Chapter 17: Damaged Goods, Secrets Kept
Brown eyes gradually flutter open, optical units activate, as well as adjust to the kens of the environment, as if they're operating for the first time in quite some time. Connor feels what he can imagine feeling drowsy is like; in a severely weakened state seems to have a ring to it, so he ultimately decides to stick with that. Everything feels numb- feels? Connor ventures into his memories to recollect a time when he referred to "feeling" something, but he has no luck. Instead, he finds corrupted memory files, his perfect collection broken up into fragments, a concerning discovery to be sure, but the longer he stays observing his memories, the more difficult concentrating becomes. Something is out of place, damaged, his entire body feels that it entered a state of emergency power, either that or his body is being supplied it, that much is certain. However, before he can hypothesise answers to his ever so anxiety-inducing problem, he feels a gentle hand gradually grasp onto his own, causing him to slowly but surely turn to face the person the hand belongs to. It takes a few seconds for his optical units to focus and adjust on the person, but from the deep blue eyes, the blonde hair tied into a ponytail and the casual clothing she bore the last time he saw her, his optical units don't need to be at full function. He tries to smile at her, something she notices as she places her other hand onto his cheek, caressing it as tears well in her eyes.
"Kara?" Connor mutters, his LED blinking yellow as he slowly enters a state of panic.
"Hey. Hank is getting a coffee, I can tell him you're awake and get him if you need?" Kara proposes, the mention of Hank finally pushing Connor to the said state. His simulated breathing becomes heavy and unstable, his LED flickering from yellow to dark red, conclusively putting some strain on his already unstable programs.
"No! No, no, no, no, you- you shouldn't be here! Hank shouldn't be here! None- of you- should be here with me! It's not safe, Kara, it's- it's not safe to know me! Please- please just- just leave me-"
"Hey, hey, hey!" Kara says, gripping onto his hand tighter. "It's okay, it's okay, I'm right here, Connor. I'm right here, with you, and no matter what you say or do, I won't be leaving your side without a doctor telling me to. So you either suck it up and calm down or you can start coming up with strategies to get me to leave."
After a long-drawn-out minute of slowly calming down, with the assistance of Kara, who soothingly shooshes him, Connor's LED finally falls back to blue as he lets out a long exhale. His eyes are closed, his brown eyes reopening only to look at Kara, tears swelling his eyes, managing to hold a smile for a few seconds as he attempts to place his hand onto her cheek. A couple of tears roll down his cheeks.
"Connor, you need to tell me what that was about? Please?" Kara asks, stopping before slowly leaning into his hand as a tear rolls down her cheek, assisting his attempt to touch her. "You scared the fuck out of me, I've never seen you like that before, so please, tell me what happened to you? Who did this to you?"
"I- I screwed up, Kara, I- I slipped up, I trailed a man who urged me not to pursue him, the- the man who attacked Markus and North's home and- it resulted in my upmost defeat. His name is- Malakai McKnight, he's now a- wanted criminal, an ex-Marine, one of- if not the most dangerous man in the entire country, if not- the world. I hurt him, I- I hurt him badly, shot him in- in the head but failed to kill him. Instead, I caused a- massive wound on the side of his head, covered in a bandage. He- he wants revenge for what I did, intervening his attempt on the lives of Markus and North, for hurting him the- way I did and- for giving the FBI a blood sample to follow. He lured me deep into an abandoned building, he and- some Androids that he built- beat me until I could barely think, let alone- walk. But beating and punishing me wasn't enough, so he- broke me down, broke me down until all I could do was cry. Fuck, it- it took me minutes to even start to think about how to escape the building and after a few bullet wounds, I managed to escape. But, Kara, the threat- is still out there, Malakai- is still out there, as well as his Androids. There are certain people you can't trust- not one-hundred per cent, at least. Not- anymore."
"What does that mean? What do you mean I can't trust certain people anymore?" Kara asks Connor, squeezing his hand as more tears glide down his cheeks.
"The Androids he built; they- look- like- us," Connor cries, barely able to say the words. "Markus, North, Elijah, Hank, you and me. The Androids were built to look exactly like- us, all to break me, to- destroy my mind, to isolate me from the people I care about. It worked. The paranoia, the- fear that one day I go to see you or Markus, or Hank, and it's not- you guys at all, instead, I'm welcomed by a knife to the chest, a bullet- to the head, or any form of torment. If that wasn't overwhelming enough, the Androids are- my designed to succeed me, to improve on everything- about me, RK900s they're called, I- call them Nines. They're faster- stronger- smarter- more durable than me and, of course, Malakai has access to, you know, spare biocomponents for them- in case they get damaged."
