Its a Supercorp Life.
Tukma
Chapter Management
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Chapter 16: Trouble in Paradise
Summary:
Lena is dealing with the deaths of her brother, and Kara is dealing with the thought she will never be a mother, what they are not doing is dealing with each other. Sara makes a surprise visit and gives Lena a idea.
Chapter Text
Kara had been thinking about Lena's comment to Kon for a few days, she had begun to see Lena as a mother, since Kon arrived she had been such a good caregiver for him. Hearing her say that she never planned to be a mother had really thrown her. Everyone had gone home and she had decided to stay at home, Lena may have needed her after the day she had and she knew it but she needed some time. It had been a few days and she had not gone to see Lena. She was sitting on her couch eating ice cream when the door opened, of course she knew that Alex was coming, she could have got off the couch but she didn't.
"Hey Kara, I came to check on you and well i can see that there is something wrong"
Kara looked up at her sister, wrapped in her comfortable blanket and surrounded by ice cream containers. She looked at Alex, why was she here, it had only been a couple of days and she had been out as supergirl, she didn't know what had tipped her off but she had clearly been sent over. She didn't know what to say, she knew what Alex would advise after all she had been here and although it was the hardest thing she had ever had to do she knew that she needed to break up with Maggie. Kara wasn't the same as her sister, she had resigned herself years ago to the fact she wouldn't be a mother, she wouldn't be able to carry one here on earth her body wouldn't change to accommodate it, and she wasn't planning on going back to argo. Then with Kon and the Matrix being here, and the way Lena had been she had built up her own hope. It had only been a few weeks, she thought she just needed a little time after all she spent more time knowing she wouldn't be than hoping that she would.
"I just, it's um, I just needed some space, things have been a little bit full on lately and I just needed time to myself, everyone else had their think, you, Sam even Lena have a place they can go to get away for a bit, I just needed that too."
Alex looked at her this wasn't just about time this was something else she could see on Kara's face, there was something very wrong with her sister and she wanted to know what. When Sam had come back from Lena's for the third day in a row and told her that she needed to go and see her sister, she had finally listened. Sam had been with Lena every night.
"That's bull Kara, the krinkle tells me that there is something wrong, something that you're not talking about and I am here for you, I always am."
Kara didn't want to talk about it, not with Alex, she and Sam were on the same page, she was sure they were already planning on asking Lena to help them have another child, and it would be perfect half Sam half Alex and whatever they decided they would be happy a perfect family, Kara was struggling with this, it was always hard for her when she experienced negative emotions, right now she was jealous.
"For now, but soon you will be way to busy with a baby to bother with me, and that's fine, you will have everything you need, Sam, Ruby and baby Danvers"
Alex knew that Kara was always worried about losing people she had had so much loss, and it was the thing that worried her most, Alex slid onto the couch lifting Kara's legs to sit close to her sister.
"Is that what you're worried about, that there won't be time for you when we have another child, that I am going to leave and forget about you? Kara that will never happen, you are my sister and always will be"
Kara could feel the anger stirring in her and she knew that it wasn't really directed at Alex but she couldn't help it. Her head started to spin with all the thoughts she had been trying to push away. She was here because she was to look after Kal, that never happened, so she tried to be a hero, thinking protecting earth would be enough, but she was lonely and she thought that she would never have love then there was Lena, but she could never have everything not like humans. There was always something just out of her grasp and the more she had the more that highlighted that she would never have everything that she wanted, she knew it was self centred but she couldn't help it.
"That is not it Alex, I never get what I need what I want and I just get to watch everyone else move on and be happy while all the time I have to push aside what I want, you and sam, your happy and in love and then you are going to have children and grow your family, everyone that I love will eventually die and I will be alone, there will be no children to be with me, no one left behind to remind me of the only love I have ever had. I came here alone and I am destined to be here alone."
"You have Clark and Kon and Johnathan….."
Alex cut herself off and looked at Kara, suddenly it all sank in what Kara had said, she wasn't talking about her blended family she was talking about a family of her own. They had never talked about children for Kara. she had said long ago that she couldn't have any and that was the end of it, Alex had not wanted to upset her, she never thought that there was any desire in Kara, but something had changed. She remembered the moment that it changed for her, and how intense that feeling was. She pulled Kara into her and held her close.
