Chapter 35- New Beginnings Part One
*Ness's POV*
~Present~
Arthur held me as I cried in his arms, and for the first time since I had awoke, it felt as though I was right where I belonged. I knew I loved Arthur and I hoped, that I could love him as he did I.
"We'll make new ones," he said to me as he held me.
I prayed he was right, and I prayed my memories came back to me. I couldn't imagine what was going through his head at the moment, or how hard this was for him. He had told me to not be sorry, but how could I not be. For so long I had prayed to remember my old life, but from what I had seen and remembered so far, the thought of it all terrified me.
After several minutes, I shifted slightly in his arms, but stood abruptly when he winced in pain. I looked at him worriedly as I wiped away tears from my eyes.
" I am sorry Arthur, " I said apologetically
" Don't be, it is just sore, " he replied with a small smile, " I will be fine my dear. "
I looked at him suspiciously, before dropping to my knees in front of him.
"Where?" I questioned seriously
"I'm fine Ness, " he began to argue.
I rolled my eyes at him and looked to the door, " Merlin! "
I watched as the door opened quickly to reveal my brother, Percy, and Gwaine.
"Yes sissy," Merlin said aloud smiling.
" Where is this idiot hurt? " I asked pointing to Arthur
Gwaine started laughing, but was stopped when Percy elbowed his stomach. Merlin smiled from ear to ear at me.
"His upper left leg, He was stabbed from a brawl in the tavern earlier," Merlin explained .
I looked to both my brother and husband angrily. By the looks on their faces they could tell how angry I was.
"Why hasn't this been tended to?"
Arthur spoke up , " Merlin used a healing charm to help stop the bleeding and close up the majority of the wound. "
I looked at him worriedly as he spoke, and once he finished, I looked to Merlin, " What about his pain? "
" That, I don't know how to heal Ness, you were always the one who could help with pain, " Merlin replied
I sighed and bit my lip in frustration. I didn't know or remember magically how to help his pain, but I did know a salve I could make to numb it.
I looked to Arthur and saw him smiling at me, " What? "
" Nothing... I just missed this, " he said smiling.
I swallowed a lump in my throat as I stood from the floor. Guilt washed over me once more as I walked to the cupboard and pulled out the ingredients for the salve. Carefully I placed the ingredients down on the table. Looking up from the table, I eyed the bookshelf and levitated my healing book across the room. Lost in my own thoughts, I ignored my surroundings and tried to focus on the salve, but my mind couldn't help but wander as I ground the herbs.
In just a few short hours my life as I knew it had completely changed. I was Nessa Nicole Emrys Pendragon, a wife, a mother, but even scarier a Queen. How was I to rule with Arthur when I knew very little about the land I was to rule? How could I be a mother to the children I bared, but have never held? How could I be a sister to a brother I remembered very little about? How most of all, could I be a wife to a man I barely remember being with, let alone be married to?
A million questions raced through my mind, but the sound of glass breaking, pulled me from my own thoughts. My hand stung and felt red hot with pain. As I looked down, I saw I had cut my hand and from the shattered glass that lay within it, no doubt was it from me squeezing the vial I had been holding too hard.
"Ness?" Gwaine asked and placed a hand on my shoulder, " Are you ok? "
The room was spinning and I felt as though I couldn't breathe when looking at all four men in the room. This was too much for me, all of it was way to much.
Shaking my head no, I wrapped my hand with the nearest cloth and ran out the door of the hut. I needed air and I needed away from it all for just a few moments. I ran quickly through the garden and made way for the orchard.
* Gwaine POV*
I watched as Ness stood from her position in front of Arthur. She swallowed deeply and rolled her sleeves up, something she only did when concentrating. I watched as she hurried to the cupboard and pulled out herbs , before carefully placing them down upon the creaky table. Looking up, her eyes turned gold as she levitated her new healing book to the table. Arthur sat looking at the fire holding his sore leg, whilst Merlin looked worriedly at Ness along with Percival.
