A/N: This is the second-to-last chapter of Azure! WOW! This went by quickly, didn't it? Or at least it appears so to me! But don't worry, I am already on Chapter 3 of the next installment!

Unfortunately, this is another chapter I had a hard time cutting in a logical way. I need to pay more attention to that sort of thing when writing...

Chapter 19, part 1.

After a very short debriefing, Woolsey allowed everyone to have some much-needed rest. At that point, Alice had been awake for almost twenty-four hours, so she welcomed the opportunity. She didn't even have enough energy for a shower, she simply took off her boots and, still in uniform, she fell onto her bed and was asleep within thirty seconds.

She didn't set an alarm, but she woke on her own only five hours later. Stargate trips could really deregulate one's internal clock—time of day was almost never the same on other planets as on their own, M2A-373, which the inhabitant's—Hlava's people—came to call New Lacrona (and the Atlantians didn't dispute it). Her body wasn't sure what time it was, only that she wasn't supposed to be awake. Still tired and feeling on edge, Alice got up, took a shower and changed into a new uniform. By the time she was ready, it was lunchtime, and she went to the Central Tower's chow hall to eat something.

Jake was already there, with his team, and Alice joined them.

"Good morning, sis!" He greeted her enthusiastically as she sat down next to him.

"If you say so," she replied in a grouchy tone.

Jake chuckled. "Aren't you a ray of sunshine today."

"I've slept a total of five hours in the last thirty or so." She rolled her eyes and picked up a soda. Maybe the caffeine will revive her a little bit. Though she suspected she'd have to follow with an actual coffee to feel more human again. "How's Ruiz?"

"He'll be alright," Moors answered from the other side of the table. "Though he's out of commission for at least a few weeks. I haven't had a full squad for longer than a week in the past six months, I swear." He shook his head with a grimace.

"Yeah, know how you feel," Alice muttered, but at least she wasn't a team leader. Moors didn't say anything to that dictum and they all dug into their food.

"I had an e-mail from Aaron today," Jake mentioned a few moments later. "He didn't sound very good."

"What do you mean?" Alice hadn't checked her personal e-mail yet.

"He didn't say it, but I read between the lines. I think his relationship with Sarah is on the rocks."

Alice sighed. "Big surprise," she huffed. "Their relationship was on the rocks almost from the moment it started."

"Yeah, but I thought, you know, with the kid and all…" Jake shrugged. "I thought they'd try harder."

"I have no doubt Aaron did everything in his power to save it," Alice admitted. "For some inexplicable reason, he's always been head over heels for that woman. But even he must finally have noticed that she's not really into it."

"She's not a mothering type, isn't she?" Jake nodded. The other two were listening with mild interest. They have grown used to Jake and Alice discussing their friends and family over meals, and have heard about Aaron—Moors even admitted he was a fan of the band.

"Not really, no." Alice stood up. "I'm gonna get coffee, anyone wants coffee?" They all did, so Macnamara volunteered to help her bring it. They barely deposited the cups on the table, though, when Perrault appeared next to it, looking as gruff as Alice felt.

"Mister Woolsey and Colonel Sheppard want to see you, Capitaine," he told Alice, sitting down next to them. "They're in the infirmary."

Alice sighed again. She could've expected it—they were bound to require a more thorough debriefing, right? Though why in the infirmary, then—why not in the briefing room, or Woolsey's office?

"Have my coffee, sir, it's untouched," she told Perrault. He nodded thanks and Alice stood up, made a face at Jake, and left them without another word.

She found Sheppard and Woolsey in the infirmary, talking to Doctor Keller.

"Ah, Boyd, good," Woolsey said when she joined them. "I'm gonna need your report on the mission before the end of the day, is it okay?"

"Yes, sir, of course." Alice felt her eyebrows rise in surprise. So they didn't need a full briefing—good, but why did they call her up, then?

"We've just finished applying the nanite treatment to all the people you've brought from Jareth's base," Keller explained, sensing Alice's confusion. "That includes Sergeant Karim. I'm happy to report that he should make a full recovery, although I have to say, whoever was treating him after that gunshot to the collarbone was not a proper doctor." She shook her head in dismay. "He's going to have a nasty scar, but at least it's healed up quite well."

"Good, I'm glad," Alice said offhandedly and quickly changed the subject. "What about Jareth's prisoners?"

Keller's face fell at their mention. "I'm afraid I don't have any good news there." She sighed. "Their external injuries I could deal with, but the damage to their internal organs… I'm sorry. I don't know what Jareth did to them, but whatever it was, it messed with their entire systems. Their bodies are simply shutting down, and there's nothing I can do about it." She paused for a beat, and then continued: "We can make them more comfortable, but that's it."

