A/N: Learning from the tears and the mistakes, We're not perfect but we've come such a long way (Soldier - James TW)
DISCLAIMER: SVU and all related plot/characters originally belong to Dick Wolf. This story is allllllllllllllll mine. © TStabler
There's a silence in the lounge that's eerie and stoic. Olivia bites her lip again, her eyes veer away from Cragen and land on the green walls. Photographs from various Department functions and galas dot them, portraits of retired members of the unit, former captains, and those killed in the line of duty. She pauses, her gaze landing on a shoddy, splintered, walnut door. She smirks, knowing behind it lies a few old, creaky, smelly cots and bunk beds, one of which has molded itself into the shape of her body. Memories of sleepless nights, and more recently nights spent curled up with Elliot, between cases or in the middle of one that had been taking too fucking long.
So much of her life now lies in this building, with the people in it, and the entirety of her being including her unborn child, lies solely with the man on the couch beside her. She blinks once and finally speaks. "I meant it," she says. "Um, at least...I did...before you started playing chess with me and...my family."
Elliot squeezes her tightly, hearing her call him and the kids her family, and he dips his head to whisper into her ear. "Our family."
She smiles and nods, turning slightly into him. "Our family."
Cragen exhales and steps closer to them, taking a slight pause to wonder how long of a break they thought they were taking. He sees Elliot's shoes in a lopsided pile next to the couch, notices the way they're practically intertwined on the sofa. "I've already explained myself, I didn't set out to hurt either of…"
"The road to hell is paved with good intentions," she mumbles, and it ears a soft gasp and surprised smile from Elliot. She rolls her eyes and laughs at how easily he's amused when she parrots advice or religious epithets that he's given her. "You didn't intend...but you did." She shrugs. "I'm used to it, I expect the people in my life to eventually let me down, I was prepared for this, but for the love of God, did you have to…"
"Liv," Elliot's voice is soft, right in her ear, and when she looks at him he shakes his head. "Baby, you have me, you have the kids, you have…" his hands press into her stomach as he chokes on a slight sob. "You have this little miracle. And we are never gonna let you down."
She drops her head to his and says, "I didn't really include you in that." She closes her eyes as he kisses her forehead. After a sweet moment, she lifts her head and looks back t Cragen. "I'm sorry," she scrapes her teeth over her bottom lip. "Hormones."
Tucker rolls his eyes and chuckles, then stands, looks at Cragen, and says, "We, uh, we want to take you at your word on this. The three…" he grins. "Four. The four of us. Pretty sure that baby wants his Grandpa Don to, ya know, not be a total douchebag."
Relieved laughter fills the small space, and Cragen nods when Tucker tells him they need to talk. He moves over to Olivia and Elliot, bends slightly, and hesitantly wraps his arms around both of them. "I swear, I was only trying to…"
"Like Ed said," Elliot speaks, trying not to give in to his emotions, "We want to believe you. We do." He drags a thick, rough hand down the front of his face as he pushes away from Cragen and Olivia. He shoves his feet into his shoes, reaches for his jacket, and then checks his watch. "We're not getting anywhere on this thing with Knox, can we…"
"Go," Cragen squeezes Olivia again. "Get some rest, feed my, uh...grandkid," he pokes her belly lightly, and they share a laugh which in itself causes more emotions to rise. He clears his throat. "When you come in, tomorrow, you...we need to talk about," he waves a hand over her belly. "How this is gonna work with you, um…" he scratches his head. "None of my detectives have ever been in this position. My first instinct is to stick you behind a desk…"
"I talked to Warner, and three other doctors," she interrupts, and she eyes Elliot because she knows he's on Cragen's side this time. "I can work full duty, as long as it's safe."
"Maybe if we were in TARU," Elliot scoffs. He doesn't realize how loud he's getting as he stares at her. "None of what we do out there is completely safe. How often are we running after assholes with guns, how many times have you been hit, stabbed, I can't…"
"Well, what do you want me to do?" she yells back, matching his volume.
