Sara's hands ran almost feverishly along Catherine's body, touching every bit the y could reach. Catherine's legs were still wrapped around Sara, pulling her in closely, and she was reluctant to let Sara go, slowly she dropped her legs so they were hanging over the edge of the table, causing her back to arch up, pressing into Sara, she groaned, clenching her fist. The intense lust and desire coming from both of them was powerful, and they had yet to take of their clothes.
Trying to sit up a little, Catherine tugged on Sara's top, wanting to feel Sara as much as she wanted to be touched. Sara shivered a little as Catherine's fingers brushed against her sensitive skin, her own hands finding Catherine's waistband, and then moving to undo her trousers, she tugged them down slightly, too impatient to take them all the way off, slipping her hand under the fabric of Catherine's underwear, she cupped Catherine's heat eagerly, rubbing her fingers against the warm skin and slickening folds.
Catherine let her body fall back against the table, hands falling to the sides, her mind and body in overdrive and currently incapable of returning Sara's touch. Bucking against Sara's hand, biting her lip, Catherine tried to repress from screaming to loudly, too soon. Until now she hadn't realised just how much she had not only missed, but had needed, Sara's body next to hers. Her hands gripped the edge of the table as Sara pushed two fingers into her, whilst her thumb grazed over and around her now swollen clit. 'Fuck….'
'That's the idea…' Sara mumbled, her lips kissing Catherine's chest through the fabric of her top, she moved her fingers a little faster, her hips grinding with the action, one of Catherine's legs between her own causing a warm and pleasant friction to build up.
Reaching out, Catherine tangled her fingers in Sara's hair, torn between pulling her up for a kiss, or pushing her down so her face and lips were closer to her core, in the end she found it hard to do either, as Sara chose that moment to bite down on Catherine's nipple, even through the fabric of her shirt and bra the sensation was incredible, and something Catherine had never felt before whilst still wearing so many clothes. Sara grinned, picking up on this, her fingers pulling almost all of the way out, before slamming all the way in again, first slowly, than fast, her speed and forcefulness always varying, changing, to the way Catherine responded. When she felt Catherine creeping closer to the edge, she expertly hooked the fabric of her trousers and underwear with her hand, and tugged them down further out the way, placing warm kisses down her covered stomach as she went, writhing in delight when her lips made contact with bare flesh, causing Catherine to buck her hips even more. With her leg, she hooked the nearest chair, and skilfully moved it so she could half sit and half kneel on it, her mouth not once breaking contact with the sweet pale flesh before her, and then, moving her hand slightly, she began to lick, tease and nip at Catherine's clit, her fingers curling deeper and deeper, before switching almost seamlessly, one hand wrapped up and over Catherine's leg, the other slipping out of Catherine's core, to be instantly replaced by Sara's eager tongue, the fingers now moving to play in the blonde damp curls, and over Catherine's clit, rubbing, teasing, building up the friction once more.
It didn't take long for Catherine to fall over the edge, and Sara could feel every wave of pleasure, building up, and rolling off, and still she didn't stop completely, she only slowed her movements to a more gentle pace, wanting, needing, Catherine to enjoy this as much as possible.
When Catherine couldn't take anymore, she reluctantly pushed Sara away, breathing heavy, still trembling from the intensity of the sex, she wanted to speak, to move, but couldn't. Sitting back in the chair, Sara just watched her, a huge grin on her face, fingers running lightly over her hips
'Wow…' Catherine got out at last 'Who knew make up sex could be so good?' She chuckled a little, stretching her hand out for Sara to take.
'Come on…' Sara pulled on her arm a little 'You can't be very comfy on that hard table… '
'Actually, it's kinda surprisingly nice; you should try it sometime, only there's no space to snuggle you up here… to the sofa?'
'To the sofa' Sara agreed
Carefully getting off the table, Catherine lazily pulled her trousers back up 'Two minutes… I just need to change and use the bathroom….'
'That's ok' Sara pulled her own top back on, making herself comfortable on the sofa, pulling a blanket around her shoulders.
It didn't take long for Catherine to return, now dressed in sweatpants and a cardigan over her tank top 'Want to eat?' she asked, grabbing a drink for them both from the kitchen
'I'd rather be kissing you some more… but yeah…'
'Ok, well, I made a salad earlier, or I can warm through some pasta, or just do sandwiches…'
'I don't mind… ' Sara started 'Actually… I'm blaming this baby, but I really fancy a PB, Cheese and Pickle sandwich with a side of cookie… if you can?'
'That's gross, and I'm not making it, so you'll have to come do it yourself Sara'
'How do you know if you haven't tried it?' Sara countered
'Because, Pickle, of any variety, is horrible, and you don't mix cheese with cookie, or PB…'
'You're no fun…' Sara got up from the sofa, heading into the kitchen
'So, what weird cravings did you get with Lindsey?'
