* Author's note: I hope that everyone is staying safe and taking care of yourselves and your loved ones during this difficult time. In the meantime, we can take refuge in stories. :)
Chapter 16-
He was in a cave. It was so dark, he could barely see a few feet in front of him. He turned around and noticed a faint glimmer of light up ahead around a bend. As his eyes gradually grew accustomed to the dimness, he began walking toward it. Something about it felt...inviting...as if something good was waiting there just out of sight. A little smile spread across his face as he picked up his pace, eager to discover what was just ahead. Low and muffled voices came from that direction. He could not hear them clearly, but they sounded familiar. Speeding up, his long legs took the greatest strides they could manage as he became almost desperate to reach the light.
Just as he neared the bend, a strange voice from behind stopped him in his tracks.
"Do you think you deserve it?"
He spun around to face the speaker, but came face to face with only empty darkness. "Who's there?" he yelled into the black.
"The Light," it continued, "do you really believe you are worthy of it?"
The voice was male, older by the sound of it, but not one he had heard before. Even so, it gave him a chilling sense of malice. "Who are you?" he asked again, squinting in another effort to see this being.
"You, Ben Solo...disappointment to your family legacy...murderer of Jedi...Master of the dark Knights of Ren...killer of your own father. How could you ever think you could go back from all of that?"
The voice bluntly recounted a list of his worst Dark Side acts. Just hearing them spoken aloud made him cringe.
"You have tremendous power, Kylo Ren," it continued, "only to waste it like an ignorant child."
He snarled. He hated being called a child.
"You control the mightiest fighting force in the galaxy and yet here you are- hiding away on a secret island like a coward, contemplating a return to the Light. What can it offer you that compares to what you already have? The Dark Side can give you anything you want...fulfill any desire. The Light only brings eventual pain and heartbreak. You know this to be true. Any time you open your heart in compassion and love, it only weakens you."
Whoever this voice was, it knew his deepest insecurities and fears. Doubt creeped in. Ben hung his head in shame and defeat, unable to reply. The words were true and reflected what he had believed for years now.
"You can't go back, my boy," it said. "You can never go back."
Unable to move, he stood there, stock still, for a few moments, contemplating the words spoken by this unfamiliar voice. The reminder of his past deeds was added to by the many other memories flooding his mind. The guilt weighed heavy on his soul- his irredeemable, blackened soul. He turned back to the illuminated end of the cave. It was suddenly so far away. What had moments ago seemed within his grasp, now seemed utterly out of his reach.
Who was he kidding? The Light would never welcome him back.
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"Ben?"
The soft voice jolted him awake. The sudden movement made him gasp in pain, an immediate reminder of his many injuries.
"Are you okay?" Rey was hovering over him, a worried expression on her face. "I didn't mean to scare you, but I think you were having a bad dream." He pushed himself into a more comfortable position and glanced around the healer's hut, the reality of his current situation storming back in. Rey placed her hand on his shoulder, but pulled it away sheepishly when she noticed him staring awkwardly at it. She smiled hesitantly, obviously waiting for him to respond. The sight of her did things to him-made him start to believe he was someone he wasn't. But the voice in the cave had reminded him of the truth of his brokenness.
"I'm fine," he said curtly, forcing himself to stand. He was a bit wobbly, and, once again, she was right there to help steady him.
"Be careful," she said, grabbing his arm to maneuver him toward the Caretaker's bunk. "You probably shouldn't try to do too much for another day or so." He eased down onto the bedside. Rey quickly retrieved a cup of water. As she handed it to him, their eyes met again. That was happening a lot lately, he realized. He couldn't understand why she was being so kind to him.
"Thank you," he offered quietly. Once he finished, she took the cup and set it back on a table. She returned with the pot of ointment the healer had used the night before.
"Let's put some more of this on. It seems to be helping by the looks of it." She got some on her fingers and started by carefully putting it on his worst blaster burn. As soon as she touched him, he sucked in his breath. She stopped and looked at him questioningly.
