I took in a deep breath through my nose before sitting up. I held my queasy stomach, but nevertheless forced my feet to swing over to side of the bed. I scooted forwards, stood up shakily, and then proceeded to flop onto my face. I made a loud groan when my IV stand went with me, hitting the back of my head harshly as if it was Kakashi-sensei.
I swear to kami-sama, that thing was sentient and after my blood.
The door to my room opened, causing me to look at the feet of the person who just entered. Those feet belonged to a person who I knew would kick my ass all the way across Konoha and back, especially considering how bad of a patient I was being in that moment.
I gave a nervous chuckle before allowing my eyes to drift up and met the darker amber-colored ones. "H-hey... Tsunade-hime... How's it, uh, goin'?"
She glared down at me fiercely. "Haruno Ren, just what the hell do you think you're doing?"
"Getting a glass of water," I replied honestly while point to the glass that had been just outside of my reach.
The blonde sighed deeply before walking over. She easily lifted me up and placed me back in the bed. She then handed over the glass of water before putting her hand to my head. "Congrats, by the way."
"What?" I blurted out in confusion, not at all knowing what she was referring to.
"The chûnin exams," she clarified, causing a grave look to cross my face.
I stared down at my legs, my hands curling into balls. "How could you congratulate me on failing to save Hokage-sama?"
She made a small noise of surprise mixed with sorrow. She awkwardly cleared her throat before saying, "Um, no. I was referring to your promotion to chûnin."
My eyes shot over to her. "I was promoted to chûnin?"
"No one told you?" The Legendary Sucker asked with great exasperation.
"Apparently not," I replied, still in shock. I had bet that only Shikamaru-san would be deemed worthy by the Elder Council, so I was concerned about how my gut managed to fuck that up.
"Yeah, Danzō really pushed for it," she explained.
I paused for a split-second, my body almost releasing shakes of anger. Well, Itachi-senpai, it looks like I already attracted his attention...
"So I take it you already know of him..." Tsunade-hime noted aloud.
"Yeah... My taichō is a former member of his... foundation," I replied, carefully choosing my words.
"I see..." She allowed her words to fall off after that and instead checked out my rather damaged appendages. "Well, your arms will be healed up fully by the end of this week. Your chest, on the other hand, is going to take another month or so."
"Can't you just heal it up?" I asked with a tilt of my head. "You are the best medical nin in the world."
She gave a somewhat forced smile. "Well if I did that, how would you ever learn your lesson?"
"It's been years. Do you think I will ever learn my lesson?" I crossed my arms and turned my head away. "Besides, I got the first one to save my team and the second one to... save... Hokage-sama..." My words trailed off as my body sagged down, my failures still ringing clear in my mind.
"Lighten up!" The blonde demanded while slapping my back harshly, probably leaving behind a harsh red mark for all to see later. "You're a chûnin now, and that means you can learn more things to save more people!"
I released a small gasp before my head snapped around. "Speaking of learning, your grandfather was Shodaime-sama, right?!"
She looked a bit off-put by my sudden enthusiasm. "Yes...?"
"Do you know any of his kekkei genkai ninjutsu?!" I asked before making a few handsigns. I then made a baby tree grow from my left forearm.
She immediately began to inspect my arm before turning around and pointing to some hidden away ANBU member. "You! Get me Tenzō!"
I gasped before asking, "You know my taichō?!"
The woman who was in her fifties grabbed my biceps and pulled me close. "Where the hell did you get that power?"
"Oh, right." I then motioned for her to calm down and said soothingly, "Relax. I haven't been experimented on by Orochimaru. It's completely genetic. Hokage-sama and I have hypothesized that it comes from the Senju's ancestors."
Her amber eyes were filled with relief before she sighed and let me go. "You had me worried there, Ren."
"Ah, sorry," I apologized before watching Tenzō-taichō appear while knelt down. "Hey taichō."
"Tenzō! Is Ren telling the truth?!" Tsunade-hime barked.
"Yes, ma'am," he answered professionally.
"We still good for tea on Wednesday?" I asked the brunette while peering around the blonde.
"Sorry, I've been having a lot more missions," the doll-eyed man apologized.
I gave a small pout before repenting. "I understand. Sorry for asking."
The woman known for her incredibly bad gambling skills leaned down and asked softly into my ear, "Why are you hitting on a man twice your age?"
I released an unholy screech before starting to flail around. "Shut up! That's not what's happening! He doesn't even know, and he isn't going to know, you bitch!"
An irked expression covered her face before she punched the top of my head. "Watch your mouth!"
