Trigger Warning: This chapter discusses sexual assault/violence.
Vanessa had just woke up and fed Abel, cleaning up the mess that the little baby had made. It had been just a few days since Jax had come home from Eureka, completely tense, leaving her to not tell him about the incident with the Nazi pricks following and threatening her and Abel. Gemma had told her it would just cause more stress for Jax, and that was the last thing Vanessa wanted to tack on to him, especially since he had told her all about the shit that happened with Clay. She had thought that things would start to calm down, but that was probably just wishful thinking.
Sometimes it feels like nothing will ever calm down here. She thought to herself, tensely. She couldn't help but feel a bit of guiltiness out of not telling Jax what happened, especially considering it happened to his son too.
Zobelle and his 'associates' going after the women and the children of the club to try to get their point across had frightened her. It did not sit well with her at all, leaving her feeling like something else was going to happen at any second.
"I won't let anything happen to you, baby boy." She whispered to Abel, placing a gentle but long kiss on his forehead as he sat in the high chair. She inhaled the smell of the baby shampoo and felt a sensation of comfort, accompanied with fear. The last thing that she wanted was for someone to get hurt because of her tactic of keeping Jax out of the loop when it came to the Nazis. She especially didn't want Abel to get hurt. Vanessa picked up Abel and placed him on her hip, looking over to the door when she heard the door knob turning. She watched as Gemma walked inside.
"Hey." Gemma greeted her and Abel, who was still sitting on her hip.
"Morning." Vanessa yawned. Gemma took Abel from her arms, and Vanessa could already see the pout on his face, his eyes already watering. He started wailing loudly, reaching his arms back to her. Gemma handed the baby back to Vanessa, and he instantly started calming down as she watched the young woman rubbing his back gently.
"Making him a little mama's boy?"
"Like father like son." Vanessa joked, kissing Abel on the head.
"Ha ha." Gemma said sarcastically. "Speaking of, where is my son?" She helped herself to a cup of coffee.
"Cleaning out the garage. Finally." Vanessa smiled triumphantly, she's been trying to talk him into doing it for weeks now.
"Got him on a real tight leash, huh?" Gemma went to sit down and Vanessa saw her flinch and groan.
"You still that sore?" She whispered, quietly.
"It's getting worse. I'm just so goddamn stiff."
"Are you dry?"
"Like the Mojave vagina."
"It's the stress. Your body isn't producing enough estrogen." Vanessa told her. "I'll talk to Tara, see if she can write you a prescription." Vanessa trailed off as she heard Jax coming in the house, seeing him carry a large box in his arms.
"Hey, ma."
"Hi, honey."
"Did you take a box of clothes from the garage?" Jax asked Vanessa, kissing her on the cheek along with his son.
"I haven't done anything out there."
"I'm missing a box."
"Uh, I cleaned some shit out there before the baby came home. It was a box of laundry. It had a serious stink to it." Gemma said.
"Well, where is it?"
"Tossed it." Gemma shrugged. Vanessa watched their conversation, feeling like she was missing out on something. "Just a bunch of old t-shirts, funky underwear. Why?" Vanessa watched the small smirk on Jax's face like he knew that Gemma was hiding something from him. "What are you looking for?"
"An old Harley manual, hard to find."
"Sorry." Vanessa was about to speak when she heard the door open and saw Chibs walking in, greeting everyone.
"Good morning, children." He walked up to her, kissing her on the cheek.
"Hey, Chibs."
"I thought the prospect was with you?"
"Oh, no, no, no. The wee man goes under the knife today. He's getting his sack filled."
"Excuse me?" Gemma sounded disgusted, her mouth opened in surprise.
"He's completing himself. We're supposed to meet Clay at the shop."
"I'm ready. Dump these in the truck." Jax said, bending over to grab the box as Chibs pretended to thrust into him, both men laughing. Vanessa chuckled but rolled her eyes at the two immature, but completely grown men.
"Remembering breakfast with daddy?" Jax joked, handing the box over to Chibs.
"Oh yeah, kippers and oatcakes. Delicious."
"You guys are fucked up." Vanessa shook her head, watching Jax put on his kutte and then walk over to her and Abel.
"See ya later, darlin'." Jax kissed her, running his hand down her back. He gave Abel a kiss on the forehead. "You too, little man. Bye, ma."
"Bye, babe." Vanessa watched Jax and Chibs leave through the front door, a small frown on her face. When she looked back to Gemma, she could see a questioning look on the woman's face.
"What?"
"You still didn't tell him about your little run in at Murphy's?"
"No. You told me not to, remember?" She sighed. "I want to though. Me and Jax don't have any secrets, Gemma. Full disclosure between us."
