Author's Note: Welp. In response to COVID-19 my classes are online on a permanent basis for the rest of the semester and I barely have a job because I work in a restaurant and restaurants are closed except for takeout. That being said, y'all can probably expect pretty quick updates on this story from here on out as long as the pandemic crisis continues.

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy characters. Or any name brands/restaurants/retail places used.

Chapter 17: The Process of Healing

As Kairi feared, communication with Sora was silent once again. He had left her in her driveway that Saturday and she heard nothing more from him. Strangely, during the week that followed, Heidi stopped texting her as well. This was especially worrisome to her, because Heidi told her repeatedly that no matter what happened, she still loved her like a daughter, that she would try to talk some sense into Sora, and that she believed the two would end up back together. She feared that maybe Sora had gotten wind that Heidi was still talking to her and commanded her to stop. Had he told his mom that he wasn't interested in getting back together? She couldn't figure out why else Heidi would have dropped communication with her.

Kairi decided she would text Heidi first to find out what was going on. She texted a simple question about how Sora was doing, and anxiously awaited a reply.

It didn't take long. Her phone vibrated a few minutes later, and she almost couldn't believe what the responding text read.

U got some nerve asking me! I thought u were a nice girl. Stay away from Sora, he doesn't need any more bruises.

She sent a puzzled reply: ? What?

Don't play dumb. I visited him yesterday, I saw the black eye u left on him.

Now Kairi was really confused. She hadn't seen Sora in over a week, and she sure didn't leave a black eye on him. Was this his petty way of trying to sever her relationship with his mom? To fake a black eye and make it look like she'd hit him? She hurriedly tapped out her reply. I swear I have no idea what you're talking about! I've never hit Sora. I don't know how he got a black eye, but it wasn't from me!

K, whatever.

Kairi threw her hands up, exasperated. At this point, she felt she didn't have a choice. She texted Sora. Did you tell your mom I gave you a black eye?

Less than a minute after she sent the text, he called her.

"Uh, hi?" she greeted, surprised.

"I told her you didn't give me the black eye," Sora blurted out on the other end. "I tripped in my kitchen the other night, caught the door handle on the freezer to stop myself from falling, and in the process, the door swung open and I hit myself in the face with it."

Kairi snorted with laughter. "I'm sorry, but that's hilarious."

Sora laughed along with her, and her belly warmed at the sound. It had been so long since she'd heard him laugh.

"I'm sorry she accused you," he said. "I'll talk to her again."

Not knowing what to say next, but desperate to keep Sora on the phone with her, Kairi anxiously spouted, "have you given more thought to meeting your sister?"

Sora sighed on the other end. "Not really. I mean, honestly, I'd like to. I never had a sibling and I don't know what it's like. But if it means having to get involved with Nate…it's probably better if I don't."

"Oh, I see." Kairi racked her brain, trying to figure out how to keep him interested in talking. "How are you doing, besides the black eye?"

"All right, I guess," Sora replied dully. "Just working a lot. I made the decision to enroll for winter semester classes, so in a few months I'll be a college dude."

"That's so great, Sora!" Kairi exclaimed. "I'm so happy for you." The next part, she couldn't hold back, and the words came tumbling out like vomit. "I miss you."

"I called you to explain the thing with my mom, Kairi," Sora said, his tone suddenly cold. "Nothing's changed between us."

"I know you're upset with me," Kairi said, "and I just want you to know I am sorry. I'm sorry for everything I said and I'm sorry I accused you of hooking up with other girls. I just want things to go back to the way they were before."

"I don't know if they can. I'm not feeling it." With that last bit, Sora disconnected the call, and he was gone.

Kairi just stared at her phone, her hand trembling. Though this had been her reality for several weeks now, it was still hard to believe that the last three years she'd spent with Sora had dissolved into such a mess. Feeling miserable, she opened the thread of texts with Sora and scrolled up to ones they had sent back and forth before the breakup. She spent what felt like hours reading through all the sweet and sexy things he'd typed to her during his free time at work, and when she was done, she missed him more than ever.

But he'd basically just told her he didn't want her back.

She could feel herself spiraling; if she didn't do something, a massive meltdown was imminent. She just wanted to feel loved; she wanted to feel like someone wanted her.

She grabbed the iPad and did a Google search: best dating websites to use. She read through the results and the pros and cons reviews other people had left about each site in order to make her selection carefully. She didn't want to hook up with just anyone—she wanted to find a replacement for Sora. She wanted to find a nice guy that would love her the way she wanted to be loved and take away all the pain she was feeling.

