Trigger warnings apply, though in all fairness from the last update it should be fairly obvious that we really are taking a turn into the darker in general for the rest of the story. Regardless, if you want to know what is specifically triggering here, scroll down to the bottom.
Mihoko crouched by a tree as she looked either side of her. It was unlikely anyone was watching, but she needed to be sure. Once satisfied, she darted across and with some effort, climbed back up the wall, and then manoeuvred the window the rest of the way up so that she could tumble through. She quickly turned and pulled the window back shut behind her, then took a moment to take deep breaths, trying to calm her thudding heartbeat as she almost instinctively huddled on the floor right beneath the sill. With the decision to be the one to dispose of the clothes Emiko would no doubt be reported as being 'last seen' in, she had irrevocably become an accomplice, an accessory to crime. In the eyes of the law, she would be seen as perverting justice.
But in the eyes of the truth, this is justice.
Mihoko took a few more breaths, then went back to where the concealed door to the panic room was, punching in the code and stepping through.
When she got in, Emiko was sitting cross-legged, swiping at a tablet while Azuki washed her hair in a bowl of bright blue dye. She noticed a carrier bag next to Emiko, and when she peeked in, she saw clumps of pink hair. Frowning, Mihoko looked at Emiko again and realised that the hair that was now being dyed was indeed a great deal shorter, with something different having been done to her fringe. Mihoko could only assume this was to disguise her in some way. She didn't see why if they were going to be hiding her, but she supposed it would be useful in the long term-the girl could hardly live in a panic room forever, could she?
"Have you seen Otsuki?" Azuki asked immediately, momentarily looking up.
"Otsuki?" Mihoko echoed. "No, why?"
"Oh great, you didn't see either?"
"Apparently soon after Emiko here got told about her family's grand plans for her, Otsuki got told the same. Unfortunately though, we were already plotting Emiko's escape…." Shino said, almost blandly.
"Someone else couldn't have helped?" Mihoko asked, even as she fought to swallow the rising sickness she felt.
"Look yeah," Azuki snapped. "I was the one who bought it to their attention, just so you know. I sent a message telling her to come here, but she hasn't."
How, how did I miss it?
Mihoko didn't respond to this, but instead she took out her phone, and went straight to the chat.
Azuki: Fuck, for fuck's sake, Otsuki, answer!
Azuki: Shishikane had the same thing happen but she's safe now, alright? You just need to come straight to Hisakawa's, we'll put you in the panic room. Alright? Just give us the word.
Azuki: Otsuki?
Azuki: Otsuki, come on.
Mizuki Teranaga: I'll try to call her on my way here, and Mokomichi's offered to go out and have a look for her.
Moko(michi): What she said. I've just tried to call her too, with no luck. Is anyone else awake? Apart from us?
Azuki: It doesn't seem like it, which is just bloody typical.
Mihoko: Otsuki, please, answer. We should have been paying attention before. But we're here now, okay?
Mihoko sighed, and switched to text message, and sent a quick message to her there, before then going to LINE and doing the same thing. She paused when she realised that there had been a message sent there, too.
Hana Otsuki: Please, help me. I don't know who else to turn to.
Mihoko Sakurai: Otsuki, please call one of us. Please. I'll help you.
Once she had done that, she began to return to 'Shh!' but then paused. Then, deliberately, she went to her ringtone settings and set her phone to the strongest vibration possible, before deliberately placing it in her trouser pocket rather than the padded pocket of her jacket. That way, she would feel it. That way, she would not miss Hana's cries for help again. Once she had done that, she very deliberately sat down.
"Tell me what she said. Exactly." She said.
Azuki pursed his lips and didn't initially answer as he finished with the last strands of Emiko's hair, then went and pulled a little pink hand-held hairdryer. From the brand emblazoned on the side, Mihoko assumed it must have been a spoil from one his fashion videos, but it clearly did a good job of drying Emiko's hair, helping the blue become more blue, making seem as if her hair was always meant to be that colour. But then, eventually, he spoke:
"So, while we were figuring out how to get this one out of her house, Otsuki sent this panicked message about how she was 'going to get her brain wiped', and then when she explained it she basically said that over dinner, both her parents told her that she was to be enrolled in a program that was aiming to create the SHSL Hope, using Talentless students as a base. They had already said yes, just like Shishikane's, and they told her that if she wanted to say goodbye to her friends, that she needed to do it in the next week, that they would have a cover story in place about travelling. Which is when they also revealed they know full well that the project was going to wipe away their daughter as they knew her. "
Azuki's lip curled at this, and he shuddered in disgust.