Alice felt as if she was clubbed over the head. "There is nothing we can do?"

"No, it's just too late. If we had gotten them a day or two earlier… maybe I'd be able to save at least some of them. But right now…" She shook her head again.

"How long?" Alice asked, feeling her lips go dry.

"Depends on the person… few days, at the most. Probably less."

Alice dropped her eyes to avoid Keller's pitying stare. So she had lied when she had promised Keana she'd be alright. She had done so unknowingly, but still… was there anything she could do right?

"Okay," she told her shoes. She didn't want to look at Keller, or Woolsey, or Sheppard.

"I'll be in my office," the expedition commander said after a brief silence.

"Yeah," Sheppard agreed and Alice heard them both walk away; she didn't raise her eyes, though.

"You okay, Alice?" Keller asked after a moment, concern in her voice.

"Yeah." She finally looked up at the doctor. "Can I visit one of the prisoners? I… just want to talk to her."

"Keana." Keller nodded knowingly. "She spoke about you. You can, but she might not be too… aware. She's on powerful painkillers," she explained.

"I'll be quick," Alice promised. Keller smiled at her warmly and directed her to the next room, where some of the Jareth's erstwhile prisoners lay.

Keana occupied a bed beneath a big window. She had an IV drip attached to her arm and nasal cannula to help her breathe. When Alice approached, Keana's eyes were closed but they fluttered open when she heard the scraping of a chair being dragged closer.

"Alice," she whispered and her lips spread in a drowsy smile. "You came."

"Sure I did." Alice worked hard to make sure her returning smile was kind and not sad. "How are you feeling?"

"Good," the girl replied in a tired kind of way. "A bit… off. But I don't hurt anymore."

"That's good to hear." Alice had to choke back tears, but thankfully Keana's eyes closed again. "You'll be alright." Her voice almost cracked at the end.

"And then I'll go home," Keana breathed, without opening her eyes.

Alice blinked quickly, feeling the moisture spill over on her cheeks. "Yeah. You'll be home soon, with your family and friends," she said and then reached out to grab the girl's hand. She squeezed and got a very faint squeeze in return. "I promise."

Keana didn't respond for a long while and Alice already thought that she'd drifted off to sleep; but then she mouthed: thank you, and gave another little squeeze. Alice didn't speak again after that; she didn't trust her voice. Instead, she sat there by the dying girl and wept quietly, glad that there was nobody else in the room—nobody conscious, at least.

Eventually, when the girl's breathing became deeper and more regular and Alice was reasonably sure that she had fallen asleep this time, she extricated her hand from Keana's feather-light grip, wiped her eyes and face, and left the room. Keller was nowhere to be seen, so Alice ventured to another room on her own. She didn't immediately find what she was looking for, and had to wander about the infirmary for a while, before she finally came to another bed occupied by someone she knew well.

Karim was lying on his back, his hands bound to ensure he didn't do anything unexpected—but he wasn't doing anything. His eyes were open and he was staring into space, just like Jake had been, and Cooper, and Lorne, and Utkin—and every other person who had been affected by Jareth's mind-bending.

There were no chairs in this room, so Alice sat at the edge of his bed. Hesitatingly, she reached out to take his hand in hers, too. She squeezed, but there was no response, so she let him go and sighed deeply.

"You will be alright," she told him in her best authoritative voice. He didn't react, but Alice knew it was too early yet. The nanite therapy had helped everyone before him, though, so why wouldn't it work on him? He really would be alright, she knew. At least she'd done that. Jareth might have escaped, but she had brought Karim back.

"He really will," someone said behind her suddenly, making her jump up in surprise. She turned around to face Sheppard. He was smiling. "Thanks to you."

Alice nodded, but she couldn't bring herself to smile, not yet anyway. "Half the objective achieved, that must count for something, right?"

"It does," he agreed. "We don't leave our people behind."

Alice smiled at that, but it wasn't a happy smile. They both knew it wasn't always true. Sometimes the mission came first. But, thankfully for Karim, not this time. Not in Alice's book anyway.

"But I do have a question, though," Sheppard continued, curiosity now ringing in his voice. "That last fight… Your brother told me you could have shot Jareth, but instead you stunned Karim."