Tenzō-taichō stood up and clearly looked between us behind his mask. "What exactly don't I need to know?"
The bitch standing next to me gave a chuckle.
"I swear to kami-sama, I will shove this-" I held up my left forearm that still had a sapling growing from it. "-so far up your goddamn ass-"
The amber-eyed woman ignored my threat. "He's-"
The door barged open, and Sakura flew in, followed by Gai-sensei and Kakashi-sensei.
Yeees! I internally screamed in victory.
"-totally gay," Tsunade-hime finished, causing my entire body to collapse in defeat, my tree breaking off as I did so.
"What?" Sakura asked, confused since there was no context to those two words.
"Ren's gay?" Tenzō-taichou blurted out in surprise.
"Welp," I said as I stood up and turned heel. "I'm going to commit seppuku now."
For some odd reason, that got Kakashi-sensei all riled up. "Ren, don't even joke about that. It's not funny."
I jolted a bit and looked over my shoulder to see just about the most serious expression I had ever seen on his face. "A-ah, I'm sorry..."
Sakura gave a deep sigh before walking over to me. She pulled me into a hug, her eyes at my shoulder level.
As I hugged her back, I couldn't help but wonder when it was that I had grown that tall.
"You're such an idiot," the pinkenette criticized.
"I'm sorry for being such an idiotic brother," I apologized with a sad smile.
"Honestly..." She released me and looked at me sternly with her green eyes. "Ren, I'm tired of you sacrificing yourself! You aren't a human shield!"
"But I am a masochist," I pointed out with a grin. Needless to say, I was punched across the face with an alarming amount of force. I flew over my bed and splatted against the wall with a very satisfied groan. I soon slid from the wall and landed on my back, causing me to sigh happily. "This is what I've been missing for such a long time."
"Well, it's good to see you haven't changed much," Tsunade-hime muttered while facepalming.
I pushed off of the ground with my hands and landed on my feet, a stupid grin on my face. "Yep! I'm still Haruno Ren, no matter what!"
"I can tell," she commented with a small look to the side.
"Wellll..." Kakashi-sensei said, interrupting the touching movement so smoothly, it could have been equated to a hot knife through butter.
"God, you are so socially awkward," I criticized.
"Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?" The jônin shot back.
"At least this pot has smoother segues than you," I stated before turning heel. I then crawled back into my bed and made a cocoon of blankets around me. "Now, be gone. I want to try sleeping now that my mind has been somewhat repaired." I mumbled under my breath, "Hopefully it's not a hellhole again."
"Was the genjutsu really that bad?" Sakura asked worriedly.
I remained silent for a moment before deciding to come clean about Itachi-senpai's tsukuyomi. "In that genjutsu, Itachi controls time and space. Minutes only take a second's time if he so desires. And for 72 hours straight, he will torture you continuously and without stop. As Hoshigaki stated earlier, it's a technique used to break a person's spirit. That combined with the tremendous strain it causes your brain all within the span of a second typically causes a person to die."
I paused for a moment to create a small lie before sighing deeply. "That particular one was 72 hours straight of being stabbed at random with a sharp katana by several different Itachis." My hands tightened on my blankets as I remembered his words. "And... he said something that..." I felt tears come to my eyes, forcing me to trail off so I wouldn't show my weakness. I bit my lower lip harshly before squeezing my eyes shut. That only seemed to push my salty tears from my eyes, allowing them to trail down my cheeks.
Two hands grabbed the blankets of my cocoon and pulled them back to reveal my surprised, teary face. Those jade green eyes that belonged to my pinkenette sister were filled with concern. Those eyes would soon be filled with tears, however, because of my massive failure to keep her happy.
Because Itachi wouldn't abandon his mission, Sasuke would leave the village. That would cause Sakura to feel sadness and cry. It would mean I failed to keep her happy. My promise would be broken, all because...
"I'm sorry," I apologized as tears freely ran down my face. "I'm... I'm so sorry."
The girl quickly hugged me and began to rub my back soothingly.
I tightly gripped the back of that red shirt she always wore and sobbed loudly. "I'm s-sorry I'm such... such a t-t-terrible big bro-brother. I don't... I don't know h-how you could ev-ever forgi-give m-me."
"Kakashi," Gai-sensei whispered harshly, catching my attention.
I blinked a few times and, even through the tears, saw Kakashi-sensei's change in demeanor.
The man's shoulders sagged down and his head raised. His body position loosened up a bit, as well as his tightly curled fists. The white that lingered on his fingers still showed how tightly his fists had been clenched. His brow had unfurrowed, and his jaw loosened. Even though he tried to hide it, rage filled his visible black eye.
