A/N: Well, here is the second to last chapter! I can't believe this is almost it! Thank you for all the lovely reviews. I hope this chapter makes sense!

Letters to Harm

Chapter 40: Love

Dear Harm,

I've been thinking…if I ever get out of here…would I want you to read this journal of mine? I know, all of the letters in here are addressed to you…but so much of this is so painful. I'd be laid bare before you. You'd know my triumphs, but you'd also know all my failures, all my weaknesses…

But maybe the real reason I'm not sure if you should read this is something else entirely…

Maybe I know if you were ever to read this, you'd do what you always do…blame yourself. The guilt you would feel would overshadow everything else.

Maybe before I go any further in this journal, I should tell you this…

This is not your fault, Harm. You don't need to ever feel guilty about what's happened to me.

Promise me, Harm. Promise that if you ever do read this you won't torture yourself because of it.

I miss you.

I love you.

Mac


August 13th, 2004

1222 Local

I-89

Between Burlington and Stowe, VT

"You okay, Mac?"

Harm's concerned voice startled her from her thoughts and she sat up sharply in the passenger seat of their rental car. They had flown into Burlington late this morning and were now on their way to a resort in Stowe.

"What?" Mac glanced around her, blinking in the early afternoon sunshine.

"I asked if you were okay…" He clearly thought he had his answer if his worried tone was any indication. He took his hand off the wheel to rest it on her thigh, giving it a little squeeze before he removed it to shift lanes to pass a semi-truck.

"Um, yeah…I guess I didn't sleep well last night…" She felt Harm's eyes on her and she squirmed, biting back the desire to snap at him and tell him he should be watching the road.

"I kinda noticed that…something bothering you?"

"No," she answered too quickly, cursing herself for being so obvious. She took in a deep breath. "No, nothing's bothering me…not really. I'm just tired." She knew Harm didn't believe her, but at least he let it go.

"Okay, well…why don't you take a little snooze. It's still going to be another half-hour or so before we get there."

Mac readily agreed to that and leaned into the window, allowing her eyes to drift shut as she thought about the night before.

After she'd found her journal of letters to Harm, she'd taken a moment to get herself under control before she'd grabbed the closest suitcase and shoved the book inside. Then, she'd hurriedly returned the backpack and carryon bag to the top shelf. The suitcase she'd hidden her journal in would do for her trip; it was bigger but not suspiciously so.

Of course, what would Harm have to be suspicious about? She'd replaced his backpack, he'd already packed his own bag, and…why didn't he tell her he'd found her letters? Mac didn't know if she was angry, embarrassed…no, she felt betrayed. The why of it, she couldn't put into words. After all, she'd written all of those entries directly to Harm…oh god, Harm…

Mac knew without a doubt that Harm had read the entire journal multiple times. She could imagine him pouring over each entry, focusing in on the more painful ones, the ones where her anger and despair had overtaken her and she had no choice but to put pen to paper and let it out. There were letters where she'd nearly cursed Harm, where she'd described some of Mic's abuse including the rapes. What must he have felt as he'd read those? The guilt…

She didn't want him to feel guilty.

Mac screwed her eyes shut tight, trying desperately to keep the tears from falling as she rode next to Harm. She didn't know if she would tell Harm that she had found the journal, but sitting there crying beside him would definitely rouse more suspicion that something was wrong. She felt Harm's eyes on her again; she knew he'd been watching her periodically as he drove. He was worried, she could tell, but no matter what, she wasn't ready to talk about it. She prayed she would just fall asleep, and a few minutes later, she did just that.


1310 Local

Stowe Mountain Resort

Stowe, VT

"Well, what do you think, Mac?" Harm asked as they looked around their home for the next few days. He had chosen to rent a small luxury cabin at a resort his parents had stayed at numerous times, and he for one wasn't disappointed. He wasn't sure about Mac, however.

It bothered Harm that she'd been so quiet on the drive over here; at first, he'd assumed she was just missing their daughters, but he was starting to sense it was something different. He wanted to ask her about it, question her until she came clean, but he didn't want to spark a fight on their first getaway as a couple. Harm sighed. Maybe it was just that she hadn't slept well; she'd tossed and turned, terribly restless last night, so maybe she just needed a nap.

