Chapter 11
When Sakura thought about it, in the past week alone, she had learned more about Sasuke than she had in the year of being married to him. It appeared that once her daughter was no longer a threat to her health that Sasuke seemed to love her. They still hadn't agreed on a name, but it was difficult to argue with him when it was as if there was no name good enough for her baby; and she was not naming her something mundane or easy. Still, it was difficult to think up a good name for her daughter, there just didn't seem to be a good enough name for her.
Just as she was reading over a book that Karin had given her, her husband walked in with their daughter. The baby just looked seriously at her then looked at her father then at her. Sakura smiled, she had never really expected Sasuke's attachment to their daughter and it was a rather pleasant shock. Still, Sakura was irritated because she was confined to bed and Karin would steal her daughter away only for Sasuke to steal her back. Sakura was frustrated because she was the one who wanted to hold her baby and keep her close but couldn't because everyone else kept taking her and holding her.
Sasuke walked over to the bed then as he held their black haired baby, the onyx colored eyes were staring at Sakura the entire time. Finally Sasuke was sitting on the end of the bed, Sakura grinned as she snatched her daughter then and grinned deviously at her husband's frown. At least he didn't try to steal her daughter away again. She smiled as her daughter grabbed her finger and just held it.
Unlike what Ino, Temari, and Hinata wrote to her complaining about her daughter was very quiet. The baby rarely cried; according to Karin she had only cried when Sakura had passed out after giving birth. Her daughter also didn't scream and she never seemed to demand attention; though that could be because her daughter had been set down for a grand total of ten minutes in her entire life. Her friends spoke of clingy, demanding, and screaming babies that would drive them into insomnia. And her baby never cried, never demanded attention, and never drove her to insomnia with demands. Sakura would've been worried about her baby but she seemed to take after her father in just about every way; including his ravenous appetite. So she didn't think it was odd that her daughter was so quiet and easy to care for, all she seemed to want was to be held and loved.
And no one had any qualms with that.
Honestly Sakura doubted there was more loved baby in this world than hers', even Suigetsu and Juugo had developed a soft spot for the baby. Though Juugo was very careful with her baby he was trusted enough to carry her around alone; but Sakura had a feeling that Sasuke followed them. Her husband was torn, it was as if Sasuke didn't know who to be with, her or their baby. It was amusing to her because he was so conflicted and obviously torn between this. It was as if it were a silent war her love was fighting. And it was entertaining to her.
At this moment her daughter nuzzled her breast and demanded to be fed; which was something only Sakura could do because Orochimaru's hideout was not equipped for a baby. And so as to not arouse suspicion of Oroshimaru Team Taka wasn't going about stealing or buying baby things under Sasuke's orders. Everyone on Team Taka agreed to keep Sakura and Sasuke's daughter from Orochimaru before the snake could experiment on her precious baby.
Sakura arranged herself to feed her daughter, she just smiled as her daughter latched onto and then traced her baby's cheek. Her eyes flicked up at her husband's heated black eyes as he watched their daughter and her. Sakura bit her lip as she watched him, a part of her was well aware that she had been rejecting a few of Sasuke's needs but it didn't feel right to her, it didn't seem right at this moment to attend to those needs. But it felt strange and awkward at this moment to her, she hadn't even known she was pregnant and yet she had given birth to a beautiful and healthy baby and though her body hadn't gone through the changes that Hinata or Ino or Temari had undergone it still felt odd. But she kind of regretted neglecting certain needs of her husband, she'd talk to Karin about her health and see if there was something that she could do for Sasuke. Not that she would talk to Karin about her sex life but rather if she was healed or not.
"Sarada," Sasuke said suddenly snapping Sakura out of her thoughts.
"What?"
"Her name, Sarada for knowledge," he supplied and she smiled. Looking at the onyx eyes which were staring up at her she decided it would fit her daughter perfectly. And it wasn't one of those names that was generic; like hers'. It was unique and empowering and perfect.
"Sarada, I like it," Sakura smiled. Sasuke nodded as he sat comfortably beside her. They sat in silence as Sarada fed and Sakura leaned on Sasuke then.
"I don't want to leave you," Sakura admitted then. He played with their daughter's black hair and then slid a finger over her exposed breast, she shivered a bit in delight as Sarada continued her relentless sucking.
"You two need to be safe," he countered. She frowned at his argument though he had a valid point. If she continued traveling with him with their daughter both she and Sarada would be in grave danger most of the time. "You should return to the village."
"No, I'm staying with you and so is Sarada, we're a family Sasuke and families stick together. Besides I carried her for nine months, supposedly and kept her perfectly safe in all that time, we go together or we don't go at all." Sakura argued knowing it was illogical and irrational and really, really, really dangerous should she go with Sarada and continue traveling with Sasuke. But she couldn't leave him, not yet, and she didn't want to be alone again with only her daughter in the village. Which was why she hadn't written anyone about the recent birth of her daughter; also if the message were intercepted people would come after her and her baby to kill or take Sarada. Sakura didn't want to be alone, she didn't want to be a single mother, and she didn't want her husband to be in danger again without her there to help him. She loved Sasuke too much to leave him alone, and if he were alone who was to say he wouldn't descend back into his hatred and darkness. He had tried to kill Sarada after all.
