CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
(BPOV)
After Jacob and Billy left for home, I spent the better part of the morning cleaning the house for Charlie, something I often still did obsessively whenever I was overwhelmed with my thoughts. Charlie didn't seem to mind and even offered to help me with the chores at one point, but I kindly steered him toward his recliner with a beer and a plate of nachos instead. Don't get me wrong, my father was great at a lot of things, but cleaning definitely wasn't one of them and it gave me less to keep my hands busy with had he helped.
"You know, I'm not a damn invalid, Bella. You could give me a little more credit. I can at least dust or something. I've been known to be a real cleaning machine back in my day. Just ask your mom the next time she calls." Charlie huffed, stretching out in his comfy chair and reclining as the new show on the flat screen came into view.
"What? You really want me to ask mom about your cleaning skills. Sure that's a good idea? Sorry dad, but I've never seen you so much as pick up a mop or a broom in your day." I cautiously teased him in return, noting the eyeroll he gave me before focusing on the man who was explaining how to properly clean a rifle. Within seconds, Charlie was engrossed and had forgotten all about my statement.
"Oh for shits sake. What the hell does he think he's doing!? He's doing it all ass backwards. Doesn't he know that? I tell ya' Kid. Your generation really worries me sometimes."
I merely shook my head at this and reached for my trusty dusty rag, along with my Mrs. Meyers cleaner, and swiftly headed upstairs to finish tidying up the place.
I had already washed the entire kitchen floor on my hands and knees, scrubbing the tile till it shined like new and reorganizing Charlie's cluttered and outdated pantry. This had been a job all on it's own and the day was nearly half way through.
My cell phone suddenly rang as I wiped down the dusty pictures that lined Charlie's upstairs hallway, some of them nearly two decades old now. Callie's number flashed on the screen in front of me as I bit down on my bottom lip and debated on whether or not to silence her call and return it later. I already knew why she was reaching out and what it concerned.
"Callie?" I hesitantly answered, tossing my supplies to the floor and hunkering down on the stairwell to talk with her.
"I'm so relieved you picked up. I just read your text message. What do you mean you're not sure about coming back once your extended leave is over? What's really going on in Washington, Bella?"
Her tone was full of anxiety and dread while I sighed there and pondered over how much I had truly loved being back home for the past few days. I didn't want that to end so soon.
"I'd be lying to you if I said it wasn't something I was seriously considering, Callie. I could transfer to Forks. My credentials stand for it and the pay may even be better out this way. I don't know." I sighed to her.
"Come on, Bella. Be real with me. You've always been honest. Is this about being home again or about Jake? Are you two-..."
"Callie, stop. That's almost insulting. He's at his house on the reservation right now packing up Lillians things to donate. Please, don't be insensitive about it. He's hurting. A lot." I defended.
"I wasn't trying to be rude or insensitive. I'm sorry, but you love your job here. You've laid roots here. Your job has always been so important to you."
"Well, maybe that was my first mistake. Making my work the only real priority in my life for as long as I have."
Callie went silent on the other end of the line then and I cussed under my breath for my rash and brazen admission to her.
"You think coming to Maine was a mistake?" She softly hedged in reply.
"No, that's not what I meant to say, Callie. I love all of you and my job at Pen Bay, but being back here has been almost bittersweet for me cause I know I'm leaving next week. I don't want to go and I don't know what that means for me."
"Bella, you know we all love you here and we want you back, but ultimately you have to be the one to decide if you want to pursue that kind of change in your life right now. It's a big decision to make. You know that. Take all the time you need while you're still there to think it over and don't hesitate to reach out if you ever wanna talk. We're always around."
"Thanks, Callie. I love you. Tell Tina and everyone at Pen Bay I say hello."
"Sure thing, Bella. Love you too. Bye"
I ended the conversation with her and shoved the phone back in my pocket just as it vibrated with an incoming call from Jake, his photo flashing as the cell rang in my hand.
"Hey, Jake."
He didn't respond right away and I struggled to hear him, his voice tight with the same kind of grief I'd heard in it the night before.
"Are you busy?" He asked, and I was already down over the stairs before he could finish. "Can you come over?"
"No, I'm not busy. I'll be there soon. See you in a little while." I replied, hearing him disconnect the call, as I grabbed my coat by the front door and slipped into it.
"Where are you headed in such a hurry?" Charlie asked from the living room.
"Jake called. He needs me. I'll be back sometime before dinner. There's home made chicken noodle soup and dumplings on the stove. Needs another thirty minutes before you can fix yourself a bowl. Don't wait for me. I'll have some later." I called out to him before leaving the house and heading to La'Push.
When I turned onto the reservation, I slowed my speed and pulled into Jacobs drive, my eyes stinging at the sight of the small house in front of me. The familiar sense of intrusion made it hard for me to pull the keys from the ignition and get out.
This was the home he had shared with her. I didn't belong here and that feeling was difficult to simply ignore.
There were several sealed totes stacked outside the door and I swallowed hard when Jacob stepped out, and added another large one to the ever growing pile of them. His steps seemed to stagger a bit and though I knew the tote wasn't too heavy for him, the weight he carried it with looked as if it were made of solid stone. He placed it down and leaned over it, his whole body locked in place there while he gripped the flimsy plastic handles I suspected would break any moment from the force of his hold on them.
