So Many Questions, At Least Some Answers

"Here you two are," setting a plate of pancakes in front of her husband and her child. "Eat up, you two." Maddison also joined them, of course, and soon started munching on a different pancake topper that wasn't even fruit!

It wasn't even after they had finished eating the pancakes; it started as they were eating, as mom and dad sat down with their kid and had a meal together. It had been a long time since they had eaten together like this as a family. Morgyn looked at mom's plate that had no strawberries on it at all, but dad's had strawberries on his plate, though. Morgyn gave their mother a questioning look, to ask, what's up with that? "Um, mom? I have more in my inventory if you would like to have…"

Cheerfully and reassuringly rubbing her child's forearm with a smile, "It's okay, eat. You can have mine. As I said, I'm craving carrots." She had one she took out and ate with her pancakes, which was odd.

"You know that is a weird thing to eat with pancakes. You know most people have them plain or with fruit, not with vegetables."

"It is," dad agrees with a smile. "Seems you're not the only one who has weird cravings."

"I know, but I do want them, the sweet crunch. If I didn't know any better, I would think I was pregnant, the way I crave them now for some reason. Unfortunately, all and the latest pregnancy test has been negative."

Chuckling, "Is that like a normal thing, or something like some women might eat while they are pregnant, though?"

"Eh, I suppose it could be for some."

"Speaking of which, as mom mentioned and I said earlier, we have been trying, for a baby, a lot. That's why we are still in our PJ's, we were trying again, we had just finished before you came in the door." They were always open in the family, so honesty was mutual, and the respect that went with it. So dad fessed up to what they had been up to and why there hadn't been any calls lately from them, and why exactly that was. Besides, obviously, Morgyn being an adult now, was mature enough now to handle the truth of what they had been really up to upstairs! Well, maybe not, by the look on their face as they suddenly stopped eating and cringed! "We were busy making WhooHoo like rabbits, while you were gone, trying to get pregnant. Empty nest syndrome."

"It was a lot of fun. It was supposed to be a big surprise for you, the news."

"Ewww, TMI, I didn't need to know that." What was worse was Morgyn still didn't know the full details of what WhooHoo really was, but it was, cringe-worthy for sure, knowing what their parents had been up to all of this time. Or for that matter, what they could have walked in on had they not gone outside to reminisce. Well, maybe not, they would have knocked first, as they had been taught that. "I was getting worried, is that why you didn't call me?"

"Yes, that's why we didn't call you; we were waiting for a positive pregnancy test result, so we could phone you up and tell you the good news that you will be a big sibling, finally. Still, nothing though yet," shaking her head sadly, with a sigh.

"What do you think; do you think it's a good idea? So do you still want to be an only child, or do you for sure want us to keep on trying for a baby?"

"Are you kidding me? Yes! Keep trying! By all means, don't let me interrupt that! Keep on trying for a baby! I still really want to be a big sibling, for sure, so badly. So, uh, what did you crave with me, anything? Does that really happen, pregnancy cravings?"

"Oh yes, I had it with you, and it was spicy food. Pho, curry, samosa, I only tried those foods one time long before I was pregnant with you and still a teen in fact, and they were too hot for me. But before the end of my pregnancy with you, I was a spice hound so I could eat and enjoyed all spicy food. I even won the spicy curry eating contest; I even got the shirt to prove it."

"I think that starts to explain a few things, namely why I'm so fiery, you made me fiery."

"Well, you are the one who gave me the cravings for those foods; I know I didn't particularly want them after the first time I had tried them. Too spicy. But boy, did I ever want them when I was pregnant with you for some reason. I loved Pho, I could adjust the spice with hot sauce as much or as little as I desired. I still like it, just not as much as I did when I was pregnant with you. The only fun upside to eating Pho or any spicy food like that while pregnant with you was it kept me pretty regular. I did have the odd bout of constipation, but any time I found I wasn't going poop, I would have that with a bit of extra spice, and the problem took care of itself."

Dad and Morgyn had grossed-out expressions and gestures, with an, "Ohh," and cringe-worthy reactions to that! As that was not exactly table talk conversation material, especially while eating!

"You had that to tell her that, at the table, while we were eating?" Shaking his head and rolling his eyes at his wife. Dad meaning Morgyn, of course, who Logan aka dad was taking full advantage of the very few chances to give Morgyn, or use, rather, specific, gender pronouns, with Morgyn. As there were very few times, especially now with Morgyn moved out that Morgyn had, or rather given them, a firm, I'm this gender, opportunities. Usually, they were pretty gender-neutral, or abruptly during the day, would switch, so it was best to stay as gender-neutral as they could. So it was nice to go with the male or female pronouns with Morgyn when the situations had arose or allowed it. That was okayed a long time ago, at home, primarily, to do that. But still, out in public, it was always best to go with, or default to that, to the gender-neutral pronouns, just to be on the safe side of things. As only Morgyn's parents got that their child was never firm to decide for sure, I'm this gender over that one, ever, in their life. But maybe Morgyn did have preference after seeing that grin on Morgyn's face. Or did Morgyn just find that quite inappropriately humorous?

