No Progress
"You're Dean?" Daniel asked again.
"Yes." Dean said bluntly, "Who the hell are you?" He shook his head with confusion.
"I'm… I'm Daniel." Daniel nodded.
"And?" Dean waited, "What do you want?" He shook his head.
"Well I… I'm your dad." Daniel gulped nervously as Dean looked at him, pausing for a second and then smiling.
"Am I on a prank show?" Dean asked, stepping down the steps, "Where the cameras at?" He looked around the street as Daniel looked on with confusion.
"It's… not a prank show." Daniel shook his head, "I really am your dad." He nodded as Dean walked back up the steps, shaking his head.
"Nah, not possible. My dad walked out on me and my brother before I was even born. God knows where he is." Dean shook his head. It just didn't cross his mind that this was actually his father. It just didn't exist in his world.
"I'm here. I'm your dad, Dean." Daniel said, "I… I've spoken to Phil. Well, not really spoken to him, but I've confronted him. He wasn't interested in what I had to say." He said as Dean looked across at him with confusion.
"How do you know my brother?" Dean asked suspiciously, "Who the hell are you?"
"Oh my God, what is wrong with you boys? I'm your dad. I… I dated Sam in high school." He said, "Weeks ago I got a knock on my door, young girl was there, Cassie… your niece, she came across me at the police station and… well she reckoned you guys might want some answers from me and… and I don't know if I was ready for that but I am… I want to talk to you both." He said as Dean looked at him, his expression of amusement turning to one of horror.
"You… You're my dad? Legit?" Dean asked as Daniel nodded.
"Yeah." Daniel said, "And I'm sorry to just appear like this. I did the same to Phil and he… well he wasn't a fan of it. I just don't know how else to speak to you." He said as Dean looked across at him.
"Don't you think maybe you're fifty years too late?" Dean looked at him with confusion. He couldn't fathom why this man, his supposed father, thought now was finally the right time to come meet them.
"Well I… I've been in prison for most of my life." Daniel said.
"Dean? Baby, who is it?" Renee asked, walking down the hallway with her glass of wine, creeping up behind Dean, poking her head out from behind him as she looked at the man she didn't recognise or know.
"Uh…" Dean pointed, not really knowing what to say, "That's… my dad?" He said in a questioning tone as Renee looked up at Dean.
"Huh?" Renee shook her head.
"I'm Daniel." Daniel nodded, extending his hand out, "Nice to meet you."
"H-Hi." Renee said, hesitantly extending her hand and shaking it, "I uh… I'm… I'm Dean's wife. And you're… you're his dad?" She questioned, turning to Dean who wasn't saying much of anything.
"Yeah, I… I feel horrible just coming here and announcing that. I'd really like to sit down and explain myself-"
"Explain yourself?" Dean questioned, "You have fifty years of explaining to do." He shook his head, "Why now? This is just a slap in the face. It's too late. Phil and I don't need a dad. We did… We did when we were young. That's when you should have shown up announced. Not now." Dean shook his head with confusion. He really couldn't believe he was standing here, looking across at his father.
"Please, can I just come in and explain. Just give me the chance to talk to you. Phil… Phil just walked away from me." Daniel said, "You have every right to slam that door in my face, I know that but… please, I just want to talk to you. That's it." He nodded.
"Come in." Renee nodded.
"What?" Dean turned to her immediately.
"He just wants to talk. Let him talk." Renee nodded, budging Dean over and letting Daniel into the house, "Go through to the kitchen and I'll get you a drink." Renee told Daniel who nodded slowly, walking through to the kitchen.
"Are you crazy?" Dean asked her as she shut the door over.
"Don't pretend like you don't have questions." Renee looked up at him, "I know how you feel about not knowing who your dad is. You've talked to me about it before. Well… here he is. Now is your chance to ask him whatever you wanna ask-"
"Yeah, I maybe talked about it when I was blackout drunk and feeling… insecure. I'm very sober right now and I don't wanna talk to him." Dean said in a childish manner.
"Yes you do. I know you." Renee said.
"He's a stranger. This guy is a stranger." Dean reminded her.
"Don't you wanna know why he left?" Renee asked.
"He left because he was a deadbeat dad who didn't give a shit." Dean said.
"Yeah, according to Sam." Renee scoffed, "Who barely tells the truth about anything."
"Well why would she lie?" Dean asked, "I'm not talking to him." Dean folded his arms childishly.
"Oh, stop it." Renee said, "What about the ten year old inside of you? What would he think right now?"
"I don't know, Renee. I spent my childhood chained to oven doors sometimes, he'd probably be thinking he just wanted a normal life." Dean said as Renee sighed to herself, looking up at him, "I'm sorry I just… I don't know if I can do this." He ran his hands through his hair, "I don't know him, and I… I don't know if I want to know him."
"Just hear him out. I'll be with you. If it's too much, you can ask him to leave." Renee nodded. She knew her husband, she knew him better than anyone and she knew that deep down, he did have questions about his father and the absence of him.
"Ok. Ok fine." Dean nodded, "But I'm gonna kill Phil for not telling me about this. Old bastard is getting dementia." He shook his head unhappily.
"Or he's been occupied with everything going on with April, and Jude having Mirren… he's all over the place." Renee said, "Come on, just let him talk and ask whatever you want." She nodded, taking Dean's hand and pulling him through the hall into the kitchen.
She wouldn't have been so pushy if it wasn't for the fact she knew that deep down her husband was curious, and for his dad to show up like this, when it had been so long, out of the blue, it even made her curious.
