "Deku realized it was impossible to save everyone a long time ago. He is not some god who can warp the universe to make sure every person lives and is happy. Izuku is idealistic and determined and heroic and strong, but he's not all-powerful. No one is. So all he can do is protect those he can and… sometimes there is bias." Silver shifted but Pink kept speaking before he could. "It's hit him hard."
That was an understatement. Hawks could feel the dorms rattling as green smoke slipped through the windows. The voices retreated to try to minimize the damage and speak with Green. Hawks should apologize to him, but Orange insisted he not before locking the door between them.
That left Hawks to eat Pho with Tensei. Tensei filled the silent air with chatter about his family, pointing out different pictures and explaining the backstory behind them. Tenya Iida was in many of them but Silver did not emerge to comment. Hawks may as well be alone in his head. He was too emotionally drained to feel guilty about spending time with the brother Silver had lost.
After dinner, they watched the old Solar Fighting Robot movies. The corny action and rubbery special effects brought a smile to Hawks's face. By the time they all were over it was almost midnight. Tensei did not appear tired but going to bed seemed like the next logical step. He gave Hawks a pair of spare pajamas— again with a handy drawstring and slits in the back— and gave a heartfelt goodnight as he headed to the door of the guest room.
"I have nightmares." Hawks blurted before he could leave. Tensei paused and looked back so he dropped his gaze to the floor. "I might scream."
"Do you want me to try to wake you?" Tensei asked.
"Only if I'm annoying." Hawks joked, as was his habit.
Tensei did not smile. "You're not annoying."
Hawks knew what he was implying— that Hawks was not a nuisance and would not be kicked out for waking up screaming— but ignored that information. "Are you sure about that? Cause I know plenty of people who would beg to differ."
Tensei was still watching him with those knowing, compassionate eyes, and Hawks swallowed the sudden desire to scream at him to stop it. That look was almost worse than pity, because genuine compassion implied Hawks wasn't the stupid one responsible for what happened to give him those nightmares.
"You're not responsible." Red said.
Hypocrite, Hawks thought. He immediately winced. Sorry.
"You're not wrong about hypocrisy." Red acknowledged.
Hawks blinked and Tensei was sitting in a chair by his guest bed. He glanced at the time. It was now two-thirty. He felt his skin drain of color and he dropped his gaze.
"Sorry. That hasn't happened in a while. I'm… sorry for keeping you up." He cringed. "Shit, I keep apologizing. Sorry. I mean— Sorry. No I—" He gave up on speaking and put his head in his hands. His head immediately snapped back up. "I forgot to tell Rumi where I am." He rose from the bed and frantically dug through his pockets. "She'll be freaking out by now. I'm so stupid—"
"I told her." Tensei assured him.
"Oh." Hawks relaxed. "Thank you. Sorry for freaking out on—" He stopped and took a deep breath. Focus on the positive, you self-centered, miserable asshole. "Thank you for helping me. You didn't have to."
"I wanted to." Tensei said simply.
Hawks's lips twitched but he could not manage a smile. Something that had been nagging at his thoughts finally became comprehensible and he focused on his hands. "You know… the Commission always encouraged me to stay away from certain Heroes. All Might, Best Jeanist, Fatgum, Eraserhead, you… The only reason I got close to Miruko back then was because she decided to be my friend. The Commission always said those Heroes would be bad influences since they would look down on me for my age and would treat me like I was incompetent or beneath them. But it's not true at all. It's because you would've helped, isn't it?"
"Yes." Tensei stated, like it was simple fact. He put a hand on Hawks's arm, drawing his attention back to his face. "It is not your fault that you didn't see something wrong in their ways of controlling you and cutting you off from those that would assist you."
"…Are you sure you're not a mind reader?" Hawks joked weakly.
"I'm not. I've just dealt with cases similar to yours. There tends to be a lot of misplaced self-blame involved."
"I know those cases, too." Hawks murmured, thinking of Eri. "But I was too blind to see it in myself."
"It's not your fault." Tensei repeated.
Hawks wondered if he'd believe that someday. He mumbled a goodnight to Tensei and laid in the unfamiliar bed, staring up at the dark ceiling.
Red tapped his mind like she was gently knocking on a door. "Gold? Do you want to come in?"
