"It's time you tell me the truth," is the one phrase Kiyoshi least wants to hear.
He freezes in his tracks, Makoto's grip still tight on his palm. A bead of sweat trails down his forehead, and his breath hitches in his throat.
'The truth.'
...Does he know?
For one horrifying moment, Kiyoshi lives in that world. Heart pounding- ears ringing- he lives in a world where Makoto's seen through his disguise. But as his eyes drift to meet Makoto's, and he's met with some form of annoyed pity, not the righteous anger he expects, his heartbeat slowly returns to normal.
A… ah. So he hadn't meant that kind of truth. Of course. He's just… talking about something else. Like a normal person.
(Kiyoshi hasn't been able to get his mind onto anything else in weeks.)
"...The truth?" he repeats, his voice hushed. "I'm… er - not exactly sure what you're talking about."
The words slip out of his mouth as if they're rehearsed. He tries gently to tug his hand away from Makoto, but Makoto's eyes narrow, and his grip only tightens.
"Y-you don't know!?" he asks, sheer disbelief in his voice. "Oh, come on, man! Cut the crap!"
"I'm just not sure what you're talking abou-"
"You're avoiding us!" Makoto shouts. Kiyoshi opens his mouth to speak, but Makoto doesn't let him. "And don't try to say you're not! You haven't willingly talked to us since January! What happened!?"
...J… January. Has it really been that long? Nagisa collapsed in… what? It was only a week ago! Or… two? Things have been hazy lately.
"Nothing happened," he says with another tug of his hand; this time managing to free it. He whirls around, beginning the quick descent down the mountain. "At least… I mean - It doesn't matter."
Makoto follows after, a dogged stubbornness to the way he carries himself. And Kiyoshi clenches his jaw, wishing he was anywhere but here right now.
"Your mom-" Makoto says. "Did something happen to your mom? Was she hurt-?"
"No!" Kiyoshi snaps. "Nothing happened to my mom!"
"Your dad, then. Did something happen to your dad?"
"No! Nothing happened to my dad!"
"What, then!?" Makoto asks. "Did something happen to you?"
"Of course something happened to me!" Kiyoshi growls. And he regrets it about just as soon as he says it. Makoto's eyebrows furrow, and he attempts to reach out and take Kiyoshi's hand once more. But he yanks it away, yelping, "But I don't want to talk about it, okay!?"
"Never?" Makoto asks.
"Yes! Never!"
"And so you're never going to talk to us again."
"That's not what I said!"
"You're certainly acting like it."
"I'm not acting like-" Kiyoshi sighs, breathing out deeply through his nose. "I'm not… I just-"
What option does he have? He knows he's acting like a dick, but what other option does he have? He'd wanted to do this painlessly, but Makoto had caught on. There's no drifting away subtly now. He needs to put his foot down. He'd rather hurt his feelings than hurt him! Break his heart than break his neck... r ather be seen as an asshole than as the person who did that.
"No. I can never talk about it. And it's not your fault."
"You keep saying that!" Makoto says. "But when's it gonna end?"
"Never," Kiyoshi says. "You're right: Never."
"You can't just-" Makoto sputters. "You can't just do that to us! To me! To Fumiko! I get it if you're sick of us, but I think you at least owe us a-"
"I'm not sick of you!" Kiyoshi interrupts, irritation prickling in his tone. He's not sure if he's angier with Makoto or himself. "None of this is you! It's all me. And it's for your own good! I know it might hurt, but please: trust me! This is for your own good."
His footsteps quicken. He needs to get out of here, now.
Makoto's right behind him.
"Is it my personality?"
"...Pardon?"
"Is it me! Is it how I act!? I know I can be annoying! And stubborn! And loud! And unintelligent, but-"
And Kiyoshi feels another pang of anger. Of sadness. Of something. His eyes narrow as his walk becomes a march.
"No! It's not-"
You're not!
"The Aguri thing. Did… did we make you feel left out, Kiyoshi? Is that it? I… I didn't mean it when I said she was - I mean - she's not my only best friend! It was exciting, but… you're important, too! Have we been neglecting that?"
Maybe at one point. But that doesn't matter anymore! If given the choice, all he'd want is for those two to be happy together! Without him!
"No."
"Because we can try again! We… we can do better, I swear! Please don't… please don't go!"
They can do better? They should do better!? Don't make him laugh!
"It's not that!"
"Korosensei!" Makoto says, and Kiyoshi's march becomes a sprint. Breath labored… footsteps heavy. He'll do anything to outrun this conversation. "Is it Korosensei? Are you scared of him? Are you scared of me?"
"I would never-"
"During the sports festival! After the moon unit! You freaked out! When you learned I hurt all those people! You told me you were scared. Did it get worse? Did your parents tell you something? Is that why you don't want to be around me?"
"No. No!" Stop thinking about it! Don't go down that track! With every word, Makoto draws closer to the truth, and Kiyoshi's heart pounds in his ears. Skin crawling, eye twitching, he repeats "No. No. No."
His eyes scan the forest... assess each tree and take in every gnarled root. A bird chirps somewhere far away, and the path turns deeper into the forest. Perhaps if he takes an abrupt turn he can manage to lose hi-
"I'd get it! I wouldn't blame you! But you can't take this out on Fumiko!"
...And Kiyoshi stops.
"It's… it's fine if you hate me, Kiyoshi. You… don't even gotta say why if you really don't wanna," Makoto admits, his voice quiet. "...But the way you're treating Fumiko… it's not okay. It took a lot for her to open up to you, you know."
Kiyoshi's still... his ears lightly ringing. Some part of him still wants to make a break for it, but his legs wouldn't dare. Knees trembling… breaths uneven, he listens to the sounds of the forest. A bird is chirping somewhere closer now. When he's really quiet, he can hear the trickle of the river.
"I know," he says, defeated. "I know." He takes one step back. "She's put… so much faith in me over the past year. Even more than I deserve. And I'm thankful for that. I always will be. But... something's… changed, Makoto. And now I don't know if things will ever be the same."
"Yeah?" Makoto asks, taking two steps towards him. "...Well, you'll never know for certain until you open up to us. Unless you've really decided you want to make that decision by yourself?"
He looks so gentle, staring at Kiyoshi with those big black eyes. He'd been angry for a moment - hurt - but now that Kiyoshi's opened up, he just seems disappointed. He takes another step closer, hand reaching up to take Kiyoshi's. But it stops midway, lingering in the air as if saying 'It really is up to you.'
That feels like too much power for someone like him to wield. And so much risk for someone so scared to take. Is it really his place to crush Makoto's dreams? To tell him his trust's been undermined? And is it really in his heart to rob himself of that reassuring gaze?
"...You promised, Kiyoshi. Promised you'd be there for her. Promised you'd protect me. Are you really going to give all that up without so much as a reason why?"