Was it wrong for her to think about trying to date so soon? Perhaps, but she was out of ideas on how to make herself feel better. After Sora had just hung up on her, she was losing hope fast that he would come back to her. As far as she was concerned, moving forward was now justified.

She finally selected a website and went forward with establishing her account. She wrote a profile blurb about herself, trying to sound as interesting as an almost twenty-one-year-old girl who did nothing but work, go to school, and lie in her bed could sound. She uploaded her best pictures to the profile, and then it was time to wait for the guys to come flocking in. She knew they would—back when she had first met Sora online, she always had an inbox full of requests to take her on dates. Sora was the only one she had ever considered. She chuckled to herself. It was so weird to think that back then she had been viciously opposed to meeting guys from the internet, and now she was trying to do it on purpose.

XXXXXX

It turned out online dating wasn't as easy as it sounded. Sure, Kairi got multiple hits per day and her inbox was always full of messages—but the guys sending them were either just looking for a one-night stand or just plain boring. Most of them weren't even capable of holding a conversation with her beyond asking her what she was doing or what her hobbies were, and if she dared to send a message longer than a few sentences in return they often never replied. It was like these guys had no interest in a smart girl with a lot of opinions. A week in, she was starting to suspect meeting someone like Sora was a fluke and that if she wanted a boyfriend in the future, she'd have to meet him the old-fashioned way.

This was supposed to be helping her get over her break up with Sora, but damned if it wasn't making her miss him even more. She'd been fighting urges to text him all week, but her self-control waned as she repeatedly failed to find anything in common with the guys messaging her online. After a lot of arguing with herself, she decided it was important for Sora to know her thoughts. Regardless of whether or not there was still a chance of them getting back together, she needed closure, and the only way to get it was to tell him what was on her mind. It took her over an hour to craft the message, but when it was done, she felt impressed with herself.

I am trying to give you the space you asked for, but I felt the need to write you this message for two reasons. The first being that I want you to be 100 percent clear on how I'm feeling and what is going through my head with no misconceptions, and the second being that I am very angry and hurt about all of this and I am hoping that writing all these things down and sending them to you will help me let go of some of that negativity.

I know that you have your reasons for doing what you did. But I feel betrayed, to put it bluntly. And I say that because when we first got together, and not even only at first, even some time after we had been together, I was still confiding in you about my emotional problems from my past, with all the nonsense I dealt with growing up and watching my parents try being married for 16 years and it going down in flames, along with the way they both treated me during the time of their divorce and even afterwards, and how I had to give up my chance to live like a normal teenager. And I specifically remember a time or two when I told you I felt like I was really messed up and would be a huge burden and you should just run away while you could. And you told me you wouldn't give up on me.

But here we are. You did.

You don't accept me and my flaws. You don't even try to seem like you care about what is on my mind anymore. As badly as you've treated me lately, I still love you and I still don't want anyone else. And yes, I have had my bad moments, but the whole time you've been treating me poorly I have accepted you regardless and made excuse upon excuse for you to my parents and to myself, because I knew it everything would be okay.

And then last weekend you decided you were going to give up on being with me because I was still upset with you and couldn't keep it on a leash. You didn't have any other alternatives. You just wanted to throw in the towel, after all this time and everything we've done, over a stupid argument that we never even would have had if I wasn't already angry with you for breaking me so many times before. I don't even feel like you fought for me. You claimed you tried, but I don't see it. I really, honestly don't.

I know I can't change the way you feel or what you want to do but I really hope that this message helps you gain a little perspective and maybe not be so mad at me anymore. Since I'm pretty sure we are really over now and you don't want to try and work things out, I also want you to know I'm going to start dating and try to move on.

She thought it was rather eloquent and explained what was going through her head rather well. The only thing left to do was send it and wait to see what he would say back.

His reply came a couple hours later, and what it read sent her stomach plummeting to her knees.

Do what you gotta do.

So that was it. He had just confirmed for her what she had already suspected and feared. He was truly done with her, truly ready to sever their relationship for good. He had nothing to say about all the stuff she wrote about her feelings. It didn't bother him that she said she was going to date other guys. Part of her had hoped adding that part in would send a shock to his system and make him want to claim her back again. How wrong she'd been.

As hurt as she was by his callous response, she still had one other person to address. She wanted to confront his mother about how it had made her feel to be accused of hitting Sora. She spent another hour carefully crafting another long message, explaining to Heidi that she loved her like a second mother and how badly it hurt her that she'd believe she'd caused Sora's black eye even when he explained what really happened.

