It is time-
What the last million years and last few days while also no time at all have led to-
This is the end-
... While only a new beginning.
I stood, my arms still crossed over my chest as I held them all close to my heart... but now the ominous presence of where we were was enveloping me.
Smoke and destruction...
And her.
I could already feel her and with it the dread...
Of what I must do.
But at the same time... I was reassured, their gentle pressence comforting...
I would not be alone.
And I was not alone now...
"Cosmos..." The Doctor's voice reached me and I opened up my eyes. The Doctor and Rose were standing above me, standing together still, not having been more than a foot apart since they had reunited with me... Both of their expressions are somber.. both of them pained. "You don't have to do this..." The Doctor said again.
He could take me anytime, anywhere.
I smiled for him.
"Anywhere you want to go." He offered, lifting a hand to the TARDIS console..
The warmth within my chest...
"There is only one place." I told him.
Only one place I wanted to go.
If I could just be strong enough. Brave enough...
Love enough.
"Thank you." I said honestly. "For all your help."
"Of course. That's what I do.. I'm The Doctor."
The Doctor-
My smile falters.
His hand on a large red rose-like crystal. Ready to press down.
To destroy...
And the fact that I had almost chosen the same fate..
He's helped me so much and yet there is not much I can do for him.
"Take care of yourself." I pleaded. Rose smiled now and wrapped her arm through his.
"Oh don't worry, I'll make sure he does." She promised.
Yes... I was sure she would try.. and that would have to be enough.
The Doctor didn't make any promises himself, though, I noticed.
I bowed deep, my hair cascading around me.. Then I stood tall, the staff forming again in my hands.
It is time...
I made my way to the doorway and it opened wide before me...
The landscape is charred, the smell of smoke is all consuming and my hair and cape immediately are picked up by the wind..
Yes... It's time...
It weighs on me, I do not feel resolved... I do not want to step away. There must be something. Something I can give...
But it is time.
I step forward-
But a new image stops me. Deep from within the Cosmos Crystal it shines out, that lone, strange crystal...
Gallifrey...
His hand on a large, red rose-like crystal. Ready to press downwards-
"Today, this war.. will end."
No more...
No more.
But then-
"Y'know that sound the TARDIS makes?'
A sad box-
A hopeful box.
I do not understand it completely, maybe.. not at all...
"You were The Doctor on the day it wasn't possible to get it right."
And yet... One day... He would...
There is hope filling me, the knowledge that this has happened, will happen...
I looked back, they are still watching me sadly, but I am beaming ear to ear.
I cannot tell him...
I am not meant to tell him..
But even so, my hearts still knows...
He will again find his hope..
Just like me he will finally be able to learn..
"You are not alone..."
My voice is light, warm, and The Doctor... He was wrapping his arms around Rose as she leans against him, but they do not understand. They cannot understand.
Nor do I, truly...
The Gallifrey purposesly does not show me the pain it will take to get him there.
But I do know that one day.. The Doctor will hear those words again and he will remember me...
It will shake him to his core.
And he will understand.
But I must go...
It is time.
I stepped out of The TARDIS..
The wind grows stronger and there is carnage all around me. Old scars and new ones smolder and lay all around me as I walk. Slow. Deliberate in my steps. Chaos is all around me and the world rumbles but I am unmoved by it... only by my own determination. My own resolve.
Yes... My resolve.
To do what I must, what I should...
But even after everything... This will be the hardest thing that I will do... and I am still uncertain I will be able to do it.. even with all of their help..
I have reached the outer rim of the Cauldron... There are no longer any graves but I stop with the memory.. Butterflies, small, too small to be that of Senshi, flutter around me making their way to their true resting place... The Cauldron.
Where Chaos waits... Ready to add even more parade of lights.. But no.. Not this time. She will not leave this place. Not this time.
I lifted my hand and a butterfly rested briefly upon my fingertips.. Then it took off once more and my gaze followed it, knowing..
Yes, it is time.
I must go too.
Chaos' laughter is low and rumbles around me just like the ground. The Cauldron is swirling with dark smoke and matter, I can already see her blazing eyes..
