After Melinda becomes ill with a cold, Charles becomes deathly afraid of germs and declares war on them. Will his friends pull him to his senses when he begins making the other kids take extra precautions to avoid germs of any kind?

Based on the "Rugrats" episode "Mr. Clean" and the "Recess" episode "Germ Warfare"

This is the first appearance of young Rex Pester, who I imagine sounded like Menlo from "Recess" when he was a child.

When Chas was very young, he was like normal boys his age; he liked nothing more than getting messy!

In 1959, when Chas was just two years old, he would be seen playing in the garbage. "Ah…" he said. "Nothing like a nice soft pile of garbage!"

And by the time Marvin and Shirley came in, they saw that Chas was all covered in garbage. Shirley was shocked, and as she scooped Chas up from the garbage, she cried out, "Charles! What are you doing?! Don't you realize that garbage is full of germs?!"

In sharp contrast, Marvin was always fine with Chas getting dirty. "Ah, let him get dirty, Shirley," he said to Shirley as she was giving Chas a bath. "He doesn't even like baths."

"I know," Shirley replied. "But we have to get those germs off!"

And she would wash Chas with lots of soap and water.


In 1962, when Chas was five years old and in kindergarten, he also liked to crawl under his bed, which was full of dust bunnies. The dust would make him sneeze, but he didn't mind. "Under the bed is the best place there is!" he chuckled.

But Shirley overheard Chas sneezing. "Charles!" she cried as she took him out from under the bed.

As Shirley again gave Chas his bath, she said, "Now, Charles, germs can get inside your body and make you sick."

Then, Marvin said to her, "Come on, Shirley. When I was his age, my pa let me get messy all the time, and look at me now!"

And he flexed his muscles.

"Mom…" groaned Chas as she lathered soap into his hair.


In 1963, when Chas was six years old and in first grade, he liked playing in muddy puddles as well.

When Shirley saw this, she cried, "Not again!"

And again, Shirley gave Chas his bath, and she said to her son, "Now, Charles, it's time you knew that germs cause decay and disease."

Marvin told Shirley, "My pa let me play in the mud until I was twelve, and I doubt that it had anything to do with the multiple diseases I got as a child!"

Shirley replied, "But, Marvin, Charles has to know that although germs are too small to see, they're everywhere: on the walls, in the carpet, even on his clothes!"

And as Shirley poured water on his head, Chas cried, "Mom, you're scaring me."

"Relax, Charles. You'll be fine."


That night, Marvin and Shirley tucked Chas into bed. Shirley said, "There now, you're all nice and clean again. Pleasant dreams, Charles."

"Good night, slugger," said Marvin.

And as Marvin and Shirley left the bedroom, Chas said, "Good night, mom. Good night, dad."

And Chas fell into a dreamless sleep…


Years later, in January 1967, Charles, now a fourth grader, was nine years old, going on ten. His teacher was letting his classmates investigate bacteria under a microscope. Drew and Melinda were each having a look into the microscope while Charles was keeping his distance.

"Cool! I see 'em!" cried Drew as he saw the bacteria. "Whoa! One of the blobs just split in two! Now he has double attack power!"

"Um, may I see the bacteria?" asked Melinda.

"Hold on, Cavanaugh! I just gotta see one thing!"

"Gee, Drew. I really would like to see the bacteria."

"Yeah, yeah. Hold your horses, girl. I know when I've seen enough…"

"Drew!" said the teacher. "Let Melinda have her turn!"

"Yes, sir," grumbled Drew as he left the microscope, whereupon Melinda looked into it and said, "Wow! They're amazing! They're like tiny balloons caressed by the breeze!"

Then she turned to Chas and asked, "Care to peer into their world, Charles?"

"I don't know, Melinda," he replied hesitantly.

"Come on, Charles. They're just germs."

Chas shivered, and he cried, "Did you say germs?! I thought you called them bacteria!"