Today had been too much for her, all of this was happening way to fast for her to comprehend. As she made the salve, I could tell she was on the verge of breaking. I walked slowly to the table not to startle her and saw her grip tightening on the vial in her hand. I knew her wall of emotion was going to soon crash. Not even a minute later I heard the glass break and her concentration on the wall forgotten. She looked down at her hand and saw it was bleeding. Her eyes began to well with tears and instantly worry over came me.
"Ness?" I said softly placing my hand upon her shoulder, " Are you ok?"
She looked up worriedly at me and shook her head no. Before I could say another word she had ran out the door of the hut.
"Ness!" I called out along with Arthur
I turned to see Arthur trying to stand and instantly became more upset with the entire situation.
"This was too much for her God damn it!" I yelled and kicked the chair next to me .
"Gwaine!" Percival yelled
"Don't! Don't you fucking start! This is too much at once Perce! " I yelled and stormed out the door stopping only for a second, " I'm going after her, don't follow! You'll only make things worse! "
As I walked out the door I ran to the orchard, I knew exactly where she was going to be. Since Ness had came to Argen, I had grew to love her like a younger sister. She was very quiet when she first moved here, only talking when spoken to. After a few weeks, her nightmares began along with her memories. It was a rainy cold night, the night I found her crying leaned up against the old apple tree and ever since, I knew that's where she would be if she was upset.
When I arrived at the orchard I could hear her cries. The closer I got to her, the louder the cries became, and with each cry, my heart broke even more. As I approached her, I could see her knees were drawn to her chest and her hair astray in her face. Her body shook with each sob and she struggled to control her breath. Tears began to well in my own eyes at the sight of her, for never had I saw her more broken then now.
"Oh Ness," I muttered as I took her in my arms
"This is... Too much.. ," she muttered repeatedly between sobs
All I could do was hold her tightly against me, soothing her as she cried. After several minutes she calmed down enough to speak and looked to me with her tear ridden green eyes.
"I'm sorry," she whispered looking at me
I smiled as I brushed away a stray curl from her face, "You have nothing to be sorry for princess."
" I'm scared Gwaine... When he held me in his arms it felt like that was where I belonged, but the way he looks at me all happy and cheerful, makes me feel guilty " she muttered sadly before continuing, " How much did you hear earlier? "
I sighed at her question before answering honestly, " More than I probably should have...but Arthur filled Perce and I in on some things while you slept. "
"So you know I am a Queen?" She questioned sniffling
"Yes my dear, and I also know you are a mother. You're dream was right Ness. "
She looked away and then back at me blankly, " I have bared three children Gwaine. The oldest Ella, she was stillborn... The other two are twins, their names according to Arthur, are Anessa and Bailey. "
"Twins?"
" Yes they are almost eight months old now apparently, " she replied a sad smile upon her lips.
"I sense something more is wrong though," I stated looking at her worriedly
" How am I supposed to be a Queen, a wife, and a mother when I can't even remember anyone or myself for that matter? "
"You will learn," I assured her
"How Gwaine?" She asked innocently
I sighed and thought carefully about my answer. I kissed her head lightly and looked at her with a smile, " Because you will have me and Perce. We will come with you and help you Ness. Listen the four of us other than you, we all know what happened to you Ness. We will explain everything to the people and together the four of us will help you remember. "
She choked back a sob and looked surprised by my revelation, " Are you sure? What about your home here? "
"We will keep it. It belongs to Perce and I, and if you need it to be an escape house from Camelot it can be Ness. "
She hugged me tightly whispering, " Thank you. "
I couldn't help but smile, Ness was like a little sister to me and if she needed me, I would be there. I hugged her back and eventually she pulled away wiping tears from her face.