She turned back around to look at her teammate—and to hide her face. "Actually, I did shoot Jareth, but he merely stumbled and walked on. But I knew—" she went on, even though Sheppard started to say something "—that a single shot wouldn't get a Wraith down. A well-fed, powerful Wraith commander? No way. He would need four or five… or maybe more. I only had time for two more shots. So I decided to stun Karim and the other human guard of Jareth's. So maybe I had missed an opportunity to get Jareth… but I don't think so. I did the only logical thing." It wasn't the whole truth—but it was close enough that Alice hoped it would pass. She wasn't sure if Sheppard believed her or not, but it seemed he decided to accept that version.

"Right," he said curtly. "Well, just make sure it's included in the official report."

"Yes, sir." Alice still didn't turn to look at him, and after a few more seconds, she heard him leave.

She sighed deeply again. Of course it would've been better if she had managed to stop Jareth. She should've done it. But what she told Sheppard about needing more than one shot was true enough—she didn't think she'd be able to get him, not in those circumstance. What she neglected to mention was that at that moment, faced with a choice, logic played no role in her decision. She could save Karim—or try to stop Jareth. And she chose Karim. After all, he was family. And she'd always choose family.


Keana passed away two days later, without ever regaining consciousness. They didn't even know where she was from, and so she was buried on the mainland, in the little cemetery Father Lawrence had established near Hlava's village. He gave a little sermon above the grave and Alice planted flower seeds on it, as was the Lacronans' custom. She didn't cry.

Karim's condition, on the other hand, was improving fast: he fell into the kind of deep sleep that signaled the beginning of the treatment's success only four days after receiving the nanite injection. Alice intended to be there when he woke up, but her plans were voided when she was called into Woolsey's office only a few hours after Keller told her of the change in status in Karim's recovery. She passed Doctor Borden just as he was leaving and exchanged smiles with him. He was still insisting on her seeing him at least once a week, and she stopped resisting—in fact, at times, she sort of looked forward to these appointments. Opening up was still difficult, but she recognized the tangible benefits of having someone she could confide in and work through her problems. For some reason, it was easier with him—virtually a stranger—than friends or family.

"Good afternoon, sir," Alice greeted Woolsey as she entered his office. He was at his desk and gestured to her to take a seat opposite him.

"Good afternoon, Captain. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine, thank you, sir. And you?" She wondered what did he need her for. Neither Sheppard nor Perrault were there, so it couldn't be about another mission, could it?

"I'm good, thank you. Captain, it was brought to my attention recently that you didn't take any days off since last September. It's now almost the end of June, and I still don't have any vacation plan from you."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Not this again!" She huffed, throwing her arms up in the air.

"Did somebody talk to you already?" Woolsey's eyebrows rose in surprise.

She exhaled with annoyance. "My squadron commander, back when I was an F-302 driver. I don't need time off. I'm fine here."

Woolsey's eyebrows slid down into a frown. "That's not what I hear."

Alice felt her blood pressure—already up—rise again. "Borden talked to you?" She puffed. "I thought our sessions were supposed to be confidential!"

"He didn't tell me anything specific," Woolsey said in a calming manner. "Doctor-patient confidentiality is preserved, I assure you. But he did suggest that you should take some time off, and I have to agree. Even I noticed that you've been on edge lately."

Did he really? That was bad news. Alice thought she was acting normal, tried to squash everything that was boiling inside of her—push it even deeper. To hear that she was failing was alarming. If Woolsey found out, of all people, then clearly she wasn't doing a good job. Who else knew? Did they guess the source of the turmoil in her head?

It was odd, really. She slept better now. It wasn't ideal—nightmares still woke her up almost every night, but Borden showed her some techniques to calm herself enough to go back to sleep. Talking to him every week left her feeling raw and extremely vulnerable, but she figured it was the only way to really work through everything that was gnawing at her—and once they started talking, she realized just how many things there were. What Jareth did to her and how she acted (or didn't) was just one thing. There were still other issues sitting in her that ate away at her confidence, that made her feel small and weak, that pulled at her conscience and convinced her that she was a fraud. Deaths she'd witnessed and deaths she'd dealt; grief and regret; anxiety and self-consciousness; the disappointment of falling short of her own expectations; doubt and anger; everything tangled in one big mess that she only began to try to unravel.