The message to Heidi went over far better. She received a reply that said:

Sora did talk to me again after I accused you. I am so sorry that I hurt you. Please accept my apology and please just understand that as a mother I have to be loyal to my son. I love you so much, honey, and I really hope you two find your way back to each other. All I can say is make him miss you like crazy!

Kairi sighed in relief. At least Sora's mother wasn't her enemy anymore. If they were on the same side, she knew her name would pop up in every conversation Sora had with his mother. He'd never escape it.

XXXXX

Kairi had been on her dating site for two weeks before she at last finally found a guy—Zidane—that could hold a proper conversation. It started off basic, but instead of letting the conversation die when it seemed there was nothing left to say, he just changed the subject.

He was cute, too. He had dark blonde hair on the long side and pretty blue eyes a few shades lighter than Sora's.

Damn it. She really needed to stop doing that, letting everything remind her of Sora. She'd never be able to move on if she kept comparing new guys to him.

Zidane was fun to talk to, though. He kept her interested in the conversation and she was quickly learning they had several things in common. He was funny, too. He made a lot of clever jokes that made her smile or laugh out loud. Before she knew it, she was texting back and forth with him all day and well into the night, just like she had the last time she fell in love with he-who-must-not-be-named. She was careful to never accidentally mention Sora when she talked to Zidane. She wanted to keep the fact that she was fresh out of a long relationship a secret, worried that it might scare him off.

He waited until they had been texting for a week to ask her if she wanted to hang out in person. She accepted without hesitation; he was the first guy she'd talked to that had managed to make her forget Sora, even briefly, and she was excited to meet him in person.

She had him meet her at school at the end of her classes. She was sure he was just a regular guy with good intentions, but she wanted their first meeting to be in a busy, public place for good measure. To her relief, he looked exactly as he had in his online photos, and when he saw her approaching him, he flashed her a grin that made her heart skip a beat.

"How was school, cutie?"

Blushing at the nickname, Kairi launched into a lighthearted rant about how much she hated math and public speaking—two core classes she had forced herself to get out of the way that semester.

She couldn't help but notice how easy talking to Zidane was. There hadn't been any awkwardness between them when they first met up; the conversation had started with ease. He was genuinely interested in what she had to say, too. He didn't make her feel like she was boring him. She made sure to let him interject, not wanting everything to be one-sided.

Finally, he asked the question she'd been wondering if he'd ask.

"So, what made you get on a dating site?"

She chewed her lip and carefully considered how to answer. "I'm just…real busy. It's hard for me to meet people the regular way." She added a laugh to hide her nervousness, pleased with herself for her ability to come up with such a great answer on the spot.

"I see. I have a confession to make," Zidane said. "Hopefully it won't make you change your mind about hanging out."

Great. Kairi braced herself, ready for him to let her down easy. And she'd thought things were going so well, too. She should have known it was too good to be true.

"I'm recently out of a long-term relationship," Zidane continued. "I was dating this girl for the past year and she just dumped me not too long ago. I was having trouble letting go so I decided to try this out to forget about her."

Kairi stared at him. What were the odds? He was in the exact same situation she was. She was inspired to tell the truth now. "I just lied," she said quickly. "I just broke up with someone, too. We were together almost 3 years. I also am trying to stop thinking about him."

Zidane chuckled. "Check us out. We're two peas in a pod." He offered her a hand to shake. "I promise to do my best to help you get over your ex if you promise to do the same for me."

Kairi accepted the handshake. "I'll do my best," she said. "I have to be honest, though, since the cat's out of the bag. I don't know if I'm ready to move on. I'm just making an attempt."

"Same here," Zidane admitted. "Don't worry, it's okay. I mean no matter what, I think we get along so let's just agree to be friends for now. We can see what happens from there."

"Sounds good to me." Kairi smiled at him warmly. "Thank you for being so understanding."

"Of course! I can't judge you for doing what I'm doing. But since we're being honest, there's a part of me that hopes my ex catches wind of me dating and gets jealous."

"Is it wrong if I say I'm secretly feeling the same way about mine?" The two shared a laugh over how identical their situations were.

Zidane held up an invisible drink. "A toast," he joked, "to either getting over our exes or making them jealous enough to come back to us…may we succeed in one or the other."

