Ch 11 —

"Mummy?" Charlotte yawned.

"Hmmm?" Elsie questioned.

It was late and pouring outside. Elsie had brought Charlotte home early to make a family dinner and get the little one ready for bed. Charlotte sat at the table and sighed, a brand-new coloring book before her. She worked fastidiously to keep her colors inside the lines (and failed miserably). Philomena slept, out like a light, under Charlotte's dangling little feet.

"How did you and my daddy get married?" She blinked.

Elsie looked up, unsure how to answer. "What brought this on?" Elsie questioned.

Carson and Elsie had lied through their teeth, to everyone, about the state of their union, claiming they'd been married far, far longer than they had. She knew, then, that she'd have to lie to Charlotte now too.

Charlotte shifted uncomfortably in her seat, trying to figure out how to respond to her mother's question. She and Benjamin had played wedding that day, having overheard an update with regard to Lord Grantham's continued complaints about Lady Sybil's elopement with Branson. Despite the close-knit nature of their upbringing, both children had decided it best that their parents not know they'd played wedding that day. So, Charlotte was left not knowing what to say to her mother.

"Um…" Charlotte paused, fishing for an explanation. "Lord Gwantham was mad about Sybil." She said, running her hands over her lips as if to blur her words. "Mummy what's elope mean?"

Charlotte and Ben had been confused when Lord Grantham had gotten angry, once again, about Sybil's elopement, having only gathered this had something to do with her getting married. Neither child knew just yet that his anger was over something entirely different: Sybil was now pregnant.

Charlotte was growing up in the most unlikely of worlds, one where the Lord and Lady of the house were very loving toward their butler and housekeeper's little girl. Cora thought her adorable, Robert thought her smart as a whip and worthy of a better future. Cora spoiled her with the occasional gift, usually a new dress, and Robert was teaching her chess…

Charlotte had no concept of the fact that Lord Grantham approved of her and thought of her as being several class levels above Mr. Branson, just due to the pure nature of her being Carson's (but not Elsie's) child. Charlotte would be even more confused one day, upon finding out that the Lord's opinion of her would change, although very temporarily, upon discovering that she was conceived out of wedlock…

Elsie smiled sadly, bending down to talk to her daughter as she approached. "It's what daddy and I did too, m'lass."

"Huh?" She tilted her head.

Elsie sighed, sitting in the chair next to her. "Mummy will tell you another part of the story, hum?" She said, figuring it was best to get through this particular portion when Charlie was not at home.

"What part?" She asked, interested.

"A very long time ago." She began, smiling. "Daddy and I ran away together. And we got married."

….

Autumn 1914

Elsie stared at her fiancé in disbelief, barely understanding how he'd achieved it.

"Mr. Carson…. How did…" Elsie was simply bewildered and had no idea how she would've engineered such a scheme.

Carson smiled with a shrug. "Where there's a will, there's a way Mrs. Hughes." He said, settling in next to her on the train.

It'd been less than twenty-four hours since Elsie told Carson her news, and true to his word, he'd found the means to whisk her away …. without a question from anyone.

"What did you say?" She found herself asking.

Carson had done a lot of manipulating in the last day. Not only had he concocted some lie for Lord and Lady Grantham, he'd also managed to get her on two separate trains without her finding out where either was headed.

They'd done everything very secretly, taking great care to ensure they were unseen by anyone who might know them. First, they'd boarded a train to Ripon separately, then re-boarded another train together an hour later. Even then they'd rode separately for many stops, just to ensure they'd disposed of possible acquaintances, and finally, he joined her in the private car he'd booked for her.

Elsie was still overwhelmed by this gesture, as she was by all of this. She couldn't believe he loved her enough to go to this kind of effort and extravagant expense. She didn't know what astounded her more: his eagerness to marry her and love the child she carried, his lavish present of a private car … or his willingness to lie to the family… For her.

Elsie sniffled, touched by the entire thing and ready to cry. She bit into a cracker, trying to hold back her tears… and the wrath of her weak stomach.

Carson chuckled, pulling her in close to him and kissing her cheek. "Let's just say, when we get back I'll have gone to a… Butler's convention." He almost rolled his eyes.

"Surely you made that up!"

"Quite; Mrs. Hughes; oh, and I'm afraid your father has died."

"Your too late, on that score! He died twenty years go! … Charlie… I can't believe you told them those things. You're so loyal to your family…" She teased.