"We should get back," she stated with a small smile
I smiled back at her brushing a curl from here face, " We should, Are you ok my princess? "
"I will be, thank you Gwaine," she replied
" Anytime Ness anytime. "
*Ness's POV*
I stood from the damp ground with the help of Gwaine. I felt like a fool as the two of us walked hand in hand back to the hut. What would I say to Arthur? He probably thinks I am loony after running away. I smiled at Gwaine, I had learned to love him and Percival over the last couple months and now learning my family was bigger scared me greatly.
My mind kept replaying his words, " Because you will have Perce and I. "
I was genuinely happy he was going with me to Camelot, it would make the whole situation more comfortable. At the same time however, I couldn't help but feel guilty.
As we arrived at the door to the hut, Gwaine stopped me and look at me sighing:
"I think I have to apologize to them," he said looking sadly at me
" For what? " I questioned suspiciously
"I screamed before coming to find you and broke a chair," he replied causing me to laugh at him
" I think that would be smart, " I chuckled and sighed looking at the door
Gwaine squeezed my hand making me look at him, " Don't worry Nes, remember I am here. "
I smiled and watched as he opened the door to reveal Arthur, Merlin, and Percival. As I walked through the door, Percival wrapped me in a tight hug causing me to cough.
He pulled back quickly and smiled at me, " Sorry Miss Nessa. "
"It's ok Percival," I assured him and placed a hand in his cheek. I looked to Gwaine who smiled guilty at me and then turned to the three men in the room.
" I'm sorry, " he mumbled and then walked outside.
Percival looked to me and nodded, " The tavern. I'll go take care of him, " he stated before walking out himself.
When the door shut, I walked to the table and grabbed the salve I had made. I rubbed a little on my cut hand to ease the pain, before walking to Arthur once more and bending down.
" Let me see, " I said to him without looking at him
Instantly he placed a finger under my chin urging me gently to look at him, " Are you ok? " he asked
I nodded slightly and looked back down at his pants, " Let me see. "
He struggled to stand without grunting and pulled down his breaches carefully. I looked over his wound and was happy to see it was closed up well and no longer bleeding. Dipping my fingers into the salve, I looked up at him to warn him , " This will be cold and sting a little, however within a few minutes you won't feel any pain. "
He nodded his head at me and I proceeded to run the salve across his wound. He nodded in pain but soon smiled a small smile at me.
"Thank you," he said to me softly
"You're welcome," I replied as I stood, " We will apply this twice a day for a week. Within a few days you won't be able to see where you were stabbed. "
"That is wonderful my dear," he quipped and held my hand in his, " Now be honest because you are a terrible liar, Are you ok ? "
I sighed and looked at him and Merlin, " No, truthfully I am not. This whole situation scares me half to death, " I paused when they both flinched, " Sorry poor choice of words. Anyway, no to be honest I am terrified. I don't remember how we met Arthur or falling in love with you. I know that I do love you. "
He smiled at me, " I love you too. "
"I don't remember our children, I feel like a shit mother for it. I don't even know what they look like other than what you have told me. I especially don't even know how they have been fed or anything what so ever. Have they been nursed? Who nursed them? How often? Do they laugh? Are they happy?.. See these are things I don't bloody well know."
Merlin chuckled" I can assure you they have been nursed properly and are healthy. "
I looked at him suspiciously, " How by some nursemaid? "
"No you see, I nursed them Ness," he replied
" You have to be bloody joking? " I questioned looking dumbfounded at him and then Arthur.
Arthur laughed, " Trust me he is not and I looked at him the same way I first saw it happen. Apparently magic works wonders. "
I gulped and looked to Merlin, " Something tells me, I would have wanted you to other than a nurse. "
He smiled, " Yes and the night you died, I told Arthur that very same thing. "
"Thank you Merlin."
" As for are they happy? That I can assure you as well, " Arthur said smiling.
My heart melted at his smile, God did he have a beautiful smile.
"I'm scared, I mean we are married," I began looking at Arthur , " How could you marry someone like me? Look at me. "
Both of the men chuckled at me, instantly making me self conscious.
