Chapter 62.

The walls were trying to change and Dean was fighting the change, because the new walls trying to appear had bars and locked gates and the feel of a dungeon. "What is that?" he said, "I don't recognise it."

Cas said, "Heaven's cells."

The walls flickered between the two options, Bobby's home and Heaven's holding facility. Dean was constantly trying to re-establish Bobby's and Cas at least seemed to be attempting that too, but the prison walls kept reappearing.

"Heaven has no right to cage you or to judge you." said Dean.

"Dean, I tried to be God."

"Well, you certainly tried harder than God did."

The prison walls took over. They filled with Enochian letters. "Let me guess; the names of angels you killed?"

"Not just angels." said Cas, "The name over the door is Charlie's. There are other humans. Jimmy Novak ... "

"You didn't kill Jimmy and Charlie's death is on me."

"Both died because I failed to protect them." said Cas.

"You think I can't list all the ones I killed or let die?" said Dean, "What I don't do is torture myself constantly with the names."

"Don't you?" said Cas.

"You have to forgive yourself." said Dean, "Do you think Charlie would want her name above the door of your cell?"

"Some things cannot be forgiven." said Cas.

"Well, I forgive all of it."

"Even you believe some things are unforgivable." said Cas.

"Such as?"

"Yourself."

There was an awkward silence for some time.

"Well, at least we're sharing a cell." said Dean, "At least we're in this mess together." He heard a door slam shut and he knew any control he had over the situation was failing. His own guilt was making him feel it was right he should be so confined.

"Cas," he said, "I need your help."

"I can't stop seeing the walls." said Cas, "I can't change them."

"You don't need to." said Dean, "You need to help me. You still believe in me, right? At least a little?"

Cas stood, suddenly looking a lot stronger. "Dean, focus on the facts. You cannot be held in Heaven's cells. You cannot be in Heaven. You are alive. A living human cannot be there. If you're alive, this place does not apply to you."

The walls faded in the areas around Dean.

"That's good." said Dean, "Keep going."

"I do believe in you, Dean. I always have. You're able to fight this in ways I can't."

"So am I." said Jules, who was standing outside the cell. She touched the lock and the cell opened. Jules went to Cas and kissed him.

"Okay." said Dean, "Not my usual prison dream, but fine. Whatever helps you."

The kiss went on for a while. The prison dissolved. Eventually, Jules herself faded and Cas looked embarrassed. "Sorry. She said I could think about kissing her to clear my mind."

They were sitting on Bobby's couch. "That kiss was a lot more intense than the one I saw after the party." said Dean.

"I had a lot of practice at the sleepover." said Cas.

"Ah. So it wasn't just a night of talking, then?"

"I think other forms of communication can be as effective as words." said Cas.

A quiet whisper said, "It can't last."

"You keep out of this." said Dean to the walls.

"Dean, you and I are creating this room and everything in it. You are arguing with us."

"With you, not me."

"We both agree I'm a dumbass."

"That's not what I meant!" said Dean.

"You used that actual word." said Cas. He didn't seem hurt or angry, just resigned and accepting and Dean hated that more.

"I wish you paid as much attention to the good stuff I say as you do to the bad." said Dean.

"The bad tends to confirm what I already know. The good is plainly more kind than sincere."

"No. That's not true." said Dean, "None of that crap is true. I don't know why I say it."

"I say it because I'm scared." whispered the walls.

"Maybe I am." said Dean, "Maybe I'm so messed up that it's easier to call you stupid names than admit how much I depend on you. I only know that none of the cruel, stupid stuff I throw your way is true. I never mean it, Cas. Never! But that's the stuff you choose to hear."

The walls whispered again. "If I were accused of being your friend, they'd never find enough evidence to convict." and Dean had no idea from which of them the words came.

Cas took the lighter from his pocket. "All the words in the walls can say what they like. The words you had engraved on this feel more real than all the things you ever said."

"They should." said Dean, "I meant them." He looked at Cas, seeing the weariness and the weight of his unhappiness. "Do you need to get out of here?" he said.

Cas thought for a long time and then said, "If you can bear to stay, I'd like to stick around."

"Are you sure? Because you've been through a lot."

"I think I need to go through more and maybe you do too, but I know you hate every moment of the link, so if you can't handle it, say so."

"I'm fine." said Dean, "We'll stay."