"Well, you can't tell him." Gemma spoke fiercely, her head bobbing animatedly.
"And why not?"
"It's not your secret to tell. You tell him that they came after you and they'll figure out the shit that happened to me."
"It has nothing to do with you, Gemma. They came after us while we were fucking grocery shopping." Vanessa moved Abel to the other side of her hip, her anger getting the best of her. "They could have hurt him or me. I understand that you don't want anyone else to know. I get it. But they could have done much worse than just threatening me, and they still could. I need to protect me and my son."
"He is not your son, sweetheart." Gemma snapped. Vanessa bit back the insult that she wanted to spit at the older woman. "I know firsthand what they could have done to you, remember?" Gemma's eyes narrowed. "I appreciate you looking out for him, and for me. Those Nazi assholes aren't gonna come near you or my grandson. Jax wouldn't let that happen."
"They already did come after me, Gem! They threatened me while Abel was just a few feet away from them. They went after you! Don't you think the club deserves to know what they are actually dealing with?" She took a deep breath, willing herself to calm down a bit. "These guys aren't like the other gangsters and criminals that the club has to deal with. They have no problem going after women and children. And I… I just can't help but feel like something bad is gonna happen. To me, or to Jax, or to him." Her eyes flicked over to Abel, who was looking at her with wide eyes.
"Nothing's gonna happen, baby. This shit with Zobelle is gonna pass and everything will go back to normal. Well, as normal as this life gets." Gemma rose from her seat and kissed Abel and then Vanessa on the cheek before walking over to the front door, getting ready to leave. "You don't need to be worried, sweetheart."
"I am always worried." Vanessa whispered to herself, holding Abel a little closer to her chest.
"You want us outside?" Jax asked Clay, both of them looking around Main Street and inside of the cigar shop.
"Oh, if you don't mind." Clay spoke with a polite, yet attitude filled tone, causing Jax to roll his eyes behind his sunglasses. The tension between the two men was still very palpable from their time spent in Eureka just a few days prior. Jax didn't know how much more he could take of his president before he went off the deep end and just started throwing punches, but he held back, watching Clay walk inside of the shop.
Jax was looking around at the guys sporting Aryan ink outside of the shop, recognizing a few from Clay's party a few weeks back. They heard the bell on the door chime, all of them looking over to see Jacob Hale leaving the shop.
"Jacob, how has your sister been lately?" One of the guys asked him loudly, like they wanted Jax to overhear. His back instantly straightened up at the prospect of one of these assholes even thinking about Vanessa. Jacob looked over at Jax, a little nervous of how to answer, especially considering he hasn't talked to his sister since their little spat with each other at the diner over a month ago.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Jax stalked towards the guy who had a small smirk on his face, knowing that Vanessa was definitely his weak spot. Jax grabbed the guy by the collar of his shirt, instantly being pulled back by Chibs, Tig, and Opie. "You stay the fuck away from her."
"AJ…" Jacob started. "This isn't necessary."
"You bring these assholes here? To shit all over your own town?" Jax spat at Hale, who refused to make eye contact with the angry biker.
"Gentleman." Hale whispered, hastily walking away from the group gathered outside of the cigar shop.
"Let's go, Jackie Boy." Chibs said quietly to Jax, walking with him back over to their bikes. Jax sat down on his bike and pulled out a cigarette, wanting nothing more than to pull out his glock and just shoot a few rounds into these Nazi pricks. But he just took a deep breath. "They're just trying to get under your skin, brother. Vanessa is the easiest way for them to do that."
Jax just nodded his head and stared at the group of the men. When the bells on the door chimed again, Jax saw Clay walking out of the shop with a few boxes of cigars, throwing one to Opie, Tig, and Chibs, while another cigar hung out of his mouth. Clay had a small, prideful smirk on his face as they all got back on their bikes and left the shop, heading back over to TM.
"Where's the baby?" Gemma asked, looking into the back seat as she got in the black SUV.
"With Neeta. I talked to Tara at work today, she wrote the prescription for you. We just need to head over to the pharmacy and pick it up." Gemma nodded her head and put her seat belt on as Vanessa drove just a few miles out, onto Main Street where Roe's Pharmacy was located.
Both women got out of the car and walked into the pharmacy where Vanessa went to another aisle while Gemma picked up the prescription and stared at it.
"That all you need, Gem?" Vanessa wondered, looking at the baby items in her hand for Abel. Gemma looked up and nodded again, an eyebrow raising when she saw a light up toy, stuffed animals, and a small pack of diapers in Vanessa's hands.
"Sometimes I see some stuff and I know he would love it, so I pick it up for him."
"Jax know how much you're spoiling my grandbaby?"