Hawks emitted a negative response without intending to.
"Okay." Red said agreeably.
Hawks's guilt multiplied. I'm sorry.
"For what?"
For being weak like this when you've gone through so much worse.
"You are not 'weak'." Red stated.
Hawks wanted to deny it but realized what she must be getting at. If he was considered 'weak', then they would be considered 'weak' for reacting to their own tragedies like they did. Hawks swallowed an apology.
"Oh, Gold." Red murmured sadly. "I wish your kindness, understanding, and compassion extended to yourself."
Hawks shifted uncomfortably. I don't understand.
"I know." She hesitated. "I think we should talk about your… feelings."
I've done a lot of talking about feelings, Hawks thought tiredly.
"I know." she repeated. "However, I would like to have something clarified, if you are willing."
Hawks nodded.
He felt Red steel herself. "If we were not here with you, would you kill yourself to ensure the Commission does not harm your loved ones?"
It depends on the situation. If I was certain they would not go after my friends once I died and my death would get the Commission to leave them alone, yes. Hawks thought instantly. If I died, the Commission would not give a damn about Tokoyami. UA would not be in conflict with them. They would put Kaetsu right back in jail where he can't hurt anyone. Miruko would not have to go on her mission. I… wouldn't burden them anymore.
He heard her sniffle, as if she was holding back tears. "Thank you for trusting me with your thoughts. I won't assume to understand what you're feeling, but there is one thing I do know: You are not a burden. You matter. We will stay with you."
You don't have a choice, Hawks thought despite himself.
Orange popped his head out. "Don't be obtuse. We'd stay anyway, dumbass."
The response was so typically Orange that Hawks could not refute it. He closed his eyes and thought he heard someone humming somewhere in his mind. The song was soothing and his anxious thoughts slipped away.
Hawks fell asleep feeling safer than he had in a while.
He did not have any nightmares.
XXXXXXX
Shoto had no idea how he got here.
After visiting Eri, his initial plan had been to go home and train like he always did. Instead Iida had caught him outside and enthusiastically invited him to his house. Shoto debated on whether or not to go for a good few minutes while Iida waited. His father had an assignment and might not be home, but he could very well show up to find Shoto wasn't there. Seeing Iida's hopeful expression— which would be described as 'menacingly enthusiastic eye gleams' by most people— he relented.
One text to Fuyumi and he was on his way to the Iida household. His friend's mother and father were there, though his brother were out of town. They greeted Shoto warmly, welcoming him into their home with an ease he found perplexing. The way they smiled at him— with such open warmth— one would mistakenly believe they knew him well. Shoto wondered if maybe Iid— er, Tenya had spoken of him often.
Tenya's distant cousin was apparently staying over as well. The cheerful man waved to Shoto but did not attempt to talk to him. That comforted Shoto somewhat. People so often came up to him because he was Endeavor's son, not because of Shoto himself. That was starting to change thanks to UA, but not as quickly as he would like.
Shoto had never been to a sleepover before. Neither had Tenya, though he knew more about what friends apparently did at them. He gravely instructed Shoto they would not be partaking in a pillow fight, but eating snacks— both healthy and unhealthy, for this was a "special occasion" according to Tenya— watching movies, and playing game was more than acceptable.
They stayed up late doing just those things, and Shoto went to bed thinking about a fantasy world with magic instead of Quirks, where wizards and knights journeyed through the land to stop a great evil.
Waking up in the morning was pleasant. The smell of freshly-cooked food drew Shoto from sleep. He rose from his futon and saw Tenya was already awake. Shoto peeked into the kitchen and saw the Iida family preparing breakfast, all dressed in their pajamas. Seeing that, he felt less awkward about emerging in his own, and crept into the kitchen.
Tenya beamed at him. "Good morning, Shoto! My brother has invited us to his home."
"He doesn't live here?" Shoto asked as he sat down. Mrs. Iida put a plate in front of him and he murmured a thank you.
"Tensei has his own home as well as this one. He goes there to get away from the city." Tenya explained. "He finds the atmosphere relaxing."
