A/N: Learning from the tears and the mistakes, We're not perfect but we've come such a long way (Soldier - James TW)
DISCLAIMER: SVU and all related plot/characters originally belong to Dick Wolf. This story is allllllllllllllll mine. © TStabler
"Now, I'm just fucking confused," Elliot tosses his cell phone down onto the coffee table, takes a few sock-footed steps, and drops onto the couch in the space beside Olivia. He pulls her close, creeps his hands up her shirt, and moans as he closes his eyes.
"I'm guessing you're eventually gonna tell me why," she sighs, and she trails her hands up his arms.
He scoffs and says, "Either Cragen lied to us last night, or Kathy's father lied to me just now." He shakes his head, his chin rubs into the crown of Olivia's scalp, and he exhales again. "As long as I've known him...well, except the time he actually tried to kill me for getting his little girl pregnant...he's never been violent." He pulls away, slides his hands down her back and over her hips to the front of her stomach, and he smiles. "He was a great father-in-law, he's an awesome grandfather, and I can't…" he rubs her belly and chuckles at thoughts in his head that contradict his current state. "I can't imagine him being in on any kind of plot to kill me."
"You left his daughter, took the kids, and bedded down with the one person in the world she was petrified of," Munch's voice speaks into the room. He looks around at the green walls of the lounge, then his eyes land on the pair on the couch. He blinks once and points a bony finger. "You two know what you're doing?"
Elliot nods as he leans back, pokes his tongue against the inside of his cheek, smirks, and says, "We do." He runs one hand down his face while the other stays hooked around her stomach. "I don't know who to believe, here, I mean...Cragen's been fucking us over for months, Kathy's dad just asked if we wanted the old crib out of his garage or if we needed help painting...that doesn't scream 'plotting your murder' to me."
Munch folds his skeletal arms, tilts his head, and says, "You think Cragen would lie to you?" He sits on the arm of a chair and peers over the rims of his glasses, giving them both a judgemental glare.
Elliot leans forward, clears his throat, and very slowly nods his head. "He's been lying, keeping things from us, forcing us into cases that he knows would push our buttons, even tried to get one of Liv's ex-boyfriends involved." He shakes his head as he bites his lip. "I'm half tempted to go talk to Monaghan myself, if he really wants me that badly, I'll hand myself right to him, but I seriously think this was just another excuse, fucking telling us someone else is to blame when he really just…" he shakes his head and scoffs again, bitterness taking over his features. "He's right," he spits out, and he stands suddenly.
"Right about what?" Olivia asks, and usually, his brooding would be a turn on but at this moment, it's terrifying. This is what she's been afraid of, why she wanted to push back harder than she did and keep him at a safe distance. Now it's too late, and if he pulls away and gives up, her child will be collateral damage. "Elliot?"
He laughs spitefully as he pulls on the cuffs of his grey shirt. "I'm not good enough for you, I know that. I've always known that." He raises his eyes and he swallows to keep his throat from drying out as he speaks. "He's always treated me like a son, maybe I just...it's like it was with my father, ya know? The minute my sister was born, I was suddenly the last on his list. He looked for reasons to blame me for shit, everything I did was a fucking disappointment, and God forbid I do anything better than…"
"What the hell language are you speaking, Stabler, because it sure isn't English," Munch quipped, tilting his head and watching Elliot pace back and forth.
Elliot laughed shortly, looked at Munch, and then shrugged. "Liv came along, so much smarter, better, faster...she kept me in line, for the first time I had a partner that understood me and we had this system of checks and balances," he drags his teeth across both of lips. "He loves her," he whispers, and then he turns, "He loves you, baby, and in his eyes...I had a life. A wife, kids, made commitments that I just…" he blew out a hard breath and knelt in front of her. "He realized I'm not the man he thought I was, I let Kathy run around on me and didn't even…"
"Are you kidding?" Olivia fumed, her eyes narrow. "That tore you apart! Christ, it's not like you jumped into bed with me as soon as you found out she cheated on you! You were hurt, and angry, and none of what happened was your fault! God, more often than not, I'm the one that's in constant need of reassurance, but damn it to hell, I'm not letting you blame yourself for what she put you through! You honored every commitment you have ever made, to anyone, as long as you could!" She holds up her left hand, her right drops to her stomach and she quells the urge to throw up, though she isn't sure if it's morning sickness or nerves that's making her queasy. "This one? Fuck, you persistent son of a bitch, you made this promise long before this ring was on my finger, he knows that! Everyone knows that!"
By now, it's clear that everyone can hear her yelling, as the noises downstairs have stopped and no one is moving. He tries to silence her, raising both hands and shushing with wide eyes, but if there is one thing you do not do, it's try to tell a rightly pissed off Olivia Benson to calm down.