When did she become this tense ball of emotion? She remembered herself when she was younger—just starting her carrier in the Stargate Program. She had been so lonely and scared! She had often felt like a kid at the adults' table—inadequate, too young, too inexperienced, too shy. But, at the same time, she had been convinced of her own brilliance back then, full of ambition—she had a drive to go forward. And now? She had a family here, she truly belonged to Atlantis; and she was no longer afraid to go anywhere and do anything, be among people and even lead them into battle; she felt like she was a peer to those with whom she worked—the best scientific minds asked for her opinions, the ranking officers listened to her advice; and yet… she felt stuck. She couldn't see beyond tomorrow—the day after terrified her. And the worst part was that she knew exactly why that was—and that distressed her even more. No amount of vacation was going to make it go away. But, at the very least, Woolsey couldn't know that. That was one part of her internal struggle she didn't share with anyone, not even Borden.

"I'm fine," she repeated after a moment of silence. "I really don't need time off."

"Be that as it may," Woolsey placated her. "I still want you to take some, though. Go home. See your family, go hiking, I don't know. Just don't think about work for a while."

"I really should help to track down Jareth," she protested. "He's still out there."

"And we will be looking for him," he assured her. "But we have no clue where he's got to now, and the IOA still doesn't want us to expend time or resources searching for him. We'll be doing it anyway—" he added matter-of-factly "—but we need to be careful. The galaxy will not fall if you take two weeks off."

"It just might," Alice muttered quietly, to herself. "But two weeks is too long. A week."

"I'm not negotiating with you, Captain." Woolsey furrowed his brow, finally sounding a bit miffed. "You're going back to Earth for two weeks, end of discussion."

Alice rolled her eyes and puffed again, nettled, but she didn't see any way out of it. Technically, the Air Force couldn't force her to take her earned vacation, but Woolsey, as the expedition commander, could remove her from active duty or even use Borden to send her on a convalescent leave, and that would be worse. She was not keen on going back to Earth at the moment, but if she had to choose, she preferred to do it amicably rather than to be forced.

She sighed. "Alight, sir. You've won." She shook her head slightly. "What about Jake? He hasn't taken any time off since September, too."

"I am aware." Woolsey bequeathed her a benevolent smile, now that he knew he was the victor. "But he had been off work for a long while recently, so it's not as dire. I'll send him off for a vacation soon, too, though. Just not quite yet."

Lucky bastard. "If you say so."

"You'll leave tomorrow morning," Woolsey ordered. "And I don't want to see you before July, alright?"

"Yes, sir." Alice stood up and left without another word.


It was late afternoon and the sky was deep blue, stricken here and there with a few solitary clouds that looked like cotton candy. It was nearly seventy-five degrees and Alice felt hot in her black leather jacket as soon as she stepped out of the air-conditioned car. She took it off, grabbed her duffel bag from the passenger seat, and closed the door with a loud crack. The rental she'd got at the Edwards Air Force Base was not the newest she'd ever driven.

Perhaps forewarned by the clatter, Eileen Boyd appeared at the door before Alice even made a few steps. She gasped and cupped her face in her hands as she saw her daughter walking up the driveway.

"Allie!" She called, nearly bursting with excitement. "Honey, you're home!"

Alice smiled warmly as she closed down the distance, then dropped the bag on the ground and wrapped her arms around the small frame of her mother.

"Hi mom," she breathed into her ear. "Have a spare couch for a stranger for a couple weeks?"

Mom laughed joyfully, pulling away. "Something can be arranged! Come in, darling, I'll make you something to eat, you must be famished! You're nothing but skin and bones, do they not feed you properly in that Air Force of yours?"

Alice picked her bag up and followed her into the kitchen. "I am famished," she admitted. "I thought I looked good."

Eileen was already getting stuff out of the fridge, but she turned around to look at her for a moment. "I'm not sure about the hair."

Alice shook her head. She had told mom about the cutting of the hair via e-mail, but it was the first time she was seeing the result.

"It's just so much more practical." She shrugged. "Literally takes two minutes to wash and dry. I can sleep in longer."

"I find that hard to believe. You've been getting up with the chickens since you were a little girl."

"But I like to sleep in!" Alice protested, chuckling. "I just don't have many opportunities to do so!"

"Well, I'm not going to wake you up here," mom promised, turning back to the kitchen counter and getting busy with the cooking. "How long are you going to stay?"

"I have two weeks off."

"Why so suddenly? Or did you decide to make it a surprise for me?"

"Not really," Alice confessed. "I was sorta forced to take some time off. My superiors were concerned I wasn't relaxing enough."

Mom looked around her shoulder at her. "As well they should be! Don't take it the wrong way, honey, but you look dreadful. Tired."

Alice exhaled slowly. So it was that obvious that after five minutes mom could already tell? But then again, she could always read her daughter like an open book.

"Well, it's been quite a wild run, but I'm fine," Alice reassured her. "Jake sends his love."

