Chapter 40:
I Heard the Words Come Out
He did told her that if ever she would still need him and ask for help, he wouldn't mind attending into it and yet she finds herself sweating and her heart beating like there is no tomorrow.
Why is she feeling like this is the first place?
She shouldn't be, because she never did for anyone. Maybe because Erwin is new to her and she is somehow unsure whether how she would act towards him?
Nevertheless, she pumped out her chest and approached the blonde who was in the student government office and seemed to be reading something. With a steady knock, she entered after hearing a brief 'come in' from the other side of the room.
"Hi Erwin!" Hanji beamed with a wave of her hand. The blonde was surprised but smiled at the brunette.
"Hanji" he breathes out. "What brings you here?" he asks her and motions her to sit down by his table, in which she gratefully took.
"Well, I have a favor to ask." She looks at him, their eyes melting onto each other's.
"I mean, not kind of a small favor but kind of a big one and I know you might get mad because I have been asking too much favor already and I would understand if you do get mad at me already, but I would really appreciate it a lot if you help me." She said not breathing until she is finished. She can't afford to let this one slip away. She wanted to achieve something and do something worthy for a change and before the school year ends.
"Okay, what is it about?" Erwin asks first before he gets mad for being dumped with loads of favor coming from her, a person new to him in the first place, as far as she claims it to be.
"Well, my club together with the astronomy club plans to have an activity outside the school premises and I really wanted it to be successful so I could at least do something good and memorable for my clubmates for a change before the school year ends." She explains, looking serious as well as her tone.
Erwin felt the determination on her voice as well as on her eyes, and he understands as well as where and what she is going on about.
"I am hoping you could help me have it approved to the office." She said with full strength on her voice. They stared onto each other with seriousness, as she wanted nothing but success for the day. In honor of her clubmates, she doesn't want to let them down as well.
"I understand" Erwin said and nodded. "I need your letter addressing to the office, I will be also providing a letter to help you out to be given to the office as well. Make sure that everything is in there, the schedule of your activities, the number of students and who they are, the place, basically everything."
Hanji was lightened with hope and nodded into everything that Erwin was telling her.
"Aren't you going to write down the things that I was telling you?" He asked as he could only see her nodding almost into everything that he told her to.
"Nope, won't need it. I clearly remembered everything that you have told me, so don't worry about it." She reassures him with a smile, confident of herself and of her words.
"Alright then, if you say so." He tells her, a small grin already crossing over his face as he is about to check how truly remarkable this girl is in front of him as the entire school had told him. "As long as you do the things that I asked you to so I can back you up on your activity proposal."
"Sure do!" she stood said with determination.
"In exchange of that, I wanted to have lunch with you today and I doubt that you already had your lunch taken already, am I right?" he tells her coolly and surprised Hanji unexpectedly.
"What?"
"You came here a few minutes after start of lunch break, I haven't eaten my lunch yet and I wanted to talk while taking my lunch. Don't you think that's agreeable?" He asked with a smile.
Hanji felt herself tensing up as she is not expecting Erwin to eat and talk with her for lunch. She stared at him for a while, noticing how charming his smile could be with his shiny blonde hair and tall stature. But then, she guesses that it's not much of a bad idea and would like to consider a new friend on her list for a change after losing one. Besides, Erwin seemed to be interesting to be with, aside from the few helps that she is asking of him.
"Sure!" she said with a toothy grin and somehow felt excited already.
-x-
Having lunch with Erwin right in the cafeteria is a new experience for her.
It was very surprising but also fun at the same time. Everybody in the cafeteria was looking at them and it was the first after her return that she turned up in the cafeteria to eat because ever since then, she already had a habit of taking lunch inside the biology laboratory. Most especially, she turned up in the cafeteria not just to eat but with a new person that she doesn't usually does like before.
All eyes were heavy on them she felt awkwardness and uneasiness, good thing that Erwin was easy to be with and really considerate.
"Don't mind them looking at us." He tells her as he too is aware of the unwanted stares and heavy eyes on them. "They just don't have anything good to do aside to talk someone else behind their backs."
As a matter of fact, one of the reasons why Erwin asked her to eat lunch with him is to show to everyone that there is nothing wrong about Hanji and to also make her feel comfortable at school again.
Hanji can't help but smile at him. Despite knowing each other only a little bit even as they were just starting to spend some time with each other and know one another, she did not took Erwin to be the person eager enough to the point where he will initiate to spend lunch with her aside from helping her out and is there to somehow to make her feel alright despite the unwanted stares that they are receiving. Somehow, she is having a feeling of what possible thoughts it is that they may be holding against her with Erwin. But with Erwin's statement, it seems possible that he is also aware of the recent issues that she just had.
But who wouldn't anyway, Hanji thought.