"I am sorry Kara I didn't hear you at first but I have now, you mean a child of your own, it's not about having someone, it's about being a mom, I know that feeling, we haven't ever talked about it, I guess that the Matrix being fixed had made you think about it. I am sure that once you have been together for a little longer you and Lena can have a child, you have been together less than a year"
Kara broke down and started to cry burying her head into her sister, she had heard her, the longing in her heart, the desire to have a child of her own, someone she can love and protect and watch grow. A piece of Lena forever with her. She knew that wasn't ever going to happen, not the way that Lena was, not with what she had told Kon.
"Alex you don't understand, Lena is my Maggie, she told Kon, she said to him that she didn't need him, that she loved him and wanted him in her life, but she was not planning on children, maybe not ever. She was helping him, he felt that he would be left behind and she was comforting him, she was so perfect, she helped him comforted him, made him feel loved and wanted and important, she would be a amazing mother, and then she broke my heart saying she didn't want children"
Alex didn't want to chastise Kara for eavesdropping, not now although she had told her enough times that she will eventually hear something that she didn't want to. She didn't want to think about Maggie, that was a painful chapter but it led her to Sam and Ruby and that was her soul mate and she was happy. She ran over what Kara said that Lena had said to Kon, she didn't say never she said maybe not ever, that was different to Maggie. Maggie was emphatic in her decision to never have children, she was unmovable and even at their most hurt Maggie was consistent. Lena was not set.
"You haven't spoken to Lena have you? Why wouldn't you talk to her Kara, she is your girlfriend, she needs you at the moment, she just lost her mother and brother, and she has never had our kind of family, one that cares one that is there, now may not be the perfect time but you need to talk to her not shut her out. She didn't say no just maybe not, remember that having a child would be a big thing for Lena, she loves you and you and her need to talk about this."
Kara looked at Alex, she had not expected that response, she hadn't thought about what being brought up in the Luthor house, with Lillian and Lionel would have done to her opinion about children. She felt terrible suddenly, she had done just what everyone else had and just left her when she needed them. The realisation hit her she had been so wrapped up in herself that she had barely thought about Lena. She had been selfish.
"I need to go and see Lena, she is hurting too and I should have been with her, not thinking about myself. Oh Rao I have messed up again haven't I, she must be so upset and mad at me."
Alex looked at her sister, she wasn't wrong, Lena was hurt and she was upset, she probably felt abandoned and that was on Kara but she had Sam, and she was alright she was confused more than mad as far as Sam had said, she was blaming herself she didn't know what she had done to push Kara away. Alex didn't want her to be beating herself up about it either; she knew that Kara had a difficult time with strong emotions, Alex also knew how hard it was to desperately want something and think that she wouldn't get it.
"Kara, she will be fine, if you just go to her, talk, you two were the best of friends for years before you got together you are a amazing couple and your foundation is strong, just talk to her, but Kara take it easy on her"
Kara smiled and hugged her sister deciding that a shower was the best idea before she went to visit Lena, she listened to her heart beat. She was at the office, she had gone into work, she would take her Lunch. Alex smiled and hugged her once more before leaving.
Lena was in her office. She wasn't really concentrating on what she was doing, she was distracted. She had spent the last three days thinking about what it was that she had done to upset Kara, or what had happened that Kept her from visiting, they had not spent this long apart for months. Supergirl had been busy but not enough to keep her away, she had published a number of articles, one on Lillian and Lex. She had not been training Sam, she had not seen Kon, Lena was confused and worried. Was Kara distancing herself for a reason, were they over before they began. Then there was a flash of light and she looked up to see Sara.
"Well hello there beautiful, how delectable you look today, if you were not a taken woman, you would be in trouble right now. Damn I love a Sexy woman in power, and that desk does look sturdy"
Lena looked at Sara,, she looked a little younger than the last visit but she didn't appreciate the back step of flirting that was the last thing that she wanted right now. She pinched the bridge of her nose and stood up from behind her desk walking over to get a scotch, a visit from Sara could only be something new to cause her stress in her life. She poured two and turned and handed it to Sara.
"Clearly it hasn't been Ava's birthday yet, we have done this, you're no longer a play girl, you're happy you're settled and I don't need the flirty overly sexually aggressive woman that everyone else knows, right now I am in no mood for games just spit it out. Whatever is coming just tell me so I can start to prepare."