"I do wish he could come with you. I was dreadfully afraid when he stopped writing for so long…"

After Jake had been captured by Jareth and his mind bent, and until he had felt better, Alice had had to lie to their mom and say that he was on a special assignment and couldn't communicate with her directly. Thankfully, mom hadn't dug into that. She never pried—somehow, she accepted the fact that both of her children were off doing god knew what; she didn't need to know the specifics, though Alice thought she was just as curious as anyone would be. But Eileen Boyd had been through hell and back, and she learned to appreciate the small blessings that life gave her: she was back on her feet, no new major schizophrenic or depressive episodes since she had been released from the inpatient treatment center she'd spent a few years getting better after a total breakdown at; she was working again; she had her house and friends; her children were alive and well (as far as she knew, at least). She found joy in simple, everyday tasks; Alice envied her that. The captain didn't know how to do that anymore. Maybe this vacation wasn't such a bad idea after all—it was always lovely to see her mom, of course, but maybe her quiet contentment would rub off on Alice and give her some relief.

"He was just working, mommy," Alice lied, trying to sound offhanded. "He's quite alright. He'll probably get some time off soon, too, he told me." He didn't tell her, of course, it was Woolsey, but mom didn't need to know the specifics. Alice always tried to be rather vague about their work and although she supposed mom had guessed that Jake and Alice were now working together, she never spelled it out.

"Oh, that would be wonderful! Although I wish I could have both of my kids for a little while at the same time."

"We were both here the last time," Alice noted, getting up to get something to drink. "Want some orange juice?"

"Yes, please. Well, at least you're here—and what a good timing, too. Jodie's engagement party is this Saturday—she invited both of you, of course, but we all thought neither of you would make it…"

"Well, if it's not too late, I'd love to go," Alice said, pouring the orange juice into glasses. She wasn't fond of parties, of course—but she was fond of Jodie. And, she realized lately, she didn't actually mind other people as much as she used to—even strangers. She finally felt confident in her own skin—well, more confident than before—and it made a huge difference in her perception of social interactions.

"I'm sure she'll be delighted to have you there, darling." Mom smiled at her, flipping a pancake in a pan with the kind of skill that comes from a lifetime of doing something. Alice could never quite grasp it—or cook too well at all, which was a never-ending source of teasing for mom. They both agreed it was because Alice barely ever cooked; she just never learned.

Mom's prediction turned out to be true. Alice called Jodie later that evening, and her cousin seemed really glad that she'd be able to come. She was all excitement, speaking with abandon about her fiancé, the ring he had bought for her, the party they'd planned, the invited guests and anything else she could think of. Alice didn't interrupt her—she was actually enjoying this enthusiastic blabber. It was very refreshing—it made her remember that life went on here on Earth, even while the situation was becoming extremely dire on Atlantis. It was reassuring.

She tried not to think too much about what was happening in Pegasus. She dedicated herself entirely to spending as much time as possible with her mom, the rest of the family, and Aaron (she counted him as part of the family anyway). She meant to visit him very soon, but when she called the day after she had gotten home, he informed her that he was spending some time with his parents, which meant that he was literally a couple houses down the road from Alice. He invited her and her mom over for a barbecue on his parents' behalf, and so they both made their way there that afternoon.

The Starrs greeted them enthusiastically and led them to the backyard, where the barbecue was already set up. They were Eileen's age and all three had been good friends since their children's childhood, and Alice thought of them as extended family, too, even though she still called them Mr. and Mrs. Starr. Aaron was already there as well, kneeling by a kiddie pool that lay at the side of the yard and playing with Ike who sat in the water (it only came up to his little thighs), splashing around with a rubber duck. Alice was in shock to see him at first—she had last seen him as a newborn—though of course it made sense that the kid would have grown so much; he was now nine months old. He had the same dark brown eyes as his daddy, but his sparse hair was darker, almost black. His pudgy little face was beaming and he squealed every time the yellow ducky touched the water. Aaron, on his part, looked more tired than Alice remembered him—he had dark rings beneath his eyes—but he was laughing along with his son, not minding that most of his shirt and pants were already wet.

"Hey, boys, having fun?" She asked, amused, as she walked up to them.

"Allie!" Aaron exclaimed delightedly, jumped up and hugged her vivaciously. "It's so good to see you, it's been way too long!"

She returned the hug happily. "I've missed you!" Then they stepped back and Alice squatted down to look at Ike. "Hey there, little guy! And how are you doing?"

The boy looked at her with his mouth hanging open, but seeing his dad coming back down to his knees next to her, he dropped his hand to splash the water again and laughed.