"Hey Erwin" she starts off, starting by in between biting her meal. "How much do you know about me?" she asked confidently because it's as if she has more to lose and if she loses and or would not be able to be of friends with him, at least it won't hurt that much she guesses.
Erwin was both surprised and caught off guard by her question, not expecting she would ask him that. But at the same time, he also admired the direct bluntness of Hanji and believes that he should be honest to her. Besides, he can't fool the likes of her since she is-
"-incredibly smart." He unexpectedly blurted out. His eyes widen as well and looked at the stunned girl in front of him.
"Yeah I've been told that a lot, what else aside from that? And your first impression was also like that?" she snorted as she took a bite from her sandwich.
"I know you've been told a lot that you are incredibly smart but your impressiveness is unreachable and you are passionate with everything that you do, as you always win and take home the beacon. You are very much into science, you helped the school get recognized even more, all thanks to your hard work. Not only that but the way I see it, you are very selfless. Just by the way you give out your best for your club and even your own allowance that you put into your club, it was just something to be praised for."
Hanji was not surprised that of course, it would be mostly positive that he would usually tell her and she hoped it was all true to his heart. But she was also surprised to hear the last part about her allowance since it was only Levi, Nanaba and her clubmates knows of that.
"How come you know about my allowa-"
"One of my classmates is part of your club." He tells bluntly, taking a bite and a sip from his food while his eyes kept on hers.
"Okay." She said a bit awkwardly as she remembered who it was. "I remember who." She tells him and gave him a small smile.
They ate a bit in silence in a few more seconds, which was then broken by Hanji's another additional perspective over what his impression on her.
"You were able to said some of those because I forgot, you were second behind me." She said in astonishment, her mouth visible with food inside as it flew right open.
Erwin let out a smile and an attempted laugh in which he quickly covered his mouth for as Hanji seemed to just realized it late. Somehow for him, it only proved that she is not the competitive type because if she does, she would immediately remember who he is and the fact that he is second to her since their first year in the school.
"It's okay, nothing to worry about that." Erwin managed to tell her after he was able to swallow his food down his throat.
"Alright" she tells him and smiled at him while eating. "What's your negative impression on me then, Erwin?"
It was unusual for her to say his name but he liked hearing it and having her say it.
"Nothing I guess, except for overworking yourself beyond your limits and beyond time as well" he tells her and earned a halted laugh which was quickly followed by a widened glassy hazelnut-brown eyes.
"I know because that's the reason why I cannot beat you and take you away from the top, according to my sources." He added and decided to take a bite from his food and munch.
Hanji in turn couldn't help but feel at awe as how Erwin knows things about her wherein she does not know much about him in return, making her feel a bit sad aside from confused.
"Were you stalking me?" she asked with a laugh. For Erwin, he is not sure whether it was just a simple question wanting to be answered or something else.
"And I never knew that you were really that competitive to take me out of my spot to know that abut me?"
"Not really, but everybody knows a lot from you, maybe you're not just aware that you're pretty popular, most especially these days." Erwin explains and finishes his meal.
Hanji was caught on what he had said, her attention solely on his words and wanted to ask a series of questions like as to how is she popular if she is not pretty, if she is being talked a lot by everyone and how does he know, if he is also talking about her towards others, if he is stalking her in order to pull her down and get her spot most especially that they are about to graduate, if he hates but why is he helping her and if all of what he is saying is true.
But only one question came to her mind that is needed to be given priority and to be asked right away.
"What were those things that you heard regarding about me?" she asked as she held onto her sandwich with her entire life, unable to move and take a bite from it.
Erwin watched her carefully and told himself that he can tell her, after a few seconds of debating on himself whether he should tell her or not because deep inside, he is starting to grow fond of her and likes her personality and does not want to hurt or offend her by any means possible.
"You know, about Levi and how you came to be so close to him and everybody thought that you to were inseparable until to the point he had sex with Petra inside the janitor's room and everybody came to realize that it was not really you after they admitted it was really indeed Petra." He started and waited for her to act and respond. He did not received any negative reaction from her and decided to tell her more, since she looked like she is aching for more for him to tell her.
"But lately I have been told that you drove Petra mad and pushed her to tell her that it was her instead of you and bribed her for giving Levi to her, that's why she told everybody that it was her and the reason why you are no longer having any connections with Levi." He finishes and waited for her to react.
Hanji's blood boiled deep inside her.
"Who was spreading that rumor?" she asked, her teeth grinding as she wanted it to stop itself from opening and putting her anger towards Erwin as she composes herself.
Erwin maintained his composure and seemed relax, yet he did not dare told her who told him of rumors about her.
"Everybody knows it and has been talking about you Hanji" he says which gives Hanji a thought that he might be protecting the person who told him that. But if what he is saying is true that mostly everybody is talking behind her, then whoever told him about her does not matter at all anymore she supposed.