"Obviously, they didn't care."
For the first time, Shino actually contributed to the conversation. Their eyes had a strange manic gleam to them as they sat there with what looked like a copy of the project report, leafing through it absently.
"They're a bit like your dad, right, Emiko?" they continued. "Just wanting their child to be some Talent-generating prestige cow. Not their actual child, to love and raise and all that."
"Yep, much the same. But fuck, fuck." Emiko grimaced. "How did we miss this? The girl's such a flower, we should have…fuck."
"I know."
For Shino, this was an unusually direct and candid admission, said without a glint of mischief or obscurity. Just a plain, simple statement. They sighed deeply, then picked up their phone, and scrolled through.
"Oh, looks like Teranaga is here." Shino said suddenly, getting up. "I'll let her in."
Shino bounced up, and rapidly disappeared. Or it seemed like that, at the speed they moved. Mihoko rubbed her eyes tiredly. She should have been asleep, in bed. Not here, knee deep in yet another nightmare.
"Have you chosen a hairstyle?" Azuki asked Emiko suddenly.
"Yup!" Emiko said cheerily. "Here. Oh, and do you have green contacts? I think those'd go nicely with this new colour. Plus it's a contrast from the pink-and-gold."
"Let's get the hairstyle outta the way, then we can worry about that. But yes, I'm sure I have green. Gimme that."
Azuki grabbed the tablet from Emiko, and considered it.
"That'll be hard to sleep in, you know."
"Who said I was sleeping?"
"Are you stupid?" Azuki snapped. "Do you want to collapse? You need sleep."
"Jeez, okay, mother." Emiko rolled her eyes. "But just let me test it out, okay?"
Azuki rolled his eyes in response and huffed heavily, but though this and his general mannerisms clearly indicated how put out he felt by this, he obliged, going to grab combs and hairspray and hairpins from the boxes he'd bought along with him and then tackling Emiko's now bright blue and much shorter hair. Mihoko watched, almost transfixed. The long strands either side of Emiko's face were curled, and some of her hair was gathered up into what Mihoko thought was a ponytail but then started to look like a bun, but revealed itself in the end to be a bow atop her head. It was not a hairstyle that she would have ever pictured Emiko in, it was so cutesy.
Cutesy. Like her.
Mihoko did her best to fight that thought, as it was making her feel so much worse. She focused on watching Azuki finish the hairstyle, then go back and drag out a box which turned out to be full of coloured contacts, before handing a set to Emiko, who carefully took them out of the packaging and then without wincing put them in her eyes, blinking a few times before gazing out with her brand-new bright green gaze.
"Woah, you look completely different."
Shino's voice made Mihoko jump, and she let out a shaky breath as Shino scrambled back into the room, gazing at Emiko with admiration, as Mizuki followed in a much more sober manner. Her expression, too, was grim as she looked at her phone and grimaced, before tapping at the screen and holding the phone to her ear.
"Mokomichi?" she asked after a moment.
She listened closely for a moment, and Mihoko tried to read her expression to try and work out what was going on. Mizuki nodded and mhmed to whatever was being said, and so many fleeting reactions made themselves visible, it was hard to discern.
"Perhaps circle back around to mine, though, Sakurai-san and the others are closer to her, they might know other places she liked to go…wait a moment, okay?"
There was an unexpected tenderness to her request that caught Mihoko by surprise, and she narrowed her eyes slightly as she studied Mizuki, trying to work it out, but then Mizuki held the phone near her shoulder and asked.
"Do any of you know any particular places that Otsuki-san spent a lot of time in? That she enjoyed going to?"
"I mean, she went places with her boyfriend." Emiko spoke up. "I think she's been to his house, but would she really worry him with something like this? He doesn't go to Hope's Peak."
"Do you have his address?"
"No, but I know his name-Riku Matsushita."
Mizuki relayed this information to Mokomichi briefly, then looked around them expectantly. Between the three of them, Mihoko, Shino and Emiko suggested ideas- a local theatre, some parks, the café she often went in to change before going to meet Riku, perhaps even Emiko's house. Mizuki repeated this back to Mokomichi then had a brief conversation.