And that's when his hand starts to tremble... hanging out by his side in the late winter chill. Another moment passes, and his voice starts to crack. He sniffles once, then twice, and before he knows it, the facade is broken. Tears trickle down his cheeks.
... This is the only choice he has. He can't keep running... From Makoto... from himself. That's not accountability. And this is going to hurt… this is going to hurt more than anything he's ever done, but nothing - even seeing those eyes stare at him with such hatred - could possibly be any worse than seeing them look at him with heartbreak.
'What if they never forgive me?' he'd asked, voice quivering.
Gakushuu had gone quiet, eyes serious. '...Then so be it.'
He needs to let go of this… of this gentle thing he's found. Of this gentle thing he's never deserved. And he needs to say why, or that sacrifice will never mean anything.
He just hopes it won't hurt too much. For Makoto, or for him.
Finally, he takes his hand... clings to it tight and stares up at Makoto. Slowly, the shaking of his hand subsides, and Makoto's hurt, angry tears dry. He gives Kiyoshi a bittersweet smile, and he just about feels his heart split in two. But for one single moment, he stands there, clasping Makoto's hand, and takes in those wonderful, compassionate eyes. Resigns himself to the fact that this may be the last time he ever sees them look at him this way… and lets go.
"No," he says. "I won't. You're right. That's… not fair to you." It's his turn to tremble. "...I… can't protect you anymore. That much is true. But… you deserve to know why." He turns. "...I'll tell you the truth."
He can still hear the river running its way down the mountain. He wonders if it's the same one connected to the pool Korosensei built all those years ago. He still remembers what he'd done.
He remembers most everything.
"...I have a past life, too," he says.
And. Everything. Stops.
The forest falls silent. The cicadas hush... and the river runs dry. A leaf blows by Makoto's foot, and only then does he come to the realization that maybe it isn't the forest that's come to a standstill, but the heart inside his chest.
...Shock. That's what he feels: shock. Complete and utter shock. But as he meets Kiyoshi's eyes, and sees an all-too-serious resolution in them, his disbelief dissipates; falls away and lands at his feet. Makoto takes one step forward, then two. And as he rushes to take Kiyoshi's hands, that shock morphs into ecstasy.
"You - you have a past life!?" he asks. "Who is it!? Why would you feel bad about that!? Is that what you've been avoiding us over!? Why!? Were you afraid we would think you were copying us? Because we wouldn't! That is so cool, Kiyoshi!"
Kiyoshi tears his hand away, looking almost repulsed. He backs away slowly, eyes narrowing just some. "No. It's not," he says, wiping his hand on the side of his pant leg. "It's… really not. Trust me, Makoto."
And Makoto pauses... frowns deeply.
"...Why?"
"It's… it's not some cool, accomplished past life like you guyses. It's… I-"
"That's okay!" Makoto insists. "It's okay if it -" he shakes his head. "You don't have to have done anything special! As long as you-"
"That's not what I mean, Makoto," Kiyoshi interrupts, voice strained. "I mean… I did something bad. Really bad."
And Makoto pauses... wrinkles his nose. "...Like what?"
Kiyoshi eyes flit towards the ground. He shifts uncomfortably... bites his lip... hesitates.
"...Like… like…" his voice is strained. "Do things. To hurt you. To… betray you. Betray everyone. Korosensei… Shiota-sensei… even… even…-" His voice peters off. "...Well, you know."
And Makoto stares. Stares at Kiyoshi, with his head hung low, and lip quivering... stares at the way he restlessly scrapes the back of his shoe on the ground, and stares at the tears prickling in his eyes.
...Betray him. Hurt him. It… it can't be…
It… it has to be.
Irina and Karasuma's son. The boy who's just wanted to be noticed all these months. Third wheel. Second fiddle. Wonderful, and brave, and woefully unappreciated. His best friend. The person who's been by his side all this time.
...Damien?
It… it has to be! Who else could he possibly be talking about!? Who else has suffered like they have!? Who else would have every reason to hate Korosensei? To hate him? But as he steps forward - attempts to take Kiyoshi's hand once more - he can't find it in himself to be hurt. To be angry. At the very least, that means he's alive!
He's still not entirely sure how any of this ties into avoiding Fumiko, but… but…-!
"...That's… that's wonderful!"
Kiyoshi stumbles backwards, eyes wide. "No! No, it's not!"
"What are you talking about!? Why wouldn't it be!?" Makoto follows after, bouncing from foot to foot.
"I… I did so many awful things! How can you say that!? After the way I treated your students! After the way I treated you!"
"I treated you worse, first!" Makoto insists. "I… I…- I'm sorry. "
"You… you what!?" Kiyoshi asks. "You should not be apologizing to me!"
"Yes! I should! It's all I've wanted to say for so long!" Makoto draws closer, opening his arms. "...I've felt so bad! You looked up to me! I took advantage of that! And I will never, ever forgive myself for that."
...And Kiyoshi stops.
"Looked up to you? Sorry?" And recognition dawns in his eyes, as if something clicks, and he finally understands what Makoto is talking about. "You really don't get it, do you?"
He says it so bitterly. So exhausted . He finally looks up at Makoto, a half-sympathetic, half-sardonic expression on his face.
And all of a sudden there's this discontenting, wrong feeling in Makoto's gut. He frowns... stares blankly, but doesn't dare move.
"Get what?"
...Why is his voice trembling? No. He's not… he's not scared. He's supposed to be happy right now. Right now's a happy moment.
"You have the completely wrong idea," Kiyoshi says. "You think… you seriously think - No. I'm not your apprentice. I'm sorry to break it to you, but I'm not… not… I'm not that person-"
Makoto's mouth feels dry.
"...Because you… because you… abandoned that title, right?"
He knows he's grasping at straws here. But he doesn't want to think about… can't think about…- Kiyoshi doesn't mean…-
"No! Oh my God, Makoto!" Kiyoshi hisses, voice strained. "No! Because you… because you cared about that person! Because you found peace! Because he was just a kid! I don't… I don't have that excu- because I'm-!" Kiyoshi freezes, staring at Makoto with angry, wounded eyes. "...I'm bad…"
His voice sounds quiet. Defeated. He scratches at the side of his arm, blinking back tears.
"...Because Damien was good. There was something good inside Damien. And, well… there wasn't. Inside me." He sighs. "I'm not your student. I'm sorry... that I got your hopes up. I wish I could be. That would have been nice. But… uh… I'm a lot worse-"
He sounds so resigned. So certain. And it sends Makoto's thoughts racing. He steps forward instinctively, but his legs feel stiff. His heart pounds. Sirens are blaring in his mind.