My eyes drifted over to the black-haired man who still had a hand on my sensei's shoulder. I realized how he also seemed to be upset, but was better at keeping it under wraps. My gaze turned to the medic in the room, who honestly looked rather concerned. It finally dawned on me that I broke my typical happy-go-sarcastic façade. I released my sister and gently pushed her back so I could rub my face off. "I'm... I'm sorry for... crying on your... your favorite shirt..."
"They're tears, Ren. They'll dry," she said softly while running her hands through my surprisingly well-combed hair.
"But still... I..." I pursed my lips before just letting the conversation go. I played with the fabric of my loose shorts nervously, my eyes trained towards the ground. "Say... shouldn't you check up on the others, Tsunade-hime? Sasuke and Lee-senpai need more attention than me..."
Kakashi-sensei walked over and motioned for Sakura to let him take her place. "I'll stay here with him. You can go check on Sasuke."
My twin looked between the older male and I before giving a hesitant nod. "O-okay..."
The group of three left on their way with Tenzō-taichō lingering for a moment. He quickly departed after being shot a look from his senpai.
The sharingan-wielder sat down to my right on the bed. He then wrapped his left arm around my shoulders and pulled into a sideways hug. "Whatever Itachi said, don't take it to heart. He went rouge from Konohagakure years ago, remember that. Nothing he says is to be trusted."
But you don't even know why he went rouge, and no one else can shoulder that information... My grip on my shorts tightened before loosening up. I gave a heavy sigh before closing my eyes. "Hey, can I confide some personal information in you?"
"Of course," Kakashi-sensei replied immediately.
"Sometimes I feel so... useless," I explained softly, "I feel like I should be doing more."
"That's a shinobi's typical way of thinking," the man replied, causing me to look up at him in confusion. He was staring at the door blankly as he elaborated, "You see, shinobi naturally feel the urge to be more. They compare themselves to others subconsciously and automatically feel a lack of self-worth, no matter how strong they may be. Every shinobi goes through a phase where they feel useless because every shinobi is suited for a different task, especially when they are on teams. Their teammates excel at things they aren't as impressive at performing, but that is to balance the team. Just remember that when the need arises, there is something only you can do." He finally looked at me and gave a sincere closed-eye smile.
I smiled back before resting my head against his side once more. "Thank you. In all honesty, even I need assurance every once in a while."
The silver-haired jônin chuckled. "I would expect so. You're human, after all."
"Yeah," I agreed as my tension slowly began to dissipate.
"How about I bring you some dango later?" The black-eyed man suggested.
"Actually... Strawberries are in season right now and taste really good. If you could..." I felt my cheeks burn a bright red. "I... I would really appreciate some strawberry daifuku."
He gave a small hum before nodding. "I could pull that off. Anything else?"
"Once I get released, could you accompany me to the ninja administration building?" I inquired sheepishly.
"Why?" The former ANBU member asked.
"So I can get my chûnin jacket," I answered with a small huff.
He blinked a few times before suddenly shooting up. "You became a chûnin?! Since when?!"
Of course, I didn't realize no one else had been told either. "Well Tsunade-hime said I was!"
"Hold on. I'll be right back." My sensei suddenly shunshined away, only to return a few moments later. He was clearly grinning behind his mask as he held up my new jacket proudly. "My little genin is growing up! I'm so proud!"
"Hah, it's your little chûnin," I corrected while snatching away the flak jacket. I put it on, but didn't bother to zip it up. It was surprisingly comfortable considering I was shirtless with the exception on bandages. "How do I look?"
The man inspected me carefully before giving a thumbs up of approval. "Once we get your paperwork signed and a new photo of you, you'll be an official chûnin!"
I threw my fists into the air proudly. "Fuck yes! Next will be total world domination!"
Kakashi-sensei paused and looked at me in confusion.
I once again blushed in embarrassment. "It's, uh... It's a joke between Okaa-san and I."
He accepted that answer easily and patted my head. As his hand was sliding off, it managed to hit that weird bundle of nerves that made me purr. The man paused as he stared at my tomato-red face. "Oh yeah, I forgot about that..."
I hissed loudly. "I'll bite you again! Don't you dare doubt me!"
The man wisely retracted his hand and held it close to his chest, his eyes narrowed. "Bad Ren, bad."
I motioned for him to go away. "Shoo. I've been through a lot of emotional garbage today, and I need my rest."
"Fine, but I'll still bring strawberry daifuku for you later," the former ANBU compromised before taking his leave, probably to go read his porn book or something.