"I….look, don't do all of them, I'll probably be back out so…..alright, alright. Just…call me when you get back, alright? Mmmm. Mhm. Okay, goodnight."
Mizuki hung up, and looked into the distance for a moment, somewhat hazily. Huh, what's up with that? Then, abruptly, she shook her head and looked at Emiko.
"Can you tell me everything that your father said?"
"Sure, sure, though it's mostly just boasting."
Emiko then proceeded to do so, while Mizuki considered.
"Alright, then…so it seems like they're starting to approach people to possibly join, and they're presumably hoping to find someone who will say yes within a week or so. Right..." she rubbed her eyes tiredly. "How likely is it that people would think to look for you here?"
"My family certainly don't know just how close I am with Shino, what with them not being nearly as posh as I am," Emiko smirked. "But people at school might. But best they know, I've only ever gone around to Otsuki's. I made more of a point of talking about that in public, since our families are basically cut from the same cloth."
"Plus, this is the panic room. She'll be safe here for a while." Shino said. "At least until we figure out what is going on and where she can go next. Besides, look at her, she hardly looks like Emiko Shishikane, does she?"
They all stared at Emiko, who gave them a smile that was trying to be defiant, but wavered at the last second. True enough, with the blue hair and the green eyes, the way her new style framed her face, she looked like a completely different person.
"Ideally," Azuki spoke up. "You'd get some plastic surgery or something like that, once it's safe for you to be out and about. But tomorrow, perhaps, I can experiment with subtle make-up, just to make it more difficult for you to be recognised."
"Mhm, and obviously, I need something else to be called."
"What?" Mihoko frowned.
"No, that makes sense," Shino said. "You are pretending to be someone else, there's no sense in us calling you by your actual name."
"I'm not pretending."
Emiko drew her legs up to her chest, wrapped her arms around them, gazed at them all searchingly.
"You're…not pretending?" Mihoko repeated.
Emiko simply shook her head. There was a short silence, then Mizuki broke it.
"Well, what's your name going to be?"
Emiko frowned, considering.
"For a first name….something with 'mi' in it, for sure. I'd at least like my new name to still have some beauty in it. I'm not Emiko, but I'm still beautiful, right?"
"Sure you are." Azuki said, sounding tired.
Emiko gave a smile, but it seemed somehow watery. She sighed and lifted a weary hand, before seeming to forget what she was going to do, and letting it fall to her side.
"How's 'Hatsumi'?" Shino suggested. "'first' and 'beauty'?"
Emiko considered, then wearily nodded.
"Just a surname, now. Hmmmm….."
Mihoko tried to think of surnames that would fit, then wondered why fitting mattered. Surely, something common?
"Tanaka? Sato? Takahashi? Suzuki?"
Emiko shook her head to all of these, frowning deeply. Mizuki, Azuki and Shino all interjected with their own suggestions, and at first Emiko continued to shake her head, but then, suddenly, at one, she lifted her head.
"Yanagi. Yanagi is good. It means freedom, doesn't it?"
"No it doesn't, it's willow tree." Azuki objected.
"Yes, but the willow tree can be used to represent freedom." Mizuki pointed out.
"Okay, point taken. Wait, how do you know-no, don't tell me, you read a lot?" Azuki snarked.
"Hatsumi Yanagi." Shino said, experimentally, rolling the sounds around in their mouth and ignoring this exchange. "How'd'ya like that, Hatsumi Yanagi?"
Emiko tilted her head slightly, still frowning as she considered again. The silence stretched, as they all stared expectantly. And then slowly, she nodded.
"Hatsumi Yanagi." She repeated, quietly.
And just like that, the transformation was complete. The girl with the blue hair and green eyes had stopped simply being 'Emiko in disguise' and had become a whole new identity. With a single name, it was made final. Mihoko had lost a friend, and if they weren't careful, she'd lose another. For a moment, she couldn't breathe at the pain of it.
"What do we do now?" Mihoko asked, roughly.
"Well…" Mizuki rubbed her face, sighed yet again. "I don't think anything else can be done now. I'll check with Mokomichi, though I'm sure he'll tell us if he has had any luck. But it's late. You should sleep, get back and sleep. Then, in the morning, we'll try again."