Mac had set her suitcase down by the steps to their loft bedroom, turning down Harm's offer to carry it up there for her. She said she'd do it in a few minutes and Harm thought it a bit unusual that she had refused his help with her luggage from the beginning. He knew she was independent, but most of the time, even when they were partners at JAG, she'd let him be chivalrous. The times she didn't allow it were generally times she was frustrated with him. Think, Harm…what did you do now? He wracked his brain for a few moments but, unable to come up with anything, he did his best to shrug it off. He took a chance and walked over to his wife who was currently gazing out the living room window at the stunning view below.

"Mac?" She didn't answer him, so he said her name again, a little louder this time. She jumped, obviously startled, and Harm frowned.

"What?"

"Mac, honey, are you okay?" He put his hand on her shoulder, dismayed when she stiffened a bit, relieved when she turned and slid her arms around his waist.

"I'm fine, really, Harm. And it's beautiful here." She rested her head on his shoulder and he rubbed his hand up and down her back.

"It is, isn't it? Mom and Frank love coming here. You know, it's always surprised me that they actually ski if they come here in the winter. For the longest time, I had no idea they even could."

Mac chuckled a bit, her breath tickling his neck. "That surprises me a little too, but I'm glad they recommended this place." He felt her yawn against him, and he rested his lips against her hair.

"Mac, baby, why don't you go lie down for a few minutes while I get lunch ready?" He'd had the cabin stocked with various items so for the most part they could eat here, and he had many a romantic meal planned.

His wife drew away from him and looked up into his eyes. His desire to protect her swelled when he gazed into her tired, red-rimmed eyes. If he didn't know better, he would have thought she'd been crying. "You know, Harm, I think I will." She leaned up and gave him a soft peck on his lips, then pulled out of his arms. "Wake me up when it's ready, okay?"

"I will, sweetheart…and honey?" he said as she walked away. She paused and looked behind her at him.

"Yeah, Harm?"

"I love you."

Mac smiled faintly. "I love you too, Harm." She turned back around and picked up her suitcase before she climbed the stairs to their bedroom.

Harm kept his eyes on her until she disappeared into the recesses of the loft, then headed to the kitchen, the nagging sense that all was not right with Mac growing.


Mac stripped down to her bra and panties and climbed in between the cool cotton sheets. It was fairly warm outside, but the cabin itself was at the perfect temperature, and she couldn't deny that Harm had chosen a beautiful location for their mini vacation. As soon as she pulled the covers over her, she rolled and snuggled deeper into the bed, her arms wrapped around what would be Harm's pillow. The bed was heaven and, despite her turmoil at the discovery of her journal and her regret that it was already spoiling their trip, Mac drifted off to sleep.


Mac startled awake, wincing as a sharp pain went through her head. She slowly sat up, fighting a wave of nausea as her head started to pound in time with her pulse. She rarely had migraines, at least not in the absence of any abuse or injuries, but it was just her luck that she'd get one during this beautiful vacation Harm had planned. The headache scrambled her time sense, but a glance at the bedside clock indicated she'd only been sleeping for about forty-five minutes. She fell back on the bed and bit back a moan, pressing her fist to her temples as she curled into a ball. She must have fallen asleep for a few minutes, because the next thing she knew, Harm was gently coaxing her awake.


"Mac, baby…lunch is ready…" Harm gently rubbed her shoulder, surprised when she moaned and curled up into a more compact ball. "Mac?"

"Headache," she ground out as Harm sat down beside her. He reached over and switched on the lamp on the nightstand, his concern growing when she whimpered. "Turn it off…please, Harm." He quickly did as she asked, then told her he was taking her to the hospital. He jumped when she yelled out a strong, "No!" and immediately started to argue with her.

"No, Harm…it's just a migraine. I've had them before, and it isn't any different than any of the others…I promise. I just need to take some ibuprofen and sleep it off, I promise."

"Mac…"

"Harm, you've seen me like this before, remember? When we were in the mountains with Lt. Rivers…when that boy was killed? It was right after we got home."

Harm thought back to that mission from another lifetime, and he did recall running out and getting her ibuprofen for her, then sitting with her until she fell asleep. He'd been terribly worried about her then, but it was nothing compared to how concerned he was now. "Yeah, but…"

"Harm…it's the same thing. I promise. Please, it—it hurts to talk. Can you just grab some ibuprofen out of my purse and bring me a glass of water? Please?"

Harm pursed his lips, wanting to say more, but he finally did as she asked. As he had all those years ago, he sat with her until her medication kicked in and she fell back to sleep.