When the Iida parents dropped them off at the site— apparently they had errands to run— Shoto could see why. As soon as he stepped out of the car, a sense of tranquility fell over him. It was so… quiet. He could hear the wind rustling through the trees, and a few birds sang in the distance, but the atmosphere could not be more different from the hustle and bustle of the city.
Tenya walked right up to the door and opened it, ushering Shoto in. Shoto's concern about the apparently unlocked door vanished when he spotted the key in Tenya's hand. Shoto followed Tenya's lead and put his shoes by the door.
"Tensei!" Tenya called in the house. "We have arrived!"
Soft footsteps came from upstairs. Shoto glanced towards the staircase and felt his eyebrows shoot upwards. He did not expect to find Hawks here.
The Winged Hero appeared… different. He wore ill-fitting clothes that likely belonged to Tensei, hanging off his frame and making him appear smaller than he actually was. His skin looked too pale, and there was obvious bruising marking his flesh. But what concerned Shoto most was his posture. His shoulders were hunched and his arms were crossed, not like they had merely settled like that but like he was trying to physically hold himself together. He looked exhausted.
Despite that, he smiled when he spotted the boys, though he did not speak. His smile reminded Shoto of his mother on her worse days. It was a smile that spoke of pain the person was trying not to show in order to keep up the spirits of those they smiled at.
"Hawks-sensei!" Tenya greeted. His blue eyes sharpened behind his glasses. "You are badly injured."
Shoto had not even noticed the bandages peeking out of the collar of the sweatshirt. Hawks startled, wings flaring out in surprise as if he had forgotten about his injuries himself. His mouth moved wordlessly and he cleared his throat.
"I'm fine. Got a bit beat up is all. It looks worse than it is." Something about his tone struck Shoto as odd but he could not say what.
"I see. It must have been a tough fight." Tenya noted. "Did you arrest the Villain?"
Hawks grimaced. "It wasn't a Villain."
Tenya's brow crinkled in confusion. Shoto's mind jumped to a few uncomfortable possibilities but he dismissed them. Hawks must have been injured in training or something. Tensei appeared at the top of the stairs and greeted the boys with a smile. His was much less tired than Hawks's.
"I saw a family of rabbits outside under a tree. I didn't see the nest so I don't know how they got there."
Hawks's tired smile became a more natural, familiar grin. "Please tell me there are baby ones. I need to take pictures to send to Rumi to inform her I found her long-lost relatives."
Shoto opened his mouth, realized that was a joke, and closed it.
"I saw a few small ones, yes." Tensei said, amused. "You know you're not supposed to touch wild animals, right?"
"I got my rabies shot." Hawks said, straight-faced. "I know bunnies can be dangerous but they are too cute. Even Rumi is taken in by their adorableness and she has a Rabbit Quirk."
Tensei— and surprisingly Tenya— led the way outside. The family of bunnies was indeed at the base of the tree. Shoto followed the others' leads by moving quietly, and soon they were settled around the tree and the bunch of tiny balls of fur.
There were nine baby rabbits in total, all of them old enough to move around and look at the humans curiously. Some were bold enough to hop right up to them, tiny noses twitching. The mother was nowhere in sight. Three of the rabbits stopped in front of Shoto, sniffing him, before they abruptly clambered into his lap. Shoto watched them in bewilderment and looked to Tenya for clarification.
"It's okay." His classmate assured him seriously. "As long as we do not try to take them inside, they will be fine."
"But where's their nest?" Hawks asked. He glanced around worriedly even as two rabbits settled in his lap and another one nudged his right wing with its nose.
"These ones are about the size of a chipmunk." Tenya said confidently. "They are old enough to be on their own."
"You've done this before?" Shoto whispered, not daring to raise his voice as one rabbit nudged his hand in interest.
Tenya almost seemed embarrassed. "Yes. I come here often, and kits are numerous here."
It took Shoto a moment to realize 'kit' was the word for a baby rabbit. To him it was strange, since he associated kit with kittens or baby foxes. He carefully moved his hand and patted the bunny's head. Its eyes closed in content.
Shoto had thought the rabbits would panic when they saw Hawks— bird of prey and all that— but instead they gathered on him like he was one of their own. If Hawks beamed any more Shoto may wonder if he secretly had a Quirk that allowed him to glow. One rabbit proved to be bolder than the others and climbed right into Hawks's open palm. It was smaller than his hand, and seemed to be the smallest in the group.
