Beca is reluctant, to say the least, to let Aubrey and Chloe wander off alone somewhere together where they are definitely going to be talking about her. Of course, one of the alternatives is that she be there with them while that's happening, and Beca would rather walk a mile on hot coals than endure that kind of pain.

Still, as she watches them walk away she can't help but wish for the ability to be a fly on the wall.

"You wanna go get a drink?" Jesse asks her and she glances sidelong at him, nodding with appreciative enthusiasm. She supposes hanging out with her ex-boyfriend-slash-best-guy-friend for a while isn't the most terrible thing in the world. Usually, it's actually kind of great.

They make their way back to the bar in silence and Jesse does the talking once they get there, ordering two beers and handing one to Beca once the bartender has popped off the tops. She takes a long draw from her bottle, long enough that Jesse has time to eye her worriedly; she can see him in her periphery.

But she can also hear Amy screaming and so her attention immediately focuses on trying to find her in the throng of people, which isn't hard. She's in the middle of a group of Bellas, the championship cup held high above her head, liquid sloshing over the side of it.

"I'm the most talented one!" she yells, batting at Stacie's outstretched hand. "Only I get to drink from the trophy!" Jessica and Ashley try to grab it from the back but Amy kicks at them like a donkey and they quickly back off. Beca wouldn't have been surprised if it ended in an all-out brawl, but the girls give up and leave Amy be after a few more moments, not that that stops Amy from screaming.

Shaking her head, Beca turns to look at Jesse and finds him already watching her.

"Uh, hi, creep." She takes another swig of her drink and he smiles are her.

"I missed you too, Becaw." He makes his voice go shrill over the nickname and she winces, slapping at his arm.

"I hate when you do that," she gripes, but his smile doesn't falter.

"You love it."

She purses her lips but doesn't argue.

"I still can't believe you're here." Beca jabs him in the shoulder to make sure he's real and is met with solid mass, despite the odds. "I can't believe you never told me Benji's parents are loaded."

"I did tell you! It's not my fault you didn't listen to me." He tips the neck of his bottle towards her in an accusatory manner and then brings it back towards himself to take a sip.

"That isn't the kind of information I'd ignore," she snaps playful, and he shrugs at her in a way that infers the opposite is obviously true in this case.

It's fun, even if it drives her crazy because she knows she's right this time - she has to be - and it reminds her of how things used to be between them back when they were a couple. And then she chuckles to herself about how little has changed.

They don't kiss anymore or do other things of a more physical nature but besides that, a lot of their relationship has remained the same. Beca doesn't like to dwell on the 'before' times too long because there's always a strange sinking feeling associated with them. Like if she lingers she'll be pulled into a pit of them, never to escape, and no one will be able to hear her screams.

She makes it seem awful. It wasn't. While it was happening, while they were together, it was nice. It was good. But they weren't meant to last.

"So, uh," Jesse starts, lifting a hand to scratch at his chin and it's all the warning Beca needs to brace herself. "You and Chloe looked-"

"Oh my god, can we not-"

"-cosy," he finishes, undeterred by the interruption.

And Beca wants to burst out laughing because that is not the word she would use to describe how they must have looked, how she'd been feeling, or anything that she'd been thinking. Cosy suggests cute and sweet, and Beca's thoughts had been anything but.

She feels the burn of them now, rising along the back of her neck and making her throat hot.

"Cosy?" She raises an eyebrow at him. "Really, dude?"

"What?" He laughs, gesturing out at nothing with his beer bottle. "You looked like a cute new couple that just wanted some alone time to make out."

Beca wonders what he'd be saying if they'd arrived moments earlier. While she'd had Chloe pinned to the wall with a leg between her thighs.

Beca clears her throat, feeling awkward and, inexplicably, a little annoyed by the implication.

"Don't- we're not. That." She wants to shut him down more efficiently and with more precision than that, but it's all she can manage at the moment. Her brain hasn't quite defogged yet.

"So, what, you guys are still just…" he trails off, wanting her to fill in the blank but Beca isn't biting. "Experimenting?" There's an odd edge to his voice, one that sounds a lot like unconvinced disbelief, but Beca ignores it.

She's good at that.

"Yeah," she shrugs, aiming for noncommittal. "It's not like we set a time limit or anything. Besides, you and Aubrey kinda looked like you were searching for an empty hallway to make out in too, so…." she trails off smugly and raises her eyebrows at him.

To her dismay, Jesse doesn't even turn pink. He just shrugs, accepting the accusation, and sips his beer.