I put my hands on my hips before looking around for a mirror. I had only really sent Kakashi-sensei away because I didn't want him to see me checking myself out. Kami-sama knows I would have died from embarrassment. I eventually came to the realization my room didn't have a mirror and decided to head out to the bathroom. I grabbed ahold of my IV stand, glared at it to make sure it'd get the message, and then began to travel down the hallway.
After rounding a corner, Lee-senpai and I nearly ran into each other. His depressed expression eased up a bit, but he couldn't hide that sadness from someone like me. "Ah, Ren-kun..." He rose a brow at the flak jacket.
"I was promoted to chûnin, but a lot of good it does the village when I'm constantly forced back here," I joked with a somewhat forced smile.
"Oh, congratulations!" He chirped even though that news seemed to really damage his heart.
I remained silent for a moment before deciding to just be straightforward with my senpai. "Lee... What did Tsunade-hime say?"
That sadness returned, causing the black-haired boy to hang his head. "She... She told me to give up on being a shinobi. There are a lot of bone fragments lodged in important parts of my neural system. There's a surgery that she can do, but... there's only a 50% chance of success... If it fails..." His black eyes drifted up and met mine. "...I'll die."
My eyes widened, and I felt another part of my heart crack. Lee-senpai too is faced with death? Am I just a bad omen now?
"It's only if I actually agree to the surgery," he quickly assured me after seeing my eyes fill with tears. "Uh, what about you? Did she heal you too?"
"Y-yeah... I'm cleared of... most of the effects from the genjutsu," I replied, earning a confused expression. He doesn't know, and I shouldn't have opened my fucking mouth.
"I was talking about your arms and chest, but you were also placed under a genjutsu?" The boy in green spandex inquired, beginning to fret about. His fretting was contagious and caused me to start to smile and laugh nervously.
"U-uh, the genjutsu wasn't that bad at all!" I lied before pointing at my thumbs at their respective shoulders. "Oh, but my arms are going to be healed by the end of this week. My chest is going to take another month, but isn't it great that I'll be all good soon?"
"Oh, that is good," he replied with a smile, easily buying up my lie. "Well, I wish you luck."
"A-ah, you too," I said politely and watched as he continued on his way with that crutch. I clenched my teeth upon remembering that I never gave that ginger bastard any form of revenge for harming my precious senpai. I quickly shook my head to clear my thoughts before continuing on to the bathroom. I checked myself out in the mirror and realized I had definitely grown a bit. I span around to really see how I looked, especially with that new jacket. After several seconds of contemplating how good-looking I was on a scale of 1 to 10, I decided I was a decent 6 . I then head over to Duckass's room to see how he was fairing.
Through the door, I heard my sister ask, "Sasuke-kun, want some apples?"
I rolled my eyes at the disgustingly romantic gesture while opening the sliding door. I then watched as Uchiha hit the plate out of Sakura's hands, sending the plate and neatly cut apple slices all over the ground.
"...Sasuke-kun...?" Sakura asked with a hint of fear in her voice.
I went from 0 to 100 so fast, even Yondaime-sama would have been awed. I walked over to Sasuke furiously, carefully walking to avoid the apple slices and plate of course. I then reached down, grabbed that bitch's shirt, and yanked him towards me. My right arm drew all the way back before flying forwards. I felt a very satisfying sting in the palm of my hand after it made contact with Sasuke's face.
"Ren!" Sakura yelled as she grabbed my left arm.
I ignored her, glaring down fiercely at Sasuke. "What the fuck is wrong with you?! She's showing you compassion, showing that she really fucking cares about you, and you have the audacity to do something like that?! Oh, you couldn't beat Itachi! Well, boo-fucking-hoo!"
Needless to say, Duckass didn't like that one back. "What the hell would you know about that?!"
"Oh, I know so much, your tiny fucking brain would explode?! Why the fuck do you think I was surrounded by jônin at Kakashi-sensei's place anyway, for fun?! I went through that fucking genjutsu, just like you! But I was a pathetic little pansy that broke down after it!"
"Oh really? You went through 24 hours of torture?" The pathetic little Uchiha snapped.
I snorted while looking down at my nose at the onyx-eyed loser, a smirk crawling onto my lips. "No, I went through 72 hours of it. And you know what? I'm very satisfied to say I'm not a weak little bitch like yourself that fell into a comatose state afterwards." I chuckled at his puny little glare. "If you're so sick of being in my shadow, why don't you... get better than me?"
Whoa boy, let me tell you... Uchiha "Duckass" Sasuke does not approve of others using his own words again himself. That bitch lunged for me like I was Itachi-senpai, himself.
