There's a new story up called A Change in Circumstances that just dropped today and it's lowkey referenced in this chapter!
I wanted to focus on Reese and GoGo's relationship. Also, last week I went on and on about how I don't outline and plan but I'm happy to say that when I start writing one thing, pieces fall together and I know what's coming next! And after that... And after that...
Every day since Halloween Reese had woken up to Luca's alarm. Which was Fabulous, from High School Musical 2. Every day since Halloween. It would have been one terrible thing to play a different song from the franchise every day since Halloween. But Luca decided that he wanted to tease his sister and he decided that he wanted to be Fabulous. Every single day since Halloween. It was almost Thanksgiving and Reese was going to lose it.
GoGo didn't have any siblings herself. She did have a pair of eyes though, so she could see how close her daughter was to snapping.
That's why, on the Monday before Thanksgiving, when the twins were on break and GoGo was using her vacation days, GoGo proposed a girls' day. And, horrified at the prospect of having to instead wander around San Fransokyo with Luca and his squadron of male models, Reese had agreed. Luca had been practicing portraits lately and the boys had been showing up in droves for their headshots. It seemed like every guy in school had been in Reese's bubble these past few weeks. Scout was the nicest of them but Scout was always there. It wasn't even that Reese wanted to spend time with her brother alone. Right now she was just desperate to get away from other people. So she jumped on the chance to have a girls' day.
"So uh… What do you want to do?" GoGo asked after they had gotten in the car, the apartment they'd abandoned already filling up with testosterone. She loved spending time with her kids but she wasn't the one in this family that made plans, so she looked to her daughter for suggestions as they planned their morning.
"Let's get frozen yogurt," Reese suggested. GoGo wondered if this was a bad idea this early and then decided that she didn't care.
"Sounds good. Is there anything you want to talk about? I know things have been kinda stressful lately."
Reese kicked the glove compartment and scowled, "stressful is a good word for it."
"Don't kick the car, Reese. And you can tell me what's been bothering you. I can talk with Luca about changing his alarm if you want."
"It's not the alarm. It's… Ugh! Why does he have to have so many friends? It's gross. It's disgusting." Reese hugged herself, rubbing her arms like she was dusting the grime of socialization off of her shoulders.
"There have been a lot of people around lately," GoGo hadn't been one to walk on eggshells until she'd had kids. Suddenly it was necessary to balance the feelings of both of her children and so she had to be fairly impartial.
"Too many people," Reese muttered, hugging herself tighter.
"Does it make you uncomfortable?" GoGo asked gently.
"I just don't get it… Why does he want so many people around him? It seems exhausting."
"You like your team, right?" GoGo asked.
"Yeah, of course."
"Luca just has a bigger team than you."
"But his team isn't working towards a common goal and they don't have a rational reason to hang out. They just hang out."
"They're friends, Reese, they like each other. People like you too."
"Yeah, whatever. I just don't get it. So many people poking and prodding in my business and when they find out that I'm Luca's sister suddenly all these eyes are on me and it's gross." Something clicked in GoGo's mind. She remembered how in college Wasabi had to get over his fear of public speaking. People looking at him had been a big deal to him and it hadn't been easy to overcome. Now Wasabi could easily speak in front of his students but he'd had to admit first that he had this fear before he could work on fixing it.
"It's okay if you're not comfortable with a lot of attention."
"I don't mind attention," Reese protested, "I like attention when I'm on the court."
"Reese, it's okay. There's nothing wrong with being afraid and there's nothing wrong with needing time to work through your fears."
"I'm not afraid! What would I be afraid of?" Reese was defensive now. GoGo sighed.
"You know, everyone has things that they're afraid of. I'm afraid of leprechauns. Your dad used to be afraid of public speaking. People looking at him made him freeze up." Reese glanced at her mother, glossing over the leprechaun comment.
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"So dad was kinda… Kinda sort of afraid of people?"
"Yeah. "
"So it's not forever?"
"It won't be as bad forever. What is it about people that scares you? If you feel comfortable telling me." They pulled into the parking lot of the yogurt place, San FransokYogurt.
"Uh… I'm just…" Reese stammered. She exhaled slowly.