Who else…- who else…? there's no-one else left, is there!? Kiyoshi wouldn't…- Kiyoshi's not- He can't seriously mean-
"I… uh… think I'm just gonna say it on three, okay? I really don't wanna, but I think I have to. You deserve to know… why I need to go away now. I think you'll agree."
W-what!? He would never-! He doesn't need t-
"...Three." Kiyoshi's voice shakes as he speaks, and the wind has resumed. Makoto can't tell if the forest's unfrozen, or if he's only now processing just how terrible it is outside.
"...Two."
Wait! Stop it!
His whole body's trembling, on second thought. Is it the chill, or the terror? That's what he's looking at Makoto with, after all, isn't it? Terror. He's afraid. Of his reaction, or of him? All the same, he seems resigned… ready. There's no stopping him now.
"...One."
Wait. Waitwaitwait. No! NO!
Makoto rushes forward, hand outstretched, as if to scream 'no. not yet.' But it's too late. Kiyoshi flinches back... meets his eyes. And his next words are all it takes to break the news to Makoto once and for all.
...Tell him what they both already know.
"I'm Yanagisawa," he says, in a voice almost too quiet to hear, and Makoto's world comes crashing in.
...His reaction's pretty much instantaneous.
Makoto's reaching out towards Kiyoshi when he finally spits the words out. To hug him or to smack him, Kiyoshi's not quite sure. But all that vigor fades in an instant when he seems to process what Kiyoshi's said. Tearing himself backwards - stumbling over himself - Makoto pulls back, eyes wide and horrified as he finally looks at Kiyoshi with the revulsion he deserves.
His posture shifts. His shoulders stiffen. And his eyes pierce Kiyoshi as he stands there, struggling to catch his breath.
"...W… what did you say?"
"You heard me."
"N… no- I'm not- I didn't…" Makoto drifts off, voice cracking. "...I had to mishear you."
Kiyoshi's not entirely sure what he'd expected, but he thinks it was anger, mostly. Righteous, horrible, anger. Gouged out eyes and years spent a living corpse. That's what Korosensei had always rewarded him with in the past. A comeuppance for his own rage. And he'd come to accept that as his fate. But Makoto doesn't look angry. He just stands there, trembling… heartbroken... and Kiyoshi decides this is so much worse.
"Please, Kiyoshi," he repeats. "Just… say it again. I… I didn't hear you right. Say it again. Say something else... please."
Kiyoshi still remembers looking at himself in the mirror after he'd first woken up from that sleep paralysis nightmare. He'd looked so tired, with those scratchy black bags under his eyes… arms shaking like hell. Had trouble catching his breath. So frightened - so convinced the beast was coming for him… to deliver retribution once and for all.
Eyes wide. Face pale. Tears streaming down his face. And even then, he'd looked nothing like this.
Makoto is staring through him. And not with an expression that regards him as that of an enemy - but that of a monster. Tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. Body rigid. Mouth agape as he mumbles, begging desperately for any other explanation.
"I don't wanna…- You're not...-"
Oh, but he is. Kiyoshi frowns, unable to tear himself from Makoto's disappointed gaze. Makoto murmurs, and Yanagisawa chuckles lightly as The Reaper hacks up his guts onto the pristine laboratory floor.
"I'm curious," he asks soon after, peering absentmindedly at his own intestines streaked across the ground. He regards them as one would any minor disturbance, a single eyebrow cocked. He doesn't appear to be in pain now that the moment's passed.
"I don't intend to humor you."
"No. Just hear me out. I have a question for you."
"..."
"Now I'm no scientist, but I gotta ask: Why people? Wouldn't it be much easier to experiment on, say… mice?"
Yanagisawa scoffs, but doesn't give him an answer. Not until later that day, when Reaper's strapped firmly to the operating table. His skin's writhing, and the bitch is scrambling to take notes. Yanagisawa smirks.
He still shows no outward signs of pain, even as his hands bubble- split into ribbons. But Yanagisawa has read the test reports. Can spot the subtle way his eye twitches. Despite any brave act he tries to put on, he knows the subject must be in extraordinary pain right now.
"That's why," he admits, reaching for another syringe. "I'd never use mice, that is."
Reaper snorts, unintimidated. Now that only makes Yanagisawa want to see him hurt more. "Hm? What? Too cruel?"
"No. Of course not," Yanagisawa retorts, bringing the needle to his arm. "Quite the contrary, guinea pig."
The antimatter enters Reaper's bloodstream, and his veins glow red. His arm twitches, thumping unconsciously against the back of the operating. And still, even then, his face doesn't contort.
"You can't hear a mouse scream."
He never did get to hear Reaper scream for mercy. Not once. He saw Reaper fight back with all he had, and he saw Reaper grow vicious. But he never - not once - saw Reaper afraid.
...Not until now.
Makoto looks at him with those wide, petrified eyes, and Kiyoshi thinks he's going to vomit.
It's silly, really. That he was ever scared of this person. He was always the one in control, wasn't he? He was always the one causing harm.
He takes one step forward, and Makoto takes one step back.
"Kiyoshi," he repeats, and he sounds like he's going to break.
Just as Kiyoshi'd predicted, the warmth is gone... replaced with terror - with heartache. Their friendship's ravaged - lacerated just like the Reaper's flesh. And everything - everything is over.
"You heard me," he says after what feels like forever. "I'm Yanagisawa. Kotaro. Shiro. Whatever you'd call him." He pauses. "...The bad guy. And I remember all of it. The… the stuff I did to you. To Itona. To Kayano." Routine tests, and relentless abuse. Even years later he can still see the scars. "...To Aguri."
...Makoto doesn't respond.
Slowly, Kiyoshi turns.
"I'm not telling you this because I want you to feel bad... or scared… or hurt. I hope you know that I mean that. That even now, I don't want you to feel bad." He can feel Makoto's stare on the back of his neck. "...I'm just telling you because you deserve to know. Because you asked. And… because, well… I'd wanna know, if I was in your shoes. I'm sorry it took me so long to say anything."
...Silence.
"I didn't know… for most of the time. I wouldn't have become your friend if I knew. Not that - not because - not because you're bad. Or… or don't deserve it, or that… I'm angry. I'm not angry. At least, I don't think I am. I just… wouldn't have wanted to put you through that. That's not fair. I'm sorry I didn't figure it out sooner. Maybe then we could have prevented all of this."
…
"I don't want you to worry. I mean, I can't blame you if you do… I would worry, too, but…" Kiyoshi laughs dryly. "It's over now. I swear. I'm… I'm not planning anything… or… or… scheming, or… I dunno. You're safe. That's what I'm trying to say. I'm going away now, and you're safe. I promised I'd protect you. And I meant that, even if I probably shouldn't have. Even if that means protecting you from myself. You're safe now. And I'm gonna go away. And everything's gonna be okay."