"Hey! Sasuke!" Uzumaki-kun yelled as he rushed in to prevent the biggest bitch in all of Konoha from starting something up he couldn't finish with the most ruthless chûnin the world had ever seen - aka the biggest bitch fight in the history of bitch fights.
Sakura restrained me as Naruto practically laid of Duckass to restrain him. It took a few minutes, but they did manage to calm us down to the point of not ripping each other's throats out.
"What was that all about?! I go out to get some ramen, and you guys are suddenly trying to kill each other!" Uzumaki-kun exclaimed before pointing at me. "And what's with the weird get-up?"
I looked down at myself before glaring at the boy who was known for his tacky clothes. "Hey, shut up. I pull this off good. Besides, I'm a chûnin."
"Eeeh?!" The blonde shrieked, his blue eyes practically exploding out of his skull from the shock.
"It's not official because I still need to do paperwork and all of that other bullshit, but yeah..." My shoulders sagged as I looked at the ground with defeat. "...I hate paperwork..."
"S-so you knew when I asked before the finals started that I'd not pass?!" The boy with whisker-like markings on his cheeks exclaimed.
"Yeah," I agreed mercilessly, my hands going deep into my pockets. "But becoming chûnin wasn't the top priority for me."
"Did you know that the invasion would happen?" Sakura asked worriedly.
"Of course. To be honest, I didn't know Gaara was a jinchūriki until a day before the finals, but Hokage-sama and I managed to finalise the plan in your favor. I just wish I could have done more to help the old man." I gave a deep sigh before perking up. "But on the bright side, we're all still alive!"
"Yeah, but now you and Shikamaru are chûnin," the kyūbi's host complained with crossed arms, his cheeks puffed out a bit. He then pointed and accused, "I bet you knew that only you two were going to get promoted and that's why you didn't answer me!"
"No... I bet wrong," I admitted, causing the other three to look at me in shock. I stared down at the floor in front of my feet as my hands began to fidget a bit.
My hands guided themselves up to the top of the zipper of my new jacket. They then clenched the edge of the jacket tightly and ran down the sides of the zipper. The bumps were no deterrent for my hands since they made it all the way to the bottom of the zipper. Once they, they loosened their grip and glided up carefully to the top. And so, they started the process all over again.
"You see, I bet that only Shikamaru-san would be promoted. I thought I would fail alongside the other eight, but someone, a certain man, really pushed for my passing," I explained with great hesitancy.
You see, it wasn't often that my bets were wrong, but it always unnerved me when they did. That typically meant that something looked dangerously outside of my knowledge. The certain man that pushed for it... Danzō was definitely going to be lurking nearby, just out of my range of vision for a little while.
"Well, whatever," Uzumaki-kun replied, easily brushing my worried off. He then turned to Sasuke with his hands on his hips. "So, Tsunade-baa-chan healed you up, right?"
Uchiha glared fiercely, making me finally realized he was on his man period.
"Wha... What?" The blonde asked, not liking the glare he was receiving. "Why are you staring at me like that?"
The onyx-eyed loser lowered his head. "Hey... Naruto..."
"What?" The blue-eyed boy questioned.
"Fight me, now!" The paler male demanded.
My twin released a shocked noise.
"Huh? What are you babbling about...? You're still recovering..." Uzumaki-kun pointed out.
Duckass activated his sharingan before demanding, "Shut up and fight me!"
I straightened my hand out before lifting it up. I quickly brought it down on Uchiha's head and stated, "You fool. If Tsunade-hime finds out, she'll beat you within an inch of your life."
He lowered his head once again, a scowl on his lips. "That foolish Godaime Hokage or whoever... butting into other people's business." He slid from the bed, purposefully shouldering me on his way.
I took a step back and held my elbows with a cocked brow. I had a feeling this wasn't going to end up good.
"What?" Uzumaki-kun snapped.
The two little gay boys stood less than an arm's reach away and looked into each other's eyes. The romance was so think- Oh, wait. No, that's the aura of 'Prepare to get your ass beat, bitch!' Honest mistake, am I right?
"Sasuke-kun, what's wrong with you?! Naruto, tell him to stop! I mean..." My sister trailed off upon realizing the two were definitely using their egos instead of their fucking brains.
The blonde idiot gave a smirk. "Well then, I was thinking about it too..."
I rolled my eyes before picking up my IV stand. I then proceeded to smack both of them with it. "You fools! Tsunade-hime is not to be angered!"
"Stay out of this!" Sasuke barked at me with rage burning brightly. "I'm sick of you always butting in!"