Mac woke some four hours later, feeling a lot better, although she still felt shaky and sore. She sat up slowly, relieved when all she felt was a dull ache in her head, pulled one of Harm's t-shirts out of his bag, and threw it on. After she used the bathroom, she tentatively made her way down the stairs.

She found Harm snoozing on the couch in the living room, his feet up on the table in front of him, a book open and face-down on his chest. The book reminded her of her journal, and it pained her when she felt a stab of anger at the sweet, innocent-looking male slumbering in front of her. She wondered if her migraine was due to the stress of discovering the journal in his possession, then mentally rolled her eyes at herself. Of course, it had everything to do with that. Mac clenched and unclenched her fists at her side, debated turning around and going back to bed, or snuggling up to Harm and letting him comfort her, because despite her confused feelings over everything, being in his arms still made everything better. It made her feel strong…

And oh so terribly weak…

No. it does not mean you're weak if you need someone. After months of therapy, she was still working on believing that.

"Mac?" Harm's sleepy voice broke into her thoughts. He was watching her, his expression neutral, but she didn't miss the worry that flashed in his stormy eyes. He sat up straighter and put his feet on the floor, setting his book aside while patting the spot next to him. "C'mere." She hesitated for a moment, then finally sat down next to him, snuggling into his side. His long arms went around her as he laid his cheek against her hair, while her hand came up to rest over his heart.

"Feeling better?" he asked before he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Mmmhmm." She nodded against him. She hoped he would just keep rubbing her back and holding her. She didn't want to talk; she was afraid she'd blurt out something regarding her journal and she still didn't know what her ultimate reaction would be. Would she end up screaming and yelling at him, totally overcome by fury? Would she cry in grief in despair that he now knew her pain in intimate detail? Or would she just close herself off, embarrassed at what she'd shared?

Harm nuzzled her gently with his nose so he could speak into her good ear. "Hungry?"

"Not really." She felt him tense beside her, knowing he equated her well-being with her appetite or lack thereof. "Harm, I'm okay…I just want to sit here with you for a bit." It took Harm a while to relax, but finally he pulled her closer, tucking her into his side as he gave her another kiss to her forehead.

They sat in silence for a moment, Mac tracing little circles on Harm's chest as she felt his heart beat under her cheek.

"It feels good to hold you, Mac." Harm's voice broke the silence and she smiled against him.

"It feels good to be held." And it did; she just wished she wasn't in such turmoil about everything, wished that she could just relax in this beautiful setting.

"What's wrong, Mac?" The question took her by surprise. Obviously, he felt something more was off with her than just a random migraine.

"Nothing, Harm." Mac cringed inwardly, her tone sounding defensive to her own ears.

"Mac…"

"Really, Harm. I'm just tired…and my head still aches a bit."

"It's more than that, Mac," Harm said with authority, and a flash of irritation went through her. Why couldn't he just take her word for it?

Of course, he won't take your word for it, Mac, she thought to herself. Harm's skill at investigation had always been second to none, and he knew her more intimately than anyone else in this world.

"Harm…last night…I…"

"Yeah, Mac?"

"I…"

Mac's heart started to pound. Just tell him you found it!

In the end, Mac couldn't do it. Instead, she told him she'd had a nightmare that was still bothering her today. It wasn't entirely a lie; she really had had a nightmare, but it wasn't any worse than any of the countless nightmares she'd had since Mic had taken her. She knew Harm didn't buy it, but he let it drop. Eventually, Mac's stomach started to growl; she was actually hungry, and with a chuckle, Harm helped her up and they went into the kitchen to eat.


"Dessert, Mac?" Harm looked at her hopefully. She hadn't eaten a lot, so she knew he was hoping she was just saving room for dessert.

"Um, maybe just some ice cream?"

Harm looked hard at her for a moment while she tried not to squirm, then stood and started picking up dishes. As he passed behind her, he brushed his fingertips across her back, then bent forward to kiss her hair. "What kind would you like, Mac? We have—"

"Vanilla's fine," she interrupted, not wanting anything fancier than that. She thought she heard Harm sigh behind her, and she felt tears stinging her eyes. Harm didn't deserve this; she knew her attitude was hurting him, her inability to truthfully confide in him hurting him even more.

Mac felt her headache creeping up again; this time, however, it seemed to be born out of the tension that had formed in the muscles of her neck. She absently rubbed at them until Harm returned with her ice cream. His hands replaced hers and for a moment she just enjoyed his talented fingers as they worked out the knots in her neck. "Hmmmm, Harm…you're so good at this…"

"Hey, tell you what, finish that and then I'll give you a full body, okay?" he said as he motioned to her ice cream. She looked up at him with a knowing smile.

