I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife, in my windpipe
I can't breathe, but I still fight, while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right, it's like I'm in flight
High off of love drunk from my hate
It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more that I suffer
I suffocate and right before I'm about to drown
You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe, when you're with them, you meet
And neither one of you, even know what hit 'em,
Got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah them chills, used to get 'em
Love the Way You Lie, by Eminem, featuring Rihanna, from the album Recovery, released in 2010,
Sparrow knew that what she was doing was likely to gain Tony's, Bucky's and Peter's disapproval. It was obvious enough indeed. But what was even more pressing was that Peter cherished May, like a child would their parent, or in this case, like Peter liked Tony as a father.
And so, it was obvious that she would do anything for either of them, regardless of what they asked. Peter hadn't even suspected anything after she politely excused herself to 'go to the toilet', acknowledging it with a small smile before turning to the stove once more. Sparrow knew enough about AI's to become well experienced at avoiding awkward questions, and so she slid into May's room undisturbed and not restricted.
With FRIDAY or even JOCASTA, it would have been a little more difficult, but as far as NATE was concerned, she was just an assistant. The Aunt was laying on the bed limply, breaths shallow and unhealthy sounding, as a wheelchair rested against the side of the bed, a cushion discarded on the seat. She rubbed her hands together, more for show than anything, as she rested herself on the floor, kneeling.
With her injuries, it was almost a guarantee that she would not remain standing after this. She reached for May's cold hand, before taking it in hers gently. She threw a glance to the door, which was edged shut so that only the smallest crack of light broke through, and upon seeing that she wasn't going to be disturbed any time soon, she prepared herself. Her powers were all quite different in nature, sentient almost, as they whispered various snippets of advice and words of reason.
Not once had that been mentioned to anyone, because it would not make her look any good, and it would just be another sign of weakness. Every so often, though, the voices, as crazy as it may sound, did have good advice. Such as avoiding a certain route-finding out later that it had been blocked off to try and catch her- or when it came to finding something missing- and having an instinctual feeling of where it was.
She reached for the power that, with HYDRA, she seldom had to use, and conjured it into her hands. A small white ball of light emerged, warm to the touch, calm and docile in nature. She willed it to course through May's frail body, fixing what it could, and making whatever it couldn't better. The oncoming wave of nausea hit her like a train- something she had an unfortunate experience with- but she kept going, even as her body began to slump.
Almost immediately, while Sparrow's already pale skin became paler, May's skin becoming healthier, more alive and less tight around her skeleton. It was a disconcerting feeling when it came to healing, and it was a feeling that never changed. Like all of Sparrow's powers, she had no idea how they worked- although she could remember how she got them perfectly- but for this specific one, she paid for the ability with taking some of the injuries onto herself.
She could heal most injuries- cuts, bullet wounds, stab wounds to name a few, but ones that were involved with deterioration or degradation of a human organ as a result of a disease, such as Alzheimer's, worked a little differently. The disease itself could never be healed completely, even if Sparrow went back and healed them repetitively, but she could push the disease back for a little while.
The cost was that for a little while, she would take that injury or disease upon herself for a few hours or days, depending on the extent of the healing. However, she could recover from it, with no long-term effects. Sparrow, despite having seldom use for the power, had worked this out herself after HYDRA had beaten both her and the Winter Soldier after they'd found out about her new power.
Bucky had been shot to punish her, and long after, twitches were occupying his form from the electricity, and slight shivers from the cold. Sparrow had forced herself to heal him, her wounds lesser. The bullet wound had been agony as it's burning hole penetrated her skin, and for hours afterwards her mind felt heavy, her thoughts narrowed and a kind of compliance that haunted her mind, outside of her usual feelings.
To this day, Bucky thought that HYDRA had inflicted it upon her, but in reality, she inflicted it upon herself. Her limbs gave out on her, and her back slammed painfully against the bedside cabinet, the wood irritating both her back and her scars, that hurt like the fresh wounds themselves. Her eyes began to drift shut, her memory becoming spotty as she tried to remember what she was doing here, but she kept pulsing the energy, even as her eyes shut.
In response to the drain, her eyes slid shut- after she had tried to open them again- and her limbs felt heavy and weighted, difficult to move as if she had been forcibly been tied down. It wasn't long after that, that her breathing began to slow to an alarming pace, and she eventually lost conscious, unsure as to when she would wake.
