A/N: Learning from the tears and the mistakes, We're not perfect but we've come such a long way (Soldier - James TW)

DISCLAIMER: SVU and all related plot/characters originally belong to Dick Wolf. This story is allllllllllllllll mine. © TStabler

She closes the door to the oldest girl's bedroom and yawns as she turns down the hall. She smiles as she stifles another yawn coming on; to her, the girl is still eight years old, wishing on stars and believing in the Tooth Fairy. She scratches the back of her left ear as she realizes how much of her life has truly been wrapped up in Elliot and his kids in the last four years. She yawns yet again as she finally takes a step away from Maureen's door. The nights without sleeping are catching up to her now that she's home.

Home.

She thinks it and she smiles, her eyes closing as she pushes open the door to her bedroom. The one she shares with Elliot. Her husband. She scoffs as she plods toward the bed. There's so much wrong with this but so much more that is right, and she still can't fully accept any of it. As she pulls down the quilt and sheets, she yawns again, and she slips into bed with a plop and a loud, heavy sigh. She tosses the blankets over her, and then suddenly she's staring at her left hand, spinning her rings around her finger, propelling them with her thumb.

"They're real, I promise," his voice breaks into her thoughts and when she looks at him she's a lot less exhausted than she had been; her body is jolted awake by the sight of him. She stops fidgeting with her rings and stares at him, his towel-clad body, tiny droplets of water running down his thick neck and muscular shoulders. She watches him dry himself off, a smaller towel in his hands running over his body and through his hair. She swallows hard, wishing it was her mouth running over him instead of that towel, and she smiles at him. "I know," she says, but her voice is barely audible.

He grins back at her and yawns as he moves, dropping the towel just before he gets into the bed. He pulls her closer to him and settles against her, his naked body wraps around hers and he slips his hands under her tank and rests them on her stomach. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she says, rolling onto her side. She feels his palms adjust, sliding around to her back, and she trails her fingers down his skin, they land on his bare ass. She smirks and squeezes and says, "Just thinking."

"Wow, I envy you," he kisses her nose. "I'm way too tired to fucking think." He chuckles and brushes her nose with his, nudges her gently, then finally kisses her. "Good things, I hope." He kisses her again, slips his hand down into her pants, and cups her ass the way she's doing to his.

She nods as she closes her eyes and nestles closer to him. She moans softly when she feels him pushing down her sweats and she shifts to help him get them off, in no mood to refuse and too tired to fight. "Us." She kicks her foot and hears the pants slide off the mattress and drop to the floor.

He softly whispers, "What about us?" and tugs at her tank top. He knows they're beyond exhausted and their bodies won't cooperate if they tried to have sex, but he needs to feel her against him. All of her. He tosses the cotton over her head and rights himself, his semi-hard cock between her legs and his ankles hooked around hers.

She exhales and sinks further into him, she can feel him stiffen and his dick twitches sending an electric shock through her body. "Just...Lizzie called me..." she bites her lip. "When I went in to say goodnight, she…"

"I heard her," he whispers, and he drags his hands up and down her back. "All of them called you 'mom,' baby. All four of them." He kisses her and sighs, and he says, "We had a nice night with them, huh?"

"They were a little confused when they got home from school and we were here," she tells him, and she drops a kiss to his chest. "But they were happy."

He laughs and says, "We got to help them with their homework, and they helped us make dinner." He kisses her lips softly. "They got to watch a movie in the den while we got to spend some time alone. Naked. We definitely had more fun than they did."

"Yeah, we did," she chuckles. Her body moves against his, his dick slips upward through her folds and they both moan again. "We read the twins a story, got to tuck them all in, it was…"

"A perfect night," he finishes for her, and he grins. "Thanks to Cutter."

