A/N: Well, this was originally a much longer chapter, but then it got too long, yada, yada, yada…so I broke them up. The upside—you get two chapters at once. The downside…well is there really a downside to that? Ha, just kidding.
As an aside, I hope everyone is doing well during these strange times. COVID-19 is a scary beast and I know many of you are right in the thick of it. My community hasn't been hit all that hard with it yet, but who knows what the next few weeks will bring? Stay strong, readers!
Letters to Harm
Chapter 38: Aftermath
Dear Harm,
Today I'm wondering what will happen if I ever escape this place…would it surprise you to hear that I'm almost more scared of that than of staying here? I know I'll never be able to go back to my previous life…that of a marine, that of one who is loved by you. Will I even be able to function in society again? He's taken so much from me—my hearing, my dignity, my confidence, my strength. You…by now you'll have forgotten me…and you should, but if I do make it back, will you help me? Help our daughter?
I'm so scared.
I miss you.
I love you.
Mac
May 27th, 2004
0802 Local
Georgetown University Medical Center
Georgetown
"Mac, sweetheart?"
Mac curled into the chair a little further and refused to look at AJ. He'd found her sitting in a little atrium one floor down from Harm's room, a scant moment before he planned to have her overhead paged. She'd been terribly quiet since she'd awakened from the sedation she'd been given to repair the wound in her arm, but he sensed it was more than the medication working on her.
AJ came around and knelt in front of her. "Mac, what is it?"
Mac only shook her head, her huge eyes filling with tears. Gallantly, he pulled out his handkerchief and dabbed at her cheeks. "Harm's asking for you, honey."
He was surprised when anger marred her bruised but still lovely features. "He can wait," she spat, a new wash of tears flowing down her face.
"Mac, what happened?" He spoke to her gently, well aware of the trauma of her last twenty-four hours. The doctors had wanted to admit her overnight but she'd refused, telling them she wanted to stay with Harm once he was out of surgery. They'd agreed to that, but Mac had disappeared when Harm had started to awaken.
"Nothing," she sniffled. "I'm just so…mad at him."
AJ had a feeling he knew the reason, but asked her anyway. "Why?"
She gave him such a look if disbelief that it was almost comical, and AJ had to bite back a laugh.
"Why?!" Mac abruptly stood up and started to pace. "He nearly got himself killed! He should have waited for backup. He should have told someone, you, Tessa…but instead he played Superman and went on his own! Our daughters could have been orphaned! He shouldn't have come at all!" At that Mac burst into tears and AJ was quick to take her in his arms.
"Hey, hey, Mac…it's okay. He's okay."
"But he could have…a few more millimeters and it would have been over! He had his gun, why the hell didn't he use it? Why, AJ? Why?!" She sobbed into his chest.
AJ understood her reaction as much as he was surprised she'd called him AJ. He also understood Harm's desire to physically beat Mic Brumby to a pulp. Shooting the bastard would have been more effective, but definitely not as satisfying.
Eventually, Mac was all cried out and she sagged in his arms a little, utterly exhausted by her ordeal and by blood loss. AJ helped her sit down again, wanting to let her rest a moment before he tried to get her to come back to Harm.
Truthfully, AJ felt terribly guilty that he'd sensed Harm was planning something and yet he'd done nothing. On the other hand, he feared that if Harm hadn't gone, their arrival to Mac's old apartment would have been delayed further, and Mac would have been lost. He supposed he just needed to accept that everything had come out okay. Utterly traumatic and most certainly scarring, but okay, he thought ruefully.
A yawn from Mac brought AJ back to the present and he looked down on her with concern. She was so pale and the circles under her eyes rivaled the darkness of the bruises on her face. They'd both been given hospital scrubs to wear as her clothing, already torn and soaked in blood, had been cut off of her completely by a paramedic. AJ's clothing had been covered in blood as well, and as he'd refused to leave while Mac and Harm had been in surgery, the hospital staff had kindly given him scrubs as well.
"Mac, sweetheart, are you sure you shouldn't be admitted?"
