The next few weeks went by smoothly and without any drama. It was lessens, quidditch practice, extra spellcasting, repeat. Sirius and I carried on as friends and the rest of the group was none the wiser. James and Lily tried their best to hide their flirting and giddiness, and the rest of us pretended like we didn't notice when he would move her hair from her face or when she would absentmindedly grab his hand under the table. Part of me couldn't believe that they were really at this place after years of James pining and her rejecting, but it really happened. Earlier, Lily had announced that she would be joining us at the Potter household for the days leading up to New Years, and I knew that some important steps were bound to be made. I can honestly say that I'm happy to see them together, even if my own love life isn't so clear.

The six of us were sitting together in the Great Hall eating breakfast before our classes began. "I can't believe these will be our last holidays as students," Lily sighed as she messed around with the eggs on her plate. "After we return, all of our focus will be on NEWTs and perfecting our spells, there'll barely be time to really enjoy the castle."

James cleared his throat, "excuse me, you forgot about the most important part." Lily looked at him with skepticism as he gave her a cheeky grin. "We've still got two more games until the Quidditch Cup finals."

Lily, Remus, and Peter all rolled their eyes at the boy while Sirius and I threw pieces of toast at him. "We get it, mate. Knock it off or you'll lose all your friends in the process," Sirius warned, but he was smirking. Even though no one was quite as obnoxious as James was about quidditch, we all wanted Gryffindor to win as a final hurrah.

"Well don't forget that we also have a final check-in with McGonagall before we leave, and it's not going to be about your quidditch skills," Remus reminded us quietly, glancing around to make sure no one else heard. Although we were all working through the lists of spells our professor kept supplying us, we still hadn't been told exactly what exactly we were preparing for. It seemed obvious enough: we were being readied for the war that was rumored to be coming. Even though we all continued to obediently go along with this, the thought that we'd been volunteered without our knowledge did creep into the back of everyone's mind at times.

"And with that perky ending, we'd best be off to charms before we're late," Peter chirped to break the silence. "I heard we'll be learning the extension charm, it sounds quite cool!" He feigned a smile and hopped out of his seat, the rest of us slowly following.

At the moment, classes were the least complicated parts of our lives. Yes, NEWTs were steadily approaching and that did seem to hang in the air, but the rest of everything else just seemed so… difficult. Quidditch was getting harder with the colder months, I still couldn't get my patronus to fully form, and my relationship with Sirius, although friendly, was still a constant ache in my heart. Do I love him? Yes, without a doubt. But is love enough? Even though he made it clear that it was to him, I'm still not quite so sure. As life has gotten more complicated, my relationship status feels even more insignificant.

I'm able to rationalize that well enough when I'm awake, but unfortunately my subconscious wasn't so easy to convince. The boy continues to pop up in my dreams. I dream of everything from grand romantic scenes to study dates to simply grazing my hand as he passes me the bread. And the worst part of every dream? Waking up with a feeling of butterflies and a soft smile on my lips, just to be reminded that none of it's real. Although my mind still isn't sure about what to do with Sirius, my heart seems to have already chosen its side.

It's now the Saturday before we leave for Christmas holiday and, of course, we're all in an abandoned classroom practicing the list of spells McGonagall will be testing us on tomorrow. Outside, the castle is engulfed in a sea of white, fluffy snow, and I can hear the soft sounds of snowflakes hitting the window. Looking out, I can see the white flurries flying about, calling me to them.

Just as Lily's queuing up to blow up a training target into a pile of ashes, the call becomes too strong to ignore and I exclaim, "Let's have a snowball fight!" Startled, Lily lowers her wand and puts her hands on her hips, unimpressed by my interruption. I grin at her sheepishly but persist, "sorry! But I think it's time we leave this stodgy room and go outside."

"Iz, we're kind of in the middle of something important," Remus reminds me, motioning around the room.

"Yes, yes, I know. We're always doing something important. But when was the last time we actually had some fun?"

"Well we—" James starts, glancing over at Lily whose eyes begin to grow as she shakes her head.

I roll my eyes before he could finish his statement, "Okay, but when was the last time we all had fun together? This might be our last chance to actually do something we all enjoy, and it's not like we don't already know these bloody spells! As long as we're still in this castle, we're still kids so, can we please just act like it for once?" I plead to the group, making grand gestures with my hands for effect. We have such a short time left of our childhoods, and I want to sacrifice just one afternoon to enjoy it.

Everyone's silent for a few moments, contemplating my argument. There's no denying that I was right, everyone did know the spells backwards and forwards. But too much practice is never a bad thing... But the snow does look really inviting…

"Dammit, she's right. Let's do this," Sirius proclaims and after a few moments, everyone else nods in agreement.