"Do you think it's fun playing babysitter?" I asked as I looked down at him. I realized then and there that I had also surpassed him in height. I shook my head before stepping back. "Whatever, you're not even worth my time anymore. If you two really wish to fight, take it to the roof." I then turned heel and walked off back toward my room. I didn't need to take his shit just because he got his ass royally beat by Itachi-senpai.
I got inside my room and sat down on my bed before closing my eyes. I carefully mixed my chakra together and then made a kage bunshin. I looked over it pleasingly.
The doppelganger held up a thumb before using the hiraishin jutsu to go tattle on Uchiha. He was first going to Kakashi-sensei and then Tsunade-hime.
I gave a deep sigh before taking off my chûnin jacket. I put on an actual shirt and headed up to the roof while dragging my IV stand behind me.
Fuck stairs, by the way. Just, fuck them. How many goddamn stairs does ones fucking hospital need? Why the fuck was my room on the bottom level? That's just fucking ridiculous.
I finally made it up to the roof and kicked open the door. I raised my brow as two Narutos made this odd ball of chakra. What jutsu is that? I walked over to Sakura as Duckass began to use the chidori.
"Stop..." Sakura pleaded softly, making me tense up.
Just as she knew when I was about to do something stupid, I knew when she was going to do something stupid. And boy howdy, was she about to do something my levels of stupid.
"You two stop!" She exclaimed, only to be ignored. "Stop!" Then, this fucking moron runs to intercept the two despite the fact they were obviously ready to kill each other. "Both of you, stand down!"
I quickly used the hiraishin jutsu to teleport to her and shove her out of the way. Just as I was about to follow after her, that fucking IV stand tripped me. As I started falling forwards, I couldn't help but think, I knew that piece of shit was trying to kill me...
That's when the knight in shining armor appeared to save my ass from death. He grabbed ahold of Uchiha's wrist as well as Uzumaki-kun's. The silvernette spun then around and sent them each towards different water towers on the opposite sides of the roof. The sharingan-wielder then caught me before I could hit the ground.
"I hate this fucking thing," I grumbled while glaring at the bastard that tripped me.
Kakashi-sensei didn't pay my bitching any mind. He instead stood up and looked between the two idiots. "Hey! You two!" His face eased up and showed a look of concerned annoyance that only he could make. "What are you doing on the roof of the hospital? If you're fighting, you're getting too heated... both of you."
The blonde released a small groan as his hand rested on the rather sizable dent he made in the water tower.
Uchiha released a small laugh of cockiness as his arm was stuck inside of the water tower. His attack did more frontal damage, leaving a large web of indents in it. He pulled his arm out and grinned over at the person he supposedly beat.
I looked over at Uzumaki-kun's tank closely, my brow raised. I hadn't overlooked the obvious sound of a shitload of water coming from his tank. I took several steps back and nearly gasped at the amount of damage to the back of the tank. Holy shit, that attack was fucking amazing. To be able to burst the tank open on the back, but minimalize the damage on the front is a very interesting ability.
The jônin jumped up on Uchiha's damaged tank and sat on the edge of it. "Why are you so obsessed with your superiority complex, Sasuke?"
The boy with his head shoved up his ass glared at our sensei, clearly not liking how Kakashi-sensei pointed out his biggest flaw.
The former ANBU member wasn't phased in the slightest. "That level of chidori just now isn't an appropriate technique to be used here against your own comrade. Were you trying to kill Naruto?"
My younger sister released a loud gasp.
"Where did such... immature behavior... come from...?" The man inquired despite already having a clear idea of where it came from.
Duckass looked away before jumping high into the air. He backflipped over the fence and escaped everyone's sight.
"Fingers crossed he breaks his leg," I said while crossing all the fingers I could.
Sakura just started crying, not at all caring about my jab at her love interest.
I awkwardly stood there before just pointing over my shoulder at the door. I got about three steps towards it when the doors burst open.
The blonde sennin came walking over with a furious expression, my bunshin following behind with an expression that spoke of wars and death all around.
"Where the hell is he?!" Tsunade-hime barked.
My arm immediately shot out and pointed to where the asshole jumped. "He still should be nearby. I'd check the trees."
"Good, now get back to bed!" The Senju demanded.
I saluted her before quickly rushing back down towards my room.
Sitting in a hospital room was preferable to death, after all.
My bunshin followed after me and whispered softly into my ear, "Remember what Lee-senpai said earlier about his nerves? I'm going to go some books together, okay? Kabuto's ability to withstand both of the lotuses and Haku's pinpoint needle aim has given me a few ideas."
Upon hearing him say that, I too caught onto his way of thinking. I nodded in approval, allowing it to do as it pleased while I remained in my hospital room like a good patient.