"Look Hanji" Erwin continues as he saw how Hanji does not seemed to be in the mood anymore and he instantly felt guilty about it.
"I am telling you this not because I wanted to prove something to you or to make you feel bad but I am telling you this so that you will be aware of what most people are thinking about you and to be careful." Erwin tried to sound persuading and comforting as he could be but all he get was a half-hearted smile from the brunette sitting across him.
"I understand what you mean Erwin, trust me." Hanji replied with ease and tried to give her best reassuring smile which she failed to do so, and she is aware that Erwin knows of what she is feeling as of the moment.
But she really meant her words towards him that she appreciates Erwin's concerns for her and do believe of his reasons of telling her such thing. It was just that, she can't shake off the absurd feeling within her that is disturbing her deep down into her core. That she has been a center of attention without her attention and without her knowledge as well.
And she could only point it to one thing, all just because she had gotten close to Levi.
She realizes that her friendship with him really did do nothing good for her part.
Hanji ate in silence as Erwin waited for her patiently, the blonde even wanting to stretch out his hand and touch hers to give it a small amount of warmth through a squeeze. But instead, he did with all his will not to.
But then suddenly, Erwin's attention was caught by something unfamiliar and unexpected. Hanji begun to wonder as she looked at where he is staring to see the familiar raven haired boy staring at them whose eyes are like some ferocious beast and is focusing on them entirely not far from them. He was alone in his table and Hanji cannot fathom what those eyes of his are bearing towards them. But when he saw those familiar warm hazelnut orbs of hers, he decided to look away, unable to contemplate feeling the heaviness those beautiful eyes of hers are giving him.
Hanji easily looked back towards Erwin, not caring of what she had seen. Because in reality, despite a tiny feeling of still wanting to talk to the raven haired boy, her decision not to was even higher than that. They were friends, he was supposed to tell everything to her most especially if she is involved into anything that he knows.
As she turns to look at the blue eyes of the blond guy in front of her, she can't but feel majestic of his blue orbs, calming and pure serenity that fills her inside and out just like how the ocean calms a person.
And that made her smile, like the usual smiles that she does.
"You look very nice when you smile you know?" Erwin tells her with a laugh. "Do it more often Hanji. Aside that it suites you best, it tells everybody talking behind your back that you don't give a damn over them and that they don't matter and cannot just easily pull you down."
Hanji can't help but smile wider and laugh as well. This blonde sure has his majestic ways as well, she thought.
"Well, you are certainly right about that Erwin." She agrees, taking his words by deep into her heart.
They soon finished their meals in silence but with few exchanges of thoughts and smiles and laughs and as they did so, while a raven haired boy who kept on watching them in the distance with an unwanted longing inside and forces himself to look away in regret and forget.
-x-
Hanji is beyond happy that she trusted someone really worthy this time.
The following day came the good news that she and her club with the Astronomy club are finally allowed and permitted to go and have their final activity for the school year.
And Hanji is beyond excited.
Once Erwin told her early in the morning as she was invited to the student's council office and was wondering why he looked so serious and why inside the office.
Until he told her the news and Hanji all leapt and hugged Erwin with all her might.
"Thank you, thank you so much Erwin!" She said gratefully and repeatedly as she clings on his neck that he believes would almost break.
"Just doing my job" Erwin said as he also felt happy for making someone else happy by just helping them, as what he loved most about his duty.
"Would you like to come and join us for the activity? I promise that it would be fine and you will enjoy!" She said gleefully and jumped on the balls of her feet, her eyes searching for a good answer from Erwin.
"I am already happy to have served you and your club, Hanji. That is all and I am already happy about that." Erwin thought of it hard. Of course he would want to join but he believes that helping her and her club is already enough since he knows that he should maintain a boundary between them of closeness and seriousness.
"Okay:" Hanji mumbles and Erwin instantly felt a guilty of making those upright lips turned down.
Hanji then turned to stare at him deeply in the eyes, deep into his soul and thought as if she is trying to look for something deep inside of him through his eyes. He didn't feel awkward at first nor surprised, except when she suddenly giggled and continue to do so as she wrapped her arms around him with eagerness.
"You are always welcome in our club Erwin" she whispers to him as she embraces him in the middle of the hallway, not caring if everybody sees them. "We are very grateful to you Erwin."
Indeed it is a very big deal for Hanji and her club, as she really wanted to do something for her club and also to have fun as well. As the president, she feel responsible for the welfare and happiness and of course, the growth of her club members emotionally and cognitively. And as their president, she is willing to do everything and sacrifice for them.