"Alright fine, but we're not first years anymore, so this has got to be a bit more advanced. First off, all throwing and protecting will be with wands, not hands," James starts, his quidditch-captain side already coming out. The five of us nod and I try to hide the smug smile forming as I see their eyes light up with excitement.

"Secondly, we will be playing as far away from the castle as possible while still in the grounds," Lily supplies. "There's no way head boy and girl can be caught encouraging this." That and not to mention, we wouldn't want any of Snape's cronies catching us.

"Thirdly," I interject, "we will be playing in teams of two as randomly selected." I eye the couple in the circle, but James simply rolls his eyes. "I want this to be the best game possible and that requires us going a bit outside the box."

"And finally," Remus joins in. "No transforming into anything during this game." He gives James, Sirius, and Peter a stern look. "The last thing we need is for someone seeing a giant stag or black dog roaming the fields… And a rat would be literally the last thing we could see." He gives the slightest, most out-of-character smirk that makes me have to suppress a snort. It's evident that even as serious as he was, Remus is just as excited to enjoy himself as we were.

"Alright, if everyone is happy with those rules. Let's get the teams selected and proceed with the Hogwarts Snowball Fight Championship!" Everyone whoops as we write our names onto small slips of paper and put them into a hat, eyeing each other as if the battle had already begun.

Teams are as followed: Remus and me, Sirius and Lily, and James and Peter. Although I'm not sure whether I've actually ever seen Lily and Sirius have a conversation, they both seem ready to play. We all go outside together, forcing discretion on each other and suppressing the urge to laugh. Pretty much no one's roaming the hallways; everyone either in the library studying, in the Great Hall, snacking or in their common rooms napping, but we're just enjoying pretending to sneak around.

"Shh!" Peter hisses as he stealthily peeks around the corner, raising an arm up as all of us suppress our giggles. "All clear, let's move out people!"

After a countless number of shushes and overdramatic lookouts, we finally make it to the outskirts of the forbidden forest. We'd figured that no one would want to be anywhere near the forbidden forest, what with the rumors about rogue centaurs, giant spiders, and werewolves (… maybe that one is justified).

"Alright, all teams go on and set up your forts. There'll be no mercy in these games," I instruct the group and it seems like everyone has their best game faces on. It's utterly ridiculous, but anyone observing us would really believe it's war. "On my count, 1… 2… 3… Go!"

We all run off into different directions, some with partner in tow and some not so much (Peter and James go in completely opposite directions for about 5 seconds before realizing). After a few moments, Remus and I find a tree to hide behind and everyone else vanishes from view.

"Okay, so I say that we set up a large circle around ourselves and play defense for as long as we can. They're bound to attack us from all sides, so it needs to be even throughout. If our borders begin to get overtaken, we use it for the attack," Remus is already visualizing the space around us and how large our border will need to be.

"Or, we could set aside as much snow as possible for attacking and use the trees as natural protection," I argue, unconvinced that waiting for the enemy to overpower us is such a great idea.

Remus shakes his head, "You've got to think rationally. That's exactly the plan James and Sirius are going to want to do. I reckon Peter will go along with James' plan and they run out of resources quickly. After they're used everything up, we fire back with the snowballs they've already sent us." He was already beginning to make the fort as I form snowballs.

"But Lily and Sirius? There's no way Lily is just going to do whatever Sirius says." I know the girl well enough to know that she would never go along with a plan she didn't agree with.

"You're not wrong, but Lily's a wildcard. She may be all sweet and butterflies on the outside, but she definitely doesn't go easy on us during target practice," Remus raises an eyebrow at me, reminding me of when Lily confundo'd me so hard that I mistakenly took my shoe for a load of bread and tried to eat it.

"Okay, fine, you've got a point. We'll go with the sensible approach," I mock, but he still smiles in his victory.

With magic, we're quick enough to make a meter-tall snow fort around us. We crouch and peer over the wall, investigating for signs of movement from any direction. Although we continue making snowballs for ourselves, there's kind of a lull in excitement and I choose to fill the silence.

"So… How was your last date?" I inquire with a sing-song voice. Although I wasn't too keen hearing about which girl he's seeing, I do enjoy watching him squirm when talking about his love life.

"Oh, that's not going anywhere," Remus shakes his head. "I broke it off some time ago."

I frown, "what, why? You didn't like her?"

He pauses for a moment, twirling his wand in his hand. He's looking at the ground while avoiding my gaze, but my eyes are locked on him.

