Grudgingly, I turned to Chizuru's crying face for a conversation that I knew wouldn't be pleasant but would be necessary.

« Hajime... » she said, her little hand clenching to my hips to keep me close « you can't send me away... »

« Please understand, Chizuru. » I said softly « It's for your own good. I'm not ready to loose you, either at war or in childbirth. This is your best chance of survival. »

« Please... I... You... If you're not going... I... » she tried to say but the words were stuck in her throat.

« If you don't go now, it'll be too late for you to go afterwards. » I stated « I don't want to drag you with me. You were going to be sent to Wakamatsu castle anyway, you wouldn't have stayed in the encampment and we wouldn't have been together anymore. This solution may be tiring since you are going to travel but I have full confidence in Amagiri for looking after you. It's the best chance you and the little one have. »

« It's not the same... You would have come and visit me in Wakamatsu... Kyoto is so far away... » she said.

I didn't say anything and closed my arms on her. She was still clenching onto my hips and her hands travelled up my back under my arms to rest on my shoulder blades.

« The Shinsengumi needs a medical officer. » she tried.

« We have those of the Denshutai and Aizu. Your presence is no more requested. »

« You need me. How are you going to do without your treatment ? »

« I managed in the past. » I said « I will manage just fine. It will be less convenient, I give you that, but do not trouble yourself on my account. »

« You promised... » she said in a broken low voice.

« I know. »

« You said you'd never leave me again... »

« I know. »

« You lied. » she stated.

« As a matter of fact, you are the one leaving. » I tried.

« Don't play with words, Hajime ! » she protested « you said you'd be there this time ! »

« I know. »

« Stop repeating that ! » she yelled.

I stroke her hair with my fingers, searching in my heart for all the meaningful words I'd like to say to her but I didn't know where to start.

« Hajime... Please, I stayed by your side, I followed your path, Please, please, choose us... just this one time... » she pleaded, weeping against my chest.

« I am. » I said « I am choosing you Chizuru and that's why I'm sending you to Yase. »

« I'm not asking you to choose me, Hajime. I'm asking you to choose US. Please, nothing forces you to die here. »

« Chizuru... I can't quit now. » I said softly « I owe too much to Lord Katamori and I expected too much from my men to let them down now. »

« Come with me » she pleaded again « please... »

« Chizuru, you're being selfish. » I said.

She pushed me away and started yelling with furious golden eyes.

« No, YOU'RE being selfish ! » she shouted and I wave to my messenger before things got out of hand.

« You » I shouted « dismiss, go back to the encampment. Now. »

He nodded and went away as Chizuru's hair turned white and came floating around her. The horns grew on her forehead and she unleashed her wrath towards me.

« It has always been about YOUR honor and YOUR duty ! You don't care about the sorrow I will have, and Haruhi ! And you don't care that our child will grow up without a father. You never cared about all this because the only thing that matters to you is your honorable and meaningful death ! What you leave behind is insignificant to you ! »

« Chizuru, that's not true. » I said to calm her down. Yet, her words had hit me like bullets.

« It is true ! » she continued, punching on my chest restlessly « You told me that nothing would make you happier than to have this child with me and yet, you're choosing death and you'd never get a chance to meet it ! »

« I'm not choosing death, Chizuru. » I said, grabbing her wrist « But if you are incapable to understand the values I fight for, then maybe you shouldn't have married me. »

« You're right. Maybe I shouldn't have. » she stated, her eyes burning with anger.

Having her confirm my words made me realize how harsh they were but now that they had been spoken, there was nothing I could do to take them back. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her and how it was hard to let her go, how my sole desire was for her to be alive and safe and how I would be heartbroken to wake up every day and see the empty space besides me... I wanted to tell her that she was taking my heart with her and that I would miss her so much that nothing could fill my emptiness...

« Let's get back to the encampment and pack. » I said instead.

« Yeah. » she said and she turned around, furious.

She didn't even wait for me and since I could decipher that I wasn't welcome by her side, I walked behind her, looking at her silhouettes and her white Oni hair. I hoped she could calm down before we arrived so that the men wouldn't witness her in that state and I felt relieved when I saw her hair turn back to their natural color. Yet, I didn't get close and respected the distance she had put between us. Without a word, she went to the tent and I looked at her packing all her books and clothes, her eyes expressing only anger and pain.

« Shouldn't you go and fetch your daughter instead of standing here ? » she said harshly and I sighed.

« Ha. » I just answered and I headed out to find Haruhi.

I found her pealing some sweet potatoes with the ones on kitchen duty and I called to her.

« Haruhi. »

« Hai, Taichô ! » she replied, running my way.

I kneeled and took her in my arms, holding her tight. Getting rejected by Chizuru had completely shattered my heart into pieces.

« Otousan ? » she asked « what's the matter ? »

I detached myself from her and put my hands on her shoulders.

« You're going on mission, Haruhi. I need to know if I can trust you. » I said.

« H... Hai ! » she nodded « I won't disappoint you, Taichô ! »

« I'm sending Chizuru away, to Kyoto. » I explained.