"What I want is to wrap you in a bulletproof bubble, but since that's not gonna fucking happen," he huffs and he scrubs his face with both hands. "We can...handle interviews. Interrogations, as long as you stay out of the way if they get outta hand. Fieldwork, ya know, when we're not going after the perp...we can do this, can't we?" He shoots his eyes toward Cragen. "Yeah, I said we, she's my wife, but she's still my partner, my pregnant…" his lips twist into a smile as the word leaves him. "My pregnant partner, and I'm not leaving her alone, at all."
Cragen furrows his brow but he nods. "Yeah, uh, that...that works." He folds his arms. "Thank you for that, by the way. Calling her…"
"I know your rules. We're at work," Elliot remarks, but then he holds out his hand and waits for Olivia to slip her fingers into his palm. "Well, we were until now. Come on," he coaxes. "I wanna go home."
She sees something in his eyes, the need to get out of the station, and she offers Cragen a smile and a nod before letting Elliot pull her off of the couch and down the stairs. "Slow down," she says, but he's not listening.
He drags her through the squadroom, grabs their coats off of the back of his chair as they whiz past their desks. He has her out in the hall and in front of the elevator in mere seconds. "Sorry," he pants, "I just...I couldn't breathe, in there. I was getting...God, I didn't know whether to hit him or…"
She rubs his back as they step into the opening elevator, and she nods as she sighs. "I know, trust me." She blinks once and then says, "I think...I haven't really had time to process this." She looks down. "I'm pregnant." She tilts her head and wonders if the shirt she's wearing will still button over a bump, if the pants she has on will zip when she's a bit bigger. She pulls and tugs at the blazer she's wearing as it dawns on her that she doesn't have anything in her closet that she can grow into.
He watches her toy with her clothes for another second, but then grabs her shoulders and pulls her to him. He helps her on with her jacket, kisses her nose, and says, "We'll have to go shopping, won't we?" He winks at her and one of his hands moves to caress her ass. "I can't wait to watch your body change. You think I have a hard time keeping my hands off of you now? Wait until…" he pauses, seeing the look in her eyes, and he laughs. "No, no way." He shakes his head. "Didn't happen like this with Kathy, I was always more afraid to go near her when she was pregnant." He clears his throat. "I tried to be there for her, I was...loving, doting even, but nothing about her sparked any more interest than usual, and you know the usual wasn't…"
"I know," she stops him, talking about Kathy is on the list of things that make her more nauseated now. She moves away from him when the bell dings and the doors slide open. She's not even a foot out when she throws her head back and whines. "We have to tell her, don't we?" she warbles, irritated, and then her head pops up and her eyes widen. "Shit, we have to tell my mother." Her brows raise even more. "We have to tell your mother."
He laughs as he nods, and he shoves her playfully toward the doors leading out of the lobby and into the city night. "We will, relax," he laughs. Secretly, he's just as anxious as she is, this child is no more or less loved than the other kids, but it' with Olivia. His Olivia. There's more at stake. He takes her hand and looks up, seeing a few stars beginning to come out of hiding in the pale purple sky. "It's gonna be a beautiful night," he says on a sigh. "Shit, the world itself is more beautiful now."
"You're really happy about this," she says, as if it took her until this moment to believe him. She watches him turn to her, sees him nod quickly and emphatically, and she laughs at how genuine it all is. She gives his hand a squeeze and when he grips back even tighter, she tugs at him. Her lip is caught between her teeth, her eyes are sparkling, and she waits.