Kiyoshi stares up at the treetops, and Makoto stands speechless. He wipes at his eyes and sighs. "If you don't believe anything else I tell you today, please believe that. You're gonna be okay. You've… you've got Fumiko. And you're the strongest person I've ever met."
"I was lucky to get to know you. And I'm sorry. For everything. This was… nice while it lasted. I enjoyed it, really."
Limbs heavy, Kiyoshi finally starts to go. Takes one step… then another from the life he's come to love.
"Goodbye, Makoto," he says, heart heavy. "And thank you. For everything."
He forces a smile, takes one step more, and then freezes at a crunch of the forest underbrush.
Leaves rustling, and the sound of heavy footsteps. Something rushes at him, and Kiyoshi just barely manages to whirl around as Makoto lunges.
Leaps at him like a predator. Reaches out one violent hand, then another. And as Kiyoshi shrieks at the top of his lungs-
...Wraps him in a hug.
Kiyoshi's scream peters off. He just barely registers Makoto's arms wrap around the back of his neck. He goes stiff as Makoto lets out a low whimper and clings tight to his shoulders.
It takes Kiyoshi a moment to even respond. Blinking slowly, he asks. "What… what are you doing? Let go, Makoto."
Makoto doesn't budge.
"This isn't…- you can't do this, Makoto! I… I need to go away now-!" Kiyoshi insists, gently trying to pry him away.
Makoto's trembling… letting out these soft, defeated hiccups as he holds Kiyoshi tight. His hands are stiff- digging into the hem of his shirt… And as Kiyoshi attempts to step away, he feels something warm and wet seep into the fabric of his clothes.
...Tears.
Kiyoshi freezes. But irritation rising in his voice, he soon returns to attempting to push Makoto away. "Makoto!" he repeats. "Stop it! You can't do this!"
...Makoto doesn't respond. Just stands there, trembling. Though as Kiyoshi grabs his shoulder - gives it a firm shove - even that begins to subside.
"This - this isn't how you're supposed to respond! You're supposed to be mad at me Makoto! You're supposed to be upset! You're supposed to want to hurt me! I was terrible to you, Makoto! Why are you…? Why are you…?"
He looks down at Makoto's head burrowed in his chest... feels those desperate, reassuring arms clinging to the back of his neck… and chokes back a sob of his own as he feels Makoto's tears soak his shirt.
"...Why are you still being so nice to me!?"
Even as his voice rises, Makoto doesn't flinch. He simply stands there, grip tightening as he whispers under his breath.
"...'m finally not alone."
Kiyoshi finally manages to tear away from Makoto. He stares at him with wild, disbelieving eyes. Sputters- genuine offense seeping into his voice as he speaks.
"What are you talking about!?" he demands. "Alone!? You've never been alone! You have Fumiko! What!? Unless she's suddenly not enough for you!? Unless… unless you need some trashbag!?"
Makoto's expression falls. Tears still in his eyes, he insists "No! Of course not! Fumiko's- she's - she's like me - but she's not just like me! I'm - I'm so happy she's here! But she's not - she wasn't - yes! Trashbag! That's it! That's exactly it!"
"I- what!?"
"Aguri! She was… she was good! She was perfect! She helped all those people! But I wasn't... - I didn't… I didn't do that. Everyone seems to think I did, but I didn't. I was really bad, Kiyoshi."
Makoto shifts slightly, rubbing at his arm. He takes a small step back. "...You think you did bad things? That's gotta be a joke. I've… I've got these memories I can't even bear to think about! People running for their lives! Begging for mercy! And me listening to none of that! I've… I've killed innocents. I've killed children. I've had people depend on me, and I've failed them extraordinarily. I killed a boy's family, and when he came to me, wracked by nightmares, I told him to just grow up and deal with it. I am not some… some just hero, Kiyoshi! I was a trashbag!"
"Why am I being so nice to you!? Why am I being so nice to you!? Why are you being so nice to me!? You've known! For months now! Just how terrible I am! Nagisa got up there in front of class and shared it! I killed hundreds! I kidnapped a child! And I loved it! I loved hurting people! It was my living! How can you even bear to look at me!?"
"Because- because you've changed!" Kiyoshi sputters. "You changed! Even - even back then! You became kind! You- you made the world better! I… I don't know!"
"And you haven't?" Makoto asks.
"No, I most certainly haven't!" Kiyoshi responds. "Just look at that!" he demands, pointing up at the sky. "On what fucking planet have I made the world better!?"
"Changed! I'm talking about change!" Makoto says. "Just look at yourself! You are so different. I mean - I never would have guessed!"
Makoto's gaze is piercing, and his words are a command. Kiyoshi glances downwards… stares at his hands, and wonders if Makoto is right.
If he's changed, it's in a different way. Not like Korosensei, who spent the last year of a mostly terrible life nurturing broken children. He's changed, alright. But he's changed too late. And that… that doesn't mean anything. He may as well have been factory reset.
Just listen to him! Screaming at Makoto! Is that change, anyways? If you ask him, he's just as bad as ever.
Makoto must notice his troubled expression, because he softens just slightly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout at you," he says. "I'm just… I'm just really stressed. And… I really don't want you to go. I've been thinking about this for such a long time, Kiyoshi. And I've had… no-one to talk about it with. But maybe… maybe if you're there for me, then…"
He pauses. "I'm sorry. I don't want to - my intention isn't to use you. What I'm trying to say is… I… I believe in you! You just said all that stuff, and I still… I still look at you and see something good. You've been so nice to me over the past year. Maybe… maybe if even after all that I can still believe in you, then… well, then maybe I can start to believe in myself a little, too."
Kiyoshi's ears are ringing. There's a lot to dissect there, but he can only pick out one bit.
"You… you believe in me?" he asks, voice shaky
"Of course!" Makoto responds. And it is instant. He steps forward, takes Kiyoshi's hand, and clutches it tight. "...Listen. I'm not saying - I'm not saying it's some good thing you're Yanagisawa. But… I know you can't change that. I know that's not your fault. You never… you never asked to be born! Neither did I! But… but here we are! And if… if things don't have to be like that anymore, then… then… I want to be there for you."
"I know just how much it hurts. To think about that stuff. To… to just have to stand there and watch all the bad stuff you did without being able to change it! It sucks! And I'm sure… I'm sure you must have felt really alone. But you don't have to be alone anymore! We can… we can fix things! Together!"
His eyes look so bright. Cocking his head just slightly, he grins, and Kiyoshi feels his heart stop. That fear… that hate… it vanished so quickly. Only to be replaced by kindness… by compassion… by trust.
...Kiyoshi thinks he's going to cry.
How? How can he move on so quickly? How can he understand? It's… it seems impossible! But even so, Kiyoshi never doubts it, not even for a minute. Standing there- Makoto clinging tight to his hand - he feels safe. He feels hopeful!
