Chapter 63.

Sam watched Dean closely, seeing the way his hands sometimes clenched into fists, the determined set of his jaw. Something was happening and Dean was under pressure.

"Castiel is a lot less calm than last time." said Sarah, "How's Dean?"

"Okay, I think." said Sam, "Well, not okay, but I think he's controlling the situation. I hope so."

She turned from Cas to look at Dean. "He's very strong and when he has someone to protect, he's far more able to use that strength than he is for himself." She got up from her chair and put her hand on Dean's clenched right fist. "You can do this, Dean." she said. She went back to Cas and stroked his cheek. "Be strong, my dear."

Cas seemed to relax a little.

"I need to get African dream root or something." said Sam, "I should be in there, with them."

"I know how you feel, Sam," she said, "It's hard for me too. I think this will be good for both of them, but my instinct is to protect them and there's no easy way to do that today."

"Anything could be happening in there." said Sam.

"They're together. Together, they can do almost anything. Last time, they managed to make a stable place between their minds. If they still have that, they have a lot of control."

"What if they can't hold it together?" said Sam.

"They can." said Sarah, "If they can't, they should be able to come back out. The fact that they're still there suggests they're able to keep control."

Sam watched them both for a while in silence, trying to read every finger twitch, every eyelid flicker. Eventually, he said, "Dean's attitude has changed. He's not just willing to try to change, he's starting to believe he can. You've given him hope."

"I think you give me too much credit. You've been holding a light in his darkness for a long time now and he's starting to see it. If I've helped him find a little clarity to see it or a little courage to look for it, I'm glad, but the three of you need to see how strong you really are and how well you take care of each other."

Sam looked at Dean's face again. It seemed calm. "When I was a kid, when I was scared and confused and having nightmares I didn't understand, he was always there for me. He was strong and unafraid and he swore he would protect me and he always has, even when he knew I was being a fool. Even when he hated everything I was doing. Even now, if I needed him, he'd do anything to help me."

"Yes, he would." said Sarah.

"And that's what Cas needs right now. I'm not Dean and that means I wouldn't be much use to them, even if I could join them. Dean will never let Cas be lost. He will never give up on him."

"Neither would you." said Sarah, "Don't imagine for a moment that you are less than Dean or that you matter less to any of us. You don't say much about the burdens you carry, but I see them anyway. This feeling you have, that you're weak, it's not true. You have repeatedly defeated a fallen archangel. When your brother could barely keep going, you supported him. You gave him strength, even when you had little to spare. Dean talks about your strength with awe and reverence and you know how little Dean expresses either."

"I'm okay, Sarah." said Sam.

"And you've been saying that your whole life, so he doesn't have to bear your pain as well as his own."

"It does no good. He still does." he said.

"Yes. He knows you too well to be fooled. You are too alike for either of you to ever be fooled. I believe he can feel your love, even now. You're helping them both, just by being here."