He smirks as he leans into her and kisses her, his free hand cups her face and he moans against her lips. They're broken apart by his ringing phone, and he groans as he pries his lips from hers. Pulling his phone out of his pocket with one hand, he still stares into Olivia's eyes and winks at her as he answers the call with a breathy, "Stabler." His brows knit. "Maur? What happened, what is that…" he presses his lips together and his eyes close. He exhales and says, "Okay, well, that's very sweet of you, but you don't...oh, he did, huh?" He looks over at Olivia and says into the phone, "Yeah, pizza sounds great. Tell grandpa to order it, um...yeah. Whatever you guys want. We'll be home in a few minutes." He pauses at something his daughter says to him. "Mommy and I love you, too."
Her head tilts, her eyes flicker with the doubt that alternates between being overwhelming and nonexistent. She squeezes his hand.
After hanging up, he rubs his eyes with the hell of his hand and sniffles. "Uh, Kathy's dad...brought the crib over to the house, and he…" he blows out hard through a small round "o" in his lips. "Baby, the kids helped him...they moved Dickie's stuff into the empty bedroom down the hall and turned his room into a nursery." He feels his eyes well up and he laughs. "God, baby, they said...they're so excited about this baby." He bends and kisses her again. "Obviously, we...we don't need to worry about telling Kathy, her father did that already."
"Great," she scoffs, and she follows as he leads her to the Ford, the car that holds just as many memories as the building they're walking away from, and she says, "I've never met either of Kathy's parents. Why would they be so…"
"They're family," he says, and he unlocks the car. "Kathy cheated on me, remember? Her folks know that, they don't...they don't blame me as much they probably should, and they're not just gonna walk out of my life, out of the kids' lives, because…" he chuckles. "Ya know, her father probably likes me a lot more now that I'm not married to his daughter." He opens the door for her, waits, and then walks around and gets into the driver's seat. He slips the key into the ignition, turns it, but before he puts the car into reverse, he licks his lips. "Honey?"
"Yeah?" she waits, and when he doesn't speak, she reaches for his face, the back of her hand grazes his cheek. "What is it?"
He turns with his eyes closed and kisses the palm of her hand. He nuzzles into her touch and says, "That first night in Syracuse...we made dinner together...we had wine and we…"
"Danced," she smiles at him, remembering. "You turned on the radio, some cheesy love song was playing and you made me dance with you, in the living room, in front of the fireplace, and you said…" her eyes widen, something she'd forgotten all about comes back to her as vividly as if it had happened a moment ago. "You were serious."
He nods and he kisses her hand again, and then her wrist, and he playfully nips at her fingers. "I meant every fucking thing I said to you, the entire time we were there. But that…" he grins. "I guess I was warning you."
She shakes her head in disbelief, his words now ringing in her ears. I want to be the guy, Liv. They'd been talking about his kids, and why she didn't have any. His marriage, and why she couldn't see a relationship through past a third date. She'd told him she hadn't been with the guy. She'd said she'd only have kids with the guy, the man who would prove he'd never leave, never hurt her or any kids they may have, never break her heart. He'd danced her around the room, held her close, he'd sung to her, and he'd whispered, I want to be the guy, Liv. I am the guy. I swear I am.
He looks at her and he knows she's thinking, remembering, and he leans over the console and kisses her softly, "I told you, I'm the guy." He brings one hand down and places it on her stomach.
Both of her hands drop and cover his and she kisses him again. "Yeah, you are," she whispers. "You always have been. You heard what I said back there, I knew years ago...I wanted this with you. Just you." She kisses him once more. "Let's go home to...our kids. Pizza's probably already there," she jokes.
He wipes his eyes and nods, then backs out of the parking space. He drives off in the direction of their perfect house, the one that reminds them so intensely of the place that brought them out of the fog to find each other. He tightens his jaw as he thinks about the man that's trying like hell to rip it all away from him, and he growls too lowly for it to be heard by Olivia. He turns the wheel as he silently promises to find the son of a bitch who's playing with them like army men, like a set of toy soldiers.
He grins slyly, then, because he knows better than anyone, even toy soldiers have their weapons. And his?
They're deadly.
A/N: Elliot may or may not have a plan...but what is it?