He can see it in Makoto's eyes. Glowing, and radiant, and what he's needed for oh so long.
...An, 'I believe in you.'
Can he believe in it, too? The world Makoto imagines? He's not quite sure. It can't be that easy. Not for him: the monster. But all the same, he hears Makoto say they'll face this together, and he wants to live in that world, even just for a moment.
He takes those hands, holds them close and asks, "...How can you be so certain? I'm… I'm so different from you, Makoto. What if… what if you're wrong? What if… I really can't change this?"
"You already have, silly!" Makoto insists. "You're not gonna stab me in the back! You wouldn't be telling me any of this if you were! Bad guys… they don't… they don't worry about being bad people! They don't care! You care! We care! We're going to be fine!"
"Even though-?"
"Yes, 'even though!'" Makoto interrupts. "Even though you beat the piss out of me or pissed on the moon or whatever! It doesn't matter!"
"I what on the moo-?"
"It's in the past! It's over now! And that's… that's fantastic! You're fantastic! You're proof! That... people can change! Do you realize how extraordinary that is?" Makoto shifts slightly, still bouncing from foot to foot. "There's… uh - this thing Nagisa told me. Way back when. When I was upset about all this stuff. He said that… it's really cool… when a bad person becomes good, because it means they chose to."
"A lot of people are born into goodness, or whatever. Like Aguri. And they're amazing. But there's something amazing to be said about being able to take a step back and realize 'I was wrong,' too! To be able to wake up one day and say 'I'm gonna do better than the day before.'"
He pauses. "At least… uh - it was something along those lines. I'm really bad at paraphrasing. You… you get my point, yeah?"
Kiyoshi frowns. "...Yeah. I think so."
"...And you have: for the record. Done better, I mean," Makoto says. "I mean… just look at you! My best friend! You helped bake me a cake! You let me pet your dog!"
"I'm not sure those are really any consolation for-"
"You've been my group partner on so many projects! You made me feel cool and confident during the sports festival! You were nice to me, even when you thought I was just using you for your mom and dad. You're being nice to me now! Even when I, like, ripped out your eyeballs! You stepped out of class during a lesson you were really interested in just to comfort me... and you crouched down to my level and told me everything was going to be okay until I really believed it! You helped reunite me with Aguri! You are an awesome person, Kiyoshi!"
Kiyoshi takes a shaky gulp. Blinks back tears and whispers "...You really think so?"
"Of course I think so, dummy!" Makoto replies. "...You're my friend. Why wouldn't I think so?" He pauses, taking a step back as he finally lets go of Kiyoshi's hand. "If you still want to be, I mean."
Kiyoshi sputters. "Of- of course I want to be! Sort of! I mean - you're - you are the best person I know. You make me so happy. I'm just still not sure if - that's a good idea. I - I don't want to hurt - I guess - as long as you're okay with it. I wouldn't want to overstep any…" he drifts off, eyes flitting towards the ground "- boundaries."
Makoto goes quiet, letting out an unimpressed 'tsk.'
"...You really are a weirdo, aren't you?" he asks, stifling a laugh. "Of course I'm okay with it! You may be a trashbag, but you're my trashbag. You're not gonna manage to get rid of me that easily."
He gives another smile, before opening his arms. He meets Kiyoshi's eyes. "We may be trashbags, but it's not too late to be trashbags together, at least."
Kiyoshi hesitates, staring at his open arms. Can he really…-? Should he-?
"Come on!" Makoto chides. "Don't be distant! Bring it 'ere, dork! Unless you're too scccaaarrreeeddd?"
Kiyoshi huffs, shaking his head as he leans into Makoto's embrace. "No," he grumbles. "Of course not."
Makoto grins, pumping one fist in the air as he chants "Trashbags! Trashbags!"
Kiyoshi rolls his eyes. "Okay, before you end up seeming like the world's biggest littering fan, how about you start saying 'recyclables,' instead?"
Makoto pauses, mulling that over, before letting out a tiny scoff.
"...Okay. Recyclables it is," he says. "Here to make the world a better place, one non-biodegradable plastic bottle at a time."
Despite himself, Kiyoshi scoffs, too.
...He doesn't know how long it's been since he's heard himself laugh.
And before he even knows it, he's crying again.
He doesn't mean to, but he just can't hold back the tears. Standing there holding Makoto... he just can't believe that he's this person. That he's in this situation, and that he feels okay. One tear falls, then another. And in an instant he's sobbing.
Makoto jolts, letting out a panicked shout as he slaps Kiyoshi's back. "Hey! Hey! Don't cry!" He begs. "It's fine! I swear! Everything's fine! "
"No, no-" Kiyoshi hiccups, reaching up to wipe at his nose. "I'm not- don't worry - I'm aware- it's not…" He pauses. "...It's not a bad cry. I'm not…- you didn't make me cry. I'm just… overwhelmed, I guess. I never thought I'd get to talk about any of this."
His true words go unspoken: 'I never thought you'd accept me despite it.' But Makoto smiles... rubs little circles in Kiyoshi's back... and Kiyoshi thinks he'd still somehow managed to get the gist.
"...Well, you're getting to," he reassures, his posture relaxing. "So savor it, buddy. I'm here for you. I'm listening."
Now that only makes Kiyoshi cry harder. Murmuring incoherently, he buries his face in Makoto's shoulder and sobs. "I'm so lucky," he whispers, wiping his nasty tear gook all over Makoto's shirt. "You make me feel so lucky-"
If Makoto has any objections to his shirt being desecrated, he certainly doesn't voice them. Instead, he simply rocks Kiyoshi back and forth, smiles, and whispers "Let it all out. It's over now."
...He keeps repeating that: 'It's over,' like a broken record... as the wind howls and the leaves rustle and Kiyoshi sobs into his chest. "It's over," and "It doesn't matter." "It's in the past," and "everything's okay."
It's so optimistic. So juvenile. But all the same, it's so Makoto. And that alone makes it a nice thought.
"I'd like that," Kiyoshi whimpers, over and over. "I'd like that so much."
They stand there for what feels like forever. And Kiyoshi thinks he could stay there forever. But abruptly, Makoto jolts. And his hand freezes in its place on Kiyoshi's back, as if he's musing over something.
For a second, Kiyoshi's scared he'll pull away. But he doesn't. Instead, simply speaks up, a curiosity to his voice. "You know… when I was freaking out - all those months ago - there was this thing you told me. Or - uh… guess you told me to do. You told me to listen to the birds. And to feel the grass. And then look at you. And I'm not really good at that psychology stuff like you are, but I was wondering… could you try something for me? Something like that?"
Kiyoshi pauses, but shrugs. "...I don't see why not."