"Yeah, Cutter did his job, but it almost cost you yours," she tells him. She kisses his chin. "Cragen really went in on you for going over his head, and Novak was furious. You saw the way she…"

"She was just pissy because I didn't call her," he tells her. "Notice I haven't even been talking to her unless I had to?" He smirks. "I don't have to make you jealous anymore, so I don't have to flirt with any crazy lawyers." He laughs as she rolls her eyes, and he kisses her again. He slides his feet up and down her shins, traces her spine with his fingertips, and he bends his head forward to lay against hers. "And Cragen…" he sighs. "I don't know what's up his ass. As soon as he found out something was happening with us...he started acting like a complete asshole." He closes his eyes. "This morning, the way he looked at me like he just expects me to hurt you any minute. You're the last person in the world I would ever..."

"It's not you," she says, pressing a finger to his lips, and her right hand smoothes under his neck and loops around it. "He knows that I don't exactly have the best track record, here, and he knows that you're the only family I have besides my mother...who is only sober a third of the time...he's not afraid that you're gonna hurt me, El, he's afraid that I'm gonna end this, run like I always do, lose you, have to make him switch things around at work…" she exhales and slips her leg higher on his body. "He's terrified that I'm gonna fuck this up and he knows, if that happens...fuck, I couldn't even live in the same city as you if that ever happened."

He kisses her again, deeply, and whispers, "Well, it's never gonna happen, so…" he moves in again, his left hand clutching her hip and his right hooking around her thigh. He shifts to his left and thrusts his hips, catching her moan with another kiss, and he stays exactly where he is, unmoving, as he says, "That's what he's afraid of, baby."

She drops her head and bites a small patch of skin in the crook of his neck, nodding. She knows he's right. She's not running, not from him. She finally has the one thing she's been missing with the only man who's always had the absolute power to give it to her, make her truly want it, need it. Now, she has something to lose, she has more to risk, and it means taking fewer chances at work on her own, or more with Elliot. It means she will risk her life for Elliot more than ever before, sacrifice herself for him and the kids who are now partly hers. That's what scares her, and that's exactly what she's realized is scaring Cragen.

He pulls out of her only halfway, slips in again, and that's it. He wraps both of his arms around her and tightens his hold, rolls over onto his back, and he says, "Figured it out, have you?"

"You knew," she whispers. "How the hell did you…"

"Because he's fucking known me for nine years, that's more than twice as long as he's known you," he tells her, kisses her forehead, and then he sighs. "He knows me, and, Jesus, he saw it all happen, you changed me, and he saw how...slowly but surely...I changed you. I guess he knows...this is it for us. He's been trying to keep us from falling into a routine, building an actual life together...because I think he was hoping we'd realize that with the hours we have to pull at work, it wouldn't be much of a life at all, and we'd give up before it was too late."

"I'm not giving up," she says, peering down at him, and she smirks. "My life with you...our life...it's worth everything." She kisses his chin, yawns, and says, "Even seventy-two-hour shifts at work."

He chuckles, hums an agreement, and kisses the top of her head. "I love you," he tells her.

"I love you," she returns, and she settles against him, closes her eyes, and is asleep before she takes her next breath.

Elliot drifts away then, too, and grips her tighter as if trying to pull her into his dream.

From just beyond their windows, though, a man in a Buick sighs and rubs his eyes, turns off the car's radio, and slaps the steering wheel hard. He curses under his breath and peels out of the cobblestone driveway. As he turns the wheel, he shakes his head. How the hell could they have possibly known what's running through his head? Hearing them say it out loud, and talk about their own thoughts on it, makes him worry all the more. But when he turns down the road to head onto the expressway, he flattens his smile. Maybe he's being too fatalistic, maybe he's not giving them enough credit, or maybe he's not facing the reality of his situation or the truth behind it all.

That's what he has to do, he figures out, as soon as they get to work in the morning.

He has to tell them the truth, and hope they don't hate him for it.

A/N: Oh? What? After a crazy conversation at work, a hot encounter, and a moment with the kids.