Connor's overriding narrative leaves Kara in absolute stupefaction. She doesn't say a word, remaining in silence for half a minute, regardless of that, her hand doesn't leave Connor's, instead, squeezing with more intensity.
"As I said, it's- not safe to know and be around me, not- not until Malakai is dead- or behind bars. Please, I wouldn't be able to- live with myself if something happened to you- or Alice- or Luther, Hank, Markus, North, Simon, Josh, my fellow Officers, anyone- that I know, because of my mistake. Because I- screwed up. I need to- isolate myself from everyone I care about, I need to-"
"Connor, just- shut up, please," Kara says, covering his mouth delicately with her free hand. "As I said to you, Connor, no matter what you say or do, I will be by your side until a doctor or nurse tells me otherwise. You can't get rid of me, understand? Nod if you understand."
As Connor slowly begins to nod in reply, Kara removes her hand from his mouth at equal speed.
"You're stuck with me, Connor."
"I- I want to be stuck with you," Connor replies, each of them smiling at one another, the urge to do something very present in Connor's mind.
"I can get Hank now if you'd like?" Kara proposes. "He's been worried sick about you, Connor, he's the one who called me to tell me about your injuries, he even picked me up and we drove to the hospital together. He was speeding, mind you, he drives fast for a police detective."
Kara's comment on Hank's driving causes Connor to laugh, regardless of his discomfort; discomfort that he imagines is the closest he'll come to feeling pain. Regardless of that, however, Kara's comment is beyond worth a laugh, beyond worth any form of pain. Anything for Kara. Anything. "Yeah, that sounds like his driving, and to answer your question; yes, please, but in a couple of minutes?" Connor appeals, planting his hand on her formerly pale, now blushing cheek once again. "I need to have this moment with you. A moment of peace before I'm overwhelmed by my father's concern, any moment with you is peaceful."
Without warning, Kara bursts into tears, sinking further into Connor's soft touch as tears trickle down her face. Her sobbing is soft, almost like she's trying to hide it from everyone, everyone but Connor, of course, who appears to have become one of her anchors. One of the people that remind her that she's more than what she was made to be, more than just a machine, but a living being, with a soul. Capable of making mistakes, capable of creating a life for herself, capable of feeling love, both romantic and platonic alike. Connor shooshes Kara, just as she did for him, softly placing a kiss on her hand.
"I need this too, you have no idea," Kara sighs, trying to look away from Connor, but something causes her to do the opposite, staring at him instead. "If I'm honest with you, I thought you were dead, Connor, I thought you were gone. From what the repair Androids told me, from what Hank told me, from what everyone told me, you were barely functioning when you were brought here."
"It's- it's going to take- more than a few bullets to kill me, Kara," Connor states, smiling at Kara once again, surprised when Kara lunges forward, wrapping her arms around him, holding him as close as possible. "Hey, hey. I'm not- going anywhere, I could never- leave you, Kara. I'm okay, I- I'm just scared, Kara, fuck, I'm terrified."
"Me too, I'm terrified too, Connor and please don't- please don't leave me," Kara says, crying into his shoulder. "Alice and I would be so lost without you."
"Alice? Alice- would be lost- without me?" Connor asks, examining his memories to see if any of Alice are corrupted. After doing the same with the memories of Kara, he thankfully discovers that no memories of them have been damaged or corrupted, causing him to audibly sigh in relief.
"She's grown more attached to you than you know, Connor," Kara states, still holding onto him. "She asks about you a lot, asks when you're going to be over next, she thinks you're amazing and Luther? Luther, who she's with right now, thinks you're great with her and for her, great for- both of us."
"You mean that?"
"I do," Kara confirms, pulling away from the embrace, her face inches away from his. "I mean that, Connor."
Connor and Kara stare into one another's eyes, with Kara seemingly caught in the fact that Connor is still here, regardless of his injuries. Her tears give that away, prompting the recovering Connor to begin wiping away her tears and just as he begins inclining his face towards hers, specifically her lips, an Android doctor, also known as a repair Android, walks into the room, unknowingly interrupting them. Once the doctor realises, however, she begins to blush uncontrollably.
"Oh shit, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to barge in, I really should have knocked, please forgive me," the doctor says nervously, her embarrassment causing Kara to snicker quietly, her deep blue eyes still staring into Connor's russet brown eyes, a smile comfortably played on his lips. "It's just vital that I talk to Mr Anderson about his injuries and the repair attention that was required for said injuries. I'm sorry, Ma'am, but I need to talk to my patient in private, it's simply protocol."
"It's okay, he hasn't been awake long but he should be attentive enough to listen," Kara says before turning, facing and then kissing Connor on the cheek. "Hank and I will be outside when you're ready for company. See you, handsome."
