Chapter 11

A week had passed since Connor had shown up at Astrid's door. Almost a week since he had even seen her. Henrik stared blankly at the paper on his desk. He was supposed to be studying, but his mind had been elsewhere all week, making it extremely difficult to concentrate. She hadn't shown up to any of her classes, hadn't answered any of his texts or calls.

He'd been over to check in with her on the weekend, but now it was Friday again. She had told him to leave after crying the whole time he was there, and that was the most response he got for anything he said. He could still feel the ache in his chest and the lump in his throat that had caused his own tears to fall that day.

As far as he knew from Heather, she had withdrawn from everything, hadn't left the house, and her mood hadn't changed in the slightest.

He shoved the paper away, he had drawn her yet again in his state of distraction. It had become quite a habit those last few days, and he had to be mindful of doing it in class since most of the time his drawings were of her in the nude. They were strikingly more beautiful than the ones he'd drawn for himself in private before really knowing what she'd looked like underneath her clothes, finally capturing her as she was. He ached for her whenever he looked at those pictures, just wanted the skin to skin contact he'd experienced with her the week prior. He would even settle for just holding her hand if she'd let him.

Giving up on studying, Henrik went to make himself lunch. Feeling the emptiness of his apartment screaming at him.

xxx

Astrid rolled over in bed. She had barely gotten up all week and felt a bit dizzy if she was being honest with herself. But she had no desire to fix that. She deserved every bit of pain she was feeling.

What was she to do about Connor? She figured she definitely owed him something. Some explanation, apology, something. She couldn't figure out what she would even say, the hatred in his eyes when he looked at her had been intense. She'd never seen him hate anyone, hold a grudge, had never heard him yell before.

While Connor wasn't one to get angry or spiteful, Astrid was. And how was she to explain to Henrik that the whole reason she had dated Connor in the first place wasn't just to get her best friend back, it was a little bit out of resentment that Henrik couldn't find it in him to ask her out?

Astrid should have just been patient. This was all her fault and she knew it. That guilt was starting to eat at her, keeping her awake at night. The last decent sleep she'd had was after her and Hiccup's first real date. She couldn't help but feel as though that whole week they'd been together was a dream, and now she was waking up to reality.

She flipped over on her bed and felt a new wave of dizziness hit her.

"Unggghhh."

"Astrid?" Heather. She must have just come in from her classes.

"Yeah," she called out weakly.

Her door opened to Heather, looking slightly saddened, but also impatient. The mixture felt a lot like pity.

"Astrid, don't you think you should get up soon? You haven't eaten a real meal in days, and this is so unlike you. Just wallowing in self pity."

"I am not!"

Heather raised an eyebrow at her, then sighed. Sitting on the edge of her bed, she raised her arms to invite her into a hug.

"Do you wanna talk to me? Maybe I can help you work through it."

Astrid grumbled a bit then rolled onto her back as Heather's arms dropped back to her sides with a disappointed thump.

Her stomach rumbled.

Heather sighed. "I'm going to cook something for you, please eat for me if not for yourself. And go take a shower, you need to get up and catch up on school."

The bed dipped back up as Heather stood to leave. Astrid shut her eyes tight and tried to hold in the tears that continued to leak out to no avail. She did not deserve people who cared so much about her. Who were willing to dote on her or give her the tough love they knew she needed. She would just hurt them in the end.

Astrid groaned at the aches she felt in her limbs from not moving them in so long as she tossed in her bed. After 20 minutes of failed attempts to get comfortable enough to nap and only making her dizziness worse with all the tossing and turning, she was finally so frustrated that she just decided to get up and take Heather's advice.

On shaky legs, she followed the smell of Heather's delicious cooking, and almost yelled at the brightness of the hallway outside her room. She had forgotten what real daylight looked like, and almost passed out as the sensation added to her dizziness.

Following the wall to find the kitchen as her arm was draped over her eyes, Astrid almost tripped on a schoolbag left in the hallway and cursed as she regained her balance.

Heather rushed out as she was blinking in the light, her eyes finally beginning to adjust.

"Astrid!"

"I'm fine! I'm fine!" She grumbled under her breath about the stupid backpack that almost made her break her neck just as she finally was able to focus on it. It was hers. "Oh."

Heather saw her look down at her own bag and laughed. "C'mon. It's almost ready." And with that grabbed her arm to help guide her to the dining table.

xxx

Astrid was still picking at her food, and pushing it around on her plate more than actually eating anything when there was a knock at the door.

Glancing up at Heather who was already rising from her seat to answer it, she said, "Please tell Hiccup if it's him that I don't have the energy to see him right now."

"You'd have the energy if you were actually eating anything I made for you." She said tersely.

Astrid's heart twisted in her chest. Gods, when would she be able to stop hurting her friends? She felt sick to her stomach as Heather reached the door and she heard Hiccup's voice. He sounded dejected and desperate as Heather told him it wasn't a good time. It was like a punch to the gut to hear him sigh and say goodbye. No. She deserved this pain. And Hiccup deserved better than she could give him right now. She needed to fix this mess before letting people in again. Before Heather was able to make it back to the kitchen, she slipped down the hall to shower. It was time to fix her mess.