"You're so tiny." Hawks cooed. "Look at you! Tiny bunny!"
Shoto had never seen his mentor like this before. He had not seen Tenya— who was grinning like a fool at his own furry friends— like this before either. As he studied the tiny, soft ears as they twitched and flicked, Shoto almost wished he had Koda's Quirk so he could do this more often. Then he realized he could just ask Koda for assistance and his heart grew lighter.
"Hey Shoto!" Hawks whispered. "Here you go."
Hawks carefully handed him the tiniest bunny.
Shoto stared at it uncertainly.
It stared back.
"You are very small." Shoto informed it.
The tiny bunny blinked as if in acknowledgment.
Hawks chuckled. "Toshinori would love this."
"Who?" Shoto asked.
"All Might's secretary." Hawks supplied easily. "If you ever want to see a seven foot tall man melt into a puddle of baby-talking goo, show him a video with a cute animal in it."
Shoto frowned. "Is melting into 'goo' his Quirk—?" Realization struck him. "Ah. That is another joke."
Hawks muffled his laughter. He seemed so much happier than he had when Shoto saw him this morning that he could almost convince himself he had imagined his mentor's earlier misery.
A few of the rabbits wandered off but the tiny one stayed with Shoto. Shoto kept his palms open and let the rabbit sit serenely in them, trying to ignore his sadness as he realized it was inevitably going to leave. Hawks seemed to be struck by that same feeling because his joy dimmed into something more morose.
The rabbit left the warmth of Shoto's hands and prodded at Hawks's, who stayed still. It climbed into his palms again and settled down. Hawks smiled in such contentment Shoto could not help but feel jealous. He heard a soft click and saw Tensei had taken a picture. He might have been for a while. Shoto had not exactly been paying attention.
The peaceful atmosphere was ruined when Tenya gave a thunderous sneeze.
The rabbit startled and launched itself off Hawks's palms, then ricocheted off his chest, springing into the woods and vanishing. Its feet left muddy footprints down Hawks's front from where it made its hasty escape. He watched it darken the fabric and drip onto his pants with a resigned expression.
"Abandoned again." Hawks sighed. He accepted the towel Tensei shoved at him. "Got any stain remover?"
"Only the detergent type." Tensei said, sounding amused.
"My apologies, Hawks." Tenya said rapidly.
Hawks waved, unbothered. "It's okay. No harm done."
Tensei handed him another towel. "I'll get you another shirt. How about you remove that one?"
"Thanks." Hawks hurried back inside.
The others followed him, with Tenya mentioning he needed to change as well. Shoto belatedly noticed the dirt on his friend's slacks and checked his own clothes, relieved he was not grimy. As Tenya got changed, he followed Tensei upstairs, debating with himself.
Tensei glanced back at him. "Do you have a question?"
"Yes." Shoto admitted. He shifted his weight from foot to foot. "Are there a lot of animals here?"
"Yes." Tensei said simply, but there was something… knowing in his eyes.
Shoto awkwardly averted his gaze to the side. "Do you ever… need to take care of them? If they're hurt or something?"
Tensei's expression softened. "Not usually, but I have occasionally taken some to the vet in town. That is a rare instance, however."
Shoto could not hide his disappointment. "Oh."
"However," Tensei continued. "If you're interested in that type of thing, there are animal clinics around Mustafu. They accept volunteers. I can recommend some places to you."
Shoto smiled hesitantly. "Thank you."
Tensei began to list some of those places as he went into his room and grabbed a shirt with a high collar for Hawks. Shoto listened with rapt attention, making mental notes on the different places as he brainstormed how to actually become involved there. Heroes helped save animals and pets along with people, so it would be beneficial to learn how to care for animals along with people. It would be bad publicity if pets died on his patrol.
Tensei's phone rang a jaunty, upbeat tune that Shoto recognized from one of All Might's commercials. Tensei startled as if he did not expect to hear that ringtone and glanced at his phone. His gaze sharpened.
"I need to take this. Can you bring these to Hawks? He's in the guest room down the hall."
Shoto nodded and accepted the clothes.