I stop, my heart quickening even faster and I took all my effort to keep my breathing even. The long stretch of stone that leads to the middle of The Cauldron stretches before me but I do not take that step... I cannot.. There is still something left for me to do.
Darkness erupted from The Cauldron and her ashen form was rising with it. Twisting and her form towering as her laughter grew.
Usually, I would begin my assault, not wanting her to gain any sort of ground but this time I do not move, I allow her to grow. I am not afraid. She will not be able to move beyond The Cauldron. I shall be an unstoppable force.
Chaos notices my change and she watches me. Her smile is wide, her gaze amused... she can't help but be intrigued by something new.
"Cosmos.." She breathed, smoke coming to surround.
It is her favorite weapon.. that name. That reminder. And to her, this is just another turn of the clock. To her this will end like it always does. Her cast back down but somehow strengthened through my brokenness and tears. To her...
I closed my eyes.
"Chaos..."
Darkness calls to light. Light to darkness. Coming together to end it all...
Or so I had thought...
"You had won.." I told her. I catch her by surprise... but she has to know.. I must tell her. "You won."
A long time ago...
"I had forgotten myself. I let you win. You destroyed my light."
And with it.
"You destroyed my hope.."
My eyes opened and I forced myself to look up.. To meet her gaze.
"I went back.." I told her. "To the past. I was going to destroy it all. Back then. To stop you... There would have never been a here."
Chaos... she erupted into laughter.. but she misunderstands.
"And you couldn't even do that!" Her glee is palpable. "Even after all this pain! You still are too much of a coward!" Then her red eyes narrowed- "Or is it even worse...?" She demanded, true anger is rising in her voice. "That pathetic delusion you have that you can still fix it."
Those awful, awful red eyes of fire.. So different than the red eyes that had always kept me going. That keep me going, now-
Her warmth in my chest, their powers flowing through me...
"This... cannot be fixed." I admitted, my eyes shutting again, feeling them even stronger... "Not in the way that I would wish."
There is no going back to the way it used to be.
Too much has changed.
I have changed.
"But I have learned."
I can changed again.
But there is something I must do. Something I do not want to...
"And what is it that you have learned?" Chaos taunted. "Cosmos?"
"No..." I said softly.
"No?"
"No.." I repeated. "I am not Sailor Cosmos. Not yet."
"... What are you talking about?" She does not understand but there is a trace of... fear.. Hesitation at what I mean. I can't possibly mean-!
"I have to let go... I have to forgive."
Chaos' power was rising, erupting.
"You think you can forgive ME?!"
My eyes snapped open and I twirled the staff beside me and then held it out ahead of me. I was glowing with radiant light as her attack rained down- But it could not reach me.
Chaos drew back, afraid at the flame in my eyes and I said the words I have said to each and every villain before her whether it stayed true or not.
"I will never forgive you."
Never..
At least...
Not this time.
"You.." I continued. I sent a wave of energy at her, sending back more and more of her magic that longed to smother me. "You have no pity. No remorse! You strike down the weak! The innocent! You destroy planets on a whim! You... You cannot be forgiven. Not now. Not like this. You cannot forgive those who are not sorry!"
I am halfway across the stony bridge.
"But you..." I closed my eyes again, a hand to my chest. I remember Galaxia, can feel her Crystal pulse.. "I have felt your pain. Your longing. You did not start out this way... did you?"
My eyes reopened and Chaos was screaming as she rained even more fire upon me. I dispelled it- It takes nothing to do it... Chaos is even more enraged but I continue.
"We left you... in The Cauldron. You were lonely like I have been lonely." But the strength in my voice was growing again. "But you did not have to be this way. This path you did not have to take!"
This anger. This hate. She could have called out... Opened up. Reached... We would have come for her... To share with her, her pain... But not like this.. Not by spreading it. Multiplying it. There is no excuse.
I will never forgive!
But I...
"But I have taken that path too..."
To destroy The Cauldron... my goal...
"But I must let go... I must forgive..."
The one thing I do not know if I can do...
Forgive myself.