Alice sighed. "I'm sorry, Aaron. I'm not being a very good godmother, am I? He doesn't even know me."

Aaron shook his head. "Don't be ridiculous. I know you have a demanding job. I'd known that before I asked you to be his godmother."

She smiled wanly. "Well, at least I'll try to be there for him as much as I can while I'm here."

"And how long will that be?" Ike dropped the duck and it floated away from him so Aaron reached out to grab it and put it back in his little hand.

"I have two weeks off. And you? I mean, are you going on tour or anything like that?"

The ducky slipped away from the baby again, and Aaron returned it patiently.

"Nah, we're off touring for a while. I don't want to be away from Ike for too long and he's too small to take him with us. The guys are very understanding. I think they like being able to focus on other things for a while. Did you know that Zach's engaged?"

"No way!" Alice's smile grew bigger and more genuine. "The bear-boy is engaged?! Who to?"

"Her name is Chiyo Ishikawa, they met on our last world tour in Japan. You're gonna love this—she's an astronomer and she recently got a position at the Keck Institute!"

"Ooh, a fellow scientist!" Alice chuckled. "And she works at my Alma Mater! I can feel I'm gonna like her."

"She's an interesting bird, to be sure." Aaron smirked, putting the duck back in Ike's hand again. "She's a little… let's call it extravagant. But Zach's head over heels for her, and it's almost nauseating to watch or listen to!"

The duck floated in the opposite direction, towards Alice, so she took it, a bit hesitatingly, and extended her hand towards Ike. He looked at her—she thought a bit suspiciously—and then snagged the rubber toy out of her open palm.

"And how's Sarah?" She asked in a neutral voice. Without moving her head, she peered at him out of the corner of her eye.

"She's good," he answered. It came out a little forced. "Out in New York turning a new movie now."

"I see." Alice thought it was a little too early to try and extricate more out of him. "Are you staying with your parents for long?"

"Oh, no, just the night. I have an early meeting on this side of town and they've missed Ike." He laughed much more naturally. "Though they see him at least twice a week anyway."

"So they're helping out?"

"They would like to help out even more, but you know that Dad is still working and Mom doesn't like to drive all that much. So when Sarah's off and I have to be somewhere, Ike stays with his nanny. But I try to make sure that I'm never away for more than a few hours a day."

Alice smiled warmly and put a hand on his shoulder. Surprised, he looked at her with his big brown eyes wide open.

"You're a fantastic father," she told him with authority.

He shrugged. "I try my best. Whether that's enough…" His voice trailed, and he handed the duck back to Ike.

"Aaron Starr, are you actually doubting yourself? Why, that's a first," Alice quipped, but her tone was warm. "No, but seriously, Aaron. Do you love him? Will you always be there for him, no matter what?"

"Of course!"

"Then you're already a better father than many I've seen. I know it's not easy, but if I know anything about you is that you are a good person, and you care about your family." She stood up because her legs were beginning to go numb from squatting all the time, and stretched. "You know how I know?"

He shook his head, looking up at her from the ground.

"Because years and years ago, when we were waiting for the phone call that told us that my dad was truly and completely gone, you had no idea how to help but you stood at the gate to our backyard anyway to look and see if we were okay." She paused and sighed. "You have a good heart, Aaron. Trust your instincts."

He dropped his eyes again. "Thank you," he mumbled quietly, so that Alice could barely hear him. "I think I needed to hear that." Then he shook his head again, this time more energetically. "And when did you become so smart, huh?" He asked amusedly.

"I was born this way," she joked and they both chuckled.

"Ain't that the truth!" He then addressed his son. "Well, Ikey, you've been in there for long enough! Time to get dried up and warm!"

Ike was not particularly eager to comply so a long period of pleading (on Aaron's part), crying (on Ike's), and general confusion followed, but eventually both father and son sat down at the garden table, dressed and changed into dry clothes. The meat was sizzling on the grill and Mr. Starr was hovering near to flip it at the right time. Mrs. Starr had brought a salad and bread from the house and Eileen was getting plates and cutlery. Alice wanted to help but everybody shooed her off and told her to sit back and relax, so instead she played peek-a-boo with Ike. The oldest game in the book continued to be appreciated by babies no matter how many times they played it before, Alice knew. She had done so before with TJ, Teyla's son, when he was still a baby. Aaron noticed.

"You're surprisingly good with him," he noted after a while, when Alice moved from peek-a-boo to "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and then "Little Piggy". "How did you get so good with kids?"