"A full body, eh?" She raised an eyebrow at him as he blushed.

"You know what I mean, Mac." He gave her a sheepish grin and she chuckled softly.

"No…I'm okay…why don't we go watch a movie? It looks like they have a pretty good selection here." If they watched a movie, they could be close but wouldn't have to talk too much, and a movie would keep her mind off of the journal she had stashed in her suitcase. It would also keep her mind off her conflicting feelings as well, so before Harm could answer in the negative or otherwise, she stood up and made her way to the living room. She felt Harm's eyes on her as she set her bowl of ice cream on the coffee table and moved to the shelf that housed several DVDs. She ran her hand along the titles, finally settling on a film that was very apropos for this destination and one of her favorites.

"The Sound of Music?" Harm said as he came up behind her. "It's a little long don't you think?"

Mac handed him the movie and patted his arm. "We don't have to watch it all tonight, Harm. And we can't vacation in Stowe, Vermont without watching The Sound of Music, you know." The Von Trapp family made famous by the musical had settled here in the nineteen forties.

Harm grudgingly agreed, and together they settled on the couch.


2223 Local

Stowe Mountain Resort

Stowe, VT

"Mac? Time to wake up, sweetheart. Movie's over." Harm brushed his hand over Mac as she lay across his lap. About half-way through the movie, she'd moved so that her head was resting on his thigh. It didn't take her long to fall asleep, and he'd been sitting here for the last hour and a half, stroking her hair, happy that at last she seemed to be relaxed. Since she had awakened this morning, she'd been tense and at first he thought it could be because she still had reservations about leaving their girls. Then, he tried to pass it off as just the prelude to her migraine, but honestly, he knew better. Something was really bothering her, and it made him crazy that he couldn't think of what it could possibly be. They'd been doing so well for the last month; therapy was moving along, and Tricia was getting better. He and Mac hadn't been fighting, she was growing comfortable with his touch again, and all in all, everything was wonderful.

So, what could be upsetting her? he wondered as he brushed the hair off her forehead, and she snuggled into him, still asleep.

In slumber, Mac's muscles had finally let go of the rigid tension she'd been holding all evening. If he hadn't needed the facilities so bad or if his back hadn't been protesting his sitting in the same position for so long, he would have let her sleep on him all night, but his body wouldn't cooperate. He shook her shoulder gently a few times while he called her name again, and she started to stir.

"Harm?" she called sleepily and he helped her sit up, only to have her clutch at the back of her neck with a whimper. He could feel her body stiffen again, and it was obvious she was in pain.

"Mac, honey…why don't we get ready for bed and then I'll give you a long neck and back rub, okay?" He could tell Mac was about to decline, but then she shifted positions and whimpered again in pain.

"Yeah, I'd like that, Harm," she finally agreed, and for some reason he felt great relief.


"You ready, Mac?" Harm asked as she walked out of the bathroom in panties and a bathrobe. She could feel various muscles spasming and that familiar pain up the back of her neck to her scalp, and a massage from Harm would be a welcome comfort. While in the bathroom, she'd made the decision not to tell Harm she knew he had found the journal. Once they returned home, she'd return the journal to his backpack in the guestroom closet and then try to forget all about it. There was no point in discussing it since he hadn't brought it up to her after all these months. She'd leave well enough alone.

"Yeah…where do you want me?" Harm motioned for her to lay prone on the bed, and after asking permission, he slipped the robe off of her, then covered her bottom half with the bedsheet. He warmed some lotion between his palms, and then started stroking and rubbing her back. Soon Mac felt herself floating, her muscles relaxing, and she gave herself over to his tender ministrations. It was all so wonderful, but then Harm started to speak.

"Mac, honey…I know something is going on, that something is bothering you." He kept up the steady kneading of her muscles as he continued to question her, and Mac bit her lip to keep from snapping at him. Couldn't he just be quiet?

"Please tell me…I can't help if I don't know…" Harm's fingers had worked their way up into her hair and he gently massaged her scalp. "Are you upset about something? Mad? Are you worried about, um…sex? Because we don't have to…we won't do anything until you're ready."

Oh, Harm…This man was so wonderful, so understanding…just tell him!

"It isn't that," she whispered. She didn't realize it right away, but she'd started to cry.