"I don't know um… When a lot of people are talking all at once or looking at me or trying to pry into my brain I feel so tiny but it's different with basketball because I'm in control." GoGo nodded and put her hand on her daughter's.
"It's perfectly normal to want to be in control and to feel uncomfortable when you're not. Your dad might be able to help you work through this, and if you thought it would be beneficial you could start seeing a therapist." Reese recoiled at the words and GoGo's heart broke. She was angry at the world that had stigmatized mental health and she was angry that the stigma had hurt her family.
"There is nothing wrong with getting help, Reese Renee."
"How would you know?" Reese muttered, staring at her lap.
"Both your dad and I have gone to therapy. I started going after my dad died. He was abusive and when I stopped living with him I tried to move on like everything was fine but when my dad died I started seeing a therapist because I wasn't coping well. Bottling stuff up never helps, Reese. Seeking professional counseling did. Your dad and I will always support you and Luca and if you need therapy we'll get you that help. We love you both very, very much." Reese's mouth opened and closed in shock.
"I-I d-didn't know a-about your d-dad…" Her voice held an apology that GoGo didn't need to hear.
"It's okay, Reese. Maybe I should've told you two about it, maybe not. Let's go get yogurt, we can eat in the car and you can ask me anything you want to and I'll do my very best to answer. Or we could talk about anything you like, anything that's scaring you or hurting you or the things that have been making you happy lately. Girls' day." GoGo offered her fist for a fist bump, laughing to herself when she recalled Baymax's version of a fist bump.
"Girls' day," Reese agreed with a hesitant smile before they raided the yogurt shop for frozen delight and toppings. Reese got Oreos and gummy worms and hot fudge on peanut butter cheesecake flavored yogurt. GoGo got strawberry with chocolate chips, the satisfaction of seeing her kid smile, and a hole punch for her membership card. Three more and they got a free one. If only there were only four members in her family… With their goods in hand, they headed back to the car.
"We used to go get frozen yogurt after games every time my team won, why'd we stop that?" Reese wondered aloud.
"You got really good at basketball. Any team you're on is unstoppable, we couldn't just get frozen yogurt every week," GoGo laughed. Reese beamed, leaning towards the praise the way a cat leans toward a hand when it wants petting. For the most part, praise made her uncomfortable. She hated when Luca bragged on her in front of his friends. She didn't want people to be told that she was good. She wanted people to see that she was good. But it was different with her mom. Sometimes they got so frustrated with each other that Reese sometimes didn't hear much out of her mother except, "Woman up." There would always be good night and I love you and all of the normal affection, but when they could see eye to eye enough to raise legitimate praise, it felt nice.
Reese decided to return it, "You're a good mom," she said quietly.
"You do everything to make me and Luca happy so… Thank you." That caught GoGo by surprise and she rested her hand on Reese's shoulder. It meant even more that Reese didn't flinch away, that Reese hadn't been scared, at a young age, away from gestures that should have been comforting. It had taken GoGo a long time to open up to physical affection from others. She still didn't always like to be hugged and sometimes Wasabi asked to make sure she wanted him to hold her hand or put his arm around her. Reese could set whatever boundaries she wanted, but GoGo was happy that those boundaries weren't being set out of fear.
"Thank you, Reese. That means a lot to me. I… I'm the luckiest person in the whole world, to have two kids as wonderful as you." Reese blushed.
"We're not that great," she laughed, "well maybe Luca is…"
"Don't put yourself down. You both do that, you know? I see it. You both put yourself down to raise each other up when you're not bickering over something or other. You protect each other at the cost of your own self-esteem. I don't want you doing that anymore. Obviously defend and build up your brother, Reese, but, you're an amazing kid. You're my daughter and I love everything about you, down to the details you might think no one notices. I love you so please, don't put yourself down." Tears stung Reese's eyes and she was quick to brush them away. She hated crying.
"M-mom…? I love you too… Thank you for um… Thank you." GoGo set aside her yogurt then and pulled Reese into a hug.
"Reese, baby, you can talk to me and your dad any time you want. You can ask for help any time you want, you can ask anything whenever you feel like it's something you need to know. We're always going to be here for you, no matter what." For a moment, holding her daughter, everything was right in the world. GoGo hoped that the moment would never end.
