Chapter 71.

Cas and Sarah stood in his room, looking out of the window over the beehives and the flowers and over fields that used to be productive.

"Jules is the leader of a team of hunters." he said, "She could get plenty of workers for you, if you needed them. I know she'd love taking care of chickens."

"I'm sure she would." said Sarah, "She's happily taken responsibility for an angel."

"She'd be good company for you. Talking to Jules is always worthwhile. She has a mind filled with ideas. She loves philosophy, just like you do. You wouldn't be lonely anymore."

"Spending time with her makes you happy, doesn't it?" said Sarah, "And that's why you think having her here will be good for me. Just as you care whether I'm lonely, because you have been lonely for so long."

"Yes." said Castiel, wondering why she should state the obvious like that.

"And you say you have no capacity for empathy."

"Jules does." he said, "Jules has all the best human qualities and she has been lonely too. She lost everyone in the apocalypse in her world. You could make her happy again."

"And you think you can't?" said Sarah.

"She can have this room. I can move out my ... " He looked around the room and said, "Notebook. She'd love this room. I always have."

"So you wouldn't be coming here anymore?" said Sarah.

"I don't need a room to come here. I don't sleep. And I wouldn't lurk at night, because you find that creepy. I could sit in the parlour and read. I could be ready to make breakfast. Jules can also make breakfast and she makes coffee and she ... "

"And you'll take her for walks and feed her and I won't have to do a thing. I heard this speech a long time ago when Carl wanted a dog."

"She feeds herself and I never need to take her anywhere, although Dean says we should have a date but I think I might mess that up." said Cas, confused.

"Every time we talk about Jules, you tell me how happy she makes you and how great she is to be around. Why do you want her here and not with you at the bunker?"

"Here, she'll be happy. Here, she'll be safer."

"You could leave the bunker and move in here and then she could be here with you." said Sarah.

"No, I can never leave the bunker." said Cas, "Dean needs me. Sam too, I think. Jack definitely needs me. I can't leave the bunker."

"Castiel, I know the concept of happiness makes you uneasy ... "

"Not hers. Not yours."

"If she loves you, my dear, she won't want to leave you. That won't make her happy."

"Then she doesn't love me. She has always planned to leave the bunker. She's looking for somewhere in Kansas. Kansas is a big place. Lots of distance. She's leaving me one way or another. This way, I know where, she'll stay close and I can protect her."

"Have you asked her to stay?" said Sarah.

"Of course not." he said, "She doesn't want to stay. She already gives me so much of her time, attention and consideration. I can hardly ask her to give more when I give her precisely nothing."

"And is Dean in favour now? That is what you discussed with him, isn't it?"

"Dean thinks I'm doing this out of fear."

"I have to agree with Dean." said Sarah.

"I'm not afraid of getting my heart broken." said Cas.

"No, of course not. You're not afraid of being torn apart, atom by atom, by an angry archangel."

"I am a little afraid of that. It's never a good feeling."

"You're afraid that you can't make her happy, so you're trying to give her a consolation prize."

"Is that wrong?" said Cas.

"The day you wandered onto my property, I was looking at a fast decline and a miserable death, unmourned."

"Don't talk about dying, Sarah. We've discussed this."

"Yes and one day, it will happen and I'll be gone and you'll miss me. The other boys too, I hope. I also hope you'll smile when you remember me."

"I cured your cancer. I will cure anything else."

"You have a cure for time, Castiel?"

"Don't talk about dying, please." he said.

She took his hand. "I'm not leaving soon, my dear. I have a lot of years of work sorting out my new family."

"I don't get why humans die and demons live forever." he said.

"What I'm trying to say is that you make people happy, Castiel. When people get to know you, they love you. Dean loves you, Sam loves you, Jack adores you and Jules is in love with you. I love you like a son and sometimes like a father because the whole age thing is weird, but I love you. I've spoken to Jules about you and you do make her happy."

"Of course, the demons you actually want to have around for a long time are the ones that sacrifice themselves."

"And find redemption through an act of love." said Sarah, "But we're not discussing demons now."

"I have nothing to offer her. I can't even promise to be alive tomorrow."

"None of us can. Still we promise to share what time we have with those we love."

"You will be alive tomorrow if I have to guard your door all night, creepy or not." said Cas.

"Has she asked you for a commitment you're not ready to make?" said Sarah.

"No. She has asked for nothing." he said.

"Then why is there a problem?" she said.

"Because I know what she deserves. I know what anyone else would promise her."

"She doesn't want their promises. She doesn't want their love."

"I have no right ... "

"Castiel, you've saved the world more than once. You have every right to seek happiness."

"Not from her. Not at the expense of hers."

"What if her happiness depends on being with you?"

"There are always sleepovers." he said.

Downstairs, the front door opened and closed. "Where are you?" said Sam.

Cas went to the top of the stairs, "We were in Jules's room."

"Jules has a room now?" said Dean.

"Of course she has a room." said Cas, "We can't ask her to sleep draped over a beehive."

"The whole thing is very much up for negotiation." said Sarah, "And I really think Jules has a right to be consulted."

"Of course." said Cas.

"And so does Castiel." said Sarah, "Not this Castiel, who wants to sacrifice everything he has for everyone else."

"No," said Dean, coming upstairs, "Head monkey Castiel, who, whether he will admit it or not, has a few wants and needs of his own."

"If you love something, let it go." said Cas.

"Worst advice ever." said Dean, "If you love something, cling to it until it kicks you in the face and leaves you dying in the dust."

Sarah looked at Dean and said, "Dean, dear, there are few jobs you couldn't master very quickly, if hunting became obsolete, but you should avoid relationship counselling. It's not for you."

Dean nodded. "Maybe I'll leave that stuff to you."