The teacher said calmly, "She's right, Charles. Germs and bacteria are the same thing."

"They are?!"

"Relax, Finster," said Drew. "Those things are harmless."

"Harmless?!" screamed Chas. "What did your mama tell you?! Germs aren't harmless! They're little scary creatures that cause decay and disease!"

"Well, I don't think these things are gonna hurt anyone," said Melinda. "They're between two microscope slots."

"Yeah," sighed Chas as he took some medication from his inhaler. "Sure, I guess you're right. I'm probably safe as long as they're under there."

"Yes, we're not going to let the bacteria loose," said the teacher. "And besides, there's no reason to worry about the few germs on that slide. The truth of the matter is that there are billions of germs everywhere."

Chas looked around in increasing paranoia. "Ev-ev-"

Melinda tugged the teacher's shirt and said, "Um, sir, not helping."

"In fact," said the teacher, "there are billions of germs living on your very skin right now."

"MY SKIN?!" screamed Chas, and he ran off in fright!

The teacher and his students were all bewildered.


After school, the students left their classrooms for home. But Drew and Melinda looked around for Chas. They were soon joined by Stu.

"I wonder where Chas went to," said Stu.

"Probably home," Melinda replied. "Those germs really freaked him out."

"Well, I say he's dented," groaned Drew.

"Wait a sec, you guys! I got a hunch!" cried Stu as he dashed for the boys' bathroom.

But as soon as he opened the door, he saw Chas wiping his arms with a hot, wet washcloth, whimpering, "Must get clean! Must get clean!"

Stu then said to Drew and Melinda, "Uh, I think Charles is gonna need a little more time with his whole 'germs all over his skin' thing."

Drew and Melinda looked at each other in confusion.


The next day, during recess, Stu, Howard, Drew, and Melinda were playing basketball on the blacktop.

"Who's ready for some basketball!" cried Stu.

"I am!" said Melinda.

"Let's do it!" said Howard.

"I'm ready!" shouted Drew. "But is Finster ready?"

"Hey, guys!" said Chas. Stu, Drew, Howard, and Melinda wouldn't believe him if they didn't see him; he was dressed in a hazmat suit!

"Chas!" cried Stu. "Is that you?"

"What's with the raincoat?" asked Drew.

Chas explained, "It's a biological hazard suit. In here, I'm completely protected from any and all foreign germs!"

"You know, Chas," said Stu, "I think you might be overreacting a bit."

"Yeah, you can't even see germs," said Howard.

"But that's the whole point!" said Chas. "They can be anywhere! Do you know where that ball has been? Who could have sneezed on it?!"

Stu chuckled nervously, "Here, Howard! Catch!"

Howard became nervous, until Melinda said, "Now, now, guys, just because germs are everywhere doesn't mean we should…"

Presently, Melinda began to sneeze, and she said, "Excuse me. I'd like to go see the nurse. Suddenly, I don't feel so well…"

And she went to the nurse's office.

Chas then shouted to Stu, Drew, and Howard, "See? Those hideous germs got Melinda! They could kill her!"

"Ah, come on, Chas," said Stu. "This is nothing. Our second-grade teacher told us that Betty is home sick with the flu. She was probably exposed by her mom again."

"WHAT?!" cried Chas.

"Yeah, so forget this germ stuff, take off that silly getup, and come to play some basketball."

"No can do, Stu! I won't rest until my fellow students are safe from the suspicious, unchecked menace! If you'll excuse me, I must spread the word!"

Stu, Drew, and Howard were dumbfounded beyond belief.


Chas approached Didi and Charlotte, who were playing with their dolls, and said, "Good morning, girls. I'd like to speak to you to-day about germs."

"Ew! You're a germ!" cried Charlotte.

"Charlotte!" shouted Didi as she elbowed Charlotte. "That's Charles! He's the closest thing to a big brother I'm ever going to have!"

Didi then turned to Chas and asked, "So, about germs?"

"Didn't you hear?" said Chas. "They got Melinda sick!"