After ten or so minutes, Tsunade-hime entered my room while dragging my bunshin behind her.
I raised a brow at it, earning a small shrug. "How fucking useless are my kage bunshins?"
"You're lucky I'm letting you off this time," the medic stated, causing me to look at her in confusion. "Though I don't know anything about that Haku kid, I too saw Kabuto's jutsu in action. Your double explained to me your little thesis, and I'll be taking over since I have more medical knowledge than you."
I brightened up considerably. I couldn't ask for a better opportunity for my senpai.
She gave a small smirk and put her hand on her hips. "Another one of your possible crushes?"
I immediately frowned, embarrassment coursing through my veins. "I can't believe you told Tenzō-taichō that I'm gay. You know I don't like others knowing."
"Ren, everyone already knows," she replied while rolling her amber eyes. "You couldn't be more obvious about it."
"Well clearly someone didn't know," I sassed bitterly.
"Look, Tenzō is the last person that would judge you," Tsunade-hime assured me, or at least tried to. Her words lead to more questions than answers really, but she didn't elaborate. She instead turned heel and left, her green jacket and blonde hair flying behind her.
My kage bunshin also disappeared, but I got it's memories of a royal ass-whipping courtesy of the Legendary Sucker.
Goddamn, my doppelgangers could take a fucking beating. Apparently, they were useful for something after all.
In any case, I laid in that room for ages, waiting patiently for death or my early release. Instead, I got a gut feeling that something was happening that I wouldn't like. As I stared blankly at the ceiling, my body became anxious. I eventually had to get up and start pacing around the room. After about five minutes of that, I very carefully took the IV needle from my arm. I threw on my jacket and hitai-ate and left the hospital through my window.
The moon was a mere crescent, and no one lingered in the streets so late at night. Despite the lack of many clouds, it still appeared to be a starless night. It seemed as though the sky was permitting darkness to lurk, a darkness I most definitely didn't approve of.
My destination wasn't clear, but the closer I got to the village gates, the faster I went. I soon arrived at a bench and saw my sister had been knocked out. I made two kage bunshins, one to go tell Tsunade-hime I would need backup, and the other to get my sister's home safely. I then continued on with my fast pace, leaving the village soon afterwards. I briefly paused when I realized I had no weapons save for my own chakra. I quickly left a chakra seal of the ground, teleported to my tantō, secured it to my back, and then teleported back. I ran for a little while before spotting a familiar figure in the distance. I ran as fast as possible towards it and quickly caught up to the boy with hair shaped into a duck's butt.
"You really have been a nuisance lately," he commented as I blocked his path.
"I could say the same, but it'd be a rather massive understatement," I replied honestly before cocking my head to the side. "So are you coming back easily, or am I breaking all of your limbs?"
That curse seal of his began to spread across his body, his sharingan activating itself for the thousandth time that day.
I grabbed the handle of my tantō and allowed myself to grow expressionless. "Very well."
Four presences suddenly appeared behind me, their power level rather obvious. If the four worked together, they could probably overpower me. Well, that is if they even decided to fight me to begin with. They were probably just trying an intimidation tactic.
I gave a small chuckle and shook my head. "I was wondering who convinced you to walk down a path of such high self-destruction. It should have been obvious, now that the answer presents itself."
"What was that, shitrag?" The female snapped at me.
I lowered my hand from my blade and teleported behind Uchiha. I wrapped my arms around his waist and put my chin on his shoulder, my eyes resting on the four from Otogakure. "Well, it should be fairly obvious, unless you're a fucking imbecile."
She growled and looked ready to start up a fight.
"What are you talking about?" Sasuke asked while glaring at me from the corner of his eyes.
"Well I'm talking about how Orochimaru can't give you the power to defeat Itachi," I replied, causing his brow to furrow. "I mean, seriously... You expect someone who lost miserably to Itachi to give you the power to kill him?"
"He's lying!" The white-haired man snapped while taking a step forwards.
"Even if I was, Orochimaru still couldn't be of any worth. After all, he can't perform and kind of jutsu anymore. Sandaime-sama sealed all of his jutsu up forever!" I exclaimed with a large grin, causing the other four to begin to advance. I quickly unsheathed my tantō and put it to Sasuke's neck. "Easy there, I wasn't done yet."
"You're bluffing," the six-armed freak snapped. His actions, however, displayed his fear that I would actually go through with slitting my teammate's neck wide open.
"Also, Orochimaru's arms are literally rotting away right now," I explained to the Uchiha. "It's actually quite the interesting sight."
"Why should I believe anything you said?" Duckass inquired.