Alice, her face split in a grin that interacting with the baby elicited, looked up. "Oh… a friend of mine at the base has a little boy. He's three now, but I'd known him since he was about Ike's age."

"Aah, that explains it." He smiled widely, too. "Practice makes perfect, eh?"

"You know it." She winked at him.

"Food is done!" Mr. Starr called from where he stood next to the grill and he began putting it on plates, supplied by Eileen and his wife.

The meal went by in a familial atmosphere, the conversation flowing smoothly, only interrupted with bouts of laughter. Aaron fed a bit of very soft bun to Ike and then his mom swiped her grandson from him to play a little with the boy, giving Aaron the opportunity to eat and talk more freely. At around six-thirty in the afternoon, Aaron left to give Ike a bath and put him to sleep and, as it was getting cooler outside, they all moved to the living room and continued talking. Mrs. Starr brought a magnificent chocolate fudge cake and Mr. Starr poured them wine, and currant juice for Eileen (who didn't drink alcohol due to her medication).

Alice and her mom stayed well into the night; it was past midnight when they said goodbye and strolled back up the street to their house. The next day Alice allowed herself to, indeed, sleep in, and didn't get up until ten. Her mom was already up and in her studio, working away at a painting. She had an exhibition of her work planned in a month or so and was hoping to fill it with mostly new pieces. Alice, on her hand, made a mental note to ask Woolsey to spring Jake on his vacation in time for the vernissage, since she'd be back at Atlantis by then.

She didn't disturb her mom. Instead, she took a shower, ate breakfast, and then slipped out of the house for a run around the neighborhood. She kept it casual—more jogging than running, really—so that she could look around and play spot the difference with herself. Not much changed since she had lived there as a kid; still the same houses, though some of them repainted or enriched with backyard pools, the same little park with a pond and an island in the middle of it, the same schools—elementary and high, within a mile of each other—that Alice had attended with Jake and Aaron. She saw a few familiar faces along the way, waving to those who smiled or greeted her. Homeowners rarely moved out of here, only their children did. It technically was a separate town, though it was part of the Los Angeles metropolitan area and most people worked up in the City of Angels. Alice herself never bothered to distinguish it when talking about where she was from—she always just said L.A.

She took another shower upon returning home, and then prepared lunch which she brought into her mom's studio, effectively pulling Eileen out of her creative trance. They ate together and then, in the afternoon, went shopping—Alice had to buy a dress for Jodie's party. They didn't find anything suitable that day, but Alice wasn't too bummed, since they still had a few days.

They spent the entire next day on the beach. Alice didn't really think it through; when she stripped down to a swimsuit, she heard her mother gasp in alarm and then had to spend another half an hour reassuring her that she was quite alright—mom had seen the scars on her upper arm and calf, where Karim had shot her. They didn't look very fresh anymore—it had been over five months already—but nevertheless, one could not mistake them for anything else. They would eventually fade and resemble a birthmark, Alice told her mom, much like Jake's scars he got after he had been hurt in Iraq by an IED. This didn't really help, but eventually she let herself be persuaded that it hadn't been a big deal—they were only flesh wounds. After Alice had been struck with a piece of debris on the Prometheus, right before it had been destroyed, her recovery was much longer and more complicated, because the bone had been pierced. Alice didn't mention when or how she got hurt this time, and thankfully mom didn't press the matter.

On Friday Alice drove up to visit Aaron in his own house—he had bought it soon after Sarah had become pregnant, and they lived together, though only technically, for she spent more time away than home, even when she was in town. Now that they were alone (plus Ike who played with Chappy, Aaron's golden retriever), her friend finally spilled the beans about the tense nature of his relationship.

"She's just never here," he complained quietly as they sat on his couch with glasses of wine in their hands, watching the dog patiently bearing the baby's tugging and hugging. "I mean, I know she has a career, too, and I don't begrudge her that, but even when she's here, she's like… never here. She leaves early and comes home late, and even when she's actually here, it's like her mind is somewhere else. It's not that she's a bad mother," he added hastily. Alice guessed that he didn't think she was a good mother, either, though. "She takes care of Ike well, but she rarely, like, plays with him or spends any quality time with him…" He shook his head, but there was real distress in his eyes.

"She probably wasn't ready to be a mother," Alice noted, keeping her voice low, too.

"I get that," he assured her, his voice sour. "But neither was I to be father. So what? You grit your teeth and you do whatever you need to make sure your kid grows up happy and safe."

Alice sighed. "Do you regret it?"

