I Do Love You
- "You know a thing or two about Irenicus already, don't you?" Peri asked. "You have a spark of Immy's soul."
- "Yes, I can feel our dear little sister in despair, self-loathing... all those dark emotions so alien to her. I can feel his cold eyes upon her, his hands slicing her with implements of torture... so cold... just curious to see how that would affect her. I would... I shouldn't entertain such thoughts anymore, but I would want to make this man suffer."
- "It is not that I pity him... how could I? I have never known such a pain than the one he subjected me to in his dungeon. And the worst of it was that I had no clue what he did it for. Imagine, having a cold, unreal madman torturing you, apparently for no purpose at all. And he wasn't angry, or excited or anything. He couldn't feel, Sarevok. He couldn't, because he had no soul anymore. For me such a thing is a sacrilege. They call the queen who did this to him a good and just leader... but I hate her. It is not only her fault that Imoen suffered so... for me she is evil. It is evil to tamper with someone's soul and leave the shell alive. After all, that is what Irenicus did to me. So horrible... being so empty..."
Peri's voice trailed off and a lonely tear welled in her eye. She angrily wiped it away. Sarevok took hold of her hand and wiped her cheek, and involuntarily she shed a few more tears.
- "You can cry, sister. I don't doubt your strength for that. You have seen me cry too, and offered me comfort," he said.
- "Why did you want that, Sarevok? It was the most horrible thing I have ever experienced, worse even than losing Gorion. Why did you want to lose what was mortal, what was the real you in you, and turn into a monster little more than a vessel channeling Bhaal?"
- "I... all I saw was that there was no mercy or love or gentleness. Or if there was, like in my mother, it got crushed and stomped on by those who had none. I was so weak and vulnerable, I thought I'd rather die than lose Winski, or mother, or Tamoko... and Reiltar... I hated him so. When I had no choice but to let him beat me, to humiliate me and laugh at my pain and powerless anger. To hear him rape my mother and not be able to do a damn thing about it... I wanted no part of that weak creature who could not do anything about it," Sarevok explained.
Peri staggered next to him and put her arm around his shoulder.
- "You got a cruel hand, bro..." she sighed. "But the mortal Sarevok you were, and are again, is not weak or pathetic. Gorion was right. There is a good man inside you who you can grow to be."
- "I... have you really forgiven me? And Imoen? It feels so... I dare not hope that it would be so."
- "Yes, I have, with all my heart. I believe Immy has too, now that she isn't suspicious about you anymore. Gorion forgave you, why wouldn't we?"
- "I don't want you to think that my suffering in my previous life is an obligation for you to forgive. It is not so."
- "I know. It isn't, and that is not why I have forgiven you. It is part of it, granted, but it is more than that. You are not the same man anymore, are you?"
Her eyes, while a bit unfocused because of the stupor, were expectant and intent upon him.
- "I... suppose so. I see my folly so clearly now, and it is you who made me to. I will do anything to protect you and Imoen, to help you achieve what you want and need, and if it means giving up my life and returning to the Abyss, so be it," he said, his jaw firm, his eyes burning with emotion.
- "Sarevok... I am not a priest or paladin, but you wouldn't go to the Abyss anymore. I'm sure Keldorn would agree. But I don't want you to die... I want you to live and to travel with me. What Anomen said about us... the love part..." she looked puzzled, apparently straining to get her thoughts into a proper order.
Sarevok waited, stroking her arm.
- "I do love you. I feel more for you than I ever did for Anomen. But it is not that I want to make love with you. It would feel... wrong. It is like you have another half of my soul..."
- "I know," Sarevok said. "I have never felt so... understood. By a peer, by someone who really knows. In a way, even if we were not siblings, we would perhaps be too close to each other for a romantic relationship."
Peri was quiet for a while, resting her head against Sarevok's shoulder. It felt good to have her near, but in the same way good as having Jelena or Winski hug him.
- "Yoshimo traveled with me for rather a long while. His name was Daidoji Yoshimo. He never told me much about himself, but he was from Kozakura, and a bounty hunter. I liked him a lot, but there was a sadness in him I never was able to reach. He took life like I do... like it is and not like it should be. I... I almost thought myself in love with him..." now Peri sobbed a bit, "and I thought he at least considered me a good friend..."
- "Yes. It is Tamoko's brother," Sarevok said gravely. "What happened?"
- "He... he was geased by Irenicus and his filthy sister to lure me into a trap. And I was forced to slay him... he was afraid... said he would suffer horrible tortures if he failed... I took his heart to the Ilmatari but..." now Peri was sobbing uncontrollably.
- "Tamoko had fallen in disgrace because of saving him," Sarevok said. "She always missed him. Little brother, she loved him so."
Peri's sobs just intensified. No doubt she would be embarrassed in the morning.
Sarevok led her to their bedroom, and she didn't resist. She fell asleep in seconds, the tear stains on her cheeks. Sarevok, his heart full of emotion, curled next to her and put his arm around her. He wanted to hold her and be close, but did not feel the erotic arousal like he had felt with Tamoko. Just the closeness. The love. The safety of being near.