"Because I know Itachi better than anyone else alive," I answered honestly, causing the boy to tense up. "I bet I can tell you what he said right after you were put inside of that genjutsu... "Why are you weak...? Still not enough... hatefulness." Say, was I right? I bet I was." I chuckled as his eyes widened in anger.
He swung a fist at me, but I easily jumped back, my smirk still lingering on my lips. "How the hell do you know that?!"
"Like I said, I know Itachi better than anyone else alive," I answered as I held my arms out. "That includes Itachi, himself. I know so many things about him, it'd appal you."
The boy glared at me for a moment before a look of realization covered his features. "You... You're in on it! You've been lying to everyone this whole time!"
"It's not lying if they don't ask for the truth," I denied while wiggling my fingers. I then dropped my arms and shrugged. "But whatever, really."
His sharingan was blazing, but such a weak little dōjutsu like that could never hope to beat me. "So what are you, his informant?!"
"Um, no, not really. To; be honest, it's more of the other way around. I ask questions, he answers. That's all. Occasionally, he asks one of his own, and I answer, but like I said before, it's occasional." I put my hands in my pockets while staring at the kid blankly. "Besides all that, I pretty much have Itachi wrapped around my finger. He thinks I love him, after all." I chuckled upon seeing confusion temporarily take over his anger.
"What do you mean?" The Uchiha demanded to know.
I held up my right fist. "There are four things I look for in a guy." I raised my thumb. "Pretty eyes." Up went my index finger. "A beautiful genuine smile." My middle finger proudly shot up. "Beauty marks." Finally, my ring finger rose up. "And availability." My four fingers dropped down, replaced by my raised pinky. "And your brother has three out of the four." I paused before giving a small shrug. "I mean, I've never taken the time to see him undressed, so maybe he has a hidden beauty mark, but whatever." I lowered my fist and cleared my throat. "Anyway, Itachi also thinks my love confession was genuine, but it kinda wasn't. Whoops."
"What are you getting at?" The younger brother snapped.
"I'm getting at how you're a fucking idiot," I replied honestly. "I'm the one who knows about Itachi, not Orochimaru. That snake couldn't possibly hold a candle to the knowledge I've obtained." I then turned heel and said, "But it's not like you believe that. And it's not like I really want you back either."
Two teams of jônin jumped down between Duckass and I.
"Haruno Ren-"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm retreating now," I said while waving them off. I took a few steps before pausing. "Ah, right..." I looked over my shoulder and made eye-contact with the two-tomoed sharingans. "Even if you choose to abandon Konohagakure, don't forget I've placed a chakra seal on you." I gave a sadistic smirk. "No matter how far you run, no matter what you do to your body, I will always know where you are." I winked before teleporting to the seal I made outside of the village gates. I walked inside of the village with my hands in my pockets, not at all phased by the several ANBU members gathered. "Sup?"
"Ha-"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm going to Tsunade-hime now," I interrupted as I began to lazily trot to my imminent demise. I soon made t to the Hokage Tower and entered the office of the newest Hokage. "Su-"
"Just who the hell do you think you are?!" The woman yelled while slamming her hands down on the already broken desk.
"Haruno Ren, thanks for asking," I replied sarcastically while taking a seat in front of the poor, inseparable desk.
"You... You..." The woman punched the desk, breaking it even more. "I cannot believe your audacity!"
"I can, dattebayo," I replied with a large smirk.
The blonde took in a deep breath through her nose before sitting down. She released it slowly, clearly trying to restrain herself from killing me. Her amber eyes opened and stared at me blankly. "Okay, so you've clearly been awake for far too long, and it's making you even more sarcastic than usual."
"Aw man, I was hoping you'd forget about that quirk," I muttered while kicking my feet up onto the remnants of the poor desk. "But yeah, you're right. Did my bunshin fully explain the situation?"
"Yes, and you should have sent your real body instead," she commented, causing me to raise a brow.
"And get beaten to unconsciousness?" I questioned before shaking my head. "No thanks. Besides, it gave me the chance to place a few new chakra seals."
"In any case, you better be ready for punishment tomorrow," the woman stated.
"Mkay. Anything else?" I asked, earning a shake of the head.
"You're dismissed," Tsunade-hime said while waving me off.
I stood up before pausing. "Actually, there is something I wish to discuss first..."
She raised up a blonde brow. "And what would that be?"
"Your betting debt to me," I clarified, causing a displeased expression to cross her face. I, meanwhile, grinned like an asshole as she dismissed her ANBU guards.
I hate to brag, but I was pretty good at getting what I wanted. It comes with being a manipulative little shit.