"Okay," Makoto says. "I want you to step away from me for a second. I can hug you again if you want right afterwards - but… step away for just a second, okay?"
Kiyoshi hesitates, but does as told. He hopes Makoto doesn't notice just how gross and puffy his eyes are.
"Alright. Now I want you to look at me. Just look right up at me. Meet my eyes."
Slowly, Kiyoshi obeys. His gaze drifts up towards Makoto.
"Okay. Good," Makoto says, his smile unfaltering. "Now I want you to tell me what you see. It can be anything. Just… tell me what you see. I think it might make you feel a bit better."
Kiyoshi's quiet, looking him over. And at first, he's not quite sure what to comment on. What exactly is it Makoto wants? Something objective? The black locks of hair falling over his face, or the way he fidgets from foot to foot? Or is it something more… metaphorical? 'I see someone I trust' or 'I see what gives me hope?'
Maybe it's a trick question. Is there something else Kiyoshi's supposed to be looking for? Maybe there's, like, a black bear looming over his shoulder right now, and Makoto's just surprised he hasn't noticed. Do black bears even live in Japan? Kiyoshi can't quite remember. He feels like he should know this. What is it, again? Black, fight back… brown, lay down… whi-
"Come on, dude! It's not that hard!" Makoto interrupts, derailing that train of thought entirely. "Just tell me! What are you looking at?"
"I- uh-" And suddenly Kiyoshi's terrified of having the wrong answer. What if Makoto wants something, like, super sentimental, and he comments on the fact that his shirt is soaking wet? "Dunno- I'm just - you need to be more specific. I'm not really sure what kind of... answer you're looking for."
Makoto looks almost irritated for a second, but it quickly subsides as he stifles a laugh. "You are totally overthinking it, dude. Me! The answer is me!"
Kiyoshi blinks. "...Oh. I didn't realize it was that simple. I thought you were - like - trying to trip me up."
"I just told you I'm bad at that physiology stuff. Do you really think I'm capable of that?"
"It's - uh - psychology. For the record."
"My point proven," Makoto says. "But I guess what I'm trying to say is… things are different now! You couldn't have seen me back then! I mean - you could have seen me, but not seen me, you know? We're different people now. I'm me! You're you! We've got nothing to worry about. Because! We're really different guys! I'm Makoto! Himura! And you're Kiyoshi Karasuma! And we're pals! And nothing's gonna change that! Isn't that… really cool? Or reassuring, at least?"
"...Yeah," Kiyoshi admits. "I guess it is."
'I'm me.'
What a simple, but freeing thought.
"Now are you feeling better or what?" Makoto asks. "Need another hug? To be smacked to your senses? Or do you think you're finally ready to come home?"
Kiyoshi pauses... opens his mouth to speak. But Makoto doesn't wait for a response. He takes him by the hand, and starts leading him down the mountain: a skip to his step, and a brightness to his eyes.
"Now that was the trick question!" he says. "And there's only one correct answer. Option A): It's time you stop feeling bad for yourself. We're gonna be okay: I promise."
And while some part of Kiyoshi still wants to debate that: to scream out 'there's so much left for me to confront,' he silences that for now. Because Makoto swings his hand back and forth and he's safe. He looks over at the being he'd once thought he hated, and decides 'maybe I really am lucky to be the person I am today.'
'...To be here with him, at the very least.'
Korosensei: who doesn't destroy. Who nurtures. Makoto: who doesn't hate. Who forgives.
"After this, everything goes back to normal," he rambles. "You've got nothing to worry about. You start coming over to Shiota-sensei's again, tell Fumiko you're sorry for ignoring her texts, and you buy me a milkshake as an apology for avoiding me, not for pumping my veins full of megacocaine."
Kiyoshi opens his mouth to discuss that... statement, but freezes up and just about slams his face on a tree branch when he remembers there are much more important things to talk about.
"Shit!" he says. "What am I gonna tell Fumiko!?"
Makoto pauses. "What do you mean?"
"About! All this!" Kiyoshi says. "I… I mean… should I text her? No- that feels way too informal. Shiota-sensei's place? Oh god, though - what if Shiota-sensei overhears? Or… or Yukimura-san? They'll… they'll flip. Maybe I should arrange a meeting. If I tell her to meet up with me after school would you be willing to be there with me as I explain to her? You - you don't need to if you don't want to, but it's such a scary thoug-"
"Dude," Makoto interrupts. "You are way overthinking this."
"Pardon?"
"Who said you even gotta tell her?"
Makoto steps over a branch, his smile never faltering he speaks.
"I… I dunno, Makoto. That seems… wrong?"
"Why? She's not gonna care!"
"What if… what if she doesn't feel safe around me?"
"Why wouldn't she?" Makoto asks, his voice incredulous. "You're not dangerous, Kiyoshi."
"I know - I know-" Kiyoshi responds. "I just… worry? I mean… I did some super horrible stuff to her. She deserves to know the truth."
"Oh, come on- "
"I'd want to know if I was in her shoes. I'm not going to deprive her of that right."
Makoto sighs, and stops in place. "Listen. Let me try putting this a different way: If she won't hate you for it, then it doesn't matter. Nothing's going to change. And if she will hate you for it - which she won't, for the record - then it's not worth bringing up. It's just going to make everyone upset."
"I don't think it's a matter as simple as 'hate,' or 'not hate!' It's about being able to keep herself safe-!"
"From what!?" Makoto asks, throwing his free hand in the air. "Some thirteen-year-old little boy who's afraid of the toaster!? You couldn't hurt a fly if you wanted to!"
"Okay, first of all, I'm not afraid of the toaste-" There are more important things to be discussing right now. "Nevermind. What I'm saying is it should be her decision."
"And I'm not disagreeing with you!" Makoto insists. "What I'm trying to say is there's no winning in this scenario, for you or for her. Either everything's going to stay the same, or it's not. And… well… I don't want that to happen. I don't think Fumiko does, either." He pauses… stares at the ground for a moment. "Listen: This whole thing: It's clearly been troubling you. Do you really want it to trouble her, too?"
"She's happy here. With me! With you! After a lifetime of strife, and stress, and being too afraid to stand up for herself, she's finally happy. You're - like- the first friend she ever made. I don't want her to have to lose that…"
He's got this deeply troubled look on his face. Eyebrows knit. Lip bit. "I know it's wrong, but… maybe this should stay between the two of us. Just for now. I'd hate to be the reason she cried. I don't want to make her lose this thing she has. Not when it just started getting good." He pauses, tilting his head towards Kiyoshi. "You get what I'm saying, right?"
Kiyoshi hesitates. "...Uh… yeah," he admits. "Of course."
He hates to say it, but Makoto has a point. Fumiko… is at a turning point in her life. She's dealing with so much family stuff it's almost insane. She's- like- working on plans to emancipate herself. Does he really want to dump this revelation on her on top of all that? She's gotta be stressed out of her mind! They're the one good thing she has!
