Thank you for the reviews.
I suppose, even with this episode, we are still trying to find a better way for Eddie to take the news that Rachel was an ex-prostitute. I meant this chapter isn't all great but it is better.
Just an update on my real life. Not having to self-isolate at the moment and I am not working from home (which is probably best for me because I get distracted easily). But it seems like the karate aspect of my life is going to stop. Therefore, for those of you who like it, there will be no more early morning Tuesday postings for the time being. Just because I won't be out of the house for like 11 hours.
With the Coronavirus, keep yourselves safe and make sure you are trying to keep others safe as well.
Series 3 Episode 16
"It will get out Rachel. It always does. Imagine the headlines."
"Can't we just focus on the here and the now?" She said, feeling herself breaking down in front of him.
This is why she should have told him. This is why she should have taken that bloody file home. This is why she should have done everything in her power to get rid of Stuart Hordley and not bend to his will.
But she hadn't told him. She hadn't taken the file home, and she had concluded that it was the way he found out. And she had done everything that Stuart had asked her to do.
His reaction was always going to be the worst. Because she had come to a point when she was ready to let him in, ready to allow their relationship to continue to grow.
"Oh, for God sake!" Eddie said as he sat back in his chair. "If Stuart Hordley's secretary knows, how long before everybody knows?"
"Why does that bother you?"
There was a small pause where he stared at her before he looked down at his desk and he picked up his pen.
"I'm worried about the potential damage to this school."
"I don't think it is just that."
"Sorry?" He said as he looked back at her.
"I want to take a wild stab in the dark and say that the same reason why it is bothering you so much is the same reason why I didn't want to tell you. You say you don't know me. Eddie. It is honestly the thing that scares me the most. How well you do know me. Because you do. I am worried about what it will do to the school. I… I should have told you."
"And you think my reaction would be any different."
"I can live in hope."
"I don't know you, Rachel."
"You don't know the person I was." She paused. "I sort of expected better from you. I expected this narrowmindedness from Steph and Grantly, but I didn't think that you thought I grew up with a silver spoon in my mouth. I have worked so damn hard to get where I am to stop others from going down the path I went down."
"So you are worried about your career."
"Maybe I am. Maybe because I know that this is the best place for me to be. Because I didn't have a headteacher that believed me in. I had one that threw me out when I was accused of cheating during my exams without asking me for an explanation. I had nothing, Eddie. Literally nothing. I had my mum and my sister to look after and that was what I tried to do."
"By being a prostitute?"
"You make it seem like I liked what I did. Like I wanted to do it. I didn't know what was being asked of me at the time."
"And that makes it any better."
"I'm trying to explain."
"Have you thought that you might be wasting your breath?"
She had seen the disgust in his face but she thought that once she explained, he might understand. But he wasn't going to and it hurt her more than the other time someone else found out. At least she wasn't debating with herself about letting the other guy in. She, at least, cared about Eddie and she thought that it was the reason why he was so bothered by what she had done.
"I just thought you cared for me a little more than that. I guess I don't know you as well as I thought."
She couldn't take his look any longer. She had to get out of there, before she properly broke down in front of him.
Eddie was trying to come up with the right words to say that he had been an idiot and a prat. He hated that he had to admit that she was right. The reason it bothered him wasn't because of the reputation of the school. It was because he cared more about her than he wanted to admit at the moment.
She was obviously shocked that he knew but he felt like she hadn't really explained herself. So things were bad at home and she had been kicked out of school. He wasn't born with a silver spoon but he had still managed to get to where he was without having a life of crime.
There was a part of him that wanted to know more and there was a part of him that was ready to apologise for being an awkward sod.
He knew which side of him was winning and as he got out of his chair and made the short distance from his classroom to Rachel's office. He knew he had quite a bit of making up to do. He closed the door behind him and grabbed one of the chairs around the table and placed it in front of her. She hadn't said a word but she looked shocked to see him there.
"Right. Maybe I shouldn't have looked at that file." He said.
"You think?"
"But that isn't going to make this go away."
"No, it isn't."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why now? What we are only a few weeks away from the end of the school year and term. If this was just about your past, someone would have come forward with it the moment that they saw your face in the paper."
"I mean, you're the maths teacher. I am sure if you add it all up you will get the right answer."
"I might just want you to confirm it for me."
"What? That Stuart has been blackmailing me. That… he made me do things that were like what he has done to me. That I have bit my tongue every time someone has said something good about him."
"Maybe not quite like that but it will do."
"I hate myself for what I did. I don't need you hating me for it as well."
"So does this mean that he has finished? Blackmailing you?"
"I… I think so."
"So the file?"
"He said he would give me what Tess had on me. As a way of making up for what he did."
"He isn't going to stop."
"Please Eddie."
"No Rachel. He knows he has you. That file… That file was to make you think that it was all over but it probably is far from it. Do you really trust that if it goes wrong for him, that you aren't the first person that he takes it out on?"
"Eddie, you aren't making a lot of sense."
"Do you trust Stuart with your secret?"
"Not particularly but there isn't much I can do about that now, can I?"
"I suppose not."
"Look, Eddie. I don't need you steamrolling in. I am dealing with it."
"Are you?"
"Yes. In my own way." She paused as she leant back in her chair. "You've changed your tune."
"Well… maybe you were right."
"I'm sorry?"
"Don't... make me repeat myself."
"Why not?"
"Okay. You were right. Maybe there is more to my… attitude than the reputation of the school."
Eddie didn't really understand why she smiled at that moment. It wasn't like everything was okay between them. Just that there was more at play than the school and the students and even her career. It had changed his view on her. It was why he couldn't get his head around it all. He couldn't really picture her doing that.
"Maybe I should have been a little more honest with you. You've been asking me for weeks whether I am okay and everything. All it took me to do was to say that I wasn't and told you why."
"I… I still don't think my reaction would have been much different."
"Amanda isn't me. At best, the whole thing told me what I didn't want. I didn't want to be used like that. I certainly didn't want to do that for the rest of my life. Just before the raids, I was trying to help the younger girls out, trying to save them from what I had been sucked into. I think I knew then that I was best placed where I could help the next generation and for me, that route was teaching."
"I still think it will get out."
"I know." She whispered. "A stupid mistake I made 20 years ago. I love it here Eddie. And whether I resign or am forced to leave, I don't want to leave."
"So what are we going to do about it?"
She bit her lip, probably to stop herself from smiling but a smile still broke out. He didn't know whether he was totally comfortable with the idea but it was something that he might just have to come accustomed to. She seemed slightly relieved that he knew. And maybe, together, they could get Stuart off her back.