XXXXXX

Now that she had Zidane to talk to every day, Kairi was starting to feel better. Hell, she was even going hours at a time without feeling sorry for herself or wishing she could talk to Sora. If anyone had asked her a few weeks ago, she'd have said she'd never start healing this quickly. According to what she'd read on the internet, recovery time for a long-term relationship was half the length of the relationship. She hadn't been looking forward to a year and a half of suffering. But here she was, less than two months post-breakup and she felt like she was doing just fine. She still missed him like crazy, but every day it got easier to ignore her desires to text him or stalk his Facebook profile.

Sora had apparently told his mother that Kairi planned to start dating, because Heidi texted her a novel about it.

You don't need to date other men to get Sora's attention…you need to date yourself. Trust me, he misses you a lot, he just didn't want his every free second to be spent with you! And it made him feel like crap and angry with himself and you when you got mad at him for wanting to do stuff without you. If you want him back, this is not how to do it. Show him Miss Independent…make him wonder what you are doing.

Kairi replied: I'm not trying to win him back. He didn't seem to care when I told him I was going to date. I wanted him to be upset with the idea of me dating, for him to fight for me, but he isn't interested. I do still want him, don't misunderstand. If he asked for me back, I'd come running in a heartbeat. But I'm done trying to force him.

After sending her lengthy reply, she waited, but couldn't resist sending a follow up text asking how Sora was doing. She might as well, since she was already talking to his mom.

He's not feeling well. He called off work today, think he has a cold. He said his throat hurts so bad he can't talk.

Kairi was worried by this. The entire time she'd been with Sora, he'd never called off work. In fact, when he worked at the phone shop, he'd come down with a terrible stomach virus and still gone to work. She'd taken him some Gatorade and anti-emetics and found him curled up on the floor when he didn't have customers, determined to not have to close the shop early.

He must have felt really awful if he had called in. If he was really that sick, did he have everything he needed? She'd always taken care of him when he was sick when they were together. What if he didn't take care of himself?

With that terrifying thought in mind, her decision was made. She ran by the grocery store and picked up cold medicine, cough drops, tissues, and orange juice, and drove to Sora's apartment.

When she got there, she sat in her car for a few minutes gathering her nerves. Both Sora and Roxas's cars were in the parking lot by the apartment building. Her plan was to hang the grocery bag of supplies on the knob of their front door, knock, and flee before either of them answered. She hoped she could pull it off. She'd feel really silly if they saw her before she could make an escape.

Once she calmed down enough to take the risk, she crept as quietly as she could toward the main entrance and up to the third floor to their apartment. Once at the door, she pressed an ear to it, trying to figure out if either of them were close enough to the door to catch her. She didn't hear anything. No TV, no talking, not rustling. That was a good sign. With her heart hammering, she hung the bag on the door, trying to keep it from rustling too much. She took a deep breath, gave the door a firm three knocks to ensure they could hear it from any other room in the apartment, then turned tail and ran down the stairs and out the main door as quickly as her legs could carry her.

Once back in her car, she finally allowed her lungs to release. There was no time to rest yet, though. Sora knew what her new car looked like, so she needed to make a total getaway before he had the chance to investigate.

Once she was safely home, she texted Heidi again to let her know what she had done. Heidi responded with her approval and a promise to update Kairi on Sora's condition in the following days.

A small part of Kairi was hoping that Sora would immediately know it was her and that he would text her, but when her phone remained silent for the rest of the evening, she knew her hopes were foolish, and she was left feeling crushed. Perhaps she wasn't recovering quite as well as she'd thought.

She sighed and picked up her phone to text Zidane, confessing what she had done.

Aw snap, girl. Sorry it didn't work out how you wanted. Catch a movie this weekend?

Kairi smiled, her mood instantly lifted by the boy's cheeriness. I'd love to.

XXXXXX

"You are amazing."

Kairi giggled triumphantly at Zidane's compliment. The two of them had just exited their movie and were walking back to Zidane's car.

"What can I say, minimum wage isn't enough to afford theater snacks. Besides, I wasn't in the mood for candy."

"Seriously, you're like, my fucking hero. I've never seen anyone sneak wings into a movie theater."

Kairi had ordered the pair of them chicken wings and successfully hidden the takeout box in a rather large handbag. She had been worried she'd be found out, but the theater workers were either incredibly oblivious or just didn't care enough to stop her.

"I'm gonna brag about this on Facebook," she said, taking her phone out.

"And I'm gonna be the first to comment."

"Thanks for the movie, by the way," Kairi said shyly. "It was nice to get out and do something fun after the mishap this week."

"No sweat, girl," Zidane winked at her and opened her car door for her. "It's a day by day thing. Getting over someone you're still in love with can be as hard as getting over a drug addiction. Some days you feel okay and you don't need it, others you relapse."