"You don't say."

"Yeah, but it seems your so-called friend doesn't want to face this problem head-on!"

"You said it!"

"So, we gotta avoid the germs!"

"By playing in the sandbox?"

"No! That's practically the first place germs go!"

"How about a tea party?"

"No! Don't you know who could have placed their lips on that cup?!"

"What about playing with dollies?"

"Dollies carry germs too!"

"I give up, Charles…" And so, Didi went back to Charlotte to play tea party.

"Oh, man!" groaned Chas. "How is anyone gonna face the unseen menace?"

Then who should approach Chas but a young boy with big permanent teeth and prominent eyelashes? His name was Rex Pester, and he was ten years old and in the fifth grade. Rex spoke to Chas and said, "What's all this, Chas? Having a little trouble getting your message of impending doom out to the people?"

Chas was annoyed with Rex. "Leave me alone," he said.

"How do you feel about Melinda suffering from such a terrible cold she's probably dying of pneumonia?"

"DYING OF PNEUMONIA?!" screamed Chas.

"I hear a second grader named Betty Giselle will die of the flu as well," sneered Rex.

"AND YOU'RE HAPPY ABOUT IT!?"

"Not really. What you need is a propaganda machine, in this case, me!"

Chas thought about it for a while, until finally he said, "Well, I suppose so, if you're gonna make sure this school is germ-free forever."

"Just throw in one of those nifty hazmat suits, and you've got yourself a deal!"


The next day, Chas and Rex stood before some children, and Chas cried, "Kids of the school, there is an invisible menace among us! We speak to you to-day of germs!"

Rex then said, "They have already claimed Melinda and Betty's lives, so if the fittest among us won't survive, who will?!"

"Thank you, Rex," said Chas. Then he turned to the others and cried out, "We must take action before it's too late! We must eliminate germs for good!"

And the crowd said, "Here! Here! Here!"

Stu and Drew overheard the cries of Chas and Rex, and Stu said, "You know, Drew. I'm tired of Chas' germ issues. Let's go play in the garbage."

"I don't know, Stu," said Drew. "Finster may be a geek, but he's startin' to make a little sense. I hear that's the worst place to go because it's where germs come from."

"But, Drew, we play in the garbage all the time, and we never catch any germs from that."

"How can you be so sure?"

Next thing Drew knew, he and Stu were playing in the garbage dumpster.

"Ew! Rancid fish sticks!" Stu chuckled.

"I can see why they call these sloppy Joes!" laughed Drew.

Stu presently placed an empty ice-cream cone on his head and said, "Look, Drew! I'm a garden gnome!"

Similarly, Drew put some noodles on his head and said, "These germs can't harm me!"

"You know, I'd say Chas is just worried over nothing!"

"Yeah, and the pretty boy with the smug smirk isn't helpin' him!"

But as Stu and Drew were playing in the garbage, they suddenly heard Chas scream, "NO! Look at you guys! You're covered with garbage!"

"Gee, Chas," said Stu. "It's not so bad."

"Not so bad?" cried Chas. "That garbage is infested with germs!"

"Yes," said Rex. "Now you both have them and may die of tetanus!"

"That's odd," said Stu. "I feel fine."

"Tetanus?!" cried Drew. "I say let's kick some germ butt!"

And Chas, Rex, and Drew all shouted together, "Down with germs! Down with germs! Down with germs!"


January gave way to February, and, wearing their hazmat suits, Chas and Rex were scrubbing the blacktop with sponges full of soapy water. Drew, Howard, Didi, and Charlotte were doing the same while wearing face masks and rubber gloves.

"Say, Drew," said Howard. "How do we know when we've gotten rid of all the germs?"

"How should I know? We can't see 'em!" Drew replied.

And so, they continued scrubbing.

But Stu was not involved in the sanitation.

