Chapter 54.

Cas and Sarah had gone out to check on the bees and Sam sat down opposite Dean. "This isn't easy for me to say." he said.

"Try breaking the word up into smaller parts." said Dean. He smiled. "Sorry. Automatic."

"It's okay. I'd worry if you didn't say stuff like that. I worry." He watched Dean's face, hoping he was in the right frame of mind for this conversation.

"Sam, speak." said Dean.

"Well, first, a confession. I'm a little jealous of you and Cas. This profound bond of yours is now even more profound and I would give a lot to be able to have with either of you the incredible mind-sharing relationship you have with each other."

"Be careful what you wish for, Sammy. It's scary and it's weird and It makes you feel like a freak. When it's active, you have to constantly wonder whether you're crossing a line and when it's suppressed by the talismans .. I miss it, Sam. It terrifies me, sometimes."

"But last night ... "

"Yeah, last night it was different. I mean, I'm not saying meeting myself was fun, it never is, but things were good between Cas and me. We haven't worked together that closely ... ever. I'm not saying it's all bad. I just don't want you thinking you need the same thing. Truth is, you and I have been sharing thoughts for a long time, just not in some weird mind meld."

"I know. I don't resent Cas. I just wish I could be as close to both of you as either of you is to the other. I know you can say things to him you could never say to me."

"Mostly because he's an angel and you're someone I need to protect."

"That doesn't really work when I know you try to protect the angel too. It's fine. I understand how you feel about Cas and I'm honestly glad you have a friendship like that. I just wanted to explain why sometimes, I may seem a little unhappy with the whole mindlink thing. It's childish and it's stupid, but sometimes I feel like you two have your special, secret club and I don't meet the membership requirements."

"On the other hand, you'll never catch yourself being mean to a four year old version of yourself in a copy of Bobby's library." said Dean.

"I guess there is that." said Sam. He smiled. "I'm sorry. I hope I haven't said too much."

"Generally, we say too little." said Dean, "That's how we think the mindlink started, our minds needing to say stuff our mouths couldn't. I'm glad you told me how you feel. To be honest, I sometimes felt like you were bothered by the whole psychic thing and that I was turning into something weird."

"Your hang-up, not mine." said Sam.

"And I get it. Of course I do. If you were that close to anyone, I'd feel weird about it too. I'd worry that maybe you didn't need me so much and, weak and pathetic as it is, I'd find that really hard to deal with. So, how do I make it easier?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do I talk less about it around you or do I share it all, so you can feel included? Because I don't want this weird, crazy thing between me and Cas to become a rift between you and me."

Sam smiled. "I was telling you for information, not to seek solutions."

"I'm a problem solver. I always seek solutions."

"Yeah, you do." said Sam.

"And I'm serious, Sam. If you need me to handle this another way, I'm happy to do it. I may seem all wrapped up in the link stuff, but that doesn't mean I don't care about you. If you need me to keep quiet about this stuff, that's it. I'm done talking about it."

"I don't want you to keep quiet about it. Talk to me, always. Fine, so I feel a little left out, but I'm so glad you got that hug from your younger self. It's good to see you finding a little compassion for youself."

"You're my brother. You'll always be important to me in ways no-one else ever can be." He smiled and said, "Okay. Let's stop there, before the panpipes and whale songs start playing."

"You're such a jerk." said Sam.

"Yeah, some things never change."