"Having Ike?" He looked alarmed at the mere thought. "No way, not in a million years. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. He… don't laugh… he keeps me grounded." He peered at her to look if she was amused by the statement, and, satisfied that she wasn't, he continued: "You have no idea how easy it is to get lost in this life. Everything, you know… people recognizing you as you go grocery shopping in your flip-flops, and bam! Next day there's a photo of you wearing them on the cover of a tabloid. And don't even get me started on the Internet. " He rolled his eyes. "People must have really boring lives if they can spend that much time caring about others'… And whatever you do, exactly half of them will love you for it, and the other half will hate you. And you have no idea who to trust anymore. If a person is being nice to you, it may be because they genuinely like you as a person, or they just want bragging rights that they know you, or they wanna get your photo in a compromising situation so they can sell it to Perez Hilton or whatever…"

Alice frowned. "That doesn't sound fun at all. Why'd you want to be famous?"

Aaron laughed mirthlessly. "Because I didn't know what it meant!" But then he shook his head and smiled a little more genuinely. "Don't get me wrong. There are parts of it that I love. There is absolutely nothing that can compare to the feeling when a whole stadium of people sings your song to you as you stand in the middle of the stage… and some of the fanmail is unreal. People talking how our songs have influenced their lives… this one guy described how he was beat up in jail and how he sang From beneath in his head while it was happening, and it helped him withstand it. Can you imagine that?"

Alice nodded slowly. "I can, actually." Her serious tone gave Aaron a pause and he looked at her with raised eyebrows. "When something bad is happening, music can be a… a saving grace. It helps you concentrate on something other than what is going on with your body. It lets you stay sane."

"That sounds like you're speaking from experience…"

Alice gave him a wan smile and then changed the subject. "And how is the rest of the band doing with all of this?"

Aaron shrugged. "About the same. Although it's not as bad for them. You know? I'm the frontman and the lead vocalist. The spotlight is on me. Only the more hardcore fans know their faces, really. Me, I can't even walk through the town without someone asking me for a photo anymore…"

"The price of fame," Alice said musingly. "Would you give it up if you could?"

He looked up at the ceiling for a moment, apparently thinking about it. "I don't know," he answered gravely. "I just wanna make music, you know?" Then he shook his head again, and nodded at Ike, who was now crawling on the carpet in his little blue onesie, carrying wooden blocks from one side of the room to another for reasons that haven't become apparent to them yet. "And that's why I'm glad to have him. He makes me feel like a person again. I'm not Aaron Starr, the celeb, with him. I'm not even Aaron Starr, the musician. I'm just dad. Nothing like having to handle baby poop to make you feel grounded," he quipped and Alice laughed.

"Well, I'm glad I don't need grounding in that form," she joked, but then grew serious again. "Sarah doesn't seem to appreciate that, either."

He shrugged. "I don't really know what she wants. She says she wants to make it work. Us, you know. But then she never does anything…" He sighed. "Maybe I'm being too hard on her. The last months of the pregnancy and the labor were really hard on her."

Alice hesitated for a moment, but then decided to ask the question anyway. "Do you think she may be having postpartum depression?"

This surprised Aaron. "Postpartum depression? That's a thing?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I don't know much about it—I think it affects like ten or twenty percent of new mothers. And it can interfere with the normal bonding with the baby. You said that Sarah's fleeing home… that she doesn't really play with Ike… maybe she's suffering from PPD and doesn't even know it."

"I… I haven't considered this. But… she doesn't seem sad or anything…"

Alice shook her head. "You know that depression can manifest in many different forms. Sometimes it's an overwhelming sadness, but it can also show up as feeling of numbness or emptiness, irritability, social withdrawal, no longer finding pleasure in things that used to make you happy… I've seen all of these symptoms with my mom at one point or another."

Aaron's brow was furrowed, and he kept silent for a long while. Alice didn't interrupt his thinking; instead, she put down her wine glass, only half-empty, slid down to her knees, onto the carpet, and began interacting with Ike. Aaron joined them a few minutes later, and for a while they simply played with the baby. Then Maria, Aaron's housekeeper/nanny, came in to say that lunch was almost ready, and they all moved to the kitchen. Aaron fed Ike his formula and then put him to bed for a nap, which freed him to actually eat himself. Alice stayed at his place until about four pm, at which point Aaron had to leave for a few hours for a meeting downtown, and Alice followed him to get to the Fashion District where she hoped to finally find something to wear to the party the next day. It took a while, but at long last she went back home with a long slate gray chiffon dress with beaded lace appliqués that resembled flowers surrounding the V-neck and coming down asymmetrically to the waist on one side.