She lets out an irritated chuckle and says, "Good lord, I ran like hell, didn't I? Tried to convince you this isn't what you wanted, told you a million times to go home and try couples counseling, and it didn't matter how fucking in love with you I was!" She looks into his eyes and both of her hands fly to her cheeks. "You ran faster, headed me off at every fucking turn, convinced me that this was only the next logical step, one we'd take eventually anyway. That Kathy's fucking affairs did us a favor, but you were leaving her anyway, as long as you knew…"
"You love me," he whispers, taking her wrists in his hands. He slides her hands down his face until they fall away completely, and then he grabs them in his palms. "Baby, I never...I never want to be the kind of disappointment they think I am."
"Who's they, Elliot?" she asks in a hypothetically annoyed tone. "A ghost and a man who's proven that it doesn't fucking matter if you're not who he thought you were because he's not who we thought he was, either? Two men who, time and time again, have let you down? A man you can't get out of your head and your boss...only your boss." She leans forward and whispers, "You are more of a man than your father ever was, than Cragen ever will be, and I'm the one who doesn't deserve you but fuck, I am gonna try like hell every day of my life to…"
Her words are silenced as he kisses her, his hands tighten around her wrists. He moans her name softly, it lands on smacking tongues, and he pulls back, panting, and presses his forehead to hers. "I think...we fucking deserve each other. Don't we? After everything we've been through, we deserve this."
She nods and kisses him quickly. "Now you got it," she says, and she winks at him when he straightens up. "As for Monaghan, maybe Tucker can get him to…"
"Tucker already did," Ed's voice breaks into the conversation. He strolls across the carpeted floor, grinning like a sly fox, and he crosses his arms. "May I be the first to say, Benson, that you know how to quiet a room." He holds up a finger. "In a couple of ways, actually, but yelling the way you did…" he blows through pursed lips and raises both eyebrows. "Everyone heard you. Including Cragen."
"Figured," she said, and she sits up straight and folds her hands together, rests her elbows on her knees, and says, "Blame my hormones."
"Oh, I'm blaming your honesty," Tucker laughs, and then he points to Elliot. "You were right to call me, by the way." He wags his finger as he says, "One, someone was trying to frame you. The candlesticks weren't the only thing that ended up at the scene. Someone went to a lot of trouble to do it. Whoever it was, they wanted to make it look like you two were staying in that house and that, uh, you caught Clark Dougherty in bed with Benson." He smirks as he rubs the side of his face. "Guess the guy didn't count on you having a rock-solid alibi, or that your alibi came with a baby."
Elliot's eyes are near slits as he stares at Tucker in disbelief. "You gotta be fucking kidding me," he spits. "What else did he…"
"Well, aside from some other odds and ends with your prints all over them," Tucker interjects, "A dress...strappy little blue thing…"
"Mine," Olivia nods, "It was put into evidence because it had Calderone's blood on it," she confirms. She gives Elliot a worried glance.
Tucker nods but he knows she isn't looking at him. "It had been spot-cleaned, no blood to speak of, but…" he inhales. "Your DNA all over it. Sweat, I'm guessing, a few strands of your hair. I remember what you two told me about that last night in Syracuse, I can imagine how much of a workout you two got." He grimaces. "I didn't mean that to sound so…"
"Man, I know," Elliot says breathlessly. "So, all that shit was housed here, you have to know who had their hands in the locker." He drags a hand down his face. "You said I was right. About Monaghan?"
Tucker looks over his shoulder, and once he's satisfied that Munch is lost in regaling a colleague with tales of UFOs and dead presidents, he turns again and lowers his voice. "Commissioner is a fucking dirty cop, but not one that's out to get you. You two work sex crimes, you wouldn't bust in on any of his shit. He's all about the money and drugs," he explains. He closes his eyes and he sighs again. "Look," he lifts his lids and his gaze is fixed on Elliot, as imploring and sincere of a look as he's ever given anyone. "Let me handle it, do not even let on that you fucking know anything, but…" his brows turn down slightly, his body curls over almost apologetically. "I did a lot of digging, found out that there are three people who've been poking their noses in your case from upstate. One, Chief D'Aiuto, because he thinks he needs to know everything so he can take the credit for letting you two do the damn thing. Two, Agent Sam McAllister, the guy who took over for Porter. Three…" he exhales. He closes his eyes. He doesn't want to say it.
Olivia saves him the trouble. "Cragen," she whispers.