"It's cold," he said simply with a raise of his eyebrows.
"I'm sorry!" she replied. She tried rubbing the ointment between her fingers to warm it up before applying more. "Better?" she asked. He nodded and she moved to add more to the gash on his forehead.
He watched her work. Surely, this was just a dream. It was so surreal to be here with her taking care of him. He wasn't used to anyone showing this much concern for him and his well-being. He was afraid to let himself enjoy it.
"Did you sleep okay other than the dream?" she inquired as she tended to him.
"Yes," he answered distractedly, staring at the soft skin between her neck and shoulder, which was now so close. The urge to lean forward and place his lips right there was overwhelming.
Just then the healer entered the hut and went straight to Ben, checking on her patient. She shooed Rey out of her way and evaluated his progress.
"I applied more of the medicine," she explained, feeling the need for approval from the Caretaker for some reason. "I think it's working."
The female glared up at Rey with a scowl and a harumph before returning to her patient. In a few moments, she nodded her okay for Rey's handiwork, then started talking to Ben. When she finished, she retrieved something she had set down on the table when she first entered. It was Ben's shirt. She handed it to him and he unfolded it, noticing that it had been cleaned and repaired. Someone had sewn the ripped edges back together and added a few small patches over the blaster holes and other rips.
Again, unexpected kindness was foreign to him. He wasn't sure how to respond, so he just nodded his thanks and slipped it on. She rattled off another string of words and he stood and started walking to the door. Rey looked at him curiously.
"She said to come outside and have some breakfast," he explained. "Apparently, I need to keep up my strength and you need to put more meat on your bones- her words, not mine," he added with an uncharacteristic twinkle in his eyes.
Rey followed close behind him as they walked to the village center. Some stools and benches were arranged around a communal fire pit, where flames burned low and a few large kettles were warming above it. Making sure Ben was okay, she left to take care of her own personal needs. Upon returning, she stopped dead in her tracks at the sight before her eyes. Ben, still seated near the fire, was surrounded by Caretakers, young and old. In his hands was a plate of food that was immediately refilled if their hosts deemed it too empty. Younglings were vying for a seat close to him, one even pushing another out of the way so he could scramble up quickly next to the big man. Ben looked completely out of his element. It was amusing to see the man who had killed Snoke and fought guards so confidently, now baffled by the attention of these small natives.
He finally noticed her approach and gave her a desperate look. She took a seat on a nearby bench and chuckled quietly. Another Caretaker offered him a cup of something to drink. He peered inside, assessing its contents, surely worried it would be a repeat of the night before. However, he finally took a sip, nodded his approval of its taste, and then gulped the rest down. As he pulled the cup away from his mouth, Rey noticed a flash of green on his upper lip before he wiped it off with the back of his hand. She looked away, smiling with the knowledge of where the green milk had actually come from.
"What?" he asked her, wondering why she was so amused.
"Did you like it?" she responded.
He shrugged and nodded yes. "Not bad. Why?"
"Oh, no reason. No reason at all," she answered cryptically. One of the Caretakers brought her a plate of food and a cup. She thanked them for the food, but graciously declined the green milk. She just...couldn't.
While she ate, she continued to watch Ben interacting with the Younglings- or trying not to. He was clearly clueless on how to handle such attention. They were bringing him toys or climbing up next to him and touching his arms and hair, curious about this stranger. To be honest, she was a little jealous. The Caretakers had never shown her so much attention. In fact, she had the impression they didn't like her very much. However, they seemed to almost dote on Ben. She sighed. Instead of being upset, she should be happy. It was further proof that he was, deep down, still a good person.
Finishing her breakfast, she stood and grabbed her bag. "I think I'll go up the mountain to check on the huts up there. Hopefully soon you'll be able to make the trip, but for now you need to take it easy. I'll be back in a few hours."
He looked over at her, uncertain of being left alone, but only nodded. "Looks like you're in good hands," she said teasingly and then turned to go.