"Then what, Mac?" Harm hit a particularly sensitive spot by her shoulder blade and she gasped. His touch gentled further as he whispered an apology. She felt his warm palm on her cheek as it brushed her tears away. "Oh, Mac…tell me, please. Why are you crying?" Harm sounded like he was nearly crying himself.

Mac tried to form the words, but the tears got in the way, and she felt Harm slide down beside her and take her in his arms. "Mac, baby…"

"Why didn't you tell me?" The question burst from her mouth, almost surprising her.

"Tell you what, Mac?" He leaned away from her so he could look into her eyes, but she avoided them. "Mac? Tell you what?"

"That you found it!"


Harm felt his heart speed up, a sinking feeling washing through his body. "Found, uh, what, Mac?" His wife abruptly pushed him away at his words, startling him a bit, then stalked over to her suitcase to unzip its front panel, her hand seeking and finding something he'd never expected her to discover. He hadn't touched her journal of letters to him since he'd returned from the cabin, but somehow, here it was, clutched in Mac's white-knuckled fingers.

"Why didn't you tell me you found it, Harm?" She tossed the journal on the bed in front of him as he sat up. He gingerly picked it up and pulled it open, tears already filling his eyes when he saw the familiar words.

"I—I don't know."

"You don't know?!" she shouted incredulously.

"I mean, I didn't know how to tell you…" He watched her pace about the room, clearly agitated, and he cursed himself for not coming clean about finding her journal months ago.

"What?! Harm, you just say, hey, Mac…I found the journal you kept, the letters you wrote to me…where you told me all about how M-Mic h-h-hurt you, about how you wanted to-to-to die s-s-so many times. About how you nearly did die after the miscarriage and then-then…how afterwards you were s-so mad at me. How you thought I d-didn't l-love you, how it devastated you that I n-never c-came for you, even-even th-though you b-b-begged m-me to f-find you! That's what you say, Harm!"

By the time Mac finished her tirade her cries had turned into great gulping sobs. She made to sit down at the foot of the bed but she slipped off of it, landing in a heap on the hardwood floor. Harm rushed to her side, and though she fought him, he managed to pull her onto his lap. The fight went out of her almost immediately as his arms went around her, and she twisted to bury her face in his neck. Her hot tears soaked his skin while his tears soaked her hair, and together they cried out their pain.

Mac clung to Harm, all cried out and utterly exhausted. She felt herself drifting off until Harm set her back on the floor. He slowly stood up, groaning as he stretched and shook out some of the kinks that came from sitting in such an awkward position. She knew she should get up too, but at that moment, she had absolutely no idea how she'd accomplish that. Harm solved her problem by bending down and picking her up, and the next thing she knew she was tucked into bed against his warm body. He opened for her and she gratefully slid her leg in between his, wanting to be completely enveloped by him. Harm was shirtless and she was topless, but the skin on skin contact wasn't a sexual thing. Instead, it was comforting and soon she felt that floaty feeling settling on her.

"Mac, sweetheart…we need to talk about this…but do you want to sleep a little first?" Even in her haze of exhaustion, she knew Harm wasn't trying to put things off; he just understood that they were both worn out and desperately needed rest. She nodded against him, and it was the last thing she knew until the sun came up the next morning.


August 14th, 2004

0822 Local

Stowe Mountain Resort

Stowe, VT

Mac rolled over in bed and stretched. She felt oddly refreshed, hungry too, and her face lit up when she sat up and saw Harm coming from downstairs, a loaded tray in his hands. She scooted herself up so her back was against the headboard and Harm set the tray over her lap. He slid in beside her and gave her a soft kiss on the lips, then revealed the morning's meal.

Mac dug into her pancakes and eggs enthusiastically, a weight having been lifted off her shoulders, and for the next fifteen minutes conversation was minimal as she devoured her food as well as some of Harm's. When she was finally finished, she sat back with a sigh and Harm set the tray aside. He scooted closer to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and she leaned against him willingly.

"Are you ready to talk, Mac?" he asked quietly but loud enough for her to hear.

She hesitated a moment, her first reaction being the urge to flee what could be an uncomfortable conversation, but then she took a deep breath and nodded.

"First of all, Mac, I am sorry I didn't tell you I found the journal…at first it was all too raw, reading what you had gone through, processing all of that, and don't think I didn't know when I took it from the cabin that I was stealing evidence. I-I just…I didn't want the whole world to read something you obviously had written just to me." Harm reached over with his free hand and covered hers with it. "After a while, I thought bringing it up to you would set you back…you did so well in the weeks and months after we got you back, and I was afraid I would just derail all of it."