'Weird? I wanted vinegar, all the time… but normally I hate it, otherwise, I ate a lot of pineapple and a lot of strawberry ice cream…'
'Yeah, I had that, before…the ice cream…' Sara trailed off, she didn't like thinking about Rose.
Picking up on this, Catherine quickly changed the subject 'What will you do if you fancy meat?'
'Pray that I don't, and that my will power and ethics win out over my confused hormones?'
'Good luck with that… trust me, ignoring a craving can be hard!'
Sara just giggled, and set about making the food that she wanted, asking a few times where things were, whilst Catherine made a chicken salad sandwich. At last they moved back into the living room, sitting on the sofa
'Remind me to clean the table before I serve food on it…'
'Yeah…. Sorry… ' Sara blushed a little
'Don't be…'
They began to eat, a silence, not entirely comfortable, falling over them.
Although Sara was ravenous, she ate slowly, wanting to avoid heartburn, but also wanting to delay the conversation she knew they were about to have, just because they'd hade make up sex, didn't mean they could avoid talking about the issues at hand. Really they should have talked a lot sooner, and Sara was beginning to regret her actions over the last few days. At last, they could put if off no longer, and as Sara was about to start speaking, Catherine stood up abruptly, taking Sara's plate 'I need a drink… tea… I'm gonna make some tea, do you want some?' she asked, already half way to the kitchen
'Sure…. Green tea, please, or something herbal, not raspberry…'
'Sure… Sure…' Catherine called back.
It was another 5 minutes before she returned, handing Sara the cup, she took a seat on the edge of the sofa, twisting so her legs were pulled up against her body, but so she was facing Sara, who mimicked her motion from the other side, a largish gap between them. Sara pulled the blanket tighter around her body, mumbled her thanks for the tea, and then stared into the mug, her slight confidence from before, now gone, and she no longer knew where to start. How to start.
'I'm sorry…'
'I know you are Sara, but that doesn't change what happened, or the fact that you've ignored me for 3 days…'
'I know… I really do… please, let me explain?'
Catherine just nodded
'I just…. I worry so much that you might leave me, that you'll realise just how messed up and unstable I am…' Catherine tried to interrupt, but Sara held her hand up 'Please… let me finish…' Catherine nodded, taking a sip of her tea. 'I've always been alone Cat, always, I find it difficult to let people close, to let them help, and I was having a bad enough day as it was, then hearing Nancy… I know, I really do, that my reaction wasn't fair, I also know that if I hadn't skipped my meds, things would have been different, but I did, I had been missing at least one dose a day almost since this started… well, since leaving the hospital, It was never a truly deliberate act, but it kept happening… It didn't occur to me to do something about it, not until I spoke to Brass about… It was such a stupid thing as well, taking them during the day, when, if I sleep, that's when I sleep… now; I'm taking them at night, when mostly, I'm awake… because of work….' Sara paused, taking a sip of her tea, but Catherine knew she wasn't done talking, and not to say anything just yet. 'I guess I didn't want to admit just how much I needed them, how they'd stabilise me, how bad I had gotten… It's funny, looking back, all the signs were there, but I think they only really intensified in the last year, and then they were masked by all of the drinking… the overtime… my denial… but, now, I'm on the right track, talking to Sylvia is helping, being sober is helping… I'm still terrified, I'm still going to have issues, bad habits, mood swings… there will be days when I'm difficult… and I should have told you this sooner, I really should… but.. well, after leaving on Sunday, being stood out in the rain, I caught a damn chill, spend most of Monday sneezing and sleeping… then I spoke to Ecklie, but I'll explain that later… I um….' Sara paused again, placing her mug down, fiddling nervously with her hands, trying her best not to scratch. The rest of the conversation, well, monologue, was hard, but she hadn't told Catherine the really bad bit yet.
'What is it Sara?' Catherine asked gently
'I… I… I'm so so sorry Cat… but, please… You have to let me explain before you say anything, please?' Sara whispered, wiping a tear from her face, before pulling the blanket yet tighter around her body
'Ok' came Catherine's whispered reply, her heart now racing, worrying about what Sara was about to tell her
'When I got back from seeing Ecklie, Brass wasn't there… it wasn't his fault ok, so please, don't blame him… I should have called Greg, but I didn't… I didn't want to bother anyone; I thought I would be ok… I settled into doing this jigsaw puzzle that I found… thought it would look nice in the nursery… at some point, I took a break, had my meds… got some food… got a knife…' Sara paused briefly when she heard Catherine's sharp intake of breath 'I swear it was an accident Cat, please, I swear I didn't mean too… but when Brass got back, I was completely zoned out… my leg was bleeding… I'd been tapping the knife up and down on my leg… stabbing myself, over and over, and over… I didn't feel it, didn't know I was doing it; I was just as shocked as Jim was…. I begged him not to tell you or Sylvia just yet…. I don't know why, or how, it happened…. I, we, saw Sylvia last night, Jim came with me… I actually… I actually had a massive melt down in the middle of it, completely destroyed her office in the process… and it helped… it helped me realise a lot of things, admit some things that I'd been denying since before even Rose was born, things about my childhood… about my deep psychological resistance to taking these prescriptions… about how I deal with problems, how I never ask for help… how everything adds up, spirals… I know it doesn't excuse my behaviour towards you, but, I guess, I hope it helps you understand me a little bit more, that hopefully, we can get past this, that you still want to be with me… to be my partner, to help me raise this baby… to be my family… but if you can't, I'll understand… I know you have to think about Lindsey's safety and wellbeing, as well as your own… I know I've hurt you, a lot, more than once… but I couldn't not explain things to you Cat, and I know I should have told you all of this much much sooner, and before fucking you like I did just now… ' Sara trailed off again, sniffing a little.