"Why are they so worried about germs?" he asked himself. "What am I gonna do about Chas' germ phobia? I don't think he's ever gonna get over it…" But then, he got an idea: "Unless…"

Instantly, he ran for the dumpster.

Meanwhile, Chas and Rex were penning a petition.

"Ah, yes," said Rex. "This petition should lure citywide disinfectant trucks to the school within the hour!"

"Excellent," said Chas. "First the playground, then the world!"

But then, Chas heard a scream.

"Oh, no!" cried Chas. "Those hideous germs have got Stu! I warned him about that garbage!"

Rex then said to Chas, "Now, now, Chas. Don't do something you're gonna regret. The garbage might kill you!"

"I must save Stu!" shouted Chas as he ran for the dumpster.

"But what about the petition?!" screamed Rex, but Chas didn't listen. Frustrated, Rex tore up his petition and shouted, "The deal's off! Let everyone but Stu die of the plague!" And he stormed away in anger.

Meanwhile, Chas had gotten to the dumpster where Stu screamed, "Help, Chas! Help!"

"Stu!" screamed Chas.

"It's the germs, Chas! They got me!"

"Oh, no!"

And Drew watched as Chas jumped heroically into the dumpster to rescue Stu.

Once Stu was out of the dumpster, he cried, "You did it, Chas! You saved me!"

Chas then inspected Stu as he screamed, "Where are they, Stu? Where are the germs?!"

That's when Stu burst into laughter.

Chas was confused. "What? What's so funny?"

"Come on, Chas. Take that dumb hat off," said Stu as he pulled the mask off Chas' hazmat suit.

Chas gasped, "Are you insane?! I could get a runny nose or consumption! Give me back my mask! It isn't safe!"

"Well, I think he had to do it," said a voice.

Chas turned around to see Melinda and Betty, having now recovered from the cold and the flu respectively.

Chas cried out, "Melinda! Betty! You're alive! But how?"

Melinda replied, "While I was ill, I have been told that you've been behaving ridiculously. Germs made me and Betty sick, but the fact that I caught a cold and she the flu doesn't mean you should disinfect the school."

Betty added, "I reckon germs are everywhere, so we gotta learn to live with 'em!"

"But not all bacteria is bad. In fact, some are used to make yogurt and cheese."

"I love cheese!" exclaimed Chas. Then he turned to Stu and said, "I'm sorry I got carried away, buddy."

"That's okay, Chas," Stu replied. "If I didn't do something, you were gonna stay paranoid forever."

Chas then turned to the students and said, "Kids of the playground, please disregard all I have said about germs before! Let's just get out there and play!"

The kids all cheered, except for Rex, who would have sworn revenge on Chas for "betraying" him, had he not suddenly begun to sneeze. "Now I need to go to the nurse's office," he said. And so, he did.


After school, as the four children came to the Finsters' house, Chas said to Stu, Melinda, and Betty, "You know, guys, trying to keep these germs out of the school was a lot of hard work. From now on, I'm taking my chances, just like the rest of you guys."

And as he jumped into a mud puddle, he said, "Come on! Let's play in the mud!"

And Stu, Chas, Melinda, and Betty all played in the mud, and they had a pleasant time of it.

"I gotta admit," exclaimed Chas cheerfully, "this is fun!"

Stu replied, "See, Chas? I knew nothing bad would happen."

But suddenly, Marvin and Shirley stepped in. Shirley was so horrified at seeing four children playing in the mud she screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"


Later, Chas was in his bathtub. Using his walkie-talkie, he called Stu and scolded him, "And you said nothing bad was gonna happen!"

Using his own walkie-talkie, and in his own bathtub, Stu replied, "Give me a break, Chas. I'm only eight years old."

And so, Stu's father made him take a bath, to the amusement of Drew.

In the Giselle household, Betty's mother also made her wash up.

And in the Cavanaugh household across the street from the Finster household, Melinda was made to take a bath by her father.

As for Chas himself, he had to hear his own mother say, "Be sure to use lots of soap and water."