Quarantine Could-Have-Been
Inspired (unfortunately) by current events. Stay healthy, fellow Spinners!
Khan Towers
High above Cape Suzette, Shere Khan was looking down at the not-so-busy city of Cape Suzette while dictating instructions to his personal secretary.
"I want production increased in the following factories: toilet paper, soap, cleaning supplies, medical supplies…"
He halted when the phone rang. Mrs. Snarly answered it. "Khan Industries. Hold please." Pushing a button on the phone, she said, "The Uslandian president is on line one, Mr. Khan."
"Again?" Khan frowned and picked up the phone, saying tersely, "Shere Khan speaking."
As he listened, he glanced at his Roarlex. Time was money and this phone call seemed to be a waste of time. "As I told you yesterday and the day before, Mr. President, all of my businesses are essential. I won't close a single one." When the elected leader of the free world made a timid suggestion to the financial leader of the free world, the financial leader raked his claws across his mahogany desk. "Yes, that includes the mattress testing factory. Good day."
Meanwhile…
Across Town at Higher for Hire
A large bear, who could have been an expert mattress tester, was lounging in his favorite easy chair, languidly peeling an orange and listening to K-CAPE radio.
When the jazzy song ended, the female disc jockey purred, "That was Rosebeary Clooney's latest hit: "Don't Come On-A My House". This is Broadcast Sally reminding everyone in Cape Suzette to stay in your own houses to stay healthy. And now the news. The worldwide toilet paper and moist towelette shortages continue as..."
"Baloo, shouldn't we be on the way to Thembria?" Kit said, turning off the radio. "Miz Cunningham said this shipment was super important."
"Aw, relax, Li'l Britches. Didn't ya hear what Broadcast Sally said? We're supposed to do nothin'." Around an orange wedge, he mumbled, "My favorite thing. And with the boss lady stuck in her apartment, I can do nothin' all the time."
When the phone rang on Rebecca's desk, Kit ran to answer it. "Higher for Hire. Oh, hi, Miz Cunningham," he said, enunciating their employer's name while giving Baloo a pointed look. He held out the phone. "Miz Cunningham wants to talk to you."
"Yell at me, ya mean." Baloo went over to the desk. Holding the phone at arm's length, he said, "Yeah, Becky?"
Even at arm's length, her message was loud and clear. Words like "much-needed business", "no paycheck", and "fired" were used.
"All right, all right. I get the message," Baloo said. "We're flying, Becky."
After she had slammed down the receiver, Baloo crammed the rest of the orange in his mouth, mumbling dejectedly, "Looks like nothin' will hafta wait."
Later…
On the Way to Thembria
Kit glanced around the navigator's seat at the boxes crammed in the cargo hold. "I wonder why this shipment is so important and top-secret? I mean, it's just…"
"Who cares?" Baloo replied from the pilot's seat. "Let's just get it delivered and get back to doin' nothin'."
Pointing at the fighter planes that were rapidly approaching them, Kit said, "Tell that to the air pirates."
"Pirates?!"
Both Baloo and Kit yelped as bullets ricocheted off the Sea Duck's hull.
"Hello, Baloo-type-of-person," Karnage said from the open cockpit of his CT-37. "It is I, the fan-tabulous Don Karnage. You may now tremble in fear."
Baloo didn't tremble, but scowled, as he picked up the mic. "Trust me, Karny, you wouldn't be interested in what we're haulin' today."
"Oh, but I am most, most interested," Karnage said. "And that is why I insist that you give it to me."
Grinning at Kit, Baloo said, "You heard the man, Li'l Britches. Give it to him."
"Right!" Unbuckling his seat belt, Kit ran back to the cargo hold. He climbed over the boxes until he reached the rear of the plane. He flipped the lever to open the cargo hatch, ripped the tape off the top of the nearest box, and shouted, "Bombs away!"
Don Karnage was never more surprised in his life than when a roll of toilet paper hit him on the nose. "Ouch! Why, you little…"
"Toilet paper! Catch it!" Mad Dog shouted.
"I got some! I got some!" Dumptruck shouted, victoriously holding a roll aloft. When Gibber t-boned him, the burly pirate growled, "Hey, vatch vhere you're going!"
The air pirates attempted to catch the most valuable item in the world while it was flying through the air. Unfortunately, they were so intent on the toilet paper, that they weren't paying any attention to each other.
In the end, they recovered twelve rolls of toilet paper, but had eight crashed CT-37s.
"You fooligans!" Don Karnage shouted. He was in the middle of an island of wrecked planes floating on the ocean. "Look what you've done!"
"But, captain, we've got twelve rolls of toilet paper," Mad Dog said, happily squeezing the sanitary tissue.
"Give me that!" Karnage snatched the roll from Mad Dog, then threw it back at him.
It bounced off Mad Dog's head and landed in the ocean.
"Aw…" groaned all of the air pirates except Karnage.
Baloo swooped low over the pirates and yelled out the window, "Wish we could stay and chat, but we've gotta roll along."
Later…
In Thembria
Colonel Spigot was pacing frantically beside the frozen runway of the Glorious People's Airport. "Do you see him, Dunder?"
"Not yet, sir," Sergeant Dunder replied, peering through binoculars at the grey sky.
"The High Marshall is going to have me shot if Baloo doesn't show up within the next ten minutes." The diminutive colonel looked at his watch, tapped the face, held it to his ear, then looked at it again.
"My watch says nine minutes, sir," Dunder said helpfully.
"Whatever!" Under his breath, Spigot said shakily, "Firing squad…"
"Here he comes, sir."
Spigot grabbed the binoculars from Dunder. Spying a streak of yellow against the never-changing grey sky, he said, "Finally!"
Five minutes later, the Sea Duck had skidded to a stop on the icy runway and the back hatch was opened for unloading.
Spigot frantically ran up the back hatch, tore into a box labeled 'Khan Industries Fancy Bathroom Tissue', grabbed a roll, and jumped into a patrol vehicle that had been standing by.
"Go, go, go!" Spigot shouted to the officer.
Baloo, Kit, and Dunder watched as the patrol vehicle sped away, sirens blaring and lights flashing.
"I guess when ya gotta go, ya gotta go," Baloo chuckled.
A minute later, the patrol vehicle pulled in front of the office of the High Marshall. Spigot got out, clutching the precious item, and sped inside the building as fast as his short legs could carry him.
He ran into the High Marshall's office with thirty seconds to spare. "I've got it, your High Marshallness," Spigot said breathlessly, putting the roll of toilet paper reverently on the desk.
The High Marshall raised his bushy eyebrows. "Only one roll, Nozzle?"
Spigot was too winded to correct his fearless leader about his name. "Lots more...in the cargo...plane."
"Good. I have another item for you to get me, Faucet."
"Anything, High Marshall, anything," Spigot said readily. He was feeling confident, having avoided being shot.
"My wife would like some moist towelettes."
"Moist towelettes?" Spigot's confidence was fading fast. "But, your High Marshallness, except for toilet paper, that is the rarest item in the world. Where am I going to find…?"
"I want ten cases of them here by 5:00 PM tomorrow, Spigot, or you will be shot."
The colonel gulped.
Higher for Hire
The Next Day…
Baloo was once again lounging in his favorite easy chair, peeling a banana.
Kit came down the stairs, charts in hand. "Papa Bear, shouldn't we get going? It's a long way to Thembria, and Miz Cunningham said this delivery is…"
"Super important. Yeah, yeah, I know, Kit-boy." Baloo, who had been looking forward to taking an after-nap snooze, popped the entire banana in his mouth. He followed his navigator outside, saying, "This doing nothin' thing is getting to be a drag."
The End