"Ohh, remind me to try that when I'm having trouble, pinching one out. Here, just have some Pho, no, no, that's not enough spice, we want to see flames, shooting out, there you go. No, no, not at the table, we recommend you eat this while sitting on the toilet, or at least in very near proximity of the washroom if you must eat at a table. Because that will clean everything right out of you. Works great for pregnant moms. No side-effects, except for fiery babies, and angry bums, and bowels."

"Well, if I had to do it all over again, I would endure fiery bowels, and an angry, inflamed bum, if it meant to have you all over again, or another child."

"Yeah. It's bad enough you managed to get me to eat that stuff."

So far, so good, now was the time to drop a big question, and try to watch carefully for answers. Namely, how they said it, how they answered, eye contact, all of that, important stuff, to read them. So finishing off a forkful of pancake and strawberries slices, asked. "So did anything happen to me after I was born? Anything…bad? So walk me through it, all of it, what exactly happened during my birth? I would love to hear my whole birth story."

"No. We had help, a midwife, or doula, as they are usually called nowadays, she helped us out as little or as much as we needed or had wanted her aid. She helped keep us both calm and focused on having you, and advised in what to do, massages, cognitive focusing methods, all of that. She had also helped you breathe by clearing your nose and mouth so that you could take your first breath easily. But it was daddy who caught you, so to speak, and put you on my belly after you came out of me."

"I got to cut the cord after it stopped pulsating and you were breathing freely and on your own." They were both in baby fever mode with all of this baby talk; it left them both open and vulnerable to the attack, so to speak!

"Um, great. You didn't cut the wrong cord or thing off by mistake, did you, daddy? You didn't cut my um, you know what off, did you?" Morgyn watched it all very carefully, both of their reactions. Any sudden or spasmodic, kneejerk reactions, or worried looks or, for that matter, suspicious moments, or movements, or eye darting would be enough and would tell Morgyn that what they were about to say was lies. But they remained the same and cheerful about it and their blissful memories of their child's birth. "Um, you know, like my penis, my guy part, or parts?"

"No. In fact, the doula was hesitant with telling us if we had a boy or girl as she checked you over to make sure everything was all right with you, that you were breathing and all of that important stuff as she dried you off a bit. We wanted to know. I didn't see, as you came out the way you should have, with your face facing down to mommy's butt, and I quickly put you onto her belly to bond, and to be reassured. So I didn't get a look at you down there right away, but nothing happened like that."

"What's this all about, Morgyn? Why would you even think that?"

"I need to know, that's what! I need to know what I am! Am I a freak of nature or what?! Was it an accident that one or both of you did to me or some doctor that is covering up, or what?! Was there some sort of surgery done to me, or what?! And if so, was it botched?! I just need to know, so that I can be at peace with it, I just need to know!" Mom put a hand on Morgyn's hand to get their attention and took a deep breath Morgyn did likewise taking a few of them, and that instantly calmed Morgyn right down, as that was part of their centering exercises as well. "Thanks, mom." Maddison nods and gestures for Morgyn to go on, now that they were calm. "My Sage friend, he said that maybe the doctor had cut off the wrong part by mistake; maybe instead of the umbilical cord, my penis and or my balls got cut off by mistake or something like that had happened. That certainly would explain it, why I hate doctors, not to mention why I'm so overprotective of my body. But I know as you told me before that I was a home birth. That's why I asked, I mean, I do look in body, aside from not having any boy parts, down there, like a male. Not to mention having a male voice with it. I don't care so much what gender I am, but I do need and want to know what I am, and what is it this medical condition I have, what is it called, are there others like me, or am I the only one?" Morgyn felt so all alone in this, huge problem, and how could anyone know what it was like when Morgyn was the only one who suffered in silence. All Morgyn wanted was a simple, straight answer, or a diagnosis, of what exactly they are so that they can make peace with it. All Morgyn ever wanted in life about this issue; was the truth, the real truth as to what they are, as to what their gender is or was, and or this condition they apparently have.

"We don't know, what the condition is you have, sweetie, if we did know what it is, or exactly what you are, we would have told you that a long time ago, when you had started asking about that. I was wondering the same thing as well, as I kept on asking the doula what we had, a boy or a girl, as I was so exhausted from having you and in a bit of pain from the contractions still going on, to expel the placenta. But all she said was that you have a beautiful and healthy baby. It was true. She also said it's not as unusual as you might think, I have seen it a few times in my work."