Elsie bit her lip. This was something she'd been long concerned about, whether she would ever be his family as much as they were, but she'd only considered herself on that score, never the question of a wee one … Her heart sunk, but she had to wonder if her baby could ever measure up to the precious Lady Mary in his eyes.

"They are family, and maybe it's wrong but I love them." He confessed. "They've been very good to me Mrs. Hughes… But you." He smiled deep, turning to her. "You are my love, and my best friend, and the babe is my flesh and blood." He kissed her forehead. "You come first. You shall always come first."

"Oh, oh Charlie!" She cried, pausing a moment before bursting into tears.

"You don't have to cry." He tried to soothe, hugging her.

"Yes, I do! I can't believe the man I love so much should love me so much!" She sobbed into his chest.

"Oh yes, yes my darling." He said, taking her whole face in his hands and looking deep into her eyes. "I love you so tremendously much my Elsie. You mean everything to me."

"Hmmm."

Elsie sighed, resting against Carson's chest, soothed by the strong, steady beat of his heart. He smiled, holding her close as he looked out the window, the gorgeous landscape of the countryside passing them by as night fell and the train car grew dark.

"How are you feeling my love?" He asked kindly.

"Hmmm. Tired… and hungry… Ooh and very queasy Mr. Carson."

It was a disorienting combination; one Elsie was still not used to. It'd been almost three and a half months since the morning sickness first hit, and unfortunately for her, it'd only gotten more intense just as it should've eased. She felt sicker than sick, like she might throw up all over him and never stop. She sat up, reaching for the crackers in her bag, beginning to munch in all haste, having recently learned it was the only thing that subdued her extreme nausea.

"I'm sorry m'love." He soothed. "Can I help?"

It'd been less than twenty-four hours since Carson learned he was going to be a father, but in that time, he'd already discerned that her condition required a good deal of extra attention, and love. He aimed to pamper her … But didn't exactly know how to go about it.

"No, I'm sorry." She apologized. "I know you didn't think you were going on a honeymoon with a sobbing…" Elsie looked down, examining her slightly widened frame, fishing for an adjective, as she bit into a cracker. "Cow!"

Carson laughed. "Elsie! My darling; you're having a baby. A wonderful baby whose very loved, and highly anticipated by his da … I dare say that makes you even more beautiful in my eyes. You've no need to feel bad or ever apologize about being sad… or hungry, and certainly not sick! It's a natural thing… a new mummy thing…" He supposed.

"Oh Charlie, what a lovely thing for you to say." She said, shoveling another cracker in her mouth as she fought back tears.

"I hate to see you feeling so ill, m'love but, I dare say I'm very pleased at the idea of becoming a daddy." He said. "And tickled at the idea of making you a new mummy."

"Get away with you!" She laughed, even as she chewed, secretly delighted by his flirtation. "Charlie." She paused. "I've… I've got a feeling I'll be showing: really truly showing by the time we get back. What will we say then?"

He smiled bright, turning to her. "That my Mrs. Carson is having our very, very long- awaited baby…"

"L-long awaited?"

"Elsie I've loved you and loved you. All the time I've known you. And through all that time, my love and my longing for you has only become stronger. It's only my weak heart that made me brave enough to tell you, and brave enough to risk everything to ask you to be mine … I wish I'd asked you sooner. And by sooner, I mean when you were still head housemaid."

"Charlie!" She cried in surprise.

The idea that the new, young butler would try to abscond with the young head housemaid was beyond scandalous … but it made Elsie realize how much he must love her.

"It has killed me to not ask you. And never in my wildest dreams imagined we could have a baby. And I'm so happy … and tickled we are."

"Oh Mr. Carson." She cried, kissing him.

…..

"Where are we going?" She asked again.

Night wore on, and the train sped along the landscape without a stop in sight. Elsie's stomach settled and the two of them cuddled together under a thin blanket.

"That, my Mrs., is a surprise." He said, holding her tight.

He'd wrapped his arms around her over an hour ago, holding her tight, but had just now gotten up the nerve to place his hands over her growing middle. She placed her hands over his, cradling them and the babe that lie deep underneath.

"Mummy and daddy have gone on holiday… so we can give you a whole new life." She whispered.

Elsie hadn't known why she'd done it just then, but her heart had been moved to speak to the babe for some time. She'd done so very, very quietly in her room, in the depth of night, fearing that Miss O'Brian in particular would find her out … But here on the train, in Charlie's arms she felt totally unafraid.

"Mum—" Carson practically tripped over his tongue, astounded at hearing her address them in this way for the first time. He said nothing more, merely listening with fascination as she continued to address the baby.

