Chapter sixteen: Into the fire.
"In another time, in a happier place, we will meet again."
"Enough living next to a barn full of things that are trying to kill us, enough; Rick, it ain't like it was before! Now if y'all want to live, if you want to survive, you got to fight for it! I'm talking about fighting right here, right now." Before anyone could do anything, Shane had stowed his gun and charged over to the barn, using a nearby pickaxe to strike the padlock and chain from the doors.
"Take the snare Hershel, take the snare. Hershel, listen to me, man, please. Take it now. Hershel! Take it!" But Hershel was frozen, collapsed on his knees with Maggie stood behind him. "No, Shane. Do not do this, brother. Wait! Don't do it!"
"Rick!" Lori shouted, staring at her husband as he met her eye. "Please!"
"Come on. Come on, we're out here." Shane called as the snarling got louder; he backed away and took his gun back in hand, aiming at the open doors.
"This is not the way! Please!" Shane turned his head and shot the Walker Rick was holding, freeing his hands as the dead began to flow from the barn. "Get behind me." He added quieter, Lori and Carl crouched behind him as the group opened fire.
"Come on." Daryl shouted, encouraging the others to take shots. I heard Glenn dithering.
"Maggie." He whimpered, looking between her and the carnage as she nodded tearfully.
"It's okay."
With her permission, Glenn joined the others. After a few tense moments, the gunfire ended and the sounds of Beth and Maggie crying replaced it. There was silence for a few moments before a softer growl resounded, stepping closer, I saw the red hair coming into the light and felt my stomach drop out through my feet. Rick raised his gun to take care of it, but I grabbed his arm and stopped him, eyes fixed on the Walker.
"This is me." He frowned but lowered his weapon. Stepping away, I waited until the woman was close enough to see me properly; her lips were peeled back in a snarl, but she was still herself. I took my knife in hand and let the Walker come closer; taking a deep breath I forced myself to look into her blind, focused eyes before putting the woman down and catching the body to lower it gently. Behind me, I could hear Beth wailing, picking her way past the others to kneel at a woman's body; that must have been her mother.
I stayed crouched beside the Walker I'd killed, Dale approaching me cautiously.
"Why did you pick this one in particular?" He asked before looking down at the woman's ravaged face as I twirled a lock of the Walker's hair between my fingers; Dale looked up at me, noticing the similarities between me and the Walker. "She's your mother." He whispered and I nodded, swallowing thickly as I observed the body, unclasping her necklace and holding it tightly. I tucked the chain into my shirt pocket before sighing and fighting the urge to rub my bloody hands on my face.
"Yeah, I couldn't let them kill her; she deserved for it to be me…someone who loved her." I replied tightly, feeling my eyes and nose sting and my throat constrict as Beth howled in Patricia's arms, the Greene family making their way back up to the house. Rick and Shane were still shouting at each other and just about everyone else.
"Is everything okay?" Lori called as I sniffed and felt tears welling up. "What's going on?" She sounded closer. "Ellie, what's wrong?"
"Let's uh, let's give Ellie a minute." Dale interjected, leading the others away and I could hear him explaining to them; someone gasped and another spoke. They left for the camp a few seconds later and I could finally breathe; tears overflowing as I sat down, elbows braced on my knees as I stared straight ahead.
"I'm gonna find 'em, Sam, Jonah and Phin, I'm gonna find 'em and keep 'em safe. I don't know when or how I'm gonna do it, but I'll find a way." I promised while wiping my nose in the back of my sleeve as my head pounded with pressure. "There was so much I should've said before, how much I appreciated you and dad, how I didn't blame you for half the shit you thought I did…shoulda told you more often but..." I trailed off and started as the autumn sun set, I sat there trying to say the words for quite some time, but they just got stuck in my throat and wouldn't come out. "Whatever, I mean…you shoulda known how I really felt, I became a goddamned artist for crying out loud and no one in their right mind does that…I am goin' to find those boys." I sighed and then got up, dusting off my pants and brushing my hair back with my clean hand.
With one final glance at her, I turned my back and walked away, finding a spot in the field near my tent to just sit and stare at the darkening sky. Behind me, I could hear that Shane and Rick were still arguing with each other, the latter angrily announcing that Hershel would expect us to be gone by the end of the week; closing my eyes, I felt spare tears trickle down my cheeks and pressed my face against my knees to hide them. The grass beside me made a noise as someone sat beside me, silent.
"I brought you some dinner." Sophia announced softly and I smiled, raising my head and using the hem on my shirt to wipe my face before taking the plate. On the menu tonight was chicken, cucumber and what looked like scrambled egg; my stomach, however, was not liking the idea of eating any of it though. "And some Wet Ones." I glanced down at the blood on my hand before nodding.
"Thanks Kiddo…" I wiped off my hand and gave her the plate back. "You go on and share that with the others, I'm not hungry and it'd just go to waste otherwise." Sophia hesitated, but withdrew when she saw that I wasn't going to change my mind any time soon.
With a heavy sigh, I hauled myself into my tent and zipped it shut, closing out the rest of camp.
The few days were spent burying the dead and caring for Beth, who had deteriorated in the wake of the barn massacre; Hershel was angrier at Shane than ever before, refusing to even acknowledge the younger man's presence, only talking to Rick, Glenn or Dale and even then he sometimes used Maggie as his mouthpiece. It was clear that we were no longer welcome because of Shane; even with Lori being pregnant we were told to move on.
Today was the first morning that I wanted to be around the rest of the group, fresh faced and with a smile.
"Good morning." I said jovially as Carol looked up and smiled.
"Good morning, want some breakfast?" She replied and I nodded, accepting the plate of eggs from her. "Say, I don't suppose you have any washing that needs doing? It's just, I'm getting a bit stir crazy and I've done everyone else but you and Dixon never seem to wash anything."
"Uh, yeah sure, I'll go grab my bag after eating." Carol nodded and then laid her hand on my shoulder comfortingly.
"I'm sorry about you mother." I froze and then nodded stiffly, smiling as best I could.
"Thanks."