Rey glanced back one last time as she started the climb up from the beach. She could just make out Ben's tall figure in the distance and had to chuckle. The past day was almost unbelievable. Rescuing him, bringing him here...being this close to him without fighting. It was new and different from their Force bond. With the bond, there was no telling how long their connection would last. Now, having him around non-stop was definitely affecting her… but she liked it. When he wasn't concealing his true self with the facade of Kylo Ren, he was proving to be a quiet, likable guy. And undeniably attractive. When their eyes met, which was more and more frequently, she felt herself soften...felt her need to be tough and strong lessen around him. Whatever that meant.
She breathed deeply and felt her lungs fill with the clean ocean air. The sight and sound of the island's cute little Porgs flying around brought a lightness to her steps. Hopefully, the Jedi huts would be in good shape for them to use. They had likely been unoccupied since Luke's passing, she assumed.
She decided to veer off the path to the huts and instead headed toward the ancient Uneti tree that served as the Jedi library. A flash of shame popped into her mind, but only for a moment. She could not be too remorseful for taking the old Jedi texts with her when she left a year ago. Studying them had helped her greatly along her Jedi path. As she neared the last rise before reaching the tree, she remembered how it had summoned her that very first time. The Force was unbelievably strong here and it had called to her...Rey… Rey Nobody from Jakku. Now she knew who she was… Rey the Jedi. And she had a purpose.
Her musings came to a sudden halt, as did her steps, when she saw the tree-or what was left of it.
"What?!" she exclaimed. Only a blackened bunch of stumps and branches remained of the once tall and proud tree. It had obviously been ravaged by fire, but how?
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
She whirled around to find Luke standing next to her shaking his head.
"The tree!" she declared in disbelief.
"I know," Luke said. "Good thing you stole those ancient Jedi texts, huh?" Instantly, she flushed in embarrassment and wouldn't meet his eyes. He chuckled. "It's okay. I already forgave you, remember? Besides, it was just a tree. The Force is still very much alive and well, as are the Jedi, thanks to you."
She relaxed visibly and nodded her head in relief.
Luke stepped in front of her. "I see you brought a visitor with you this time."
"Yes. I brought Ben here," she replied. "They tried to kill him. They almost did. This is the only safe space I could think of."
"No, you did a good thing bringing him here." He looked around, surveying the place he had called home for the last years of his life. "This place has a way of blocking out the excess noise and forcing you to focus on who you really are- like it or not." He sounded like a man who spoke from experience. For a few moments, he was silently staring out at the horizon, and Rey wondered if he even remembered she was there.
Then he suddenly continued. "So,how is he? My nephew?"
"He's...he's healing," she answered. "He's also surprisingly stubborn. He doesn't like to accept help."
Again, Luke laughed. "He gets that from Leia. When she sets her mind on something, there's no changing it. Until Han, that is. She resisted him- until she didn't."
That made Rey smile. Leia was formidable when she chose to be.
"You know, Rey, you still can't save him. Ben's gone through a lot- some of it done to him and some of his own choosing. Even though you've done all you can, ultimately he has to make the turn back to the Light. Are you willing to accept it if he chooses not to?"
She frowned. Would she accept it? Could she? Should she? "I know the choice is his and not mine. But Ben needs to know there is someone who cares enough to fight for him. I think the Force picked me to be that someone." As she said it, she realized, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she would never stop trying to help Ben Solo.
Luke stepped up, placed his hands on her shoulders, and nodded once. "I think you're right. Thank you for not giving up on him, Rey. He needs you." He dropped his hands and took a step back. "Until next time," he said, and then disappeared.
Rey paused, slowly comprehending the realization of her newfound mission- her need to make Ben Solo know he was worthy of being cared for. And yes, he was a little stubborn and closed-off, but she would wear him down. If nothing else, she was patient. He could resist her-until he couldn't.
Eager now to get back to him, she quickened her pace toward the Jedi huts. Once she verified that all was in order for whenever he could make the trek up the hillside, she hurried back to the village.