"Can I get you a drink? You like wine?" Renee asked.
"I… I drink whiskey." Daniel said.
"Oh, well Dean has some in the living room-"
"You're not getting my whiskey." Dean shook his head childishly as Renee looked over at him.
"I… I'm ok." Daniel assured him.
"No, I will get you a drink." Renee shook her head, "Dean has his own private bar in the living room, excuse me." She nodded, walking out of the kitchen to go fetch him a drink whilst Dean stood in the kitchen in silence.
"You like a drink?" Daniel nodded to him as Dean turned to him.
"Every now and then, yeah." Dean said briefly as Daniel nodded, silence filling the kitchen until Renee walked back in.
"Here you go." Renee smiled, handing the glass to Daniel.
"Thank you." Daniel smiled, "Smells great in here."
"Oh, I'm making some stuff for Dean's brother." Renee nodded.
"Yeah, he knows who Phil is." Dean reminded Renee.
"Oh, yeah." Renee laughed, "Right." She shook her head. She wasn't sure if it was the one glass of wine she'd had or if she was just nervous for her husband.
"Thank you for… giving me the opportunity to talk to you." Daniel said.
"Yeah yeah just… say what you have to say." Dean nodded.
"Well… I did leave before you were born." Daniel said, "Like every kid in my position I was involved with the wrong people and… we were about to get evicted and we already Phil… it was a lot." He nodded.
"So you bailed." Dean nodded, "You're explaining something to me that I already know." He said.
"I did." Daniel nodded, "I did bail. I panicked and I walked." He said as Dean nodded to himself, "But I was coming back. I promise I was." He said.
"And you expect me to believe that?" Dean asked, "If this is what you came to explain to me then… I just… I'd rather you just leave." Dean shook his head.
"I got an apartment. I got a job. I was… I was getting clean and getting my act together. I was gonna take you boys in. I knew Sam wasn't… fit to look after you both." Daniel said, "The night I was coming to get you both, I wound up… knocking a girl over whilst I was driving." He shook his head, "She died." He explained as Renee looked over at Dean.
"And so you went to prison? The end." Dean nodded.
"I got out the car and I… I called 911. I stayed with her. I… It was an accident. She walked out from nowhere and I couldn't… I couldn't break in time." Daniel explained, "I haven't got into a car since that happened." He admitted truthfully, "Police came and I got taken in. Next thing I know they're arresting me for a hit and run."
"Why?" Renee questioned, "I mean why a hit and run? Clearly you didn't run." She said.
"The cop who dealt with it was new and he said that I tried fleeing the scene, which… was total bullshit. Cops back then could just get away with whatever they wanted. They made the rules. Plus the girl who I killed had a really rich family, figured they pulled some strings." Daniel shook his head, "So I got life in prison… turns out I was actually in prison the same time as Phil was." He said.
"Do you really expect me to believe that you were coming to get me and my brother? It's convenient that was the night you got put in prison." Dean said, "I think it's just an excuse."
"It's not. I was coming to get you. I told Sam I was coming. She'll tell you." Daniel said.
"You told her?" Dean asked.
"Yeah, I called her and I told her that I was coming to get you both. That you and your brother weren't safe with her." Daniel said.
"And why would she never bring that up?" Dean asked.
"I don't know." Daniel shook his head, "I started telling myself that it was a sign. That I shouldn't have been coming back for you both. That you didn't need me-"
"Well we sure as hell needed someone." Dean said, "I don't believe you. I think you bounced when it got too hard, knocked some poor girl over and got thrown in prison for most of your life." He said.
"I did. I did do all of that, but in between I did want to be better for you both." Daniel said, "And I forget that myself sometimes because I… I don't know, maybe it's easier just to be the deadbeat dad now. After all this time has passed." Daniel nodded.
"Why now?" Dean asked.
"It's a part of my life I tried to avoid, I guess. Then Cassie came to my door. Couldn't believe I was seeing one of my grandkids. I always wondered about you boys and what you grew up to be, who you grew up to be." He nodded, "And Cassie told me that you both might have wanted answers from me. At first I shut it down and then I thought about it."
"We're your sons. You should… You should never have to think about it." Dean shook his head with confusion. It was only hurting him more to speak to him and he didn't like it, "This can never be fixed." He realised as Renee sighed to herself and stayed quiet.
"I just… I want you both to know how sorry I am. For not being there. For walking out in the first place-"
"Yeah, exactly. You walked out." Dean nodded, "I couldn't think of anything worse than walking out on my kids. The thought would just never cross my mind. I figure you have to be a special kind of scum to do that." He said as Daniel sighed to himself.
"I don't expect forgiveness. I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry, and that I… I wish I could have gotten to you both that night." He nodded.
"Well you didn't." Dean said, "I uh… I think you should just go. This isn't going anywhere and I don't… I don't have anything to say to you." He said as Renee sighed.
"I'll go." Daniel nodded, "I'm so sorry. Really." He looked at Dean who just shook his head, looking down at the ground, "Thank you for letting me in." He added, nodding to Renee who nodded to him, watching him walk out of the kitchen and leave the house.
Dean ran his hands over his face stressfully as Renee walked over to him.
"Hey, are you ok?" Renee sighed.
"Yeah just… just give me a minute." Dean sighed to himself, keeping his tears at bay as he left the kitchen to be with himself. He didn't expect to feel so emotional, but he was. It was hard to process, maybe more so because he was so old and he had lived such a long life already.
He sat down on the bottom stair on the staircase, placing his hands in his hair and sighing to himself. He didn't really know what to feel.