This was new information! Morgyn had not heard this part of the story of their birth yet! "So, what did she call me, anything, a boy, a girl, um, an, it, or what?"

"Hidden gender is what she called it, or secret gender. I know we told you that at least once or twice, but maybe you were too young to remember us telling you that you have an ambiguous gender. It was too difficult to tell what you are, so you have to decide what you are. You can be whatever you want to be. If you want to be a girl, be a girl, if you want to be a boy, be a boy, if you want to be both, be both. It's all and has always been, all up to you to decide on that. If you can't, that's all right too."

"Non-binary then, I guess. But I want to be a girl right now, for now; I kinda feel like it, that's what I am, right now; for now."

"Then that's what you are, and we have always been fine with that," affectionately rubbing his 'daughter's' knee. "So, female pronouns for now?" Morgyn nods yes, that was fine.

"When we finally did have a chance to look to see what you are, well, I was freaked out, and it was because I was worried for you. How would you even pee or poop, could you even relieve yourself? I asked if it was my fault if I had done something wrong while I was pregnant with you, to make you look that way down there. But she reassured me that we did nothing wrong, it just happens sometimes to infants as they are forming. Also, some women are more susceptible to it, having babies with secret or hidden or ambiguous genders than others in her research about it. Her research was reading some old medical books and, of course, praying, a lot, about everything. Professing Christian, that's why we wanted her as our doula; because we knew prayer would be involved in your birth, to help me and us through it all."

This was it! This was the answer! "So, what am I, then, what did she say, or call me?"

"She never told us what exactly it was or what it was called. As she called it, it was a hidden, or a secret, or ambiguous gender, you have. We told you this when you were about 2 years old. So you might not remember it." Maddison, as well as Logan, was always very truthful and upfront with their child about everything.

"I do actually remember I was on the toddler slide and asked if I was a boy or girl. Mom, you said I have an ambiguous gender. So we don't know yet."

"That's right, and I said the word ambiguous it means not clear, and just like the word means not clear, it's the same with your gender, it is unclear what you are. Time will tell what you are."

"She advised us though through her praying on what to do after helping to deliver such a child. She said that God strictly told her a long time ago, to tell any and all parents, even if she suspected it or it was obvious, to tell them to stay away from any unneeded surgeries, of any kind. As any sort of surgery on a newborn baby like this, especially genital reconstruction surgery, is absolutely not needed at all, and far worse, that it might be detrimental, both; mentally, physically, and health-wise, to both the baby and to the parents."

"So unless the baby could not urinate or defecate on their own, no surgeries. So I fed you, and she stayed around, and you soon had your very first bowel movement, and when daddy took off the dirty diaper, you pooped in to change you, and you had a surprise for him."

"What, what was that?"

"You peed on me, that's what. You nailed me in the head and shirt. You're a boy! Where's your penis, you must have one."

"What, I had or have a penis?" For some reason, that didn't register right with Morgyn or even feel right, despite how they felt feminine right now.

"No, that's just what I said because I thought only boys could pee like that. So I assumed that was what you were until I was told differently. The doula said, no, little girls can pee like that too, she has seen it countless times that little baby girls can pee out and up just like little boys. It just depends on where the urethral opening is."

"So I'm a girl," that made Morgyn smile more than the idea of being a boy.

"If that's what you want to be, you are free to choose that, but we don't know for sure," mom sighs, wishing she had the answer to give to her child.

"But since you urinated easily without any discomfort. The doula said that you were healthy, and everything is working normally, there was no need for surgical intervention. As to what gender you really are, she couldn't tell us. She only advised us to pick out a name that we both liked and that we think you our baby would like, that was also a gender-neutral name, and to not raise you as a boy or as a girl until it was obvious what you are or you say this is what I am. In a case of ambiguous gender, it is best to let you the child, grow up and to decide all that on your own what gender you are. Because you would probably know that before school or about the time you were in school, know what gender you are, or it would just be obvious. If not, well, that's all right too. So, apparently, that's what you are, as you haven't fully decided yet it seems so you're gender-neutral, a mix of both, I suppose."

"I guess gender-fluid and non-binary then is what I am. I'll just go with that then, for now."

"Yeah, and maybe one day, you will decide that that one gender over the other suits you better."

"Yeah, but I do want to be a girl, for now, I'm feeling it, feminine. So did I get any surgeries done on me?"

"No. Almost though, and that was our fault there. She did warn us not to do it, what we did, take you to see a doctor. We just wanted to know for sure, we figured the doctor would be able to tell us, maybe some sort of test or tests to find out. She warned us though, not to go see any doctor because any doctor would take you into surgery to correct your genitals and make you look normal down there and well, any surgery, especially done on a newborn infant, is risky at best and far worse if the gender they assigned you was the wrong gender, it would be tragic for the child as they grew up, is what she told us. It made so much sense. That was it, and her advice to us," Maddison says, with a tad bit of guilt for not listening to the doula's advice in the first place.