After breaking apart, Erwin is unsure whether if he is going to feel awkward or happy. Instead, he finds himself feeling both, despite not wanting to. Even if he knows and finds her extremely friendly and easy to be with, he still can't help but feel concerned over her still tainted reputation. As a leader of the student body, he wanted to nothing but to help her redeem herself because despite proving herself not guilty over the recent unwanted events, rumors are still drilling on her. Lucky enough she is made of a strong spirit, but he didn't wanted her to crumble down if she is given too much to burden. So at least on his own ways he could help her, and make her smile like she used to be.
Hanji turned to face her way and departs, waving goodbye to Erwin and gleefully skipped her way towards her next class, can't help but be extremely excited to tell her club members and prepare already for their activity. It won't be long since three weeks is good enough time to prepare everything according to their plan. From the bus to be used, a letter is only good enough for them to be allowed which is easy to accomplish, asked their moderator to sign then to the principal again, with or without Erwin's help since the principal is already aware of the said activity. The place, the activities and games and of course, the extra money that they would be needing for funding the other expenses as well.
Hanji thought of it hard and somehow manage to think of other alternatives to earn and save money, and all she need to do is to inform her club members after telling them the good news of having their final club activity be approved.
*(JUST LIKE IN THE SHINGEKI CHUGGAKKOU MANGA, WHERE it is stated that Hanji sacrifices her own allowance in order to sustain the experiments and activities being conducted by her club. And, I think it is necessary to show the same amount of leadership and honor. Just like the squad leader she is in both the manga and the anime but here, through being the president of her club.)
-x-
He did not know that his heart is capable of feeling pain.
Seeing Hanji having fun with that Erwin the blonde with thick eyebrows made him frown. Seeing him joining together during lunch and making her smile makes him want to strangle him until his bones crack and break. It is true that he feels happy and relieved that Hanji is now happy and smiling again but wouldn't be able to talk to her is a huge blow on his part. But seeing her with that no good president Erwin made things even worse.
He knows that he should keep his distance from her but he just couldn't do it, it was bothering and painful. The latter was new to him and doesn't have the heart to accept it but whenever he would see Hanji along the way, see her in the library, surprising bump into her when walking, she would just give him a hard cold glare and he does not like even a tiny bit of it. He never received such thing from her before and most especially because she is one of the nicest person on earth that he believed to receive such glare.
What was worse was when he overheard her telling her clubmates that she doesn't know him.
Such name should not be said, it's just too evil, even coming from the name itself. It was so painful to hear and he just had his hand clutch into his chest from the pain. He never knew Hanji could say that.
Somehow, it is slowly dwelling on her that he might have fucked their friendship big time but finding out the truth made knocked a few screws back into her head, even if she may still be clueless as to why he pinpointed her to be the one who is guilty. Nevertheless, she knows that he has a reason for that.
Deep inside, she is still unsure whether if she really feels purely angry at Levi, after knowing that he too is also just a victim. Nevertheless, she is still not yet willing to talk to him just yet.
As for Levi, all the heartlessness that Hanji has been showing to him is starting to drill into him in a bad way.
It made everything hurts and gives him heaviness in his chest. It is as though he misses someone so much it physically cripples him already. She had cut off contact with him because he knows she has to and although he understands, he is struggling with the pain.
Fuck he can't even focus on anything because he doesn't have any motivation anymore. He can't see or feel any goals in his future and nothing to work for. He has spent days alone, not even talking to Mike and had very little contact with anyone. He knows he has to continue to stay alive as he had promised to those only people who mattered to him who he also lost.
He had hurt enough people already. It just feels prolonged and dragged out. He is already feeling guilty for his selfishness. He just wanted to have his friendship with Hanji again but he had made himself more alone than ever most especially whenever he tries and would only end up getting snubbed by her, most especially when she ignores him and angrily looks at him. Nothing gives him relief already.
Nothing helps.
He doesn't know what to do.
Help me mom he whispers in himself, no knowing anyone who would help him from the internal suffering that he is having.
-x-
Author's notes:
Hello! Happy March and hope everybody had a great February! The 29th feels such a blessing because we were given an additional day for this year :D It's not always we are given an extra day and I hope you guys had made the most out of it :D
Here's an update for you all! So far, I just read a fanfic of Levi and Historia which was greatly written but I can't finish it because Levi treats Hanji like a nuisiance as well as Erwin. He also treats her like just any ordinary soldier, not confiding into her and she too treats Levi like any ordinary soldier. I believe the characterization was quite biased despite the greatness of how the story was made.
Anyway, LEVIHAN forevah 3
P.S. How's everyone doing with the Corona virus so far? I hope our country won't impose travel ban going to and from Japan because we are going back there and I really wanted to shop for some Levihan Merchs huhu T.T
Keep safe to everyone :D
xoxo
Ladyinblack
