Chapter Forty - Five

A front praceipitium a tergo Tupi 'Between a rock and a hard place'


September 25th 2015

07.01am

And so the fresh crisp morning had arrived, autumn was here once again and it came with ease, content to drift in with grace. Almost like mother nature knew autumn was missed and was confident it would be embraced with open arms. Elizabeth strode down the path, her feet skipping over the first leaves that had taken there tumble to the soil, so enriched with rain and pigmentation, some still fluttering around in the strength of the wind. Elizabeth smiled as she watched the sights before her, there was something about autumn that was patient, it took time for everyone to see its true beauty; perhaps the season of change was onto something.

She stood hesitantly before a large wooden door, her hand curled into a fist and knocked the door upon her inhale of breath. She took a small step back to create some distance between herself and the door and looked over her shoulder at her motorcade giving her DS agent Fred a small smile. She looked down to the ground as her head turned back to the front door; jumping to attention as it sprang open quickly.

'Madam Secretary?'

'Henry Hi…' she replied awkwardly as her eyes cast over him. His bottom half wrapped only in a white fluffy towel; his muscular torso and arms bare for her to see. She swallowed intensely., her core pulling in-between her legs as old familiar feelings flooded back through her, infecting her mind. She tried to focus, trying to avoid eye contact with the beads of water dripping from his chest….

'Sorry I didn't expect you at…7am…' his eyes narrowed as he looked at her. He inwardly smirked as he realised her cheeks had flushed. He bit the inside of his lip as memories of their most intimate moments played back through his mind. Elizabeth shook her head and cleared her throat to get his attention.

'Sorry come on in' he offered stepping aside.

'That won't be necessary. I just came to give you this' She replied blankly, like she was trying to detach all emotional connections to focus on the job in hand. She reached into her suit jacket pocket and handed him an envelope. Henry's eyes widened instantly

'Where did you get this? I've been looking for this for the last three days'

'It must have fallen out at the restaurant, after you left the owner came running up to me, he handed it to me as its addressed to, well me.' She fiddled with the paper between her fingers before stretching her arm outright to hand him the envelope. Henry sighed in relief after the realisation dawned on him that it had fallen from his coat pocket the night of their coffee.

'It's still sealed…' he highlighted the obvious

'Yes… well I figured it obviously wasn't meant for me otherwise you would have sent it when you wrote it; which was when…? Ten, maybe fifteen years ago… you clearly didn't want me to read what was written on this paper so have it back please.' Her hand remained outstretched. 'Take it Henry' her frustrations growing as he wouldn't obtain the letter from her

'I wouldn't have taken it with me if I didn't want you to have it. I intended to give it too you -'

'No you didn't Henry, this is you we're talking about. One of the most thoughtful sentimental people I have ever met, if you wanted me to have that letter you would have sent it or given it to me by now. You've done neither, and you know what Henry, I waited for this moment, waited for a letter from you whilst you were deployed and I never got it, I clearly was worth nothing to you' her emotions took over her. Her mind had been racing for three days; agonising over the letter and what to do with it, overthinking is the greatest killer of them all. She inhaled sharply and shoved the letter into him, it crumpled slightly as it collided with the palm of his hand. She swiftly turned and walked of quickly to her motorcade never looking back.

Henry stood on the doorstep clutching to the paper, his mind in a haze over what just happened, he groaned intently as he watched her motorcade pull away, shaking his head he stepped back inside and slammed his front door shut. He turned into his living space and looked down at the letter in his hand before discarding It onto the couch and walking upstairs to dry off and get dressed, he was due in work in a little over an hour.


Several Hours later Elizabeth sat in her office with her team surrounding her desk; they were all discussing an upcoming trip to Africa. The team were bickering over what dates were best to fly out on and who would be going. Elizabeths mind was boiling inside, she dipped her head into her hands as her elbows rested upon her desk. She squeezed her eyes shut trying to drown out the noise of her staff in the background. Her fingers curled into her hair as took deep breaths in and out, she was struggling to process any information just recently and she knew Henry was the reason why. The voices in the background grew louder and she couldn't contain herself any longer

'Enough!' She snapped looking up from her hands at her staff; her eyes slightly narrowing as they readjusted to the light within the room. Everyone looked at her and Nadine stepped forward

'Madam Secretary, I think it's best we reconvene this meeting' she smiled sadly at her boss.