"But we wanted to know what you are, so we took you to see a doctor, and that was just a huge mistake. We took you to see if they could test to see what gender you are, so part of it was curiosity, the other was to fill in the rest of your Birth Certificate. But were very firm with them to not even think about advising us on doing gender reconstruction surgeries on you, let alone dare ty it. We were in the room as it all happened as they tried to see what you are. As for what gender you are, the doctor didn't know, and if he did know, he said nothing."

Sighing, "The doctor didn't change me? Like maybe when you were gone or getting coffee."

"I never left your side; it was maybe 5 minutes not even that, I think time just slowed down, it got all surreal for us both. The doctor looked at you and was gently prodding around to feel for things and try to determine your gender, and you were just crying before that, and you screamed and cried in pain. I never wanted to hear that ever, that kind of scream, ever again. Out of a baby, our baby. As a new daddy, I knew something was wrong, and I went to pick you up, but the doctor wasn't allowing me to, so I punched him in the head, and when he went down, I picked you up and tried to leave."

"The other one tried to stop us, saying we have to normalize your child through surgery, and you need to pick a gender and nurture that gender. No, our baby is normal, and how dare you say that. No, your baby is just a freak of nature and isn't normal at all; and it will never fit into society if there isn't any surgical intervention so… I didn't let her finish, I punched her in the head, screaming Morgyn is normal, and we told you we didn't want any surgeries done on Morgyn our baby. We hadn't picked out your name yet, but it came out; it came to me and came out of my mouth, and Morgyn fits you."

"So that's how I got my name; it just came out, God-inspired, I suppose." No wonder Morgyn loved their name; it was God-given, inspired by God! How awesome of God to do that! It was a gift, their name, Morgyn thought happily!

Mom nods, and dad says, "Yes. But since we had such a unique child, I figured we should give you a unique or different spelling than the average. So since hardly anyone spelled it with a Y, that's what I thought fit you, and the spelling was pretty, I thought. Mom picked or said the name; I picked the spelling of your name."

Morgyn smiled, eating up some more pancake and asked another important question, "Did the doctor actually hurt me?"

"No, I don't think so; it's the skin problem you have. Baby's skin is so sensitive that whatever they were doing to you set it off. We had thought it was a diaper rash, but the creams hardly helped it. When we did look, nothing seemed amiss, and as we had gently felt around, you did not seem bruised nor anything broken nor were crying from it, when we checked you over. But you were also so sleepy and docile though when you were awake, after the doula, I don't know what she did. I wonder…"

"So it must have just been an irritant rash that had hurt you. I mean, you cry in pain whenever you get that, whatever it is, because it hurts you that much, and a baby is far more sensitive. We tried a few things that hardly worked. But what did finally work were the Soothing Skin Balm and the witch-hazel. We didn't know about the Soothing Skin Balm, but daddy found out about inflammation in the library, and the one cure for it was witch-hazel. We tried it, and it worked."

"Hmm…" Then it hit Morgyn the answer, "So if I developed that painful rash there, whatever it is, especially as a baby, gasp, oh that's it, that's why I'm so overprotective of my body. I probably do remember, or at least the pain I endured as a newborn. Well, that's one mystery solved, now for the big one. What exactly am I? What about that doula, what did she know? Anything? Did she have any clue as to what I am? Was I the only one? Am I alone in this?"

"No. Whatever this is, you are, you are certainly not alone in it, and even if you are, you have us and others around you who love and care about you. The doula, she said that it was unusual but not uncommon, she has seen it a handful of times in her work, but not one like this, like you have, but each time she saw it, it was different for each baby she helped bring into the world." Logan just shook his head sadly; he was as confused and wanting to know as much as their child did. Honestly, if either one knew, they would have said it, or been honest, and upfront with it, all from the time Morgyn started to ask them questions about it. But no one, to they the parents, gave them any definitive answers; this is what your child is. So how could they give Morgyn any answers as to whatever it is, or this condition is called? Computers weren't needed for a young family, who was fully focused on raising a newborn, who had some issues, and a precious, precocious, curious, toddler, who was full of energy, and many questions. Not to mention, both parents were pretty much computer illiterate, until recently a few years ago. Not so much anymore, but back then, they sure had no need or desire for that.

"So we took her advice, and well out came Morgyn as your name and oddly enough it was close enough to Margret or Maggie for a girl and Mason or Mathew for a boy, the names we had picked out, and we raised you as gender-neutral as we could. As you grew up, you didn't seem to have much to any real preference for boy or girl things, you liked both equally."