"I'm not spoiling him!" Vanessa chuckled, handing the money to the cashier and picking up her bags. They both began walking outside, Gemma's eyes still locked on the prescription in her hands.
"So I just rub this shit on?" Gemma asked, skeptically.
"On your wrists. Two pumps, no more. If you notice a big hormonal spike, it means you've used too much."
"My whole life is a hormonal spike, sweetheart." Vanessa rolled her eyes at Gemma and put her bags in the back seat of the SUV. She was about to get into the driver's seat when she saw Gemma start running off in the opposite direction.
"Gemma!" She called out, but the woman refused to look or turn back. Instead, she just chased after a short blonde who began running, for what looked like her life. "God dammit."
Vanessa ran after them, glad that she was still wearing her comfortable work sneakers. She turned the corner, seeing Gemma with her gun in her hand and the little blonde bitch jumping into an old, beaten up truck.
"Gemma." She whispered, placing her hand on the woman's shoulder. Vanessa was pushed back violently and suddenly, her nose was gushing blood as she realized that she just took an elbow to the face. "Fuck, Gemma!"
"Oh, shit!" Gemma held on gently to Vanessa's shoulder, trying to have her stand up straight. "I'm so sorry."
"Jesus Christ!" Vanessa felt tears coming to her eyes at the pure shock and pain she felt at the moment. "I think you broke my nose."
"I'm sorry, sweetheart. Sorry." She mumbled, looking back at the truck that was driving away. She looked back to Vanessa, who was holding the sleeve to her black sweater against her nose. They both walked back to the car, where Vanessa got into the passenger seat, still holding her nose.
"What the fuck was that, Gemma?"
"N-nothing. Nothing. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'll bring you to St. Thomas, get your pretty face all fixed up."
Vanessa just finished getting her nose set back in place by one of her coworkers, her head still pounding from the sharp elbow she took. She grabbed at her head and continued walking until she bumped into someone.
"S-sorry." She mumbled.
"Vanessa?" She looked up, seeing her boss Margaret Murphy, standing in front of her. A disapproving look on her face. "What happened to you?"
"Nothing. Just a broken nose."
"Are you okay?" She asked, sounding slightly worried.
"I'm fine, Margaret. Sorry." Vanessa started walking off, wanting nothing more to do with the red headed bitch.
"If you need help, if you need to get away from him, I can help you. I have connections, people who can get you out of there and protect you from men like him."
"What?" Vanessa turned around quickly, confused by the sentiment. "Wait, you- you think Jax did this to me?"
"I saw him that day in the waiting room, yelling and screaming. It doesn't surprise me that he has a violent streak with women."
"He's not like that!" Vanessa's voice rose. "He's not violent. And he didn't do this to me. He would never. And I don't appreciate you insinuating that he hits me."
"Frankly, it's not that far-fetched of an idea, considering what those men are capable of."
"You don't even know any of them!" Vanessa spat. "Pardon my tone, but I think you need to mind your goddamn business and stay out of my personal life, Margaret. Jax is a good man. He has never and would never lay a hand on me."
"I apologize for my assumption. But when your personal life seems to hit you in the face hard enough, as chief administrator and your superior, it does become my business. It is my responsibility to protect this hospital, including the reputation of both the hospital and the staff."
"My personal life won't be hitting me in the face anymore."
"Vanessa, you are a terrific nurse with a lot of potential. Your knowledge and your drive as a nurse can take you very far in your career. It concerns me to see you being weighed down by that motorcycle gang. I hope you know what you're doing with them."
"Thanks for the concern." Vanessa's voice was laced with sarcasm and irritation. She forced herself to move quickly away from the woman, knowing that she would do something she would regret if she stayed even a second longer. The bullshit that Margaret was spewing about her old man infuriated her. She took a deep breath and looked inside the chapel, seeing Gemma sitting alone, her head in her hands.
"Hey." Vanessa whispered, sitting next to Gemma on one of the pews. Vanessa gave her a small smile.
"I'm sorry." Gemma avoided eye contact with her. "I didn't mean for that to happen."
"Oh, I know. If you meant it, I doubt I would be walking away with just a broken nose." Vanessa tried to joke, but knew that neither of them were in a laughing mood. "Are you okay? That running couldn't have felt good."
"I just broke your nose and you're asking me if I'm okay?" Gemma scoffed.
"It's the healer in me. Need to make sure everyone else is fixed before myself."
"I see that." She sighed. "You're a good girl, Vanessa."
"Who was the girl?" She waited for Gemma to answer but she never did. Vanessa took Gemma's hand in hers and tightened her grip just enough to let Gemma know that she was there for her and that she wasn't going anywhere. "You need to talk to someone about what happened, Gemma."
"That's why I have you."