I was in pain. Hurt and in so much pain. I was lost.
But I was sorry.
I was willing to change.
I was willing to let go... and make it right.
So I must forgive.
That girl who fell hard, panicked, misunderstood... Believed the words of her enemy over the words of her friends...
Their powers are flooding through me, their warmth, they do not even believe there is anything to forgive.
But I must.
"You. You. YOU!" Chaos sent another rageful blast, and then another, and another! "You think you are so much better! That damn light of yours! YOU ARE BROKEN! PATHETIC! WEAK! Every instance of your continued existence is torment!"
"Yes..." I agreed. "I was... and it is."
It hurts...
But while I was broken... If I can forgive... I can heal..
I was firm through her assault, my light shining endlessly and with ease now that the doubts were gone.
Yes. I could forgive. For all of them... For Usagi... I could forgive.
I will let it all go.
It is so easy... to cast Chaos back into the Cauldron.
Her rage is a fire as she screams but my power funnels her downward as I twirl the staff.
I am unstoppable and she cannot overcome me. She has no practice... in being the immovable object. She cannot adapt. She cannot stand firm. Stop me. I am unstoppable.
"NOOOOO!"
Yes.
My heart called out-
Everyone.. Please...
I lifted the staff high above my head, a rainbow of colours consuming us-
"Cosmos Crystal Power!"
A bright light... engulfed everything..
The ground beneath my feet is gone, and I...
I closed my eyes...
And let myself fall.
Chaos' power and my own are tearing at my skin, but I do not resist. I let it flow free... Completely embraced by it. Their powers. Their warmth. And I embraced back.
Memory flows through me...
Even though they are not my own...
I see The Doctor. I see Rose. I see Neo Queen Serenity, Death Phantom's crystal in her hands. I see. I know. It is another layer of reassurance. This was the right choice. The right thing to do... And what comes next...
"We all reach a time where we must decide either to continue or give rise to a new star."
A new star...
I have changed so much...
It pangs within me, but at the same time... It is not so sad as that.
I can feel everyone beside me, their lights and their powers slowly unraveling from mine as my body dissolves... As I radiate light!
Chaos is still struggling, clawing at The Cauldron, trying to rise back up, but she is no match for our peaceful calm...
... There is no saving her, truly. Not now. There is only this. To cast her back, deep into The Cauldron... But maybe.. one day... that can change.
She deserves that chance. The chance to change.
The chance to have her search for purpose not end in bitterness and hatred..
In this cycle of death...
... and rebirth.
...
...
...
The Doctor and Rose stood together in the doorway of The Cauldron. The light had erupted out of the Cauldron just like before. An array of scattering colour... The rebirth of billions of stars..
Just like billion of years before. A few hours ago.
The ultimate power of Sailor Cosmos..
To lose everything. To save everything.
To start anew.
It's just as beautiful... maybe even more.
The Doctor is the first to step out of the TARDIS while he kept watching the skies and Rose quickly followed...
"So that's it, then..." Rose started. "They all returned home."
"... No..."
Rose was silent.. taking this in...
"But they'll be together." She finally concluded, and in the end.. that was all that mattered.
"Yes, I suppose."
The Doctor's hearts panged in memory.
"And how long are you gonna stay with me?"
"Forever."
Forever...
But...
With all that's happened. And all that he knew...
"But speaking of home!" The Doctor said cheerfully taking Rose's hand and spinning. "I think it's time I get you home!"
"I suppose." Rose conceded. She thinks he means temporarily. A visit to her mother. To Mickey. It won't be long. The Doctor is not so sure, but he has not decided yet... He just has a general idea.. He doesn't know that the decision will be taken from him-
He will send her off, to be with her family in some other parallel universe, and she will come back ragging, just like she has done before-
"I'm not leaving you!"
She has said forever... She meant forever..
But the decision will be taken from her, too.
Author's Note: I did upload a... version of this.. earlier... but it was lazy and I get it, I just wanted it to be done, but considering the shitshow this has been you deserve better...
Hopefully this is better.
One last chapter/epilogue...
Only took... two years...
I... am sorry.