The first thing she realised when she woke up was that she was surrounded by.. Peter, Anthony, and Anthony's wife? And a Doctor. But not HYDRA's Doctor.. no, she had left that place, hadn't she? This was.. Avenger's Tower? But where were all of the Avengers? She blinked her eyes, before choking around a.. breathing tube? Why was that in there?
Moving her arm in an attempt to grasp the irritating tube, the Doctor grasped her hand slightly. Fighting the urge to send the Doctor flying back- not sure why, but she did- she lowered her hand, twisting her wrist around the ball socket as it rested against the soft cloth.
"Take it easy, Miss Barnes. I will remove this tube in a brief moment, but first I need to examine your breathing."
As if it was a direct command, her body froze, the only movement being that of her chest rising and falling. Why was she being called Miss Barnes? She had no last name. It was just... Roe? Yeah, that sounded right. She could vaguely remember.. Peter?.. calling her that.
The Doctor frowned, placing a stethoscope on her chest, and putting the buds in her ears as she seemed to monitor her heart. Anthony and Peter were hovering near her, Anthony's eyes flicking to his phone every so often, but that didn't distract her from the twin pairs of eyes paying attention to hers. They almost seemed.. concerned. Why?
"I need to take her for an MRI scan. But first-"
The Doctor seemed to do something to the tube, as it rapidly compressed before folding back out. The Doctor moved to the side, depositing something, before putting something to her mouth. Air was quickly taken out of her mouth in some kind of vacuum, before the Doctor- what was her name again?- moved to the side, depositing yet another something. Then, she seemed to fiddle with the tube, before pulling it out quickly.
The uncomfortable feeling quickly grew, and she broke into a violent cough as her lungs seemed to spasm, trying to suck in air. An air mask was placed over her, feeding her fresh oxygen, which she gulped down, her eyes turning to face Anthony and Peter, the latter of which wearing an unhappy frown. Why? Had she done something wrong?
"Take a few slow breaths, Miss Barnes. I will be able to remove the breathing mask once your lungs readapt to breathing unaided."
She forced all trepidation to leave her body, and followed the Doctor's advice, taking several slow and measured breaths. A few minutes passed before the breathing mask was removed, placed gently to the left of her head. A bright light jarred her eyes as the white light was shined directly into her pupils, making spots appear in her vision for a brief moment. It was then repeated for the other side, leaving the beginning pulses of a headache lingering.
"Why.."
Her voice was raspy, cracked, sore and faint from the crude tube, and it was a strain to hear her without an enhanced hearing, which nobody in the room had. Not to her knowledge anyway. She took a brief sip of water, ignoring the bad memories that threatened to come up, and swallowed it. Why was she here again? What had happened?
"..are you calling me Sparrow?"
The Doctor didn't let any expression escape her face, carefully neutral and guarded, and Anthony's was much the same. Peter, however, widened his eyes ever so slightly, the only give away that something was amiss. Anthony's wife, Virginia, opened her eyes dramatically, her eyelashes fluttering wildly, also further hinting that something was wrong. But Roe wasn't sure what.
"I'm sorry, what would you like to be called?"
"Roe?.."
She didn't sound certain in her answer, and even she flinched when she heard the shakiness in her voice. Her knuckles clenched, as her heart picked up in preparation to bolt, and it was only the feeling of calm that kept her rooted there. That, and the fear of disappointing.. her father?.. no, Anthony was Peter's father. Anthony was.. her Guardian? And Virginia was her other Guardian. Yes, that made sense. For if she had another Guardian, then surely they would be there. Right?
"That's my name, right?"
The Doctor nodded, her face still not giving anything away. The Doctor looked at her before her eyes flicked to the three members of her family who were sitting looking at her like she had done something they disapproved of. She hadn't done anything like that in a while though, right? Surely not.
"Of course it is. Now, if you may excuse me, I need to talk to your-"
"Guardians, right?"
The Doctor nodded, eyes directed towards Anthony and Virginia, who had since adopted neutral faces. Peter still seemed a little shocked, which made her think she had done something to help or protect him. And while that was something she would do, for the life of her she had no idea what it was.
"Of course."
They slipped out the room, following after one another, and moved away down the corridor so that their voices were only a faint sound amongst everything else. She relaxed back into the bed for once, looking at the clock that read '19:00', but she had no idea what day it was, or what she had been doing before waking up. And that worried her- for how was she supposed to protect if she had no memory?