"Oh my god, you were, weren't you? You like her," Beca says, twisting her features into an expression of disgust. "Like, you really like her! You want to kiss her and stuff! Aubrey!" She's aware her voice is getting louder with each syllable that passes her lips, but she has no desire to control it. Jesse laughs at her and tells her to be quiet, but it isn't because he's embarrassed by Aubrey, it's because he's embarrassed by Beca, which only makes Beca want to scream louder. "This is insane," she says instead, her voice back to its normal pitch, then retracts her statement. "Well, no, it makes total sense knowing the both of you, but it's just… so weird."

"It doesn't feel weird," Jesse says and Beca turns, slowly, to stare at him.

"Did you seriously just say that?" she asks, prompting him to raise his eyebrows at her. "That is the cheesiest crap I think I've ever heard come out of your mouth. And that includes stuff you said while we were dating."

He rolls his eyes and shakes his head at her, but doesn't put up any kind of a fight. Beca actually finds not arguing with him a little disappointing and they lapse into silence for a moment.

"So like, are you guys dating or whatever?" Beca glances at him and he flashes her a smile.

"I don't know. We haven't talked about it yet. I don't think she was expecting to see me face to face."

"Yeah," Beca scoffs, "none of us were." She pauses for a second and then adds, "But it's pretty cool that you got to see us win."

"Hell yeah it is," he agrees, leaning forward to clink their bottles together. "I never doubted you guys, though."

"No?" Beca isn't sure why she's looking for confirmation.

"What, with you in charge? Of course not." Jesse grins in that way that lights up his whole face and she feels fondness swell where butterflies used to swarm.

"Shut up," she mutters, embarrassed by the blush colouring her cheeks, and swallows another mouthful of beer.

She makes sure to keep an eye on the rest of the Bellas as they talk, not wanting to lose any of them. The after party might end up going all night, but they sure won't be. They have a flight to catch tomorrow and Beca is bound and determined to make sure they're all the least hungover they can possibly be. She really doesn't want to have to deal with a bunch of whiny a cappella nerds on top of her fear of flying.

Briefly, she's reminded of how Chloe had taken her hand during the flight here and held it as they'd taken off, doing her best to ease Beca's nerves.

"Do you want to be dating?" Beca asks out of nowhere a moment later and Jesse tilts his head to one side as he looks at her.

"I- yeah, I think so."

"How do you know?"

"What?"

"How do you know you want to date her? Like, what part of you goes, 'Yeah, she's the one,'?" Jesse doesn't say anything for a few seconds, instead he just looks at Beca curiously until she starts to panic under his scrutiny. "I mean," she starts again, ready to back pedal, when she realises what her questions sound like. "It's Aubrey, I'm curious. I can't imagine wanting to date her."

Jesse opens his mouth like he's about to say something but then closes it again, his brow furrowing slightly as he thinks.

"I guess just…" he reaches up to scratch at the back of his neck, staring out into the crowd of people. "I think about her a lot. I wonder what she's doing and how her day is going. I get excited when I get a text from her and if I see a photograph of her or something, my chest feels tight, like something inside it is getting ready to explode. Just seeing her makes me smile and I love talking to her. I could talk to her for hours. I have, actually." He pauses there and looks over at Beca. "I guess I know because it's how I felt with you."

Beca's wearing an expression that is completely out of her control; a little wide-eyed, a little shocked, a little like she's been sucker punched. There's a ringing in her ears and her heart is thumping behind her ribs, and she knows why.

She knows.

"Too much?" he asks, his smile uncertain now, and Beca manages to shake herself out of her stupor before his face can fall too far.

"No, no. It's sweet." She lifts a hand to pinch the bridge of her nose and then huffs a laugh. "It's gross, but it's sweet."

"Then why do you look like I just told you your laptop got stolen?"

The thing about dating someone for longer than a year is that they get to know you. All your ticks and quirks are filed away inside a locker with your name on it, ready to be pulled up and used against you at any given moment even after you've broken up with that person.

Jesse knows Beca. Beca knows this. It doesn't matter that she wants to hide from him because she knows that she can't. Knows that if she wants to escape, she needs to cause a scene or yell at him or be mean because he won't break away otherwise. Which sucks, because she doesn't really want to do any of those things but he's sniffing perilously close to buried feelings she doesn't want unearthed right now.

"Does it sound familiar?" His question hits her right in the gut, stealing her breath and running a steamroller through her mind until it's flat and blank, and she's left staring dumbly at him.

Because yes, it sounds familiar. It sounds like he could be describing how she feels about Chloe and that terrifies her. It hits too close to home, to the truth of everything. Her insides churn uncomfortably and her limbs feel suddenly weak, like her body is about to shut down to avoid dealing with the situation. Of course, that can't happen because that would be a ridiculous reaction, so she grips her beer bottle more tightly and almost finishes it off.

He's still watching her when she lowers the bottle.