Tensei put his phone to his ear and headed back to his room. "Hello, Koichi. Thank you for responding so quickly—"
His bedroom door shut.
Shoto went down the hall to another closed door, which he guessed was the guest room. He raised his hand to knock, only for a sound to stop him. He paused, listening closely, and heard another sound, like someone was struggling to breathe.
"Hawks?" he called, concerned.
There was no reply. The gasping sounds continued, low and wheezing like Hawks was trying to muffle himself.
Or someone was muffling him.
Shoto grasped the door handle and yanked it open.
The first thing he saw was Hawks was alone, standing in the center of the room with hunched, shaking shoulders.
The second was he was shirtless.
The third was he had bandages around his arms and chest, carefully wrapped to account for his wings.
The fourth were the burns on his neck and shoulders.
Shoto froze, and the ice on his right side dissipated.
Hawks wheeled around to face him, skin ashen, eyes wild, wings flared, chest heaving. His hands twitched upward, and Shoto wondered if he had thought about covering his burns before deciding against it. His mouth moved wordlessly for a few moments before a shudder passed through his body.
"Sorry." he panted. "Anxiety attack. Snuck up on me. Realized I was taking a day o-off. Taking a day off, me? Me taking day off ha. Haha. Shit, shut up. It's fine. I'm fine now." He straightened up with blatant effort— as if the weight of the world had settled on his shoulders— and put on an equally forced smile. "Are those for me? Thanks."
Shoto barely noticed as Hawks took the shirt from his numb fingers.
His eyes remained on his mentor's marred throat and the marks on his neck that were undeniably in the shape of handprints.
Hawks had been burned.
Someone had grabbed him with burning hands.
Shoto could not tear his gaze away from the marks, even after Hawks covered them with his shirt.
"Did you fight Dabi?" he blurted. "Is that who injured you?"
Hawks's shoulders tensed and his wings went rigid. "No."
"Oh. I see. So you didn't fight Dabi. I see that." Shoto rambled numbly. Without realizing it, he began to shake his head in denial. "You— Where did you get those burns?"
A pained look crossed Hawks's face. "I think you know."
Shoto's could feel his heartbeat in his head. It drummed against his skull and made his brain foggy and slow. His fingertips prickled with every pulse.
"He hurt you." It wasn't a question.
"Yes." Hawks said. His voice was soft and gentle in sharp contrast to his admission. "I know what he's done. What he's doing. Another Hero is investigating."
Those words failed to mean anything to Shoto. He heard them, but something prevented them from making sense. Instead they bounced around his brain, repeating themselves, but remained as decipherable as gibberish.
"He knows you know?" he asked, dazed.
"Yes." Hawks said bluntly. "What would you like me to do?"
Shoto stared at him in bewilderment. "Do? Why would you do anything?"
"Because he's hurting you and your family." The explanation was spoken briefly, simply, as if it should be obvious but Hawks realized Shoto did not know it.
Shoto still did not understand. "Yes, but you're supposed to not talk about it."
The shift in Hawks's expression was subtle, but Shoto saw it anyway. It was not sadness that darkened his expression, but something much more haunted, like he was looking into a mirror. "Who told you that?"
"No one." Shoto admitted. "But Fuyumi and Natsuo don't say anything. And Midoriya didn't tell anyone after I told him so…"
He trailed off as he registered the look on Hawks's face. His eyes were glassy and he blinked rapidly.
"I can't say what they're thinking," Hawks said, and his voice trembled like he was barely holding back tears. "But you don't have to keep silent. You don't have to live like this."
Shoto did not know what to say.
He thought of Natsuo avoiding Endeavor but staying around for his and Fuyumi's sakes. He thought of his mother, sitting in a lonely bed as she stared tiredly out the window. He thought of Touya, who he never got to know. He thought of Fuyumi doing so much out of hope that one day things would change, only to remain as noticed at paint on the walls.
But… things weren't changing.
All Might was still Number One. Endeavor was still Number Two. He still pushed Shoto to do what he was furious to see he himself could not, forsaking their family for his goals. Fuyumi was still ignored, Natsuo was still wary and angry, Mom was still in the hospital, Shoto was still trained for a goal he did not want for himself.
Things weren't changing.