'I think that's the best thing anyone has said all day' she quipped and stood from her desk, all her staff rose to their feet also

'oh sit down for god sakes' she hissed as she flapped her hands an walked towards the office door

'Blake!' She called as she pushed the door open and looked back at her staff

'We will fly to Africa next month, try and arrange it around the time they open the new embassy; we can show our support to them. Jay, Nadine and Blake will come with me, oh and deputy secretary Thompson can join us too, someone ask her please' she rambled of the information as she rubbed her temples.

'Yes Ma'am' came the chorus of responses from her staff as they made mental notes and left the meeting

'We can reconvene in a few weeks and finalise details and review' she huffed, her head beginning to thicken and burn with the intensity of her thoughts.

'Bla-' she went to call again but was stopped as he was already stood by her

'Sorry I didn't see you, can I have a word' she requested and re-took a seat behind her desk. She waited for all staff to leave the room before smiling up at Blake

'Sit please' Blake nodded nervously and Elizabeth let out a small chuckle

'You're not in trouble Blake' his shoulders instantly dropped and he nodded

'I need you too look into the possibility of having a student follow me around for a few days'

'Ok, I am not sure how it would work with the security clearances…'

'Well we can have the press follow me around if I choose So I think we can have a University student who is interested in politics do the same' she cut across him

'Ok, what's the students name?'

'Lily McCord' Her eyes fixed on his and he looked at her, She knew Blake was aware of Henry and he was not blind to the fact they had some form of history together. His eyes scanned her face as it twisted in the awkwardness.

'Are you ok Ma'am?' He asked sitting his pen and paper down on her desk. His concerns for her had been growing over the last few days. Ever since her coffee with Henry she had been unusually late or behind in her schedule, she had been more stressed and less present in meetings. He watched she sank into her chair a little and dropped her shoulders.

'Just stressed; personal life' she admitted. She looked down at her desk and let out a sad sigh.

'Forget about Lily, it's not a good idea' she back tracked, her inner conflict taking over and backing away once again. A moment of silence fell between them.

'That bad of a coffee huh?' Blake attempted to reach out to her, her eyes walked back up towards his gaze. Her once bright blue orbs were a dull steel colour, the conflict of fire and rain hidden behind evident within that moment.

'That will be all, Thanks Blake.' She smiled falsely. 'You can go home now, it's getting late'

'I don't leave until you do Ma'am' he reminded her as he grabbed his pen and paper walking back to his desk.

There was that word again…

Home… but what does that even really mean. She thought to herself as she leant on the table, arms upright interlinked her fingers and rested her chin on her hands. She has sat in this position many of times over the last few days; her mind twisting and turning around like a rollercoaster. Spinning so fast she can hardly catch a single thought. She had become so wrapped up in her mind that she didn't hear the footsteps approach her desk, she was only made aware of someone presence when documents were slammed down onto her desk.

'WHAT THE!' She shouted jumping to her feet her eyes flitting from the paper to the person and back again before reality kicked her. Her body stiffened and shoulders rose up as she glared

'Don't you ever, EVER tell me that I did not care enough for you, or that I did not think you were worthy enough of a letter. Want to know why I didn't sent you a letter? Because I didn't think they were worth enough for you, no words would have ever taken that hurt from you, no letter would change the fact I was deployed and left you alone. Do you honestly think that I didn't care about you? I cannot even begin to entertain that idea Elizabeth. I cannot even begin to explain to you how difficult it was to walk away, to not send you a letter because I couldn't get it perfect. I came home from deployment, and I came to your house, but you'd left, all by about fifteen minutes apparently, I came with the letter. Every single meeting or conference you've had around DC I've carried the letter incase I bumped into you, I took it with me the day you came to Georgetown, wanting to give it too you and I took it with me when we went for coffee, but seeing you was a reminder that it wasn't enough. So here, every single letter I attempted to write to you over my deployment and one when I came home. Every single letter; all sixty-seven of them.' He ranted emotionally not pausing for a breath. The stack of letters in a contained sat on her desk; she stood speechless and overwhelmed by his outburst.

'I love you Elizabeth, always have, always will. Don't ever show up at my house again accusing me of anything less' he snapped and left…