Mac pulled a hand from under his and swiped at a few tears that had formed. "How…how did you even find it?" The journal had been so well-hidden; what had even led him to that tiny hole in the closet?

"I don't know, exactly," Harm started. "I had gone into the closet, saw his clothes, then yours and Tricia's…I saw her little diapers and it—it broke my heart to see and know how hard it must have been for you. I knocked some off that little shelf, and when I went down to pick it up, I hit that loose board. Somehow, I knew something important was in there, so I pried the board off and found your book."

Mac swallowed hard and nodded. "When did you, um…when did you read it?"

Harm ran his thumb over the back of her hand. "When I got back to my hotel that night."

"What did you…what did you think?"

Harm's hand tightened on hers and she felt more than heard him take in several deep breaths. "Oh, Mac…I…I don't know if I have the words…it was…hard…"

"I'm sorry, Harm." There was a flurry of movement beside her as she finished speaking, and she suddenly found herself back in Harm's lap.

"No, Mac…no…don't you ever be sorry. Ever." He pulled her so tightly against him that she could barely breathe for a moment. "It was hard reading it, maybe even harder the second and third times…but I'm glad I read it, Mac."

Mac lifted her head from his shoulder. "How can you say that, Harm? It's so…so ugly."

"Not all of it."

"What?"

"I said, not all of it…some of it, Mac…some of it was beautiful."

Beautiful? How could he say that? Mac gave her husband a bewildered look.

Harm shifted her so he could look directly into her eyes. "Mac, honey…those letters…I could feel your pain in so many of them. It tore me apart. But then there were the letters about Tricia…her birth…you were so terrified, experienced terrible pain…but it the end, you spoke about your happiness over our daughter. I felt your love for her, for me…I could feel all of that when you told me about her first birthday, her first steps, the first time you felt her move…you were in the most terrible hell anyone could imagine, but you could still find joy in your life, and you shared that joy with Tricia. She's happy, healthy, because you made the decision to show her the beauty of life instead of just the pain."

Mac had expected to see pity and sadness in Harm's eyes, but instead all she saw was pride and love. It made the tears fall again, but when he smiled at her, she was able to smile back as he brushed the tears from her cheeks. "I—I did try, Harm…but sometimes I…I know she saw my fear…the—the despair…"

Harm's eyes filled with tears again. "I know, baby…I know…but look at her…she's going to be fine, and that's because of you." Harm brushed more tears from her cheeks, and she reveled in the gentleness of his touch. "And you know what else was beautiful about your letters, Mac?" Mac shook her head. "You didn't just tell me about the bad things…you told me about your triumphs too. The garden. The canning. How you learned to cook and provide with so little…I know you were proud of that, and I'm so glad you shared that with me. I'm so glad you shared all of that with me. I know there were times when things got overwhelming…times when you almost gave up. I know you were angry with me at times, and I know there were times when the terror almost choked you…but you didn't. You didn't give up. You made the best of a situation that no one should ever have to experience. I've always been proud of you, Mac. From the moment you pulled that gun on me in the desert, I've admired you…I think I even started to fall in love with you the moment you held your hand out to me and introduced yourself. But once I read those letters…once I came to terms with them…well, I don't think anyone could ever be as proud of you as I am."

Now Mac was really crying…not in sadness or anger but not in happiness either. It took her a moment to realize what emotions were driving her tears, but then she realized it was relief. Relief and love. Relief that Harm knew she'd found her journal after he'd taken it from the cabin, relief that it hadn't disgusted him or horrified him, and relief because she now had no doubts that she would overcome all of what had happened the last three years—and the reason she knew that was because she had the love of the man before her. She had the love of her children, Harm's parents, and the love of a father in the form of AJ Chegwidden.

Mic Brumby hadn't beaten her, hadn't destroyed her. He hadn't destroyed them.

And he never would.


Later that night, after a day spent exploring the beauty of their mountainous retreat, Harm and Mac lay entwined in their bed after joyfully discovering each other's bodies again. They'd made love gently yet passionately well into the night, and when they came together in their final release, the gentle kiss they shared sealed the vows they'd spoken as they touched and caressed.

They knew there would still be triumphs and also pain to be had, but their love, the love that had sustained a frightened, abused woman, that had sustained a bitter and devastated man, would carry them through.


End Chapter 40

Epilogue to follow…