"Yeah, my work here for now's done. I'm going to go and get my alibi sorted." Azuki declared, getting up. "I'm going to leave some of this stuff here, just in case we do manage to get Otsuki here."
"Alibi?" Hatsumi-I have to start thinking of her as such, don't I-asked curiously, suppressing a yawn.
"Uh, hello, yes? Do I look like I want to be charged with aiding and abetting a kidnap?"
"What is your alibi?"
"Towa City by Night."
In lieu of an explanation, Azuki pulled out a video camera, waved it around, then shoved it back in his bag. After a little pause, Mizuki nodded, and headed to the panic room door. Azuki and Mihoko both followed, silently.
Do I look like I want to be charged with aiding and abetting a kidnap? There was no easy answer to this, Mihoko knew. Indeed, she had been prepared for that. All the same, she could not look back at Shino and Hatsumi as she left. She just couldn't.
…
"Oh, sneaking around is easy-you should totally come with us next time." Shino grinned.
"Are you mad? That wasn't easy!" Azuki snapped, muffled from behind the black face mask that he was trying to take off.
"Suure it was." Emiko grinned, tucking a strand of her pink hair behind her head. "You just gotta be used to hiding yourself. And you're used to that, right?"
Hana blinked, and then nodded.
"But that's different though, isn't it?" she asked cautiously. "I'm just trying to do something freely, but you were trying to get in somewhere forbidden."
"Yeah, yeah, true." Shino said. "But hey, now we've got some stuff for the maps, which I'm sure everyone will be pleased about."
"Mmmm….but, I think I'll leave the sneaking to you guys, if that's okay."
Hana didn't know why that, of all memories, popped into her head as she wrung her hands, listening at the door, waiting for her parents to finish getting ready for the charity dinner that they were on their way out to. A charity dinner, even though they'd sat her down to tell her that they were going to be handing her over to an experiment.
"We've had enough of you disappointing us."
"At least this way you will actually get a Talent."
"It's clear you don't have the drive and ability to actually make anything of yourself."
"It's an embarrassment having to explain why, exactly, you are so stagnant."
"If you actually respect us as parents then you can't complain about this."
The words had rained down on her, actually feeling like something hitting against her skin, her head, everything, coming from both directions. When one had spoken, she had looked at the other, but she had seen no leeway there. Only coldness, as if they had shut themselves off from her as a human being. The fact that she generally behaved well at school, that she had managed to befriend the daughter of a family that they much admired, that she kept up her grades despite her own struggles…and not even that. What about her TEP work, the fact that she'd been chosen for the statue project even if it had not gone through? She'd thought it'd be something, at least, but it seemed like it wasn't now.
Clearly, it had never been.
But she couldn't allow this to happen. She couldn't just walk in, and have whatever it was happen. She hadn't been able to read it, not fully, since she'd had to read it in tiny increments just to make the words stop dancing, and it was harrowing enough already. But she knew what they all knew-that the end result was that she wouldn't be herself by the end of it. All the things she liked and loved, the way she thought and understood the world, all her memories and the things she knew she was good at. They'd be gone. Did none of it matter, she asked herself uselessly.
She had to leave.
Still listening at the door, she desperately got her phone out, and looked for messages. But all she saw were more from the others about Emiko. Not her. Had she got lost in the flurry? She took a deep breath, then decided to take a risk and write a message on LINE, even though that was something that could be access. Surely, if she kept it vague, it'd be alright? So she quickly wrote something, not caring about spelling mistakes, and sent it before she could have second thoughts, most of her attention still on the door.
When finally, finally, she heard the key in the door, followed by a decisive slam, her phone slid out of her hand in relief, and she practically flew to her wardrobe door, pulling out an almost-forgotten suitcase, dragging it to the middle of the room and flinging it open before then flitting around her room, and shoving as much as she could in. Anything she thought would fit, that she might need, went in, with little thought beyond that. She just needed to get away, before they came back.
Once she was done, she found herself out of breath. Stumbling, she made her way to her bed, sitting down heavily, and tried to get herself back together again. Misty mewled, and padded over, and instinctively, Hana hugged her the way she had always done, clutching her tightly, before it hit her-I can't take Misty with me, can I? Where am I going? I don't know where I'm going. Will it be safe for a cat?