"I'm fine, Admiral." So, we're back to formality.
Mac's eyes fluttered shut as she leaned back into her chair and AJ debated either picking her up and taking her to Harm or down to admissions.
"Mac…"
"I know, sir…but…but just take me to Harm, okay?" She held out her uninjured arm to him and he eased her out of her chair. Putting his arm around her waist in support, he slowly walked her back to Harm's room.
Harm tried to ignore the burning ache in his side along with his worry about Mac. He knew she'd been here earlier but when he'd finally opened his eyes, all he saw was her back as she exited his room. The admiral came in about five minutes later and Harm immediately sent him to find her. He wanted to see her, hold her, have proof that she was safe.
The last thing he remembered before he woke up in this room was turning away from Brumby's unconscious body and heading for Mac. AJ had informed him he'd been shot, which came as no shock to him given how he felt, but he was pleased to know that no major organs had been damaged. He sported a chest tube due to a collapsed lung, but the lung itself would be fine according to the doctor who spoke to AJ and Mac while he'd still been in recovery. In time, he'd be as good as new.
As for the fate of Mic Brumby, Harm had been reassured that the man was unequivocally dead though he hadn't heard the details yet. He also didn't know the extent of what Mic had done to Mac, and it terrified him.
Harm was almost frantic when the admiral finally came back, Mac in tow. He noticed Mac wouldn't look at him as AJ eased her into the chair by the bed. He reached his hand out for hers but she pulled it away, and Harm looked up at his CO helplessly. AJ gave him a sympathetic glance before he leaned down to put his arm around Mac's shoulders and kissed her forehead. He whispered something into Mac's good ear, nodded at Harm, and left the room.
"Where's he going?" Harm asked when AJ was gone from view. Mac shrugged and looked away, but not before he saw a tear track down her face.
"Mac, sweetheart…what's wrong? I'm okay…" He managed to grab hold of her hand this time, but she quickly snatched it away.
"You almost died, Harm!" She tried to stand then, but she fell back into her chair before she even made it halfway up.
Harm looked on in concern. "Mac…are you sure you shouldn't be—"
"I'm fine, Harm!" she snapped, but then burst into tears.
Harm tried to scoot closer but that was obviously not going to happen. He closed his eyes until the pain from his slight movement receded, then reached out toward Mac again.
"Mac, baby…"
"No, Harm! You could have died! He could have killed you! Why did you come alone? Our babies…orphaned…I could have lost you!"
By this time there were tears in Harm's eyes too. He could feel the fury pouring off of her in waves and he knew she was right. He'd acted impulsively and had nearly got himself killed. He'd underestimated Brumby's abilities of self-resurrection, and they nearly paid a horrible price.
On the other hand, if they'd delayed any further what more would Brumby have done?
Mac was sobbing into her hands, using energy Harm knew she didn't have. He needed to calm her down somehow, but she was clearly past distraught.
"Mac, Mac…sweetheart…I'm sorry…I'm sorry…you're right. Please, just come here…please…"
He was relieved when she finally shifted so she could bury her face in his shoulder. He was able to lift his arm to stroke her hair, and after what felt like an eternity, her cries diminished into hiccups.
A few moments later, she sat up with a wince.
"Mac…are you…"
"I'm still mad at you."
That actually made Harm smile. "I know, sweetheart. But are you okay?" The smile slid off his face when he thought of all that might have happened when he'd been out of commission.
Something he didn't like flashed through her eyes as she nodded, letting Harm know she really wasn't all that fine. Not that you expected her to be…
"Maaac…"
"It's fine, Harm."
Harm swallowed hard. He was growing increasingly fatigued, but he had to know what had happened after he'd been shot. "Mac, honey…tell me what happened after…after I…"
"After he shot you?" she asked bitterly.
"Y-yeah…"
"I killed him." Harm waited several seconds until it was clear she wasn't going to elaborate.