"The only thing that seemed gender conclusive was the dollhouse, and well, I remember playing with my dollhouse as a toddler and a child. But playing house just made me a good daddy. So if you are part girl and part boy, then I guess that's what you are then. Half of each. We love you, and you are healthy and happy, and that's what is most important, not what gender you are. It wouldn't matter to us at all if you were a normal gendered person, a male, who turned out to be gay, or female, who is a lesbian. Or if you had wanted to transition to the opposite gender, because that's who and what you felt like you truly are; and are, or were, unhappy being a male or female. Even so that, if that were the case, we would still love you, just the way you are because that is who and what you are."

Tearing up and overly happily, Morgyn did have the best parents in the world! Hugs all around! "I know, and I love you both so much. I just want to know, I need the answers. I just want to make peace with myself over this issue. I need healing over this, and that all starts with me getting a straight answer as to what exactly I am. So it sounds like that doula knows or has some idea right; what my condition is, or is called, or others like me. If there are others like me, I do wonder. It's time, I just need some answers."

"There are; she said when we asked her when was the last time she saw this, and she answered it was about a year or 2 years ago when she helped a lady bring what appeared to be a healthy baby boy into the word but only had one testicle. So she wasn't sure if it was ambiguous gender, or not, or if it was just an undescended testicle. Still, she said she had given her the same advice, just in case, to pick out a gender-neutral name for her baby. She said the mother had already had a boy and a girl name all picked out, and they were the same name aside from the spelling. So, not a problem, the mother said, she would just go with the female spelling of the name then, since it was a boy-girl name, anyhow, for her baby. The doula also said if your baby grows up acting more or a bit feminine, it's because of the ambiguous gender. So if your toddler or child is more into girl things, then that's exactly why, and if so, don't get upset or scold him for being that way. It's just who and what he is, all because of the ambiguous gender, and that it was all normal. That's just the way God made your child, and there is nothing wrong with your little one."

"So it sounds like then she has to know then, right. So, do you know where she lives, or her number, or somehow or some way to get into contact with her, the company name, or anything like that so I can call her and ask? I'm sure she can tell me maybe what my condition is, or what it is called."

"Unfortunately, she passed away a few months after your birth, as she was an elder. We went to her funeral. I do remember her having a son, though; he was there at the funeral."

Maddison didn't remember because she hadn't noticed him, let alone introduced herself, or she might have remembered him, "I don't remember her having a son."

"Well he was there, I asked him, but I don't remember the name."

"It's amazing though she managed to live as long as she did though in her advanced age, with such grand heath yet. So I asked her about how she can keep on going like she does in her old age like she does. What's her secret? 'Oh, it's all the newborn babies who keep me alive and young, it's the miracle of it all, and the beauty, and the majesty, of birth, is what keeps me so alive, and so strong. I imagine I will be doing this till the day the Good Lord takes me to Heaven. It's my calling after all.'"

"Blast it!" Well, maybe I can bring her back, I do know of 2 spells I can use or at least one spell, perhaps I can use it on her grave or urn to bring her ghost out to talk with her about it. Now I just need that information out of mom and dad. "The cemetery, which one is she buried in?" It was a place to start to look for some straight answers. "Maybe where her urn is?"

"We have no idea. The ceremony was in a funeral home with a church attached to it."

"Why would you want to know anyhow," Logan wonders.

"Well, as a Spellcaster, I do have ways to talk to supernatural beings, I mean, well; we are after all, basically supernatural beings, being Spellcasters so. Not to mention we do have ghosts as venders after all, or their spectral or astral projections at least." Morgyn shook their head, wanting to know, but already had the answer they sought, they just didn't realize it, and there are others out there like them too. That doula had said so. Even though they didn't have a computer, Morgyn did have a phone with Internet access, and data to use, and any library had computers and Internet access. The reason for that was what had bonded their parents together was the fact that both were introverts, and well both shared as well as Morgyn, their love of books, all 3 of them are bookworms! That love of books is what had been passed on to Morgyn at an early age. It was the first trait Morgyn took when they had become a child. However, Morgyn turned out to be more of an extrovert but still had some introvert tendencies at times; being a mutable star sign was also the other reason for that. Having a fully maxed out creative imagination as a toddler was the other reason for that was well. So would literally find themselves lost in a good book and their imagination at times, when they thought they were all alone and had wanted to be alone in a quiet place alone to read quietly. After all, even extroverts; do need it, their downtime. So the best downtime for Morgyn was quietly reading books. "I do wonder if the doctors have anything in their records about me. Yeah, maybe it is in there; that is a good place to start, at least maybe for some answers. Hey, so where's my Birth Certificate, what does that say I am?" Suddenly mom and dad had looked shocked and wide-eyed as they realized. "What, where is it? Storage? Safekeeping?"