Connor, completely confounded by Kara's kiss and heart-warming compliment, watches in silence as Kara leaves his hospital room, looking back at him as she closes the door behind her, a cheeky smile imprinted on her face.
"You guys are so cute, how long have you been together?" The doctor says, staring at the clipboard in her hands.
"Oh, we're not- together," Connor murmurs, causing the doctor to raise her eyebrows.
"Uh-huh. Alright, Mr Anderson, now that we have some privacy, I- I don't know how to- tell you this, I don't know the proper way to-"
"It's my CPU, isn't it?" Connor asks, leaving the doctor in silent perplexity. "I evaluated my codex, encoded and analyzed my- systems, programs, data, all of it. What- I discovered is that some of my- memories are damaged and or corrupted, the CPU looks to be- the most presumable explanation. Am- I correct?"
"Unfortunately, you are, you suffered a serious blow to the head which fractured your skull and critically damaged your central processing unit, a pressing injury to sustain. Normally the management of your injury would suffice with a CPU replacement, but because you're a prototype, it's difficult to follow that course. We have no advanced biocomponents for an RK800 because, besides you, there are none, and CyberLife, being CyberLife, refused to donate biocomponents for unreleased Androids. Besides basic biocomponent replacement, such as skin plate replacement, replacement of your major organs is completely out of the question. I'm so sorry, Connor, if we could replace your CPU, we would without question, if anything we would do it for free." He doesn't reply, prompting the doctor to continue her explanation. "The second course would be transferring your consciousness into an empty vessel, but that course is safer is an Android's consciousness is transferred to the same model, even if the physical appearance is different. In your case, however, we're suffering from two issues," the doctor reveals, sighing as she lowers back down to the clipboard, not daring to meet Connor's glower.
Connor remains voiceless throughout the revelation, trying to mop up the information and drain it in the bucket of his fractured mind. He knows the facts, knows what a damaged CPU means for Androids, knows the outcomes and labours that will follow such an injury, knows that treatment is impossible for him. He's damaged goods now. A liability to himself, to his friends, to Hank, to Kara and Alice, to the Detroit Police Department, the FBI. He's a liability to everyone he knows, Detroit's hero is now a shell of his former self, no longer able to push himself to peak performance, instead, crippled by limitation.
"Due to your unique model, your programs and systems are designed and required for the basic performance of an RK800, let alone the advanced performances you're used to. I imagine you're used to pushing your performance to its absolute limits, but unfortunately, advanced performance will be a risk to you. In saying that, if we were to attempt to transfer your consciousness into a different model that requires different systems and programs, it's unknown if your consciousness would survive the transferral. It's a huge, absolutely huge risk to you, Connor, but the decision will be up to you in the end. I'm so sorry, but unless you're willing to take the risk-"
"Then- I'll be suffering from software instability," Connor sighs, knowing that is fate is in fact, sealed. "How much- time do I have left before my CPU shuts down- entirely?"
"Could be months, could be weeks, the sad truth is it could be mere days before the CPU shuts down entirely. Unfortunately, it's not a matter of if, but when. All we know is that it's not going to shut down now, your currently connected to a power node which will take the weight off the entirety of your systems. We could organize you taking a power node home with you, to use when you're entering low power mode at night if that's what you-"
"Do they know?" Connor asks, interrupting the doctor due to the fact he keeps zoning in and out of focus. So many thoughts are running through his fractured mind, too many for his CPU to manage, too many to maintain, too many to- fuck, what was he talking about again? He recollects himself to his question, eager to seek the answer.
"Nobody knows besides me, you and some selected nurses," the doctor assures Connor, sighing as a tear glides down his cheek. "Would you like me to tell them? Or would you prefer to tell them yourself?"
Connor considers his options, considers the routes he can take with his condition; how to tell Hank, Kara, his friends has become one of the most complicated tasks he's ever faced. His condition is a death sentence waiting to happen, as the nurse said, it's not a matter of if his CPU shuts down, but when it shuts down. He's a walking liability, how he's going to be able to make a dent in his and Hank's investigation is unknown at this point. How he's going to stand toe to toe to McKnight is simple; he's not going to. The next time he and McKnight meet, in the condition that he's in, Connor is going to be killed in an effortless fight for McKnight, but he's not going to go out without a fight. Until that time comes, and it's going to, Connor needs to keep a low profile, hide his condition until the time is right. Too much has happened, too much to bring his condition up, too much to tell his loved ones that he's dying, that his days with them are numbered and that the time he has left is unknown. No. No, not yet. He can't tell them yet. He won't tell them yet. "No."
"No to which one, Mr Anderson?" The doctor asks, Connor staring straight through her as he says his next few words.
"No to both of them."