Abruptly, she let go of Misty, and deposited her back on the bed, rubbing her face and then staring up at the ceiling. After a moment, she forced herself away from the bed and the oddly-disappointed gaze of Misty and prepared to creep out of her room, not wanting to be too noisy despite knowing the house was empty. But then she paused. Her breath still caught in her throat just thinking of their faces over the dinner table, but they were still her parents. And she remembered a time when she had looked up to them, when she'd lit up when they'd finally walked through the door after work and they hadn't gone straight to the office. She'd wanted to be good enough for them, once. She had loved them.
So she backtracked, and went back to her desk. She pulled out her letter writing kit-not the sedate cream and white one her parents preferred, but the one she liked the most, pale pink with tasteful pastel floral designs around the borders. A writing kit they'd bought her once, despite their disapproval, longer ago than she could remember, a writing kit that she'd used to write love letters to Riku and birthday messages for Shino and Emiko and Mihoko. She pulled a sheet of letter paper, and then the fancy fountain pen, and without any aids to help her, she slowly and painstakingly wrote her final words to them:
I'm sorry I couldn't be good enough for you.
Her hand shook with the final word, and the pen slipped, leaving a small jagged line trailing off after the full stop. A couple of tears splashed onto the sheet, blurring this line. But she wiped her eyes, took a deep breath, and put away the kit, leaving the note clearly placed in the middle of her desk. Dragging her suitcase and heading to the door, she paused to pick up her phone, then with a shaky breath turned off the light.
She opened her door, looking furtively around her before taking a deep breath and holding it as she went down the stairs, careful to hold the suitcase high so it didn't clank. When she finally got to the front door, she got out her keys and carefully inserted them into the lock, thanking her lucky stars that her parents hadn't yet gotten a key-card lock instead, as they'd been talking about for years. The cool night air hit her face as she stepped out onto the doorstep, and she looked up at the night sky for a moment before remembering herself and quickly shutting the door behind her, before darting away as quickly as possible.
"The trick is keeping to the shadows. And not always literal shadows either. Just more concealed places, more isolated. Back alleys, away from cameras, with things to hide in like bushes or trees or what have you."
Hana looked away from the shaky video footage to look at Shino, who was still triumphant from the excursion.
"How did that work in there, though?"
Shino grinned.
"Much the same, less trees. It's more about avoiding cameras. Also trying to figure out how to bypass keycard locks and things. But that's what Emiko's for."
"Ah, it's just a few tricks I picked up here and there."
Hana ran, and ran, and ran, clutching the suitcase to her, trying to keep to shadows, both literal and metaphorical, just as she remembered them talking about. It was late, but not so late that there still weren't others around. She ran, and ran, and ran, until she couldn't run any more. Nearly doubling over as she ducked into an alleyway, she caught her breath, then pulled out her phone, only to see a text message was flashing. Eagerly, she opened it, and then frowned, confused before replying.
Hana Otsuki: Why the school?
A few seconds, and then a few more, and then, finally, a reply.
Nobody will think to look for you there.
Hana frowned, but then nodded. It was not as if there was anywhere else she could go. Well, there was Riku, in the sense that he'd never turn her away. But she couldn't tell him about this-what if something happened to him, too? And it would probably be the first place her parents thought to look. No, she couldn't. So, school it is.
Staring at her phone, it occurred to her that she could be tracked this way. Stupid, stupid. She stared at it. If someone else answered, then she would keep it, just a little longer. But her phone stayed silent, and the more seconds that ticked by, the more likely it was she'd be seen. So, with a heavy heart, and tears she needed to blink away, she turned off her phone, and let it slip out of her hand as she kept running.
…
Hana felt a little dizzy, as she stared out at the sky from the school roof. The school roof, of all places.
"What now, though?" she asked. "When morning comes, they'll find me here."
"Hmmm," the person who'd invited her up said, considering. "We'll move soon enough, but it's better than you running around."
"Mmmm. But where can I go?"
"Well, that's….."
Hana sighed, frustrated. What are my options here? What can I do? She was suddenly so tired, she just wanted to curl up and sleep. Why did I even bother?
"It's basically killing me, isn't it?" she asked aloud as she began to walk to the fence, for reasons she herself couldn't really articulate.
"What is?"
"This…the Izuru Kamukura Project. At the end of it, I may as well be dead, right? It's just my body they need, in the end, right? Everything else…will be gone. Everything that makes me, me."