"What happened?"
She asked, upon the re-entrance of both Anthony, Virginia and Peter. They shared a glance but didn't say anything, looking at her with several weird looks. Tony stepped forward, before sitting in the chair closest to the bed, as Virginia and Peter followed his lead. Anthony's hands trembled ever so slightly before he firmly placed them together to help prevent the tremors.
"Just an accident."
Anthony's face was smooth, no hint of any dishonesty, yet something implored her to look deeper. Blinking her eyes, she fixed them on the three Guardians, who weren't giving anything away. Roe shrugged, not seeing a reason to try and pry further.
It was up to their digression as to what they were going to tell her. She blinked again, before trying to sit herself up, to which she was aided with by Virginia. She hated being so weak, so when she went to try and get out of bed, she was firmly forced back down by Anthony.
"Now Spa- Roe, you'll be staying here until you've recovered."
Anthony pinched his nose, but that was the only sign of anxiety. Other then that, the three of them were worried- because they were pale, and Peter's eyes were red as if he had been crying. Pepper was dressed like she had been in a meeting before she'd been interrupted. A thought occurred to her briefly- why did she have Guardians?
She was just a weapon.. fully maintainable and operable by herself. Wait.. that didn't seem right. She wasn't a weapon anymore.. was she? Or was she? Her head began to pound, and a grimaced expression escape before she could reign it in. That was unlike her. All these conflicting thoughts were frustrating her, and she couldn't make sense of them. Perhaps she was in HYDRA after all? But the Avengers' weren't HYDRA… were they? She didn't know any more.
"Am I.. Is this.. are you my Handlers? Was I… inadequate in my mission? Why am I.. arghhh!"
There was a hiss on the end of her sentence as she smacked her head with her hand, feeling a burst of energy well up in her. As her hands trembled for the first time since she could remember, small sparks of electricity and fire burst out, at first only small but rapidly increasing intensity. As the three of them looked at her with worry, Anthony reaching for her hand, which she jerked away from instinctively.
Clenching her knuckles tightly, and knowing she couldn't hurt her Masters (or whatever they were to her) lest she risk more injuries (even if she wasn't entirely sure whether she would get punished) she tore herself off of the bed, landing with a rough clatter. Anthony leapt towards her, lunging over the bed, barely missing her wrist. Bolting towards the door, with Anthony and Peter pursuing after her, she slammed into the door, the noise of it causing a reverberating bang that went down the corridor.
On the left to her, there was a window, and while she had no idea how high she was, jumping out was a better course of action then risking harming them because of these powers that not only could she not remember possessing, but she couldn't remember how to control. Roe had a particular sense of Deja Vu, but she didn't dwell on it, throwing herself out of the window, the shards of glass scraping her skin.
It turned out she was fairly high, and she could make out twin sets of curses as a hand swiped and barely missed. A shot of web followed after her, but it instantly burned up upon coming into close contact with her.
Flames began to wrap around her in some sort of vortex, as the ground quickly gained on her. Another pulse of energy flowed through her, and as much as she tried to prevent it, using grasps that she didn't even know she had, it tore through her violently, cracks of bones and a weird fire sensation building in her stomach.
At first, she thought she'd hit the ground- unsure as to whether she could survive that- but she managed to level off, soaring with some kind of instinct she had. Wait.. she was flying? Upon scanning herself over with her eyes, she quickly realised she wasn't human any more. Was she ever human in the first place?
Still, considering that her powers were very much quickly growing, becoming rapidly more uncontrollable by the minute, she made her way to that little mountain place that she hesitantly remembered. At least there she wouldn't hurt anyone.
Author's Note
Hi everyone!
How are you all? I hope you're all doing good. I'm on a long weekend while suffering from Storm Dennis, which is hitting us like a brick here in the UK. I'm talking about 70mph winds and torrential flooding.
Yeah, it ain't fun, especially not even a week after Storm Ciara.
Anyway, I'd better finish this off, I promised I'd go help my Mum with something.
QOTW: What is your favourite weather condition? Mine is snow because while we don't get it very often, I find it beautiful when it lays across the ground.
Thanks for all your reviews and comments, it means a lot to me!
~A cold and storm-suffering Bookworm.