"You had it, last, I gave it to you," Logan says as he looks at his wife.

"Yeah, I took it with us to the hospital and to be filled in, and officialized after we decided on a name. I thought I had to do that, so I took it with me."

"I filled in Morgyn, and then we had decided on Riley quickly as your middle name and Ember was already filled in, of course, for your last name."

"I think in a panic to get away from that doctor. I might have dropped it when I fell. If it is there or was left there, I don't think it was even officialized your Birth Certificate."

"So I might not even have a proper official Birth Certificate then? That's just great! That's it, I'm leaving!" Determined to find the answers, headed towards the door.

Mom asked, "What, where are you going?"

"You're leaving, leaving?" Morgyn shook their head no.

"No, just leaving, to get some answers."

Dad asked, "Where exactly is that?"

"The one place I hate the most in the world, that's where."

"When will you be back," mom asked.

Morgyn shrugged their shoulders and left out the door. Morgyn was already dreading this as they walked out the door, and walked off towards the hospital. Sure, Morgyn could have gotten a ride there but needed to walk to prepare themselves for this, get in the right mood. Morgyn remembers all of their parent's words. No, they were not lied to; if anything, mom and dad were also in the dark as much as Morgyn was about this whole gender or rather condition issue they have. But that bit of new information of being called ambiguous in their gender, meant, unclear, yes, that was obvious, as well as what the word meant. Yet having a hidden gender, might also be correct, but Morgyn doubted that bit very much, as puberty said male, not a hidden female, so that seemed contradictory. There had to be an answer somewhere, and that started with their medical records, namely, what it said on their medical records. That's what Morgyn had to find out.

"Maybe dad is right; maybe I am half of each, but what does that all mean if I am really half of each?" Morgyn shut their mouth as they started to approach and then soon pass right on by a certain house. The last thing they needed to do right about now was getting into a fight or just the harassment. Morgyn clenched their fists so tightly that their knuckles turned white, and shuddered with rage, as their magic sparked in their hands. Oh, how much, so much anger, and how delicious it would be, to release it all, to inflict some Spellcaster pain, via magic! But was glad of it that she was not there or rather she and her bratty brother were at school, as it was a school day, after all, Morgyn realized, and her parents would be at work most likely. Besides, Morgyn needed to focus right now on other things rather than getting revenge, and revenge Morgyn would need time to think about and plan out, or if it was even worth it, in pursuing it or not. Time would tell. "I ought to Inferniate their house down, to the ground." That idea made them chuckle and then laugh and eased the tensions as their imaginative idea dances around their head as the flames in their mind did! "Burn, burn, burn, let it burn, let it burn, let it all burn, let it all burn." There was that Untamed side to their personality with being the Sage they are, and Morgyn had a source for all of that rage, as they walked on and towards the hospital, to look for all of the answers, they sought to find out. Hmm, maybe I'll do that on the way back, so long as I sense no one is at home, just like I do now. Use my long-distance casting, just to be on the safe side, to at least set something small on fire.

"Hello, can I help you," the receptionist asked Morgyn slightly condescendingly. Already the receptionist was judging Morgyn just by what they had on as it was obvious to her that this person was a male, who was in lady's clothing, as they walked to the front desk. More so was confirmed when she heard Morgyn's male-sounding voice.

It didn't go unnoticed and felt. It felt as if someone blasted the room with Chillio, and it wasn't Morgyn nor any other Spellcaster in the room, as Morgyn knew that quite well. The receptionist, who is supposed to be polite, helpful, and unjudging, was doing the opposite of that. As she was being quite impolite, unhelpful, and was judging. So that just rubbed Morgyn - and Morgyn was sure any other ones who were there, who might have overheard it, or notice it, - the wrong way. Morgyn was happy and polite with confidence and self-assured emotions, to just get through this, the big deal of it, just being in here. Because normally, Morgyn would never voluntarily be in here if they did not have to be. In fact, Morgyn hadn't been to the hospital, let alone been to properly see a doctor in about 6 years! As Morgyn had a very bad habit of running, in fear of doctors and from the building in general, and not without good reasons, of course. Jerk. I bet we're going to have problems. "Yes, I want to request my medical records or a copy of them, at least." Oh no, it's already starting as Morgyn gasped sighed out, and a slight bit of worry rolled in on them. No, just calm down, relax, it's just the receptionist, not a doctor. This might have been about the time Morgyn might start to think about it, taking off, to run, but Morgyn was too determined to get this done, to get what they wanted done, to know the truth. It wasn't just nerves, it seemed, or fear, as Morgyn wasn't in any sort of anxiety right now but was still confident and determined, and certainly not feeling any fear. But suddenly, the thing started up. It was that, which was what had started the concern, the part where they felt they could not breathe in here. Why did they always have a hard time breathing in here? Maybe there was some answer to that on their medical file. All the more reasons to get their medical records released to find that out too, no doubt that will be in there as well. "Or maybe book an appointment so that I can request a copy or just access my files and read them here. Go over them with a doctor or someone, or however, that works. I just need to see my medical file and see what's in my records. So can I get them today?"