« Kyoto ? » she asked, confused « but.. isn't that controlled by the imperial army ? »

« It is. » I nodded « You will go with her and protect her. You will travel with two other men but neither of them is to be trusted. They do not have wicked intentions towards Chizuru, for all I know, but they might have some towards the child. I want you to stay with Chizuru all the time and protect the child at all cost, you understand ? »

« Do you really think I can do it ? » she asked, afraid.

« You have to. » I said « they might want to kill it and Chizuru might not be able to stop them. Protect it, Haruhi, please. Promise me you will. »

« But I'm not good enough... » she replied.

« You are more than capable. I observed you, I saw your progresses. I saw you win to Suzuki and numerous other warriors. You deserve that chrysanthemum sword. »

« Thank you... Otousan... » she said, circling my neck and I closed my hands on her again. What a little warrior she had become...

« I'm proud of you, Haruhi. » I said « and I will always be. I trust you with this mission. »

« I will protect it with my life, Otousan, I promise. » she said.

« Thank you. » I smiled and I kissed her cheek, something I never did before.

I didn't care that other warriors may be looking and that I could appear weak. She was my daughter and I was sending her away, with my wife, my child to be and everything that had any importance to me. I stood up and saw the confusion in her gaze.

« You can keep your blades on your side but hide the kaiken and the gun » I ordered « and don't practice. Make them believe that I let you play warrior but that you don't really know how to use them. That will be an asset if you need to fight. »

« Okay, Otousan » she nodded « no honor, just the result. I will protect my sister. »

« That's my girl. » I smiled, stroking her hair « now go pack. Chizuru should already be ready to go. I just need to find Toudou. »

« Okay. » she said and I turned away but she shouted in my back « Otousan ! »

« Yes ? » I said, locking my gaze in her identical one.

« Is it a farewell ? » she asked shyly.

« It can. » I stated « but I will do my utmost to assure that it isn't. »

« Okay... » she nodded and she stayed silent for a while before she bowed deeply « being your daughter has been a great honor, Otousan. And so has been serving under your command, Taichô. »

I escaped a small laugh and waved my hand in the direction of the tent.

« Go pack. »

« Hai ! » she bowed again and she ran towards the tent.

I went to the tent that was Toudou's and woke him up. He was still sleeping during the day, according to his Rasetsu nature.

« Waa... What is it ? Saito ? » he asked, sleepy.

« You're lucky it's only me and not someone sneaking up on you. » I stated « where are your reflexes of captain of the eighth division ? »

« I'm dead » he yawned « no one sneaks up on dead men. »

« I guess. » I chuckled « I need you for a mission this afternoon. »

« Yosh, a bit of action ! » he said, enthusiastic « what's the mission ? »

« Surender Kaoru, Chizuru and Haruhi to the Satsuma in Otama. »

« The Satsuma ?! » he yelled « you hit your head or something ?! »

« Do you recall Amagiri ? »

« The bastard nearly killed me at Ikedaya ! » he yelled again.

« Yes, well long story short, he's Chizuru's uncle. He's going to take her and her brother to safety, near Kyoto. I can't keep her on the battlefield, Toudou. »

« Are you sure ? » he asked perplexed « can you really trust him ? He's Satsuma for gods's sake ! »

« He's her family. » I said even if I wasn't sure myself « Anyway, anywhere would be safer than Aizu currently. »

He said nothing for a moment and then he sighed and adressed me again.

« You're not going with her. » he stated.

« Indeed. »

« I always thought you were the most honorable of us all. »

« Thank you, Toudou. » I said, surprised.

« That wasn't meant to be a compliment. » he said and he had exactly the same eyes as Chizuru.

Can it be that I am mistaken ?

« Will you take her ? » I asked « I can't go myself and you are unknown except from Amagiri. I can't possibly ask one of my soldiers to surrender them to Satsuma. It would be considered treason. »

« I'll take her. » he said « but I'm not returning. I'll go find Hijikata-san afterwards. » he said and I could read disappointment in his gaze that was so fierce it hurted.

« As you wish. » I nodded « I'll let you take Kaoru then. The girls must be ready. »

He didn't say anything and I turned away but he called to me again.

« Saito ! I never said anything when she chose you. And neither did Hijikata-san. » he stated « but now, I believe we should have. You don't deserve her. »

« I know. » I just said, heading out.

Why was I the bad guy in the story ? I was taking her to safety and fighting for what I believed in. When did that became villainous ? All my life, I've been a warrior and tried to live an honorable life. When did that became wrong ? I never understood what Chizuru saw in me and I was intimately persuaded already that I never deserved her but no one ever said it directly to my face before.

When I got back to the tent, the girls were ready and I led them out of the camp where we met Toudou and Kaoru.

« I leave them to you, Toudou. » I said, bowing.

The atmosphere was heavy and cold and no one spoke. Chizuru was still avoiding my eyes and I got closer to caress her cheek but she just turned her head away.

« Chizuru... »

« I have nothing to say to you. » she said with an extreme coldness and I respected her decision.

Haruhi though didn't hold any grudges against me and she took me in her arm to say goodbye. And then, they departed. I watched them go away until they were only a dot on the horizon and even after that. They were all gone. And I was alone, here in Aizu. We were in the middle of August yet my heart was as cold as winter.