Adventure Time!

sucks to be duck rn


Shermie was in a panic.

She was in charge of planning this entire operation from the field side, and their target, Rock Howard, was nowhere to be found. Iori had headed out half an hour ago with Yashiro in tow. They were undoubtedly going to spend the rest of the day running around the city like a pair of headless chickens, trying to do business with Chinese people while unable to speak Chinese.

So Iori was going to be out of the picture for at least seven or eight hours. With Yashiro babysitting, there was little chance Rock's guardian angel was going to do any guarding.

The problem was Rock's bitch girlfriend. She was flying in at noon today, and it was already 9:30. Shermie had a team of fifteen Triad members hidden throughout the hotel, ready to jump out of the bushes and snatch a duckling away. They had already been waiting two hours and they'd seen neither toe nor tail of Rock Howard. Everyone was getting antsy, and if Shermie didn't give these guys someone to kidnap before noon, they'd definitely cause a ruckus. If Whip showed up to find the place crawling with Mafia members causing a ruckus, she'd probably call in an air strike and skedaddle back to some god-forsaken bunker in Venezuela.

That would derail Shermie's elaborate plan for petty revenge. This was the first thing she had been passionate about for over three years, and hell if she wasn't gonna succeed.

It will be so delicious to tear her to pieces...

Due to her particular predicament, Shermie had a hard time finding motivation. Dying and re-materializing every year meant it was pointless to take on long term projects. She didn't need to eat. She didn't feel pain. She felt no pleasure either (besides for a faint tinge of drunkenness, if she drank enough). Her assets had long gone to probate. Pretty much nothing mattered.

Hell, even avoiding death wasn't a motivator. Two years ago, Iori Yagami had gotten so mad at her that he blew both her and Yashiro into wall-splatters. She was surprised that the only thought that passed through her mind was glee at the prospect of Iori scrubbing her remains off his apartment walls. The next time they came back, they crashed at his place again and she single handedly wiped out his entire liquor cabinet as repayment. To imagine she and Iori Yagami used to be mortal enemies was almost unthinkable.

The very first time they came back from the dead, they were immediately and brutally killed by IKARI. Somehow the mercenary organization had discovered where they would materialize. The second time, they chose to zap in during a thunderstorm, and bummed around in the Bahamas for two weeks before IKARI found and dispatched them.

Those dogs! I'll finally get back at them.

The first time it was shocking. The second time was annoying. The third time was rage inducing, and she began bemoaning her perennial immortality. The fourth, Yashiro decided he'd rather be burnt to death than shot full of holes, so they had materialized on Iori Yagami's doorstep fully expecting to spontaneously combust the moment the red-haired lunatic answered the door.

Good thing he's lonely.

Contrary to expectation, Iori didn't kill them - or even try to fight them. Maybe he only invited them in because he was hopped up on drugs and had nobody to share the experience with. Perhaps he thought they were hallucinations. Regardless, the three of them drank and argued about music theory and guitar brands until their host passed out on the floor.

Eventually IKARI found out where they were hiding and sent a sniper team to SouthTown. They were killed while the three of them were walking back from Korean Barbeque. Apparently (Shermie was too dead to notice his reaction) - Iori went nuts. Nuts enough that the next time she and Yashiro came back to earth, so long as they hung around Iori, IKARI steered clear.

I'm so glad useful idiots exist in this world. No wonder Kagura likes him.

Now that they had immunity from their serial killers, it was time to finally start enjoying life. That was exactly what they did! One thing she still greatly enjoyed was music, and Iori had all the necessary equipment. If he was going on tour, then they tagged along as well. Of course, they demanded payment. They were rival bands and damn good musicians, and besides Iori had too much money for his own good. He obviously needed help burning it, and Shermie was really good at burning money.

He should be thanking me, hehe~

Occasionally Vice and Mature showed up and they were 'the Merry five!' 'The Orochi Enterauge'. 'The Zombie parade.'

Well, more like a merry Orochi four and one grumbling Sacred-Treasure ATM.

Poor baby. He really has no friends, huh? Why else did he take us all in?

Luckily the Pharma Boss didn't mind them, otherwise they'd have to find somewhere else to go. She occasionally demanded blood samples though, which was annoying - but better than the alternative: Cremation.

Shermie sighed and rested her chin in her palm. She was sitting in the hotel lobby with a bottle of Vodka, and watching the hotels rotating doorway through her bangs. Perhaps she should go wandering around the hallways? Perhaps Rock was lost in the hotel? By this time he should have either gone back to his room, or left the building… where could he be?

You can't just disappear on me Duckling! I need you for this! Come out, come out~

She huffed and muttered to herself. The clock said 9:45 and her time was running out. Kam - her triad contact was blowing up her phone, and Rock -who was normally so easy to find - had all but evaporated.