"If you don't kill me before you actually start talking to me." Vanessa spoke seriously. "You have barely told me anything, Gemma. The little bit of information you did tell me was because you needed to so I could help you, medically."
"Yeah." Was all the older woman said.
"I know what it's like to keep something like this inside. To keep it hidden away from everyone else."
"I doubt that." Gemma scoffed.
"You know why I was carrying that gun a few months ago?"
"The Fed." Gemma made eye contact with her for the first time. "Got a restraining order and left New York, or Reno, or wherever, to get away from him."
"You know why I needed to get away from him?" Gemma didn't answer her, just waited for Vanessa to explain more. "He stalked me in New York. Filed the restraining order against him, contacted his superiors, but nothing really happened. They didn't do anything. They didn't even care. Then one night I came home late. He broke into my apartment and he knocked me out. He raped me."
"Jesus."
"Yeah." Vanessa nodded her head, swallowing the lump in her throat. "So I ran away from New York because I was scared to have to deal with anything like that again. I ended up keeping it hidden for months. I didn't tell anyone. Not my friends or family. I didn't even tell the friend who helped me go underground to get away from him. It took me months to finally tell someone."
"And you told Jax? That's why he brought you back here?"
"N-no. I told Tristen after she was attacked. I know what bottling something like this up inside does to a person, and I couldn't let her do it to herself. It drove me insane, made me paranoid of everyone and everything around me. I always felt unsafe and it made me hate myself. I hated what I was becoming. So I know what this is doing to you Gemma, and I know that you need to really talk to someone before you hurt someone else. Or yourself."
"Why didn't you tell anyone before Tristan?" Gemma asked her, her voice heavy with emotion and her eyes wide with wonder.
"For much different reasons than why you're not." Vanessa started before clearing her throat. "You have all these men who love and care about you. Who would kill for you without question. You're not telling anyone because you want to protect them. I get that. You're much stronger than me. I didn't tell anyone because I wanted to protect myself. Sometimes… sometimes I thought that telling people would make it more real. In my fucked up head, I thought that if I didn't tell anyone, it never actually happened."
"But it did."
"Yeah." Vanessa mumbled under her breath. "Didn't matter if I told anyone anyway. He was a federal agent, you know? And when men in power do something like that, they rarely get what they deserve. If I went there to his job or to the police, they would have laughed in my goddamn face. Most people don't believe women when they say they were assaulted. So I didn't really have anyone to tell anyway." Vanessa was looking down at her fingers before she looked at Gemma and took a deep breath. "Besides, you accuse a federal fucking agent, someone who's supposed to uphold the law, and you won't get one person to believe you. I would have been told I was lying to ruin his career or for a payday or to get my five minutes of fame on channel 7 news."
"So you ran."
"So I ran. And maybe that was the weak thing to do. Maybe it was wrong of me. But if I didn't, I wouldn't have met back up with Jax. I wouldn't be here in Charming with Jax and Abel right now. And as much as I wish I could have changed what happened to me, I wouldn't change where I am now." Vanessa saw Gemma nod slightly before putting a comforting hand on Vanessa. "Sorry." She gave a small laugh and eye roll. "I just talked way too much."
"No." Gemma shook her head and patted Vanessa's hand. They both felt a sense of comfort. A sense of unity. "Does Jax know?"
"Yeah." She nodded. "I had to tell him. I knew that it would eat me up if I didn't."
"What did Jax do?"
"N-Nothing. Nothing. There was nothing he could do. Kohn was already gone after I told him. But you need to talk to someone else about what happened, Gemma. Get it off your chest. That's why I made you an appointment."
"A shrink?" Gemma's face contorted into one of disgust.
"A friend. Dr. Lich. She's easy to talk to." She gave her a sad smile. "You're gonna talk to her, or I'm gonna tell my brother you assaulted me. Throw your crazy ass in jail."
"I should break your nose again for even suggesting for me to see a shrink." Vanessa smiled again, getting up and about to walk out the Chapel door before she turned around, hearing Gemma's voice again. "If the tables were reversed… you came to me with what happened… shit, I'd have cut you off a long time ago. That's my way of saying… what you're doing for me, for the club… it means a lot."
"That's what you do for your family." She spoke with an easy tone. "But you still have to see the shrink."
AN: Thanks for reading/favoriting/following. Special shoutout to hateme101 for reviewing my last two chapters. It really means a lot to see and read your nice words on nearly every chapter and I really appreciate it. I hope you guys are still enjoying this story.
I'm actually thinking about going back and rewriting many of the chapters just to make the story more cohesive and flow better. Let me know what you think about it, should I rewrite? Should I keep it the same? I'm not really sure. Anyway, don't forget to leave me reviews.
Let me know what you like and don't like about this story. I really love constructive criticism.
