Chapter Forty - Three

Vultus pro aris— 'Looking For Home'

September 22nd 2015

18.52pm

Elizabeth stood in her office staring out of the window situated behind her desk. The sky had been summoned by nightfall and all its brightness had began to give itself to the darkness and the ground beneath dank in reflection. A subtle shimmer upon the walkways where the rain had fallen, because even the finest of rainfall can still leave its mark upon the ground it fell.

'Knock Knock' Came a soft tone from behind her. She turned and inhaled as her eyes fell upon Thomas. A small unsure smile left her lips as he closed the door behind him and walked into her office.

'Look I came to say I am sorry for the other morning. I acted like an idiot and it was uncalled for-' he started but Elizabeth cut him off

'It's fine, you don't need to apologise, you were right. I do have commitment issues' she sighed taking a seat at the edge of her desk, her hands leaning behind her as her fingers grasped a hold of the solid wood. Thomas moved and took a seat before her, his legs parted falling either side of her's, his hand softly resting on her knee as he looked up at her; and her down at him.

'I don't think you are, I understand why you protect yourself given your high profile job, and we have only been dating for a number of weeks, we are not even in an official relationship yet, so I do understand why you're cautious' He reasoned as she nodded simply, her hand fell upon his.

'Sooo with that in mind, how about I make it up to you tonight and cook for us?' He grinned but the soft smile soon fell from her lips and an awkward apologetic expression replaced it

'Thats a no then' he sighed and took his hand from her. She readjusted her position and defended herself

'It's just that I have this thing with the French ambassador and then I agreed to meet an old friend for coffee, turns out that professor, Dr McCord? Well He is an old UVA friend'

'Oh…' came the flat reply from Thomas. Elizabeth sensed the shift in his mood and sighed awkwardly

'Thomas this won't work between us if you don't trust me'

'I do trust you, trust has never been an issue, it's just… there are only so many time I can be blown off for the French embassy and a friend' he chewed at his lip and stood up. She placed an hand on his arm softly, reaching out in an attempt to stop him walking away

'Thomas I like you, but with me, this job it has to come first, it always will. Unfortunately sometimes matters of n national security will trump a night in with you; but that doesn't mean I want it too'

'I like you too, a lot Elizabeth and sometimes I just get so frustrated that I can't move at the pace I want too because of this place' Elizabeth sighed, she didn't have the words. Her life was always like this, never able to hold a steady relationship because her work commitments got in the way, she knew it would only get worse when she accepted the job as Secretary of State a few months Ago. As the silence between them lingered and Elizabeths hand dropped from his arm he gave her a small kiss on the cheek and made his exit.

'Thomas, wait!' She called before he reached the door. He looked back over his shoulder and smiled, he adored her that much was evident

'About your mothers birthday meal next month, do you think there is room for one more?' She smiled timidly. Thomas's face fell in shock, he walked back to her, his face glowing

'Are you sure? Meeting the family is a big step, that's what you told me when I asked days ago' he reminded her in a soft tone but she nodded, a small grin appearing on her face.

'Maybe I have to give a little too, put this place on the Back foot once In a while, put you first. I'd like to go with you, if that's ok?' Her fingers curled as she locked her grip around his hands.

'I'd love you to join me!' He smiled and leant forward, his lips softly connecting with hers. Elizabeth closed her eyes in response and smiled into the kiss

'I just won't tell them you're coming, incase Russia decide to act up' he teased as he stood back from the kiss and she let out a soft giggle. Elizabeth caught herself in that moment, she realised her laugh was never quite the same as the laugh she gave Henry, no one made her laugh like him. She shook the thought as soon as it came and looked up at Thomas

'So we're going with the element of surprise?' She teased

'Surprises are always a good thing!'

'Hmm, not always' she reasoned, her mind had gone adrift back to Henry.

'I've got to go, I'll see you tomorrow?' He smirked and she rolled her eyes

'If you're lucky' she winked before giving him a final kiss and watching him leave. Her flirtatious look changed when Blake walked into her office

'Madam Secretary your stylist is hear with outfit choices for tonight and the president has asked to see you ahead of the engagement' He smiled.

'Isn't it her job to pick out my outfit? Surely if I am picking it then that defeats the purpose of her?' She raised a brow as Blake held out her coat for her to slip on.

'Well, Ma'am I think you put up such an argument about not having one that this was the compromise, you still get your choice this way' he reminded her and tried to hide his smirk remembering the encounter Elizabeth and the stylist had when they first met.

'Hmm, well in that case I'll wear the blue one' she stated as she grabbed her bags and began walking out the door towards the lifts, Blake hot on her heels

'But you haven't seen them, how do you-' Elizabeth turned and waved her hand in front of Blake to stop him taking

'Its for the French ambassador, blue id a native colour, and she said blue suits me, one of those dresses will be blue, just get me that one. Oh and did you manage to sort out that location for coffee?' Her tone lowered for the latter part of the conversation

'Yes Ma'am I did, all cleared for you an Dr McCord' he smiled

'Wipe that smirk off your face Blake, it's coffee with a friend' she raised an eyebrow at him, she was always so fond of Blake and despite being an employee he was also a good friend of hers

'Yeah of course, and Thomas is still just you're accountant' he quipped and she narrowed her eyes playfully at him as she stepped into the lift

'Its coffee, with a friend' she warned

'Oh I hear you, I believe its coffee, its the friend part I question' he teased as the lift door closes.

Elizabeth chuckled to herself. She tried to shake the thoughts of Henry and Thomas as she stepped outside in the cold air. A shiver walked down her spine as she walked to her motorcade. It was the kind of coldness that reached into your bones, the kind that took a hold of your organs and claimed them as its own. It was as if her heart was a door left wide open to the bitterness, a door she was trying to close but it kept slamming back open at the though or sight of one person. Elizabeth knew that in the cold weather the only thing to do was keep moving forward, keep heading toward home and the steady warmth of it. The question was; where was home? Or who was home?