"Mmmm. I've never thought about it, but yeah. "
"But my mum and dad, they just…they want me to throw that away? They want…" Hana took in a deep breath.
"Woah, woah, don't cry." Her companion said. "They don't deserve you, do they? Not if they're willingly offering you up like that. Like man, parents are supposed to want their kids to grow up, right?"
"That's what I thought, too."
"Mind you, if you actually died, they wouldn't be able to do anything, right?"
"Ehhh I mean I guess."
On an impulse, Hana climbed over the fence and stood on the edge, gripping the railings behind her tightly, staring out, thinking. Trying not to think. Thinking. The person with her didn't seem to react, but she barely noticed. Instead, she closed her eyes.
"I don't want to die, but…"
"At least this way, you'd be in control or something, right? I mean, I'd rather live for as long as possible, but that's me. It's not like my folks are about to sign me up for human experimentation soon."
"Exactly." Hana snapped, suddenly irritable. "How could you know?"
"Ah, well…I mean, I guess, do what you want?"
Hana sighed, and shook her head. If I died, they wouldn't be able to do anything about it. If I did, then I would have chosen how to go. But…she looked out into the void, barely able to see anything below her, just the sky around her. Would it hurt, she wondered, if she just let go? Surely it wouldn't, she'd just be in freefall for the briefest moment and then….nothing. It had to be better than however else her loves, dreams, hopes and fears and everything else that was her would eventually be drained away. Surely, that would hurt more.
"I want to, but I don't want to…." She murmured.
"Huh?" the person with her called out, nonchalantly. "What was that? Oh, hold on, there's something from Sa-"
"A message?"
Something spiked in Hana's chest, hot and spiky. No, there was no way it could be. She'd abandoned her hope with the phone she'd dropped back in that alleyway, it couldn't be…but, you have to see.
"Give me a moment, I'm coming."
She turned around to climb back up, but just as she prepared to swing her leg over, she slipped and lost her footing. She wobbled, trying to steady herself, and then the thought slipped back into her mind….I could just let go. Her hand almost reached the railings again. But then, in the end, they seemed just that little too far away, her fingers barely scraping it. So, she gave up, closed her eyes, and let go.
And when she fell, she couldn't remember if they actually had been or not. But soon enough, it stopped mattering.
…
At first, Hana's companion did not move from the wall they had been leaning against. They were frozen in time, staring at the space where Hana had been, and now she was not. They couldn't even breathe for a moment, and then, the realisation hit them.
She's gone. And I might have had a role in that.
With that revelation, that person was able to push themselves away and walk across to the railing that Hana had climbed over. There was a funny feeling in them, this strange, churning sensation deep in their stomach but also an odd flush of warmth, stealing over their skin that only increased as they peered over the railing, though it was too dark to see anything (and thank goodness for that). They should have realised, really, that things could have turned out this way. But they hadn't. They really, truly hadn't. After all, had they not flirted with the boundaries of life and death before? Taunting and teasing, but still always coming back just fine? This situation they were all in now, the knowledge they were all holding, was that not more of the same? They had not expected that Hana would just let go like that.
But she had. And they had to accept the truth, that they did that.
Me. It was me. And if I could do something like that…
They let out a breath, a shaky breath, because despite this they were not heartless. They'd liked Hana, the way they were sure that everyone else had. But…I did this. I did this. Who knows what else I could do? They let the question knock around in their head while they closed their eyes and let the night breeze buffet their face for a while longer. More than likely, the sorrow would come later, when they were no longer so giddy with it all, and tucked up safely in bed. But for now, they opened their eyes once again, cast their gaze across the darkness for one more moment, and then made the decision to sneak back down, before some poor sod stumbled across Hana down on the ground and raised the alarm. Yup, wouldn't do to be up here, would it? They yawned and stretched, and then turned back and went to the roof entrance.
They smiled the whole way down.
The trigger warning is for a depiction of what may or may not be a suicide (it's meant to be somewhat ambiguous as to if it was purposeful or not).
Anyway, as clarification, the sections that are in Hana's POV take part in parallel to most of last chapter, and then the Mihoko's POVbit-roughly up until the point she changes the ringtone settings on her phone. And yes, the fact I've not revealed who was with Hana is also deliberate. Who do you think it might have been?
