CHAPTER THIRTY
(JPOV)
I woke up before the dawn and felt the soft touch of Bella's fingertips running through my hair. My head was in her lap and I startled when Clarissa let out a cry from above me.
"Shh, it's alright, Jake. I have her. She's right here."
I sat up and saw her there on Bella's chest, her cry softening when she picked her up and offered her to me. I held her close and felt my throat tighten when Charlie and Billy came into the living room, their knowing gazes going to Bella while she hurried off to the kitchen to warm a bottle.
"Sleep okay, son?" Billy asked, holding out a cup of coffee with a worried look my way.
"Slept fine, dad." I lied in return.
Charlie did little to hide his concerned gaze as he peered down at me.
"Sure that sofa wasn't too rough on ya'?"
"No, it was alright."
Bella came back with a warmed bottle in hand and offered it to me. I held her gaze and tried to keep my hand steady, as a wave of heat licked hastily up my spine and made me shudder.
"Dad, can you go into town and get us some donuts and quiche from the bakery that just opened? I've heard nothing but good things about it." Bells asked, her understanding gaze lingering there on mine before she turned to Charlie with her request.
"All the way back in town? This early? It's barely seven, kid." Charlie grumbled, clearly not thrilled with the idea of trudging out into the frigid cold this early in the day for breakfast.
"Please?" Bella pushed with a soft sigh to him. "I have missed the quiche I used to get from the hospital cafeteria at work back home. It would be well worth the trip."
"Easy for you to say. You're not the one bundling up and going out after it this early. Who the hell eats quiche, anyway? Don't tell me you're gonna jump on the heart healthy bandwagon around here, too. I'll stick to my bacon and eggs. Suits me just fine. No reason to change anything now." Charlie huffed with a shake of his head in frustration to her, but it was easy to see his resolve was slipping when she hugged him.
"Thanks, dad. I love you."
I watched as Billy observed their interaction and winked my way. He knew what she was doing and I nodded to him in response. Bella was still good at diversions when needed.
"Come on, old fella'. Kids don't ever stop needing their dads. No matter how old. The trip into town isn't that far. We'll be back before you know it." Billy added, grabbing his coat and tossing Charlie his keys to the cruiser from the coffee table.
"You're unbelievable, but yeah okay, we'll go."
Charlie warmed the car and I started to feed Clarissa, her innocent eyes matching my own and peering up at me while she gripped the bottle tightly in her tiny hands.
"Here, take some money from me and-..."
"No, put that away, dear. Breakfast is on me this morning." Billy hedged, taking hold of Bella's hand while she helped him bundle up for the outdoors. She soon paused by the door and lightly wrapped a scarf of Charlie's around his neck to further ward off the chill before they left.
"Thank you, Billy. Stay warm out there." Bella offered, placing a kiss to his cheek as Charlie wheeled him outside and closed the house door.
She turned back my way, her face filling with worry when she saw me try to stand with Clarissa, my tremors hitting me hard and making me unsteady.
"Bells, I- … Can you-..."
Bella rushed forward before I could get the words out, taking Clarissa into her arms and reaching for me, her hand catching mine with her soft reply.
"Go. It's okay. I promise to stay here with her. She'll be alright, Jake."
I tore out of the house without pausing long enough to look back and sprinted straight for the forest, the heat rolling over me like a fiery furnace as I stripped out of the confines of my clothes till nothing remained.
I phased on the fly, my paws harshly digging into the snow as the others phased in.
"It's good to have you back, man." Seth offered up in thought first.
"Yeah, I second that. Must feel good to be back on four legs instead of just two. There's nothing like the speed." Paul hedged next.
"Sam's waiting for you at his house. Says he needs to have a word with you. We just came from there. Emily has breakfast on." Embry huffed out.
I ignored some of the commentary for now and headed for Sams, my thoughts nothing but a blank page to them in return. I couldn't let my guard slip. There was too much chaos going on in my head right now and some of it wasn't mine to share. Bella had trusted me with her pain and I wouldn't betray that trust with her for anything. She'd been through enough without the added headache of having the entire pack knowing her personal business.
I made it back to La'push in record time, my speed driven by my hurry to get back on two legs and keep the pack out of my head.
Sam was waiting for me on his front porch when I emerged from the tree line, my huff to him loud as he tossed a pair of cut offs toward me and went back inside. I phased back and pulled them on, my steps fast as I ran into the house after him.
He stood at the counter and I paused then when Emily approached me, her outstretched arms causing me to halt my question to him.
"Jacob it's so good to see you. Do you want something to eat?"
I hugged her tight and kindly turned down her offer.
"No, thank you, Em. I'm just here on pack business. I may take you up on that later though."
Emily smiled at me and swiftly excused herself to the back bedroom, using the age old excuse that she had mounds of laundry to put away so Sam and I could speak freely.
Sam kissed her before she got far, the affectionate and lingering embrace the two of them shared, making a knot form in my stomach as I looked away.
When she was out of sight, Sam turned back on his heel and faced me, his eyes narrowed in thoughtful concern when he placed a firm hand on my shoulder.
"Are you alright?"
"No-" I truthfully replied, shrugging out of his hold and beginning to pace there in front of him. "The others let me know you needed to speak with me?"
"Yeah, I do, but why do I get the feeling you were already on your way here about something else?"
I drew in a breath and met his inquisitive stare, my mind now free to fill with the things Bella had said and the memory of it all made me visibly wince. Sam gestured for me to sit down with him at the table but I had too much nervous energy to comply.
"I was-..." I soon admitted.
"What's going on, Jake?"
His question was pointed but I couldn't shake the feeling that he knew what I was going to say before I even said it and it unnerved me.
"Did you leave anything out about the imprint being temporarily removed years ago? I need you to be straight with me. I mean it, Sam."