Tucker nods, and this time he knows she's looking right at him. "I checked the log three times, I searched the boxes and shelves, and the stuff only ent missing after Cragen checked in with Baldwin." He swipes his knuckles over his forehead. "Fallon from the Ninth, Homicide, he's filling me in on this every step because someone's trying to pin this on you...Dougherty was a CI for the Two-Seven. Handed information to Briscoe and Green whenever he could, so I'm guessing you two know that means…"
"He knew Cragen," Elliot says, and he rolls his neck. The cracks and pops make the woman beside him cringe and as an apology, he runs a hand down her arm. "What the fuck is going on?" He closes his eyes and drops his head back. "I don't want to believe this is all Cragen, either. I can't. I mean...after last night, after he said…"
"Maybe someone's trying to frame him," Olivia says, and the words come as more of a shock to herself than anyone. "Uh, I mean…" she blinks a few times. "What if...whoever's doing this...isn't just playing with me and Elliot?" She holds up a hand, getting Tucker to listen to her. "Now, we know Cragen tapped out phones and bugged our house, he claimed it was to find out what happened upstate, because he was afraid someone involved in that case is still out to get us." She looks at Elliot. "What if it's not us they're after, and they're slipping Cragen just enough information to keep him scared for us, but not enough for him to realize he's the one in the crosshairs." She narrows her eyes and shakes her head. "We're still being fucking used, but I don't think it's by Cragen." Her eyes flicker back toward Tucker. "Can you call Baldwin and ask him to send up the security tapes from the evidence lockers? Maybe someone went through the stuff after Cragen, after hours, didn't sign in or out." She licks her lips. "Someone who had a key, wouldn't need an escort…"
"Are we back to thinking it's Monaghan?" Elliot asks, the hair on his arms standing on end.
Olivia shakes her head. "No, El…" she leans into him, her eyes staring up and into his almost as if she's trying to look through him. "Did anyone ever verify Porter's housing after sentencing? One phone call and he could've weaseled his way out of an assault charge. You know damn well that he's gotten out of much worse."
Tucker hears her and he leans forward, his voice a harsh whisper. "You think Porter's walking around out there, badge in hand, and he's trying to…"
"Take down the man that almost cost him everything," Olivia finishes for him, "And what better way than to use the two people who helped him do it?" Brushing her hair back, she lets out a breath. "We all know he's never been one to take rejection well, especially from me. He's always been jealous of Elliot, for a lot of reasons, and now...there's a couple more on the list." One hand drops to her belly and she smiles slightly. She starts speaking softly, then, but as she rambles, her voice gets higher, louder, words coming faster. "He wants to know what happened in Syracuse, when he wasn't looking. He wants to know how we got Calderone before he did, he wants to fucking know how we ended up coming home more in love than two people have a Goddamn right to be, and he wants to make sure that he destroys our relationships with the only father either of us has ever known because he fucking knows that it's one of my biggest fears!"
"Hey, hey, hey," Elliot grabs her face and runs his thumbs under her eyes. "Breathe, baby." He gets her to look at him, he smiles and feels her relax in his hold, and he whispers, "What are you afraid of?"
"This," she admits, looking down at her stomach and biting her lip. "Dean knew...I'm terrified of becoming a mother. Of...becoming my mother. Doing it all on my own, without knowing what I'm passing down, or how bad my genes really are. He knew...God, he fucking knew," she sniffles and shakes her head. "I told him, once, years ago, that the only way I would be able to do this is with you, El," she confesses, and she blinks hard, letting tears roll out of the corners of her eyes. "I told him...because there was a time where I thought I could trust him...that I would want any child we had to consider Cragen his grandfather, because he was as close to a father I would ever get, and I didn't want him to grow up with half the tree blank...the way I had to."
"So you're saying...it's a boy?" Elliot jokes, nudging her lightly and getting her to smile.
She laughs and then sniffles again. "Boy, girl, it doesn't matter as long as it's healthy, and it's ours, and I am not letting a piece of shit like Dean fucking Porter rip away the one thing I've wanted…"
"Three years ago," Tucker speaks up, holding back his own emotions. "You, uh, you would have had to tell all that to Porter when you were seeing him, which was not too long after you started at this unit, three years ago. That was long before the two of you…"
"Like I said," Olivia wipes her eyes and clears her throat. "I trusted him, once upon a time." She feels Elliot's hand cup her chin, then, and she lets him move her head. She looks into his red and slightly puffy eyes and she instantly feels guilty for upsetting him. "I'm…"
"Our children...have a full, beautiful, family tree," he tells her. "So one or two branches are a little on the thin, side, baby. I think the other eleven-hundred make up for it, and we...I told you this, we can find him. At least, if we find a name we can…"
Tucker clears his throat and says, "Sorry to interrupt this, uh, lovely moment, here, but I need to know if you're officially requesting that I check into the whereabouts of one Dean Porter," he says, looking smarmy.
"And I need to know if you meant that...what you said about...being a grandfather?" Cragen looks at Olivia as her eyes turn and meet his, and he does something he hasn't been able to do in months.
He smiles at her, relaxes, and he breathes.
A/N: What does Tucker uncover? Is it really Dean? And the kids help put together a nursery, next!