...Is he really cruel enough to take that away from her?
"Great! Because that's why I'm saying - and just for now - maybe she doesn't need to know! It's not lying to her. It's not like she's gonna ask- I mean! She would never even guess! It's … protecting her! So just, like… put it in your pocket, and work on being the best person you can now. That's how you'll make it up to her, not by causing some big fight."
"I… guess that makes sense," Kiyoshi says. "I mean… as long as you keep me in check. Make sure nothing happens."
He knows it's going to destroy him from the inside out... to act like nothing's happened. But… Makoto's right. She needs him. He's not going to prioritize his shitty guilt complex over her wellbeing. He already ruined her life once! He's not going to do it again.
...Besides, isn't this the happiest ending for everyone?
Fumiko can live the life she deserves, and he and Makoto can work on righting their wrongs. Things can get… better! He can feel happy! More than anything, he just wants to be able to envision that for himself.
And a world where Fumiko hates him… well, that's just not one he can see himself being happy in.
"Keep you in check?" Makoto asks, waving his hand. "Pssh! About what? Are you afraid the big bad Yanagisawa's gonna come out of you like a werewolf?" He puts on a fake-panicked voice "'Oh shit! The not-full moon's out! I'm changing! My bones are rearranging! I'm going to say a slur now!' "
Kiyoshi's cheeks flush red. "N-no! I didn't - that's not-"
Makoto laughs, smacking his back. "You've got nothing to worry about, dude. You're not going to just 'slip up.' There's not some bogeyman hiding inside of you. You spent the past thirteen years becoming this person. You know him well enough to know he won't do that."
"Mmm," Kiyoshi admits. "I know."
It just sits there nevertheless, gnawing at the back of his mind. What if one day he just… loses his temper? Does something he regrets? He'd never be able to forgive himself.
...But at the very least Makoto doesn't seem to think it's a concern.
"Fine," he says. "I'll do it. Keep it a secret... for now, I mean. And… and for her sake! Not mine. But I could… I could always change my mind. If she asks, I'm not gonna lie to her."
"Of course not," Makoto says. "It's like I said: we're not lying. We're... protecting her. Nothing more, nothing less."
Kiyoshi's still not sure this is a good idea, but Makoto squeezes his hand, and he decides to repress his doubts for now. It's not right, but… it's the best option. And besides, this is the first time he's felt okay in weeks. He's not going to dwell on it and end up sending himself spiraling again. Not after everything Makoto did just to get him to calm down.
"I'm - uh- gonna shoot her a text," he says. "Not about any of that. The- apology. For avoiding her," he specifies, wishing desperately that was the only thing he had to apologize for. "Give me one sec."
Kiyoshi whips out his phone, opening Fumiko in his contacts.
"Good luck getting a signal out here, dude," Makoto jeers.
"I've got a bar, don't worry," Kiyoshi reassures. He'd much prefer three bars, but he'll take what he can get seeing as he's halfway down the hill of some out of the way school surrounded entirely by thick forest.
He stops, pausing to look at their texts. Their last conversation was a week ago. Fumiko'd asked him what he was doing over the weekend. He'd given her some nonanswer.
'Uh, hey,' he types. 'Sorry about avoiding you lately. It's not something you did. I was just being stupid and insecure as usual. You know how it is. But Makoto knocked some sense into me, and… things are going to go back to normal now, so please don't worry.'
'Hope you're not too mad at me, ahahaha… dunno what I'd do if you hated me,' he tacks on, before quickly deleting it. No... now's not the time.
'I just want you to be happy?'
No. Too weirdly sentimental. She knows that. (Thinks it, at least.)
'Hope you feel better soon,' he settles on. 'Didn't mean to give you my Flu. 😅.'
He sends the text and pockets his phone before he can overthink it any further. What does it matter, anyways? She's never going to know what he really has to apologize for.
He doesn't have time to dwell on it long. Makoto doesn't let him. He walks him home, a skip to his step. And that optimism he displays never once vanishes. Joking the whole way, he pats Kiyoshi on the back and reminds him that he treasures him.
...By the time they've arrived at his place, his heart feels just a little lighter.
"Everything's gonna be okay, alright?" Makoto reminds him, stopping just before just driveway. "Try not to worry about it too much. We're always gonna have each other."
"...Even though we're trash?"
Makoto shakes his head and holds his hand out for a fist bump. "...Recyclables, remember? We've got this under control."
Kiyoshi bumps his fist, before pulling him in for just one more quick hug. "Thank you," he whispers. "For being there for me today."
"It's nothing," Makoto says. "You've been here for me all year, after all."
Kiyoshi nods, pulling away. "Uh- see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Of course."
And with that, he's gone. He speedwalks towards his house, quickly unlocks the door, and heads up towards his room. He passes his dad on the way, who asks how his day was.
"Good," Kiyoshi admits, and he doesn't even need to think it over. He doesn't need to lie, and he doesn't need to hide it. He says "My day was good," and he means it. And knowing that much… even exhausted… even with worries still swirling in his mind… Kiyoshi finally lets himself do something he hasn't done in a very, very long time.
...Kiyoshi smiles.
Ho- lee shit.
Makoto thinks he needs to - Makoto thinks he needs to sit down.
The moment Kiyoshi turns, shuts the door, and clicks it behind him, he releases a bated breath. Whirling around, he hurries down the street and turns into the first alleyway he can find. He plops down against the wall and lets out another sputtery, relieved sigh as he attempts to find his bearings.
He's not sure where he'd expected that conversation to go, but that was not it.
Not that - not that he's upset! He's not upset! He meant all those things he said to Kiyoshi! He just…- woah, man.
And he'd gotten his hopes up that he was Damien!
In hindsight, that was really stupid. But he'd just heard the words 'betrayed you,' and, like, blacked out. What else was he supposed to think!? He wasn't just going to assume his friend was Yanag- When Fumiko told him she had a past life it was a good thing. He wasn't going to jump to the worst conclusion in regards to Kiyoshi! He doesn't do worst conclusions!
...Not that… not that this is the worst conclusion!
This is… a wonderful conclusion, actually! This is fine! This is great! This will give him the closure he needs! This will remind him of what he needs to believe about himself! There is nothing wrong with this situation. There is nothing for him to worry about.
Sure, is he a little disappointed he hasn't been reunited with his sweet baby boy of an apprentice turned monster? Of course! But that doesn't mean… that doesn't mean this is worse somehow. It's not Kiyoshi's fault he put expectations on his shoulders.