"Mac…"
"Harm, please…I-I just can't right now. I feel like if I go into it I'm just going to shatter and I need you to hold me but you can't and I…I…"
"Mac…Mac, sweetheart…" he tried to interrupt her, but she didn't hear him until he finally shouted her name. Unfortunately for him yelling caused a stabbing pain to go through him followed by an agonizing coughing fit. When he came out of it, Mac was standing by his side stroking his now sweat-dampened hair.
"Oh my god, Harm, stop scaring me like that!" She reached for the cup of water on his tray and held it up to him with a shaking hand.
"S-sorry, Mac." He waved the water away after he'd taken a couple of sips and she set it back on his tray. "Now, go sit down before you fall down." Mac leaned down and kissed his forehead.
"Um, I actually need to, um, pump…" She blushed furiously.
"Uh, what, Mac?" His mind had grown hazier so he didn't catch her meaning.
"Emily…needs breast milk…"
Understanding dawned on Harm. "Oh…" As she stepped away from the bed, Harm had a thought.
"Mac, you don't have a breast pump here…"
She actually cracked a smile at that. "The nurses brought one up for me."
"Why don't you just let the admiral take you home?"
Mac sighed. "I'm not leaving you, Harm."
Harm wanted to offer up a token protest, tell her she should rest in her own bed, but truthfully, he didn't want her to be out of his sight. "Okay. Thanks, Mac."
Mac nodded and turned back toward the bathroom. When she reached its door, she turned around again and called his name.
"Yeah, sweetie?"
"I'm still mad at you."
"I know, honey."
"Um, Harm?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
"I love you too, Mac."
His wife disappeared into the bathroom as Harm settled back into his pillow. He knew they had much to discuss, and he knew they weren't dealing with it at the moment. For now, though, he supposed just being together was enough. They needed rest, and then he needed to see his girls. He smiled at the thought of his babies and drifted off into a light slumber.
Mac stepped out of the bathroom to see that the admiral had arranged to have a cot brought in for her. It had been positioned right next to the bed, for which, despite her very real anger toward her husband, she was grateful. The older man helped her over to her makeshift bed, got her settled, then promised to bring Tricia and Emily by along with Harm's parents later that evening. Mac gave the admiral a long hug, and then she was alone again with Harm. She lay down and scooted as close to Harm's bed as she could and slipped her hand in his, surprised when he gripped it firmly. She'd assumed he was fast asleep.
"Hey, Mac."
"Hey, yourself." Harm gripped her hand more tightly at her response but didn't say anything more for a while. Mac shifted her hand until her finger found Harm's pulse and its steady beat gave her some reassurance even if she couldn't really relax.
"Mac, honey?"
"You should be asleep, Harm." She tapped his wrist with her finger.
"So should you."
She heaved a deep sigh. "I don't think I can."
"Oh, Mac…"
"It's just that everything hurts." She didn't know why she thought that would reassure him, but it had to be better than discussing the turmoil in her mind. And she did hurt…muscles screamed, her head and face hurt from Mic's abuse, and the area between her legs ached from his assault. Tears slipped out from under her eyelids and she couldn't hold back her sniffle.
"Sweetheart, I wish you would have let them keep you overnight. At least call AJ—"
"I'm not going home, Harm."
"I know, honey…I was going to suggest he bring you some ibuprofen."
"He can bring some when he comes back later. I'll be f-fine." Ibuprofen might dull the hurt but not the memories.
"Mac…I know that this is about more than the physical pain…"
"I told you I wasn't ready to discuss it," she said, cutting him off.
"I know…but…I have to know…did he…when I was…did he…"
She knew what he was asking, of course, and though she didn't want to answer him, he deserved her honesty. "Not with…that…he used his hand…"
"Mac…" came Harm's strangled reply. "I-I'm so, so s-sorry…" The bed next to started to shake and she knew he was crying now as well.
"Harm…he's gone…let's just forget about him for today, okay? Please?"
Harm didn't answer for a long while, but then his hand tightened once again on hers. "Okay, Mac. We'll do that."
Neither of them spoke again after that, and it was a certainty that the last thing either of them was doing was forgetting Mic Brumby.
End Chapter 38