"Sakura…" he seemed at a loss for words so she straddled his lap, Sarada protested at being jolted from her meal but Sakura didn't care as her baby rearranged herself. Sasuke's hands grabbed her hips to keep her stead as she wrapped her free arm around his shoulders so she could glare at him in the eye to get her point across.
"I don't care, I don't care about the danger, or the threats, or the impending war, or even the insult to our clan because of Orochimaru's creation. I love you, you Sasuke, I don't care about the other threats in this world so long as I get to love and be with you. I've loved you since before we were genin, I've loved you for so long that it's like breathing and is vital to my being. And though you have nearly killed me a few times in the past.
"But the closest I've ever felt to death was when you would leave me, I can't lose you again, I can't Sasuke, I wouldn't recover. I can't be a mother, I can't even be me if I lost you I love you that much. And I love Sarada, I love her so much that it would destroy me to lose her; I would die for her, I would kill for her, and I would protect her with everything I am. But I can't do that, I can't protect her, I can't even be a mother if I don't have you. Please, please Sasuke don't make me leave, don't send us back to the village, we need you; I need you and she needs you." Sakura felt a few tears slip past her guard as she rested her brow on Sasuke's; her fingers toyed with his black hair as she tried to calm herself again.
"Please, please don't make us leave or leave us, please Sasuke," she pleaded. Her daughter continued feeding determinedly as Sakura pleaded with Sasuke.
A thumb wiped her wet cheek then, she dared to look at him then; his black eyes were indifferent as always but she looked past the indifference and felt the war he was having internally. Perhaps she had crossed the line, perhaps she was being dramatic, perhaps she was being clingy and demanding but she had meant every word that she had said. She couldn't do any of this, she couldn't even be a mom, without him there, and she couldn't be away from him again. She didn't want to be away from him and she knew Sarada would know if her father wasn't around; babies weren't stupid. They were just innocent and learning.
"Please, please Sasuke, don't make us go just yet," she murmured softly. He just stared at those wet emerald eyes and felt helpless staring at them. Rarely did she freely admit the depth of her love, true she said 'I-love-you' at least once a day, and there were days he found himself panicking because she hadn't said it yet. But she never admitted the depth of her love. And now she had just told him the depth of her love and he could only stare at her.
It wasn't that he wanted to be alone again, it was the opposite really, and he wasn't even thrilled about the prospect of being alone. But what she had just admitted to, the depth of her love, it was close to what he felt for her. Though he didn't think he loved her, he had never really loved another being but he did care deeply for the pinkette and he couldn't live if he lost her. He wouldn't live if he lost her because there would be nothing for him, there would be no one and there would again be that hatred and darkness. Losing Sakura was a terrifying thought to him, it was also an agonizing thought and it sent a twist in his chest and a punch to his gut to think about it.
But equally terrifying was the thought of losing Sarada, he loved his daughter. He knew family love, he had loved his parents and brother after all but he didn't know any other love. Sasuke couldn't even stand the thought of Sarada being hurt or threatened or killed or even in harm's way anymore, she was real and vital to his being like Sakura. Which was why he wanted both of them safe, he wanted them back in the village with Kakashi and Naruto looking after them. He wanted them anywhere but where he was going because they were both too important to him to lose. They also, both, happened to be the only weakness of his.
He had no doubt that if Sakura or Sarada were threatened or even in danger that he would lose it and destroy everything and everyone until they were safe again.
But at this moment, as he stared at a set of wet emerald eyes he couldn't help but feel that Sakura meant everything she had just said. And he didn't even know how to feel about that. His heart was thrilled, he knew his heart was thrilled with this because he hadn't wanted to part with his girls just yet. But his head; the part he usually listened too and took advice from was pointing out every threat that his wife and daughter would be under. They would be in constant danger and the thought to him was not just terrifying but that bone numbing, heart stopping, soul robbing, and gut punching horrors to him. He couldn't lose his girls after having lost his family.
"Sakura, I can't lose you," he admitted as he looked down at the suckling baby. He couldn't lose Sakura, there would be no way he could be a father if he lost her. The startling part of her confession was she had admitted she couldn't be a mother without him when he had always thought the opposite would be true for her. She had so much love and joy in her that she wouldn't fail at being a mother, and yet she had said she would.
"Please," she whispered. He looked at those emerald eyes.
"I will think about it, but if Sarada is ever in danger you take her and run," he said without thinking about the consequences of what he was saying or the implications. "You don't stop running and I don't care if I'm dying, you take her and you never stop running Sakura."
"Alright," Sakura whispered as she hugged him lightly. He just kissed her lightly as he touched his daughter's downy black hair. He didn't care about his fate, he would freely admit that since he had avenged his clan, his brother and had Sakura again. But he wouldn't lose his daughter and wife for anything, their priority would have to be Sarada, and he didn't care if it killed him.