But maybe they could.
Maybe they should.
Shoto forced his trembling hands into fists. "Can you keep my Mom safe?"
"Absolutely." He took a small breath that hissed between his teeth. "It'll be easy enough to get her out of the psych ward since any doctor who looks at her file could see she should have been released years ago. When she's out, there are different options. Depending on what danger you think she may be in, we have moving programs and safe houses in this country and others. As for your siblings—"
"He's never hurt Natsuo or Fuyumi physically." Shoto blurted. "He hardly acknowledges them. Natsuo is away at school most of the time anyway. He lives in the dorms most of the time."
"Is Fuyumi financially dependent on him?" Hawks asked, and Shoto was grateful he did not say his father's name.
"I… don't know." Shoto admitted. "Fuyumi is a teacher. The pay isn't the best but she should be able to afford a—"
Shoto remembered Fuyumi making him meals and snacks and making sure he ate enough. He remembered her helping him wrap up his injuries. He remembered her lingering outside the dojo and smiling in relief when he emerged.
"She's staying for me." he breathed. His expression went blank. "She— She doesn't want me to be alone with only him." It hit him how much his sister had done for him, things he had not bothered to notice. He took her actions for granted, just like Endeavor did, leaving Fuyumi there and unnoticed as always. His vision blurred. "She's staying because of me. Our family is like this because of me."
It was because of his Quirk that Endeavor cast Touya and their mother aside, seeing no more use in them. Shoto did not cry, but his eyes burned with tears.
Hawks's hand was on his shoulder. It was warm and carefully placed, as lightly as one of his feathers. He waited until Shoto looked at him to speak.
"It's not your fault."
The way Hawks said it was strange. Haunted. Shoto studied his face and although Hawks smiled reassuringly, his eyes had tears in them.
"Are you alright?" He asked cautiously, shelving his guilt out of concern for the other.
For a moment, he thought Hawks might actually begin crying. He nodded, blinking rapidly. "Yeah. I just… realized some friends of mine might be right about something." He dragged a hand over his eyes. "Do you want to call your sister?"
Shoto nodded.
XXXXXXX
Rei Todoroki was removed from the Mustafa Psych Ward to a secure safe house within the week. Hawks did not know how Miruko, Ingenium, and Mockingjay did it— perhaps Rumi had more evidence than Hawks was aware of— but done it was.
Enji Todoroki did not protest. He did not even notice. Hawks could not decide if he was relieved or angry that Endeavor didn't appear to care about his wife's status and location, possibly because he had already gotten what he wanted from her. All that mattered was his Hero job and All Might.
Natsuo would mostly be at school but would go to the house instead of the Todoroki estate when he wanted. He did not even blink when Rei mentioned the longer drive. He merely slung an arm across her shoulders and hugged her to his side, saying he didn't mind at all.
For the times she did not join Rei and Natsuo at the house, Fuyumi had her own apartment. It was too soon for it to become Shoto's home, but he would be staying there as often as he could. It was likely he would be moved into UA's dorms before any court case began. Hawks had not known what to expect when he and Miruko approached Fuyumi, but he certainly did not expect her to want to move out as soon as she heard about Shoto's upcoming change of residence. Perhaps it helped that Shoto himself mentioned the dorms.
Hawks and Miruko did not ask any of them if they wanted to take her father to court. They did not mention it either. Endeavor had not been accused of any crimes yet, but the increasing possibility lingered on everyone's minds.
For now, Rei was out of the hospital.
Fuyumi was mostly out of the Todoroki estate.
Soon, Shoto would permanently be as well.
That meant Natsuo would have no reason to return to the home he despised.
When Endeavor went home to an empty house and understood it was empty, Hawks wondered if he would finally realize what his ambitions cost him. Hawks almost hoped he did, because realization might bring understanding and self-reflection at last. Deep down, he had a feeling these hopes were futile.
After twenty years of being consumed by one goal, it would take specific circumstances for Endeavor to understand, regret, and seek to change.
This would not do it.
Hawks was tired of wishing something would.
I should feel guilty for giving up on him. All Might is still the Symbol of Peace. What made Endeavor act differently hasn't happened yet. I should give him a chance. I was willing to try to redeem Villains, but I'm giving up on a fellow Hero. I should…
Hawks watched Fuyumi and Natsuo Todoroki hug their mother.