"I just don't see what the point is, I'll probably end up alone anyway," he shrugs casually. There's no sorrow in his voice, but the statement seems bleak.

"So… You don't think you'll ever get married?" I ask slowly and he continues to look down at the ground.

He opens his mouth and makes a tutting sound. Scratching the back of his neck, he answers, "honestly, no. I don't think I'll ever have the chance."

I hesitate for a moment, mulling over a response. Rationally, I know what his reasoning is and why he feels that way. Why would anyone want to love someone, or something, like us? Every month, we become uncontrollable creatures who are capable of doing practically anything, whether we want to or not. It does seem kind of unlikely for anyone to want to deal with that.

But I also know that it isn't impossible to love us the way we are. The Marauders became our family- not because of blood, but because they chose us. Lily also accepted us without a second thought. Hell, even Severus Snape, as much as he hated us, hadn't ousted us to the world when he easily could have. Okay, maybe that's not the right example for love, but it does show that people can know without fearing us.

"Iz, there's no need," Remus interrupted before I could even formulate my argument. "I know… I know that hypothetically someone could, would, want to, but I just don't think that I could do it. Whether we like it or not, we really don't know what our options are going to be moving forward. We've both got this terrible, dark secret that's been protected inside these grounds for years, but by the time we graduate, that all might come crashing down." His statement makes my breath hitch and without meaning to, I look to him with a big, doe-eyed expression. I'm almost incapable of processing what he just said because I've never really considered it. I've never thought of how minimized our opportunities were going to be just because of who we are. I realized that there would always be prejudice, but I guess I never really thought of what that would mean. All of my focus was so stuck on exams and the upcoming war that I'd never even begun to think about my actual future. I also never considered what kind of effect that would have on someone else's life.

"I… you're right," my voice is so broken and small that it's almost unrecognizable against the winter breeze. I rub my elbows, trying to feel any kind of comfort possible.

Remus grimaces when he sees the change in my face. What had just been filled with a childlike joy was now on the brink of an existential adult crisis. He hadn't meant to scare me, but just let himself say out loud what he had been thinking for years. He tries to put a reassuring hand on my shoulder, but I just shrug it off. "That doesn't mean that we won't have any options, they'll just be a bit… limited." He tries to backtrack, but the impact of his earlier words hangs in the air and even he isn't convinced. He knows that no matter where, the two of us would always be second-classes citizens, half-breeds, in the wizarding community.

Before either of us could muster up anything to say to shift the mood, we hear a small thump coming from the backend of our snow barrier. The one thump is followed by another, and another, until our walls are being pelted by snowballs from all directions. We hear yells and laughter and we do our best to play along, everyone too enthralled in the battle to notice.

The battle's long and arduous, particularly for our team, which was still wounded by our conversation. We tried not to let the others notice, making ourselves feign competition and joy. Eventually, the wall did come down and we were forced to play offensively. James was the first casualty of the game, with the opposing teams pelting him in enough snow to cover him to his shoulders (Lily was the leader of this brigade). Peter tried to hold back the forces, but ultimately was overpowered due to his lack of support. In an almost shocking turn of events, I was the third to go. From the others' perspective, I was too distracted by Sirius' taunting to notice Lily's large bundle of snow coming my way. But in reality, I could hardly make myself enjoy the game and was distracted by much more than a couple of petty insults. Remus was actually able to overtake Sirius' large snow pile and bury him under it, but eventually, Lily was the last one standing. Remus had predicted correctly: she was sweet as sugar on the outside, but absolutely ruthless in battle.

As we all walk back to the castle, James congratulates Lily with a small kiss on the cheek, which we all pretend to not see. She grins from ear to ear and has a rosy blush spread across her cheeks, which she assures is just a result of the cold. Sirius and Peter clap Remus on the back, astonished in his overall performance.

"Damn, maybe I've got the wrong people on my quidditch team." James teases, and I retort with a sarcastic ha-ha.

"Yeah, including yourself, Mr. First-to-Go," Sirius whispers into my ear, giving me a wink. I let out a curt chuckle as a response but continue to look down at the path in front of me. Luckily, everyone's too hyped from the game to notice my behavior. Of course, Remus can feel it, but he also knows that I won't want to let the others know and just carries on with their conversation.

Unfortunately, I'm not able to just push my thoughts aside and join in with everyone. So many questions fill my brain, none of which I know the answer to. Is my life ending before it even begins? Are my years at Hogwarts going to be the only happy time in my life? The only ones where I know where I belong?

I glance at Sirius who's turned to James and listen to his husky laugh. He's already been through so much over the years, already dealt with so much pain and loss. Can I put him through even more?