"Uh, reason?"

"It's none of your darn business. I don't want to talk or discuss my reasons why I want my file with you, with this person standing right behind me. I don't have to. I want my medical files; I don't think you have any right to ask me why I want my medical file. Especially more so if someone is going to overhear it. Because it can be very personal and very private why I do want them. Besides, I have a right to it for my health and knowledge."

"I need a reason to release them." That was a boldfaced lie, of course.

"Fine! If you must know, it's for some straight answers, okay. I know there is something in my medical records that will give me the straight answers I seek. Now release my medical files to me. Or set up an appointment so that I can read over them here, whatever works."

"Name, full name?"

"Morgyn Riley Ember." Morgyn tried to take a few deep breaths to stay calm and in control, but their breath hitched, sort of like how it might hitch after or during crying, but this was different than that, though. This felt more as if their breath was caught up in their throat. They had never had asthma ever in their life, but Morgyn guessed that's what it feels like. You can't catch your breath.

Typing away, but not finding it right away, there was a patient with that name, but not with the last name Ember. But it wasn't there still, after spelling it two different ways, she knew of, so it had to be a spelling error on her part, or they weren't in the system. "How do you spell your first name?"

"M-o-r-g-y-n."

The receptionist did an, ah, and nodded, as she found it, with the correct spelling, but saw that there was a block put on their medical records that prevented Morgyn's files from being released to them. Though she could probably override it, she was sure. Because she was allowed to retrieve it to see the file to get the recent records. The reason for that was for cautions such as any allergies; if this person is a diabetic, any medications they might be on, things of that sort, the important stuff like that, for immediate emergency care, and responses, or to hand over their file to the doctor who is overseeing them. However, unless it was clearly stated as to why the block was there, such as seeing their record might cause the patient to become violent, or it would be detrimental to their health, and or their mental wellbeing, or make the patient sick, or sicker, if they see them, she could not do that. But if a patient comes in, wanting or has a request to see them, she must give the patient their requested files they want to see, or an approximated time it might take to get copies of whatever they requested. Or yes, to set up an appointment with their doctor to go over things in their file to help the patient to better understand any confusing doctor terminology or things they had written in their charts and records. Her feelings and judgments should have all been put aside for the sake of the patient and just told Morgyn the truth. But she just snottily, responds, "Sorry, no can do."

"What do you mean no can do?"

"You are not allowed access to your files," she responds smugly.

"I am so! Those files are my files, and I want access to them or a good reason why not."

"A block on your file that restricts your access." Like a typical Karen, smugly responds, "So there is not a thing I can't do about it."

"Who put the block on it?"

"I don't know. Not that I can do anything about it anyhow. Next! Who's next? You're next."

"No! Don't brush me off like that! We are not done here," putting a hand up to the guy behind them, to stop him and saying it kindly. "Unless this is an emergency, please just wait your turn, I'll try to be quick. Look, lady; all I want are answers. That's what I came here for; all I want is just some answers, simple, from my medical file, that's where I need to find them. Now answer me, the truth, who put the block on my file, and why?"

"I don't know why, but possibly the doctor."

"Thank you for finally telling me the truth. Now is there anything you can do about it or to go about to remove it or find out how to remove the block?"

"Sorry, not a thing I can do."

Knowing and Sage sensing that it was a lie, and or she wasn't telling the whole truth, and still resentful she dared to ask why Morgyn wanted access to their medical records, returned the same when they were told what they were told. "You little liar‼ Stop jerking me around! Tell me how I get the block removed from my file so I can see what's in my file, now!" As a flash of anger mixed with their magic flashed in their green eyes, it was enough to finally get the truth out!

"Okay, fine! It's the doctor who puts the block on a file." There was something strange about this one. She was now worried about how violent this person was going to get, but it was just their voice that was raised, not fists. Actually, it was more like an angry parent, angrily yelling at a bratty child, to get the truth out. Or yelling at them in just anger, for apparently being blatantly lied to in the first place, if the lie seemed obvious. The next move would be to grab the lying child and smack their behind to get it out of them and or punish the child for the lies. She was not going to dare let it go that far and fessed up. "I can try to get the block removed. Maybe. Or see the reason for the block. Who is your regular doctor?"