Sara looked at the paper, the information about Lex and Lillian was there to see and realised that she needed to be a little careful with Lena right now, why had her future self told her to come to this point in time. She sighed and relaxed walking over to Lena and giving her a hug.
"I am sorry Lena I did not realise what date it was, well what this date meant, how are you holding up?"
Lena was surprised by the softness of Sara and hugged her back, very few people had really meant their condolences but she could feel that Sara really did. She smiled, it was small but it was there, she guided her over to the couch, that couch the LCorp couch had seen so much and if it could talk it would have so many stories to tell, Lena felt that this would be another of those moments.
"I am as good as expected I suppose, my brother I loved very much, turned into a mad man and I ended up watching him explode. My mother who I never felt loved me sacrificed herself for me and told me she was proud of me, something that I never thought I would hear. It's like I was given a glimpse of what could have been and mourning that loss too, it has not been easy, but that is not why you are here, tell me what I can do for you"
Sara understood loss, she also understood that there were infinite possibilities and there was somewhere out there that Lena's family didn't combust this way, she may have even been able to have the relationship she wanted with her mother. Lena was right though she did have a purpose for being here now, she didn't know why now was so important but the older version of herself had insisted.
"I have had an unusual experience, and for me that is saying a lot. An older version of myself came to visit me, she had with her a teenager, she was the perfect combination of Ava and myself, she was beautiful and sassy, smart and so very sweet. She was mine and Ava's daughter, biologically, it blew my mind, and that takes a lot, Ava and I had been talking about adopting and were preparing to fill the paperwork when they appeared. She said that i had to come here now and talk to you, that all would become clear"
Lena looked at her, she knew why she was here at this point the Matrix was completed, and ready for its first inhabitant. She was planning on making more but right now she could only do one at a time and Lena needed something to take her mind off things, Sam and Alex had not asked yet, Nia and Brainy were only recently back together, she wanted to help her family first. She thought about it for a moment, and thanks to Sara, she had been helped to understand her past, given a future and she actually helped her find it. When there were more Matrices it would be time for Kara, if she ever came back to break the story.
"Well my brother created a Kryptonian style Matrix to create a super army, he had a few things wrong, and messed with it to create what he wanted, I have taken it apart and created a working birthing matrix where I can create a genetic child of couples that wouldn't be able to have them, and there is two options regarding incubation. It is ready to create the first child but I haven't got anyone who wants to try yet."
Sara looked at her, she was astonished that there was a machine that could help her and Ava produce this child, and it was possible now. They would only have to wait nine months to have a baby of their own, that beautiful woman that she saw was a possibility, she smiled brightly and looked at Lena.
"Would you allow me to use the matrix? I know that we are from a different Earth and that could have an interaction with your machine but would you be willing to try? What would you need?"
Lena looked at Sara, it felt good to be able to help her and she was excited to do so. Maybe they could repaire some of the Luthor reputation after all the inspiration was from Lex, maybe his Legacy can be children for Gay couples, he would hate that and that would make it not only ironic but funny a Luthor responsible for equality.
"Yes Sara, I will happily help you and Eva have a baby, now we will need a egg and DNA samples, I haven't got any eggs yet, the plan was to have a stock to use when we are up and running, they can be blanked out for the new DNA, but id one of you would be prepared to have a egg harvested then we can do this, with your ability to travel through time, you can take the necessary steps to get a egg and a DNA sample from the other, and be back here at the end of the day, and we can start."
Sara Looked at her that was possible on her earth, one of them could have the treatment and the eggs harvested then come back here later today it was as Lena said quite simple for her to be back later today it wouldn't be this version of her but a few months in their time, and only a few hours here and they would be able to start the process.
"Lena I cant thank you enough, after seeing that beautiful girl I didn't know how I was going to make it happen but I couldn't imagine a future without her in it and you have given me the chance to get to know her, to raise her, and to give Eva the thing she wants most in the world. If you ever need anything Lena, contact Cisco I will be here for you."
Lena smiled and hugged Sara, she had already done so much for her that she owed her nothing for this. She was starting to think that this was going to be a wonderful experience. Sara smiled and hugged her back stepping away and saying that she would be back later, there was a flash of light and then she was gone. Lena sat on the couch and picked up her scotch, she suddenly felt that she didn't need it, putting it to one side she moved back to her desk to continue working. Maybe now she would actually be able to concentrate on the work at hand.