He flinched from my hostile tone and pushed his coffee mug away with an exasperated sigh.
"That was a long time ago, Jake. I don't remember all of the details we went through. It took your father and I weeks to uncover what we did with the elders and the council."
"You've got one of the sharpest minds I know, Sam. So don't bullshit me. I know you better than that." I testily countered and took a step his way, my body damn near shaking with the anger that was boiling to the surface faster than I could control it.
"Man, I know you're on edge given everything you've been through but-"
"Damn it! Stop it!" I half shouted.
Sam immediately got to his feet and raised his hands with a nod toward the back half of his house where Emily was.
"Settle down." He huffed, his tone laced with the authority I couldn't deny or refuse. "When is the last time you slept?"
"I slept last night. At Charlies. I'm fully rested. Are you gonna give me the answers I need or am I gonna have to go around you, Sam?"
He went mute at this and I shook my head as I whirled around and headed for his door. I reached the porch before his hand tightly caught hold of my arm in protest.
"Hey! Wait a damn minute. I'll talk. Just not here. I don't want Emily involved. Follow me."
He headed for the trail behind his house, both of us still on two legs as we went. When he felt there was enough distance between the house and ourselves, he stilled and leaned his back up against one of the large trees that surrounded us.
"What have you not told me?"
"When Billy found out the imprint could be altered, he did some further digging on his own. For reasons much like yours right now. He had a feeling in his gut that there was more to it than the elders had chosen not to be forthcoming about. I trust your dad and listened to his wisdom before going any further with it. There were unknown complications from it. Things that could effect both you and Bella."
I swallowed hard and held his gaze as he continued, my insides beginning to crawl with a familiar dread when he looked my way again.
"Your dad was nothing but thorough with his research and findings. You know that about him. He did it out of concern for your welfare and for hers. After he spent many more days doing all the hunting he could, he found that while the temporary removal of the imprint was something that could be accomplished, the action alone had the possibility to be more harmful for Bella than it did for you. Unlike you, she wouldn't have the covering of the spirits. They have a further reach than most think and legends have it that their power can alter things, ward off ailments and even heal in some cases. Bella isn't one of us genetically speaking. She doesn't carry that gene or have the same DNA we do. As you already know, the denial of an imprint can prove to be excruciatingly painful and sometimes fatal, but because it was altered between the two of you, that pain didn't stay with you, Jake. It was removed."
"... or replaced." I hoarsely countered, my throat threatening to close as I stood there staring at him in disbelief.
Sam paused his thought and shook his head in confusion.
"Replaced?" He hesitantly countered.
"Yeah, removed from me and placed in her."
His face went pale and he took a few steps my way as he tried to process what I was saying. What I knew in my gut to be true without needed confirmation from him or anyone else.
"Billy hated the very idea of putting her through any kind of pain. That's why he did the research before anything was initiated-"
"Well, he missed something or the council did." I choked out, my head filling with the heartbreaking sobs that tore through Bella a few nights ago in her room.
"What's really going on?"
I half turned away from him, my mouth refusing to open for the sense of betrayal to her if I did, but I had to say something because I was determined to get to the bottom of it.
"You gotta swear to me that you won't breathe a word of it to anyone, Sam. I'm trusting you with this."
"You have my word, Jake. You know it's solid."
"I won't tell you the details cause it's not my place, it's not mine to share, but she's been hurting since before she left for Maine and I know it's from me. From denying the imprint in the first place. That's crazy, right? I'm internalizing this? I need you to be my voice of reason right now. Tell me that's not fucking possible. Tell me I didn't do that to her, Sam."
His face fell at this and he looked back at me wordlessly, but his momentary silence was the loudest thing I'd ever heard.
"I know you don't want to go into the details, but I need more info than that to give you a good answer here." Sam timidly replied.
"She's been in physical pain for years, Sam. I've seen it myself and I don't believe that it's what she believes it to be. It's bad and it's real and it's taken things from her-"
Sams eyes went wide and I had to turn away from him at the sight of his ashen expression.
"I'd be lying if I told you that there wasn't a real chance that her pain, whatever it is, was caused by the choice we made years ago."
"I made-..." I harshly corrected, letting my fist fly into the nearby tree and pulling back with blood dripping from my hand. "The choice I made for her. I didn't fucking know. I would have never-..."
"I know, bro. Let's not get ahead of ourselves with this till we have all the facts here. We'd have to consult with Billy first."
"Believe me, I intend to." I harshly stated to him in return.
"Don't blame your dad. He was sick with worry over this for a long time."
"Sam, I moved on. Met Lilly and had a family with her, all the while, Bella is states away from me dealing with something I physically caused her from a choice I made on my own. A choice I didn't include her in."
I was sick to my stomach as I imagined how alone that must have made her feel.
"You can't put that blame on yourself-..."
"That's where it belongs."
"You gotta keep your head about you. This could be something else entirely."
I turned to him and raised my head so we were eye level, my words strained with my angered reply.
"You were the one who instilled in us from the very beginning to always trust what we knew. To never second guess our own gut instinct, right?"
"Yeah, I did." He humbly countered.
"Well, right now, mine is screaming at me that I gave this to her. That what we did to break the imprints hold took the pain from me and gave it to her all this time. It's nearly broken her, Sam. I can see it in her face when she talks about it and that fucking kills me. So, please, go to the council and find out what I can do to fix this before she goes back to Maine. I need that from you and I need it for her."
"You got it, Jake. I'll go." Sam sincerely obliged.
I left him there in the woods and phased back to wolf form as I ran with renewed speed back to Forks. With any luck, Billy would be back with Charlie by now and I could take him home to get the answers I needed.
A/N: Thanks for reading and for all your great reviews :-) New chapter tomorrow! Till then!