It's not Kiyoshi's fault he's that terrifying... horrible... soul-sucking-
No! Don't think about it that way! 'Don't do this, Makoto!' he reminds himself. Kiyoshi is none of those things, and so it shouldn't matter that he was in the past. In fact, that only makes him more wonderful! Look at how much he's improved! Makoto is fine. He's fine. He's just… overthinking it.
Is he terrified of Yanagisawa and that diabolical cheshire grin? Maybe just a little! But he's not going to let that affect how he acts. He's not going to let that affect how he treats Kiyoshi!
He meant it! He cares about him!
Kiyoshi is… Kiyoshi is one of the best things to ever happen to him. Kiyoshi is supportive… thoughtful… intelligent. Kiyoshi is the son of the two people he trusts most in the world, and Kiyoshi makes him laugh every day. Kiyoshi is his best friend! He is not letting something beyond his control… c… color his perception of him!
(Even if he… even if he… experimented on…-)
No. Don't think about that. He won't think about that. It's not fair. Kiyoshi never asked for any of this! He never asked to be born! And it was a good thing he was born, anyways, so drop it! He's clearly going through enough guilt as is. Makoto's not gonna worsen that by letting it slip that he's nervous. Because he shouldn't be! Kiyoshi is fine. They're fine.
He just needs… time to process this. That's all. Then everything will go right back to normal. No, actually! It'll go back to better than normal! He and Kiyoshi are going to make a change! Prove to the world that their fates aren't just some prophecy set in stone. They are going to end the legacy of hurt they caused, and everything's going to… everything's going to be okay.
There is absolutely nothing to be worried about.
Makoto shifts slightly, practicing one of those deep breathing techniques Kiyoshi taught him. It's funny - usually, he's not the type to overthink things like this. Kiyoshi must be rubbing off on him in more ways than one.
He'd seemed so terrified - so grief-stricken confiding in Makoto. Like he'd thought this was the end of the world. Screaming- shaking- sobbing as he tried to tear Makoto off of him. Demanding, 'why won't you just let me go?'
It'd be hard not to be worried after having to see that.
But what's important to remember is that Kiyoshi wasn't right. Those things he'd called himself - monster… deserving of it - none of that is true. His world isn't ending... it's only just beginning. That fear he'd felt… it wasn't coming from a legitimate source. It was coming from that dumb voice in the back of his head! And that's where it's coming from for Makoto, too.
(That smug, singsongy chide of The Reaper, who seems to say 'you'll be proven wrong like you always are.')
...He's glad Kiyoshi had agreed to not tell Fumiko.
It's not that he doesn't trust her - he trusts her! More than anything! It's just… it's hard to think about? He doesn't want her to have to-
She's defensive. She's temperamental. She knows how to take care of herself. What if she just… what if she just jumps to a conclusion, and decides to not even give him a chance? He doesn't want to have to see Kiyoshi go through that. He doesn't want to have to be expected to choose between them…
...They're both his friends.
It's just easier to ignore the scenario entirely. Because... hey! It doesn't matter! So she has no reason to go and have to worry about it. It's for the best. It's saving her grief. It's protecting her.
Not that she needs to be protected from - not that Kiyoshi is dangerous! The only thing he's protecting her from is paranoia! That's it.
(His veins throb, and his fingers spasm. Makoto suppresses a shiver and shakes his head)
...He doesn't want her to have to deal with this… this whatever it is. She needs Kiyoshi, and she needs him. He's not going to let some dumb thing that happened sixteen years ago ruin that for them. He's not going to let it ruin that for her.
Because that's what this is about. This is for her wellbeing. Nothing more, nothing less.
(Makoto's not being self-centered! He's not!)
The monster laughs knowingly at him, and Makoto stands. Whatever. He doesn't wanna think about it. And he did mean it; that Kiyoshi's confession had eased his nerves some.
That he truly, really believes it's over. And that he truly, really believes the past is behind them. That Kiyoshi can prove himself... do better now.
Because if he can… well, then, maybe there's a chance one day Makoto can put to rest both the monsters haunting his own consciousness. The man with needles who victimized him so, and ever more presently: the creature with writhing tentacles, who loved to make decisions only benefitting itself.
Nagisa gets the good news a little past five.
He's actually just getting ready to head out to Isogai and Maehara's place at the time. The fateful Thursday's rolled around, and it's time to discuss the class reunion. At first his spouses had voiced their worries, suggesting that maybe he should put it off, but seeing as he's been doing so much better over the past week, they'd eventually caved. He got a full eight hours of sleep last night, not to mention actually eaten a meal before getting prepared.
"I'll be home before nine," he promises, slipping on his coat. "Don't even worry about it. I'd be surprised if it even goes until eight. It's usually a pretty brief discussion."
"Of course," Gakushuu says. "Do be careful if you end up driving that late, though. It gets dark out."
"He'll be fine," Karma says. "He can actually see the road at night, unlike someone."
Gakushuu lets out an annoyed 'hmph.'
"Remember to say hi to Naoko for me!" Kayano pipes up.
"Of course-"
"Do say hello to Megu and Isogai for me personally," Gakushuu says. "I'm well aware a baby's mental processing ability isn't yet refined enough to acknowledge my regards."
"No comment on Maehara?" Karma asks.
"I'd sooner categorize him as closer to the fourteen-month-old than to an adult. I know what I said."
Nagisa snorts, but decides not to comment on the sharp jab aimed at his ex-classmate. "I should really get going now," he repeats. And three quick kisses later, he's on his way. He shuts the door behind him and heads out towards the car.
His phone buzzes as he hops in.
He decides he can give it a quick glance over while the engine starts up. After all, if it's from Maehara, Isogai, or Megu, he'd hate to show up if there'd been some sort of change of plans.
It's not, however. In fact… It's from Karasuma.
For a brief moment, Nagisa feels a pit of dread in his stomach, wondering if something had happened to Kiyoshi. But as he actually opens up the text, he feels all that fear dissipate.
[1/19/2031 5:07 PM:] [Karasuma] Brief update on Kiyoshi.
[1/19/2031 5:07 PM:] [Karasuma] I believe he is doing somewhat better today. He came home humming today. That Himura boy walked him home.
Nagisa lets out an audible sigh of relief. He knows one day is just one day, but all the same, Kiyoshi's father knows him better than anyone. If he thinks this is a good sign, then it probably is.
'That's good,' he texts back. 'Let me know if there's any other changes, okay? And thank you for looking out for him.'
He doesn't wait for a response. He already knows what it'll probably be. An 'of course,' coupled with one of those emojis only old people use. He turns the keys and backs out of the garage. Puts on some corny music and lets his shoulders relax as he turns out of the driveway.
He's been feeling a lot better lately; emotionally and physically. And more than any saccharine tune blaring over his car radio, it's music to his ears to hear that Kiyoshi is finally getting some of the help he needs too.
...Maybe he won't need to stage an intervention after all.