I should…
He watched Shoto solemnly promise to visit every day, only for his mother to gently tell him once a week was perfectly fine.
I should…
The Heroes that would act as Rei's guard and companions were recommended by Miruko and Tensei. Hawks did not know them personally, but as one— a young man who called himself 'Koichi' but gave no Hero name— looked torn between grinning and tearing up as he watched them interact, Hawks had a feeling she was in good hands.
I… can't.
They looked so happy. All of them. Rei was smiling. Shoto was smiling. There was no fear, or tension, or worried glances towards the door.
They were not free. Not yet. But they were on the way there.
Maybe that was why Hawks felt content. Maybe that was why his guilt finally eased. Endeavor had made his choices. Hawks had made choices in response. But Shoto had been the one to choose to break his silence and ask for something to change.
It wasn't worth agonizing over the what-ifs.
Things had changed, and Hawks would claim it was for the better.
There was no pleasure, or joy, or feelings of victory.
Only a feeling of acceptance, satisfaction and peace.
XXXXXXX
Dabi was on a nondescript rooftop in the shadier part of Mustafu when he received a text. His phone gave a low, brief jingle before going silent and he pulled it out of his pocket, more out of boredom than necessity. The notification on the locked screen showed part of the text before cutting off.
'Hi T. Made some progress on my project. Just wanted—'
Dabi stared at the 'Unknown' number for a time, debating whether to just delete the text. It could be from his new boss though. A message was how All For One contacted him the last time. The asshole seemed determined to see Dabi as often as possible and speak with him but he knew All For One was doing it simply to push Dabi's buttons. The meetings became even more frequent after Shigaraki was imprisoned.
They got more… personal too. All For One asked about Dabi's siblings and hinted at asking about his mother without actually talking about her. Of course, Dabi kept his mouth shut, even when All For One asked about Shoto's Quirk. It got far past the point where it creeped Dabi out so he avoided most of those meetings as much as he could and put some distance between himself and All For One after dropping off those captured Heroes. He did not want to end up as a Nomu too.
Still, although Dabi only joined the League for his own ends and thought their boss was a creep, he may as well check in and make sure there wasn't a new bounty on his head. He headed to the edge of the rooftop and sat down, opening the message to view it fully.
'Hi T. Made some progress on my project. Just wanted you to know that H got your mom out of the hospital and to a new home. F has a new apartment. N is staying at school or with your mom. Working on getting S's legal guardianship changed. They're almost out.'
Dabi stared at the message in disbelief. He read it again, just to be sure, and slowly set the phone on his leg so it would not melt in his burning hands. He hissed and extinguished the blue fire, breathing deeply as more flames licked at his tongue.
There was no doubt what the message was referring to. Dabi wondered if it was a trick to draw him out, but honestly, the Heroes were not so dumb that they thought this would be the way to do it. There was no demand to meet up somewhere to talk, only an update on what happened.
Mom's out of the hospital. Fuyumi isn't living with that bastard anymore.
The flighty idiot actually did it.
Dabi glanced at the number listed as 'Unknown' and his lips twitched. He did not smile, because Hawks— if 'H' stood for Hawks and not Heroes— only got part of the job done. Mom and Dabi's sib— Touya Todoroki's siblings may be away from that abusive trashbag but Endeavor still walked free.
Dabi wasn't about to throw away his plans, skip home, and have a 'happy' reunion simply because his family was out of Endeavor's reach. He had a mission to complete. He would not stop until dear old Dad was ruined, exposed for the trash he was, and dead at his feet.
Dabi pocketed his phone and rose, leaving burn marks where he'd been. He jumped off the edge of the building, using a quick blast of fire to slow his fall, and landed in an alleyway below. He straightened, pulling his hood over his head, and merged into the crowd of people who either did not recognize him or did not care about another Villain in their midst.
This recent development meant nothing to Dabi.
Still, he supposed he owed the naive little angel one.
XXXXXXX
A/N: Originally I was going to have Rei and co's move be more spread out but my plans changed. *shrugs*
Next update will be out between the 1st and the 3rd-ish.