Kara had finished her shower and got herself ready, then she headed out, she went to Japan to get fresh sushi for Lena, she wanted to treat her to something that was special as way of apology, she also stopped at Paris to get her some chocolates, and then the last stop Brazill for some coffee, she wanted to show Lena that she was sorry for not being there and also that she was so very important to her. She felt that she had really messed up, Lena needed her right now, and she should have been there for her. She flew to LCorp and landed on the balcony, tapping lightly on the door waiting for Lena to answer.
Lena had been sat looking over a report from R&D when she heard the small tap, she almost missed it, Kara had not knocked ever, her heart sank and she took a breath before standing and looking at her stood on the balcony, she was shifting from foot to foot holding a number of things in her hand. She looked nervous and that didn't help with Lena's own anxiety and she offered a small smile and waved her in. Kara opened the door and entered the office as Lena locked the door using the button on her desk.
Kara looked at Lena, she clearly had not been sleeping well, although she still took her breath away she could see the circles under her eyes that the make up was doing a good job of covering, she felt worse, she had been a terrible girlfriend, she had abandoned her when she was hurting when she needed her and that wasn't alright, not even a little bit. All she could hope is that it wasn't too late, that she would forgive her, she hoped that she would also understand.
"Lena I am so sorry, I was so in my own head that I neglected to realise that right now, I needed to put myself aside and be there for you, I am here now and I am not going anywhere, I hope that you can forgive me for messing up, I am just not great at this and I know that is no excuse but I want to do better, please forgive me."
Lena didn't feel that she was any better at relationships than Kara and she was sure that there would be a million things that they would both get wrong but the overwhelming feeling was one of relief, she had not done anything that meant that Kara was leaving, she had been in her own head, she didn't know why, maybe it was because Lillian and Lex had died along with one of the cyborgs that her mother created, Kara always took it bad when someone dies, even if they were not the best examples of humanity. Kara was here now and as confused as she was right now she wanted one thing and that was for Kara to hold her. She moved forward taking the items off Kara and placed them on the desk.
Kara watched, she was waiting for a response from Lena, her heart was beating so fast and it seemed to take forever before Lena moved, she still had not spoken but she was no longer frozen to the spot. Kara watched her heart in her throat as Lena finally moved. She wasn't sure what Lena was going to do, she let go of the items as Lena took them and waited asLena slowly moved forward and then grabbed hold of her. She melted into the embrace, her breath she was holding finally released as her body relaxed into the hug, she held her close and inhaled the scent of Lena's perfume and hair, she had missed this, she wanted nothing more than to have Lena in her arms and was so glad that she was finally there. She had not realised just how much she needed to just hold her.
"Kara, I don't know what it was that kept you away Kara but please dont ever just ghost me again, talk to me whatever it is just dont leave me alone, I thought you had left me, that I had finally done something to make you realise that I am not good enough for you."
Karas heart broke as she heard Lena say those words, she had not thought about what Lena would think ofcourse the woman that was always rejected often before people had even met her would feel that she was not good enough if she was ghosted like that, she had been so stupid. She knew that she wanted a child that she wanted to be a mother and that Lena didn't, not now, and maybe never, but the thing Kara wanted most was Lena, they had been through so much to get there that she would be stupis to just throw it all away, she needed to talk to her to explain and hopefully, if this wasn't something that Lena wanted she would be able to move past it.
"Oh Rao Lena no, you deserve so much better than me, you will always be good enough for me, it was just something that I heard you say to Kon, shall we sit down, I have Lunch for you we can talk."
They moved over to the couch bringing with them the food, and Lena opened up the packets, although it was more to do something with her hands than to access the food. She was nervous and thinking about what she said that had upset Kara. she bit her lip and Kara could hear the anxiety in her heart rate. She reached out and took Lena's hands in her own and turned to look at her, she was concerned about Lena, when she lost Jack she had been in a state of numbness and Kara had pulled her out this wasn't the same, and Lena wasn't numb she was hurting and Kara could see it.
"Lena baby please just stop, what are you feeling? Talk to me. I know I wasn't here but I am now and I want to help."