Finally Arthur spoke, " I married you because you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on and have the most beautifully kind heart. I married you because you Ness, filled the hole I was missing in my heart and made me to be a better man. "
Tears welled in my eyes at his words, he truly did love me. I looked to Merlin and stood up, " What about you? I know we are siblings, I can sense it. I have more memories with you that I remember than with Arthur, but yet feel as though I don't know you at all. I can sense your emotions Merlin. "
"As can I you, it's because we are twins," he explained
" I don't even know our birthday, " I stated sadly
" The thirteenth day of September. We will be twenty this year sissy, " he replied smiling
"Bloody hell," I quipped , " I feel much older. "
Arthur giggled, " That's because you're wiser than him. "
Merlin looked hurt by Arthur, " You prat! " he yelled
"Hey now there is no need to act like two clot poles!" I yelled getting them to shut up
Merlin laughed and Arthur looked dumbfounded at me, " Great she says it too now. "
"What?" I questioned confused
Merlin chuckled, " Clot pole.. It's something you used to call me when we were younger."
"Bloody hell, I must have been a horrible sister."
Merlin laughed, " No you were the best of sister's and always stood up for me when we were growing up. I was always much smaller than the other boys. "
"Well that explains it," Arthur chuckled and stood from his chair limping to me.
" See no matter what happens, you will be fine with us Ness. We love you, " Arthur explained
I looked at both of the men and saw they were both sincere.
"I hope you are right... Gwaine and Percival are returning to Camelot with us," I informed them after a moment
Arthur's face turned red, " Do you love him? "
I could sense he was jealous and I smiled , " Yes I do love him, like a brother Arthur. "
"Well he loves you apparently," he muttered .
I placed my right hand on his face so he would look at me, " You have nothing to worry about, " I said to him
"How?" Merlin questioned this time for Arthur
The door opened and I smiled a sad smile at Gwaine already drunk.
"Because I am gay you fools," Gwaine quipped and stumbled across the room.
"What did he drink?" I asked Percival
" Whiskey, by the time I got there he had already down half a bottle, " Percival explained and look to Merlin and Arthur, "See that is what I meant earlier by him having no luck with ladies in his bed. He doesn't want one there in the first place," Percival laughed and helped Gwaine to stand
Arthur and Merlin stared in shock at Gwaine and Percival laughed at them.
"See nothing to worry about," I explained still to nervous about it all to laugh
"Well then, I feel better but does that mean he's attracted to?" He began looking down at himself.
Gwaine threw up in the wash bucket before plopping down in the chair with the help of Percival, " Don't flatter yourself princess, I like my men with dark hair. "
I could sense Merlin's discomfort as he opened his mouth and closed it in shock mortified. It was strange being able to feel his emotions as we stood next to each other. I closed my eyes and tried to think of pleasant thoughts to ease his discomfort. When I opened my eyes I saw my brother staring in disbelief at me.
"How?" He muttered in my head scaring me.
I stepped back in horror backing into the table , but stopped as I heard his voice once more.
"Don't it's ok, it's ok. This is how we communicate normally without others hearing," he explained .
"Merlin stop she is scared. No telepathy right now," Arthur said aloud and I looked to him with sad eyes, " She's had enough surprises today. "
Arthur limped to me and held his arms out as if surrendering when I backed away from him. He could sense my discomfort, " I just want to hold you, " he said.
I looked at him suspiciously and then ran into his arms, clutching onto him.
"It's ok Ness.. It's ok," he soothed as he held me.
As he held me my body trembled from all of the emotions and stress of the day. I was anxious to meet my children and be with Arthur, but at the same time was frightened by the thought of it all. Tomorrow was a new day, tomorrow we would leave for Camelot, tomorrow was the start of a new beginning for us all. Nothing would be the same anymore and I prayed it was all for the best..
TO BE CONTIUNED...