Little brat. Ugh… I should have asked Yash to stay. I've never done something like this before...

Shermie wasn't a plotter.

At least, not violent plotting. Goenitz took care of all that. She was the queen of petty grudges, but typically didn't care for life-and-death vendettas. Hell, She could even forgive murder! Yashiro had killed her once. So had Iori. For that, that had earned themselves a place at the top of her 'bitch list', but when push came to shove, they were both firmly on her "I probably won't electrocute you" list.

Not that she did much electrocuting these days. With Orochi sealed away, her power had waned significantly. Iori could probably take her down without touching her. One measely bullet through the skull destroyed the cerebrum, and that was it. Shermie! The Roaring Lightning! Dead from a sniper shot from two miles out.

Ridiculous.

But bygones were bygones. Shermie was happy to forgive and forget, because frankly, IKARI scared her - just a tad bit. It wasn't as if she and Yash could storm a base. That was suicide, and Yashiro had a strong adversion to killing himself. It was probably one of those things you did only ever did once in your life.

But this time, things were different. This time their target was just one little clone girl, one that Shermie was confident she could handle.

Time to die little bitch~

... because even she, (this patient queen!) had a tipping point. She could forgive murder, but to be offended like this? For a single IKARI gun-bitch to show up and try to kill her one more time.

Ohh.

That wasn't going to fly.

She had her motivation.

Shermie had been horribly murdered three times by IKARI. It was only fair that she could kill them - at least one of them - as brutally, and for as long as she wanted. This was a golden opportunity. One that Shermie wasn't gonna pass-

There!

The doors rotated, and in came one Rock Howard. He was dripping in sweat and had his towel draped over his head. He was gulping down a soda and tottered slightly as he walked. He was clearly tired from his run.

Shermie surpressed a wry smile and stood up to go greet him. She had two men near the door with tranquilizer darts and she texted them to prepare for capture before stuffing her phone into her cleavage for safekeeping.

"Duckling! Mon Gars!"

He caught sight of her and (contrary to expectation) jogged over. As he got closer, Shermie noticed that he was glancing around the room suspiciously… did he see something?! Shermie played it cool. The tranq group hadn't yet noticed her text message and were animatedly arguing about something. She needed to buy them time.

"Rocky! My boy, what sort of naughty things have you been up-"

"Are the mafia people still here?"

Shermie stopped short and blinked. A thrill of panic scurried through her like electricity. Rock didn't notice and continued explaining. It looked like he was relieved to find someone to share his concerns with. Unfortunately, he had chosen her.

"They kicked me out of the gym. Pointed guns at me. I took off after Boss told them to let me go… he's seriously a Mafia leader?!"

Oh…

She digested the information.

Ohhh~ Poor baby. Why do you trust me?

Shermie pinched herself to keep from giggling. Rock was too busy ranting to notice.

"When does he have time to be a Mafia boss?! He yells at me eight hours a day, and the rest of the time he's talking to himself! Do… do you think… urg."

Rock was clearly distressed and had begun fidgeting. He obviously had a lot on his mind for the past couple of hours and was now just throwing ideas at her. From the looks of it, the Yakuza caught wind of their Heir almost getting murdered, and sent in a couple of bodyguards to follow Iori around. Iori would never call them himself, since he looked down on their combat ability.

Rock plopped down in the chair across from her, his back facing the tranq crew (who were just now checking their phones) and buried his face into his palms. He groaned and peeked at her from between his fingers. Shermie was aware of his gaze going directly from her face to her chest.

"Boss left already, right?"

She chuckled and jiggled until Rock blushed and covered his eyes. She glanced over his shoulder to the tranq team, and they were all set up. She nodded curtly at them, then cooed at her unsuspecting victim.

"He's out of your hair for today. Don't worry, darling. Why don't you take a deep breath and relax?... Do you want a hug?"

She stood, waltzed over to Rock's side and pressed herself against him. He flinched away from her and was about to stand when a dart buried itself between his shoulderblades.

Bingo.

He jumped, shocked, and immediately tried to stagger away. That wouldn't do. The drug was fast acting, but not fast enough. She didn't want him to cause a scene, so she draped an arm across his shoulders and held him tightly to herself. He opened his mouth to yell, but his voice was muffled by her... Assets. Some bystanders looked on jealously.

She held him there until his struggling became feeble and he could do nothing but glare.

She smiled down at him.

"Done, baby?"

"Y-you… wh-..."

"Be a good boy, and we won't need to get rough. You'll cooperate, won't you?"

One final glare, and his eyes rolled back into his head. He slumped against her bosoms and would have suffocated himself if Shermie didn't pull away.

"Rocky?"

"..."

She chuckled and stroked his hair.

"Alright Rocky. Time to go on an adventure."


Lmao death by tit