"Well there is a lot that is going through my mind, my brother, who I loved so much, was irredeemable and died a villain, that is difficult, I want to remember his good parts and that was actually helped by Clark or all people. My mother who I always believed to be a villain beyond redemption, not only sacrificed herself for me, but loved me and was proud of me, and that was confusing, burying them made it final, and i know i have a amazing family that has been created with love and friendship but I feel sad, sad for the brother that is gone, and the mother I feel I never knew. However, just then I was trying to remember what I might have said that hurt you, because that is the last thing that I would ever want to do."
Kara didn't want to take time away from Lena's grief, she had already been left wanting by her but that was the thing that was bothering her right now. She took a deep breath and looked at Lena, she could see the anxiety in her eyes, the normally iridescent pools of emerald and jade clouded with worry.
"Lena, I have always thought that because here on earth where my body is steel essentially I would never be able to have a child, then with your brother's invention that you have corrected there was a possibility, not just that I could have a child, but that we could you and I. That the love I have for you could produce a child that will be with me, I am looking at a long life here and the thought made the pain I will suffer losing you would be eased by having a part of you with me."
Lena's eyes went wide, she remembered the conversation with Kon, about children, she had not been thinking about what she was saying as much as trying to make him feel better but she had never really seen herself as someone with a child. She had no reference for it, she had few memories of her mother, although she remembered being happy and until Lillian died she thought mothers were just harsh, unyielding and always disappointed in you. She had not thought about what it would do to Kara as she grew older and died, or what it would be like for her to be alone for a long time on this planet. Lena went to speak and Kara held up her hand for a moment.
"Lena I know that we haven't been together long, and I know that family to you and me are different concepts. Seeing you with Kon, I knew that you would be an amazing mother and it gave me so much hope for the future, I don't need to know that you will have a baby with me today, I just want you to think about it, if it is something that you will never want then I will manage that, because you are what I want most."
Lena knew that this had destroyed Alex and Maggie and she was not sure that she would ever feel like she could be a mother, she had said about taking Kon in with no thought, she would have taken him in a heartbeat, she had loved him instantly, maybe she could at some point want a child, she had at least nine months to think about it. She didn't want Kara to be unhappy, she didn't want her to leave, but having a child didn't save a relationship there was plenty of evidence for that. She didn't want to lose Kara but didn't want her to wake up one day hating her either. Could she let Kara go, did she love her enough to set her free to have the life she deserved if she couldnt be a mother?
"I will think about it, Kara, I am scared that I will mess it up and I am worried that I will disappoint you and any child that we had. I am going to help Sara and Ava have a child, let me think about it for a while, I need some time, but please don't leave again talk to me. I won't make you choose, if I can not do this, I will understand if you chose differently than you have just said, that kind of need doesnt go away."
Kara went to speak but sirens went past signalling that Kara would be leaving. She smiled softly, they would need to talk more and Lena needed time to think about this, she was caught off guard. Kara kissed her softly and promised to come over this evening, and then she was gone. Lena sat on the couch thinking as time passed she didn't even realise that it had gotten to the end of the day, the food untouched in front of her and her gaze somewhere else she didn't even notice when the flash happened and Sara appeared.
"Hey Lena, what happened, you seem a little distracted"
Lena looked up and saw Sara there and another woman, she guessed was Ava, she smiled at them and cleared her mind of her thoughts. She stood and hugged Sara and turned to the other woman. Holding out her hand.
"You must be Ava"
Ava smiled and nodded pulling Lena in for a hug she was crying, Lena knew who had been through the treatment, she held the woman for a moment and then led them out of the office. They went down to the lab and Sara handed her the items. They stood and watched as Lena carefully placed the Egg into the chamber and the DNA was read. She then added the sample from Sara and the DNA was combined and the machine lowered the egg into the newly created amniotic fluid substitute, a clear and untainted version, that was full of all the nutrients needed for the next nine months. On the screen they watched as the cells started to divide and Lena smiled, the process was working. Ava and Sara watched as they created Life with the help of Lena.
"Sara, can I ask you for something I am sure it's against the rules but, would you take me to my future, I want to see something, or someone maybe."
Sara raised her brow it was definitely against the rules, but Lena had just given them their daughter she nodded and smiled.
"I will take you but you and I will need to talk about it first there are rules we will need to follow ok"
Notes:
Comments are always welcome. Thank you for reading.