"Gee, maybe I don't know, maybe I have too many to name, so maybe I don't have a proper or regular doctor, I see, right now." It was obviously sarcastically said and was partly the truth anyhow because Morgyn hated their primary doctor for good reasons. Also, assuming if that might be the truth, then that was the one who was probably responsible for this so-called block. So if that was indeed the case, that that cretin had put the block on their file, for whatever reason - unless it was a real good one, that they could agree with - then most definitely Morgyn was going to look into it, about finding a new doctor! There was the other possibility that that doctor was gone and or fired.

"Your main doctor, the one you see the most?"

"As I said, I don't really have one. Right now, I see. I also get handed off a lot from one doctor or another when I do come in here. I also have a lot of problems with most doctors, and just being in here in general, is my bigger issue, because they usually wind up hurting me in some way, mentally, emotionally, and physically, pretty much every time. I'm already starting to feel what always happens when I have to be in here. You want to jerk me around and lie to my face, I think I can jerk you around in return until you smarten up, and stop feeding me a bunch of BS, because, I won't, put up, with it."

"Well, I'm not going to do a thing then about it. You can't get your records, it's not allowed."

"Not allowed? Lookie here, lady, I know my rights, I am allowed to look at my file and what my medical records say. That is my file. I even doubt the legitimacy of this so-called block on my file. Or the fact that you can sit back there and say you can do nothing about it. You were about to, but now you are not, because now you are lying to me about that, again!" Now the stress of all of this was it was probably not helping it, whatever it, or this thing, problem is. All the more reasons why, Morgyn really needed to see their medical records, as they were sure it was in there, or some hint as to what it is or it could be, then what to do about it. "All I want is a straight answer, and if you do not want any trouble, from the police, I suggest that you cooperate. Because what you are doing by lying to me and denying me access to my medical files, is I'm sure, illegal. So, do you want to continue to lie to my face and jerk me around, or are you going to stop all this BS and tell me the truth? Because when you stop this lying BS with me, I will tell you who my usual doctor is. Or would you rather have the police involved in this or what? Because I can make it happen." Morgyn gave her one more chance to do the right thing. Come clean. Stop lying and start being honest and completely upfront with Morgyn.

"It's there. There is squat all I can do about it." That, of course, was another lie. It was as simple as finding out the doctor or doctors who might have put the block on. Then paging him, her, or them, to the reception desk, so the one who put the block on it and use their code to remove it. Or tell the patient why the block is there. Namely, how what they might read in there might be detrimental or might set them off and or cause harm to them and or the staff.

Morgyn knew that was a lie, just by the way she said it and looked away. "Well, you are then not telling me the whole truth then or straight-up lying; because I can tell something or rather someone is not forthcoming, and I know it's you. So what is it? What does the block say, and who put it there? Stop telling me lies‼ I know when I am being lied to, and I hate it, I hate liars‼" This was, of course, righteous indignation because right after that, Morgyn was calm but still justly angry. "You should not lie to anyone, it's shameful."

"Just says not allowed access to file."

"That isn't right, and a lie, I do have a right to see my file. Keep digging the ditch bigger lady; you will eventually fall right on into it."

"You do not have any right whatsoever to see your medical files and records. So don't even start or bother with me. Or threaten me! Just get out now, before there is an issue. Got it? You don't have any right to see your medical records at all, and I will not have it or allow it. There is also not a thing you can do about it anyway."

"I have about as much right to get a lawyer and the police involved in this matter, as you don't think I have any right to see my medical records. Now, play nice, with me, or I will play hardball with you, and this whole hospital. I've had enough suffering in my life and hardship because of this place and the doctors here, so I certainly don't need it from a receptionist as well."

"You are bluffing, and if there is a block put on denying you from accessing your file, then there is nothing you or your little threats will do to change that. If anything, that will be all the more reasons why you shouldn't even get any access to them at all!"

Morgyn had started to hyperventilate quite a few minutes back, but now it was more apparent, as they now panic a bit, as it became harder and harder to breathe with every minute that had passed by. Then the slight bit of a panic attack had taken a sudden turn for the worst, and Morgyn just could not catch their breath so easily, it was getting much harder to breathe! "Do your job…or, I will…get a lawyer…I gasp, I need my…" Morgyn felt weak and felt pukey, breathing shallowly now, unable to breathe well! Suddenly feeling lightheaded and weak, "Whoa, why is the room, spin…" and before Morgyn could even finish what they were saying, Morgyn had fainted and hit the floor!"

"That's not going to work with me. Nice try, but that won't work on me."

"This patient just fell and collapsed on the floor! Do something!"

"They are just faking it, to get attention, to try to get what they want. This is just drug-seeking behavior, only with their medical records, that they know they can't get access to."

"You don't know that for sure! I don't think she…or he is breathing, or well! Get a doctor in here now!" The receptionist just shook her head. "Damn you! Someone get a doctor‼! Someone is dying out here‼!"

Morgyn heard it slow down to a stop in their ears and then saw a light and a vision as they left their body.