"Are we really not going to talk about you and Chloe?" There's hesitation in his voice but it's slight, barely there. Covered by the brash confidence of someone who thinks they know what they're talking about, even if they're a little bit scared to bring up the topic.

Beca knows a bit about being scared. Being scared to do something or say something, or act on something. She's scared now, standing next to Jesse, knowing he somehow knows the things she won't let herself think about.

"There's nothing to talk about," the lie comes as easily as the shrug that follows it, but Jesse is, of course, unconvinced.

"I don't know, Beca." He keeps his tone light and playful now, perhaps sensing that she's starting to feel cornered. "It definitely looked like something back there."

"So we were making out." Beca rubs at her forehead. "Why is that something we need to talk about?"

"It's that you guys are still making out that is the talk-worthy factor, my friend."

They've done a lot more than make out, but she doesn't say that. Doesn't say anything for a few heartbeats as her mind tries to comprehend the fact that this conversation is actually happening and it's happening a stone's throw away from where the rest of the Bellas are, occupied though they all may be.

"Look, I'm not trying to be nosy-"

"No?" Beca cuts in, smoothly. "You could have fooled me."

"But I know you, Bec," he continues, undeterred. "You don't talk about stuff, even when you should. And I feel like, maybe, there's some stuff here that might be beneficial for you to discuss."

"You sound like a therapist."

"Would it help if I had glasses and a fainting couch?"

"God, you're an idiot." She rolls her eyes at him and finishes off the last of her beer, turning to deposit the empty bottle back on the bar. "Look, can we not do this right now? We're supposed to be celebrating and-"

"Then when?" He barks a laugh and the sharp edge of annoyance in it takes Beca aback. "Tomorrow? Next week?"

Beca stares hard at him, feeling her own annoyance bubble to the surface not only at the way he's talking to her but because he's right and she doesn't want to admit it. If Beca had her way, she'd never talk about her feelings. They'd sit and fester or eventually float away, and she'd be content to sit surrounded by the unhappiness that might create because it would be better than the alternative.

"Dude, what is your problem?" Beca snaps, brow furrowed and heart suddenly pounding. "Just leave it alone."

"My problem is you always do this, Beca." His accusatory tone makes her bristle. "You push away the people trying to help you-"

"I didn't ask for your help, Jesse," she bites back at him, anger flaring.

"Beca, you literally just asked me what it's like when you know you want to date someone, how can you-"

"I'm not doing this right now." Beca's been shutting people down, with ease, for years now. People used to take one look at her surly expression and leave it alone, but the Bellas seem to have broken a cog in that coping mechanism because it doesn't work as well as it used to.

"So, we're just not going to talk about it, then?" And Jesse is like a dog with a bone.

"Talk about what?"

"That you're into Chloe!" It's a hissed whisper, but it sounds so loud to Beca that she has no idea how everyone in the immediate vicinity doesn't hear it.

"Jesus Christ," Beca manages to squeeze out from between gritted teeth. "What does it matter? Why do you care?"

"Are you being serious right now? You can look me in the eye and ask me that?" He's met with an angry eye roll but Beca has no words to defend herself against those questions. She's too angry, too scared. "I care because I love you," he says, simply. "I care because I don't want to see you get hurt."

Beca's stomach is twisting itself into knots as she stands there, listening to her ex-boyfriend lecture her on her love life. It's weird and she doesn't like it, but she knows that what Jesse is saying is right. He's only saying this stuff because he cares and she doesn't really want to punish him for that, but she also really doesn't want to hear this right now.

Or ever.

"Look, I don't know what's going on between you two-"

"No, you don't."

"But I know that this isn't just experimenting anymore, Beca. Anyone who'd just walked in on you could see that. That wasn't just two people having fun."

Listening to him talk about it, part of Beca wants to crawl under a rock and die of embarrassment. Another part of her wants to stay and listen because she knows he's right and maybe he'll say something that makes enough sense for everything to click into place for her.

"That was two people with a connection, something tangible, kissing each other like it meant something. And maybe you're not ready to hear this. Maybe you don't want to admit anything to yourself, but she's leaving, Beca." His words pull a thread of dread through Beca and her eyes snap to his. "She's getting on a plane and she's leaving, and if you don't tell her soon, you're going to be out of chances."

"What am I supposed to say to her?"

"Just tell her how you feel."

"I don't know how I feel!"

"Then you need to think about that and get your shit together, because you're running out of time, Bec."

"And what if I do and I tell her and she doesn't feel the same?" It's the closest Beca's come to admitting her feelings, she thinks, and it terrifies her to the point that her voice warbles as she speaks.

"Chloe loves you." Jesse makes it sounds so easy and Beca laughs, a little dejected, a little defeated.

"Chloe loves everyone."