I opened my door and stepped out, my eyes meeting his from across the drive as I timidly started his way. He slowly stepped back from the totes, his stance unsteady while he stood there looking down at all her things he'd packed away this morning.
I drew closer to him and voiced the only offer that came to mind then.
"Do you want me to help you carry them?"
Jacob only nodded in response and I reached for the first tote, my arms hauling it up as I carried it out to the car.
His broken voice soon stopped me short.
"Bells, will you take these into town with me to donate them? Clarissa's already bundled for the trip in. Shouldn't take us long."
"Of course I can." I replied, opening the trunk and placing the stuffed tote there as he began to load up all the others.
The short drive back to town was filled with a grieving silence I hadn't heard from him since Lillians funeral and when we crossed the town line of Forks, I reached over for his hand and held it tight in mine.
The man who greeted us outside the donation drop off wore a wide and grateful smile when Jacob unloaded the trunk and handed over all of Lillians things to him. He did well to keep himself together until we stopped at the light up the street. His hand released mine with a quavering breath then, his silent tears rolling down his cheeks while I drove him and Clarissa back home.
"Do you want me to call, Billy? He could come over and stay with you for a while tonight?"
"No-" Jacob harshly interjected. "I need some space from him right now."
His words made me pause as I glanced his way in confusion.
"What do you mean? Did something happen between the two of you?"
Jacobs face went pale when I asked this and he struggled to meet my gaze, his tremors starting when we pulled up outside his house again. The second I put the car in park, he bolted from the passenger side, his cuss of frustration loud when it left him.
"Fuck."
I peered back at Clarissa and tucked the blanket over her car seat further in around her before getting out and following after him.
"Jake, hey- talk to me. What's going on with you and Billy? You need his support right now. I'm sure whatever misunderstanding you had can be easily fixed or forgotten."
He shook his head when he peered back at me.
"No, it's not like that. I'm so angry with him. With myself."
I watched as he looked toward the forest, his body still shaking with the heated tremors that were trying to force him to run.
"If you need to go I can stay here with Clarissa. I understand."
He turned his head back sharply in my direction at this, a mix of anger, betrayal and self loathing there in his gaze.
"You won't when I tell you what I have to say."
"What? Jake? You're not making any sense."
He looked borderline terrified and it made my skin grow cold.
"I don't want to do this. I hate it."
He was talking in circles and I was entirely lost and on the verge of dialing Billy myself when Sam suddenly appeared by the tree line, his half naked form barely visible in the dense tree cover.
Jacob visibly cringed and looked his way with a heavy sigh.
I felt like I was a teenager again. The all too familiar scene making a knot form hastily in my stomach.
"Hey there, Bella." Sam hedged, pulling me into a welcoming embrace before turning his attention to Jacob. "Sorry to interrupt, but we got some pack business to take care of. There's a meeting in thirty-minutes at the lumber yard. I want everyone there. See you then?"
Jacob nodded to him before he turned to head back into the woods.
"Good. I'll be waiting with all the others. Don't be late, bro."
We watched him go until he was well out of sight and I saw the agitation that crossed Jacobs troubled face when he reached for my hand.
He looked miserable and I wrapped my arms around him.
The tremors left him when his arms held me close, his reaction to me instinctive and reminding me of the way things used to be.
"Bells, can you stay here on the reservation till I get back? I'll take you to Emily's with Clarissa? Will you do that for me?"
I reluctantly pulled back and saw the earnest worry in his expression and it made me dread the unknown but I agreed for his sake.
"Okay, I'll stay with Emily for a while this afternoon. I wouldn't mind visiting her."
As it turns out, Emily was more than thrilled to have is over, her whole face lighting up when we soon stepped through her door. She was quick to cuddle Clarissa, peppering her face with kisses as she looked our way.
"Do I get your company for the rest of the day? Cause I can't think of a better way to spend the afternoon." She beamed and it made me smile to her.
"Yep, guess you're stuck with me till Jake gets back from the pack meeting."
"I have so many cookies to bake! We'll have a blast! Just us three girls!" Emily chuckled.
Jacob motioned for me to follow him out and I could feel the anxiety in me growing by the second.
"I'll head straight back here when Sam dismisses the meeting."
"Jake, what is this about? Is there a threat or-"
"No, you're safe. It's not that." He admitted, his face falling with his whispered words. "Stay here till I get back, Bells. I'll tell you everything."
He turned from me and I caught hold of his arm.
"Be careful out there."
"Always am." He countered, heading for the trees without looking back.
I felt my heart sink further into my chest as Emily called out to me from her kitchen.
"I put some tea on if you're interested?"
"Thank you. That sounds nice."
Emily saw the worry plaguing my face and reached out for me.
"What's going on?"
"I truthfully don't know." I replied, seeing her gaze narrow in confusion while she lightly bounced Clarissa on her hip. "But I have a feeling I'll know soon enough."
A/N: Thanks for reading and please review. There will be two more chapters posted before the evening is out. I'm surely spoiling you today!