"We love you very much and cannot wait to know you."

"No, we can't." He joined in, his voice breaking.

Elsie craned her neck and leaned up to kiss him. He tilted his head, kissing her deep as the horn began to sound and the train itself started to slow.

"Charlie, where are we?" She asked, narrowing her eyes as she tried in vain to peer outside.

"Welcome home my Mrs. Hughes." He whispered, the train slowing enough for her to make out a sign that read, Welcome to Argyll.

"Oh, that's elope." Charlotte considered.

"Yes, m'love." Elsie kissed the top of her head, now rocking the girl in her lap.

Charlotte took a moment to consider this, recalling that Sybil had gone to Ireland, just as her parents had gone to Scotland. This was a cause for worry. She and Ben were both from Downton Abbey … Where on earth might they elope to when the time came? There was nowhere to go!

Elsie, of course had told the girl a slightly different story: the one they'd told everyone else upon returning from Scotland. That they'd actually eloped, and gone to Scotland, in the same exactly fashion, only seventeen years earlier, just after they'd met.

Charlotte sighed. "Romantic mummy."

"Yes, m'love." Elsie giggled.

Mrs. Hughes was a bit sad. Her own wedding hadn't been unromantic, but it hadn't been what she would've wanted. She'd started secretly planning when Carson proposed. A little wedding in the church, everyone from downstairs and up… some townspeople and a breakfast reception in the school house: that'd been enough for her. It'd been her dream.

But the baby had changed all that and Carson had had to take her away in secret. He'd showered her with love, and affection, and perhaps the time had been special in its own way. It'd just been their time and no one else's and that was something they relished… but… Elsie was still sad she'd not gotten to share it with the rest of the people in their lives. In hindsight something about it made her feel less than.

Elsie had weaved an entirely different tale for her wee one, one that bore truth in spirit. In this story, she'd been much younger, and not at all pregnant. But she and her husband had been every bit as much in love as they'd been in reality.

Elsie sighed, patting little Charlotte's chest.

"Daddy couldn't wait to love you?" She clarified.

"No." Elsie smiled down into the child's eyes, wanting to laugh a little. "Daddy certainly could not."

"Mummy?"

"Hmmm?"

"If he couldn't waited so long to love you, how come it took so long for me to be borned?"

Elsie was surprised at the question and more humored than she should've been. She giggled, hugging Charlotte tight and wanting to pinch her little cheeks.

'This one.' She thought. 'Is too smart for her own good and yours too…'

"Mummy had trouble having babies." She lied, rocking the child. "But you just happened m'love."

Elsie wasn't sure this was a lie. As much as she didn't wish to have another baby, she found it odd she'd not been pregnant again in over five years of marriage (even at her age). Following Charlotte, she'd secretly expected one more baby in short order, or in the very least, an early miscarriage due to her age … But nothing.

Charlotte squeezed her mother's sleeve, her heart dropping instinctively, although she knew not why. "So that's why no baby bwother." She gulped in sad, realization.

Little did Mrs. Hughes realize, she was right about herself. She and Charlie both strongly felt their baby girl was a miracle who'd brought them together. She had no clue how much this was true, or how close they'd been to not being a family at all. Elsie was unaware she had a rare condition, and that Charlotte had been conceived at exactly the right time: during one of the few windows of fertility she'd ever had.

It'd been fate.

Charlotte's heart skipped a beat, the little girl feeling as if she'd been shaken to the core, like she'd realized something she knew intuitively and could not face it. She paused, her heart filling with an ache she could not describe, one her mother couldn't understand, and that she herself would never fully grasp. A single tear ran down Charlotte's cheek… But she couldn't tell you why.

You see, in a slightly different universe, Elsie and Charlie would've married much earlier, and been unable to conceive for many, many years: until the miracle of Charlotte … and her twin brother.

Mother and daughter didn't realize, and would never know, that in their own universe, Charlotte's other half had been lost very early on in the pregnancy. Elsie didn't know him, but deep in her heart, Charlotte had never forgotten. She didn't know what she was feeling, or that, her longing for a baby brother was errant, simply her heart's desire for the lost twin brother she'd never feel whole without.

Loving mother or not. Doting father or not. Lord-to-be for a future husband… Or not. Part of Charlotte would always be horribly alone.

No one would or could fill the girl's better half's empty shoes. Charlotte's heart sank even deeper, her as her mother kissed her head.

"Come on m'love." Elsie kissed the girl again, recovering from her own moment of pause. "Let's finish making supper before daddy gets home."