Taking a deep breath, Catherine tried to compose a response
'Thank you for telling me all of this Sara… you're right, it doesn't change what happened… but, it does make it a little easier to deal with, now that I understand… but there are things you need to understand too Sara….'
Sara began fidgeting from her end of the sofa, biting down on her lip, regretfully she cut Catherine off 'Please don't hate me, I need to hear what you have to say, but mother nature sucks, I really really need to use the bathroom Cat… I swear I'm not trying to avoid this….'
Catherine couldn't help but smirk 'I understand Sara, I remember all too well that feeling… when you get back though, you need to let me talk'
'I know…' Sara practically ran off, heading for the downstairs toilet, knowing she wouldn't make it upstairs in time.
'Better?' Catherine asked when Sara returned
'Yes… for now anyway…'
'Good….' Catherine waited for Sara to get comfortable on the sofa once more, running through in her mind just what she needed to say, and how she was going to say it.
'I'm not a morning person Sara, I'm especially not a morning person when I am rudely awoken, like the other night when Nancy was here… yes, I could have defended you better, but I really didn't want to get into a full blown argument with her, and I didn't want to wake you either, I knew how tired you were, and just how difficult you'd found the last bit at the Zoo…Nancy has never been that approving of my girlfriends in the past… nor any relationship for that matter… I didn't want her to find out like she did, but that doesn't mean I wanted to hide you, or was ashamed of our relationship… I just wanted to get used to it for a little longer… enjoy us, for a little longer…she'd already got snappy with me before our relationship turned to what it is, when I was with you in the hotel, that first day in the hospital… but she, nor anyone else, has any say in who I choose to date, to be with, to love… but, that being said, I have found this very difficult Sara, I hate seeing you hurt, and I hate seeing you hurt yourself…the ups and downs, the doubts you have. It's been hard learning about your past… but, I can't change it, and neither should I want to… perhaps, in an ideal world, you could have dealt with things differently, but it's happened…I just hope we can find new ways to deal with things, together, as a family… I love you Sara, I really do… I know it's been a bit sudden, that in the past we've had our differences… that if the past couple of weeks hadn't have happened, we might not be here now, but once again, we can't change it, it did happen, and we're here… I'll always, always, feel bad about causing the explosion, and the downward spiral it helped trigger, no matter what you say, I will always, always feel that guilt, I have since it happened, and now knowing the truth of that matter has made it worse… it may be silly of me, but it's not something I can stop Sara… I just need to try and move on… to help you, move on… I want to be with you Sara; I want you to be a part of my life, a part of Lindsey's life… I want to give Lindsey a little brother or sister, I want to help raise this baby… your baby… and I have no intentions, whatsoever, of leaving you, or stopping loving you, not now that I've found you…. But…' Catherine paused, trying to think of the best way to say what needed to be said 'I don't want you to think of this as an ultimatum…if you keep shutting me out, or if you don't make progress… I can't guarantee my patience and willingness to do this will last… I've gone through enough bad relationships in my life, I don't want to go through another… we have to keep honest with each other Sara… if you're hurting, or zone out again, if you feel bad, you have to tell me, if you don't communicate with me, this won't work, no matter how much we wish it too….'
By now both Catherine and Sara were crying, they wanted so badly to reach out, to hold one another, holding out her arms, Sara motioned for Catherine to join her, and was glad when she did, letting out a breath that she didn't know she was holding. Moving the blanket, so it was covering them both, Sara placed a kiss on Catherine's head, holding her close
'I'm so sorry Cat, I really am… I really do want to get better… I'll do whatever it takes, to keep you, to keep Lindsey, to keep this baby… but you're wrong about one thing…' she whispered
'What?' came the whispered reply
'It's not my baby, it's OUR baby.'
Smiling, a warm feeling rushing over her, Catherine moved, placing her lips over Sara's, kissing her gently, before pulling back again 'I love you Sara'
'I love you to Cat… I'd be lost without you'
Xxx
a/n I couldn't have them stay mad forever! There may be a few more bumps along the way, but, this really will be a happy story by the time it's over! Next chapter, Sara's first day back at work! Hope to have time to write tomorrow.
Thanks for reading, emz xx
