Chapter 70.

Cas had gone in to find Sarah and Dean went to sit in the Impala and call his mother.

"Hey, Dean." she said.

"Hey, Mom. Everyone okay there?"

"We're all good. How about everyone there?"

"Cas is a little shook up, Sam's okay. Sarah's great." he said.

"I think you left someone out." she said, "Should I worry about him?"

"No, he's good. He's better than he has been in years." said Dean, "We won't need the talismans much longer. We're making big progress on controlling the link consciously. It's even been useful."

"That's great." she said.

There was a long silence. He wanted to tell her more. There was no need now to keep so many secrets from her. The news was good. It could not hurt her. "Things have changed, Mom." he said, "Things can be different now." He stopped, unable to find a way to explain it.

"Dean?" she said, sounding worried.

"It's okay." he said, "Just trying to figure out how to say this. I'm not good with the big stuff. It's good, though. I have hope and I'd almost forgotten how that felt and Sammy and I, we're talking about stuff we couldn't ever discuss before and Cas and I are ... Well, let's just say we never communicated better."

"That's good. What changed?"

"I don't know. Sarah says she's gonna teach me to live again and I don't know if she can, because my life's been crushed like a junked car so many times and the truth is, I grew up screwed to Hell and that's not your fault or Dad's, but every decision I made was a short-term fix with long-term consequences. What I'm trying to say is, I don't know if I can change more, but I've changed. Sarah talks about a future and I don't assume the future doesn't apply to me."

"You've never told me before that you were assuming that." she said.

"Yeah, well, I didn't want you to worry." he said.

"I worried anyway."

"I know. Like I said, my decisions have not been good ones, but they're getting better. I ditched some of my assumptions. I'm trying a different approach. So far, it's working. Maybe I won't ever learn to live again the way Sarah wants me to, but I want to now. I want to try."

"When I spoke to Sarah, I could tell she understood all three of you. I'm glad you gave her a chance to help you."

"So am I. Truth is, I'd given up a long time ago. Cas and Sam seemed salvageable, but me? Not a chance. Sarah believed in me. I don't even think she made me believe. She seemed to need me to try, so I tried. When it started to work, I was shocked."

"I'm proud of you." she said.

"Thanks, Mom. Today, I'm pretty proud of me too. And Cas doesn't hate the mind thing as much as I thought." He heard a tap on the top of the car and looked out to see Sam by the other door. "Gotta go, Mom. Sam needs me for something."

"Thanks for calling." she said, "I think that was the longest honest conversation we've had since I got back."

"I know. I think there will be a lot more. I'm gonna keep working on it all."

"I believe in you." she said.

"I love you, Mom." he said. He ended the call and opened the door for Sam. "You couldn't last five minutes without me?" he said.

"I was worried when you got into the car." said Sam, getting in.

"You worry too much. I was just calling Mom."

"How is she?"

"She's great. I told her how things are going."

"With Cas and Jules?"

"No, the ... other stuff."

"Oh. Well, that's good." said Sam.

"Good? I didn't lie to Mom. I didn't need to lie to her."

"You never really did need to." said Sam, "But it's good now that you're choosing not to. Seriously, Dean, it's so great to see the real you coming back after all these years."

"It's always been me, Sammy, the authentic Dean Winchester."

"Yeah, I know, but I like the version without the armour and the barbs and the bucketload of guilt. I like the Dean who doesn't hate himself and I know he;s not all the way back, but I'm seeing glimpses of him again."

Dean almost said something funny to deflect the overly emotional turn the conversation was taking, but instead he said, "So am I."

"Of course," said Sam, "You know you'll have to face that four year old you again, don't you?"

"There's a lot I have to face and I'll do it, but I'm not ready yet."

"No, I get that. Just remember that we're all here for you. We always will be."

"Yeah. We should go in now."

"Yeah, we should." said Sam, "I just wanted you to know, I see you, kicking it in the ass, Dean Winchestering the Hell out of it."

Dean smiled. "You're a good kid, Sam."

"Not a kid." said Sam.

"You always will be to me, just live with it." said Dean.