"Have you?" Kairi asked curiously. "Relapsed, I mean."

"Of course. Like, two days before I started talking to you, I called her in the middle of the night. I'd had too much to drink and it seemed like a good idea at the time."

"What happened?"

"She said, 'you're drunk, Zidane. Go to bed' and hung up."

Kairi laughed. "Ouch. At least I haven't done that, yet."

"Have you gotten drunk since your breakup?"

"Nah." Kairi wrinkled her nose. "I don't like alcohol that much. I had a bad experience at Sor—at my ex's birthday party."

"Oof, just wait. It'll happen sooner or later," Zidane teased. "The good news is, that's pretty much rock bottom."

Kairi was trying to think of a witty response, but she was distracted by her phone vibrating with a text from Heidi.

Hey who were u at the movies with?

Kairi frowned. Heidi was always uncomfortably nosy, but this seemed a bit much. Then again, maybe she was just hoping that the answer would be Sora. Just a guy I've been talking to.

Is his name Zidane?

Kairi frowned harder. Something was definitely up. Yes…why?

Oh dear.

"Hey, can you take me home?" Kairi asked Zidane. "Sorry to cut things short, but apparently there is something I need to handle."

"Sure thing."

Kairi worked on rapidly typing her reply to Heidi. How do you know who I'm with?

Just guessed cause he's ur newest FB friend and he wrote on the post u made. I'm w Sora. He is shaking so bad…cuz he knows about ur date w Zidane.

Kairi waited to answer that text until Zidane had dropped her off at her house. Can you call me if you can? I'm confused.

A few minutes later, Heidi called her. Kairi guessed she'd snuck away from wherever Sora was, because she spoke barely above a whisper.

"Tell me what's going on," Kairi demanded.

"I made some homemade chicken soup for Sora for his cold and brought it to him," Heidi began, "and I sat with him for a while and we talked about you. He started talking about how much it's hurting him that you wanted to go on dates and how he wished he'd said something different to you when you told him, but he didn't know how to approach you. He wanted advice on how to talk to you."

Kairi's heart leapt into her throat. "Really?"

"Yes, honey! And then you made your post about the chicken wings at the theater and I thought it was funny, so I showed him, and he saw that guy Zidane commented on it. He guessed right away what was going on. I think he thought you were bluffing when you said you were going to date, and when he discovered you weren't, he broke down." Heidi was so excited she was struggling to keep her voice low. "I told him to stop worrying about how to talk to you and to just do it. Please don't tell him I told you any of this, I'm betraying his trust right now. But I wanted you to know."

Kairi was struggling to hold back tears of happiness at the revelation. "I'm glad you told me. Thank you. I'm so happy I'm about to cry."

Heidi laughed. "Oh, honey, I cried right along with Sora tonight! I'm so happy for you guys right now. I'm gonna say goodbye to him and get out of here so he can work shit out. Look for his text."

Kairi pulled herself together and anxiously waited. She looked at the clock. It was 9 P.M. She wanted to tell Zidane her great news, but she chose not to, in case she was setting herself up for disappointment. After all, just because Sora had confessed to his mother all those feelings didn't mean he would really follow through.

She stared at her ceiling for what felt like forever, waiting for the magical moment her phone would go off. What was taking so long? She checked her clock again. 10:30. With a sigh, she clicked her lamp off. Obviously, Heidi had been too excited and jumped the gun. Sora wasn't ready yet.

She had just closed her eyes, submitting to the sleep that would take her away from her sudden misery, when the familiar buzz buzz of her phone sent an electric shock to her brain. She sat upright, overwhelmed with excitement when she saw the sender of the new text was indeed Sora.

Thanks for bringing me that stuff the other day. You didn't have to do that.

It was simple, and not the love confession Kairi had thought it would be, but it was something! She took a breather and carefully thought out what to say back. She didn't want to come off too strong or in any way indicate that she had spoken with Heidi. She decided to go with simple, as he had. I know, but I wanted to.

I wanted to thank you before, but I wasn't sure how.

She didn't know what to say next. She wanted to text him something that was worth responding to. If she just sent a couple words back, he might not reply and then she'd be stuck figuring out how to spark a conversation again. Before she could decide what to write though, he had texted again.

I still want you, Kairi. Do you still want me?

There it was. The text she'd been waiting on for two months.

Author's Note: Kairi's letter to Sora is the real letter I wrote to my ex during a breakup. It was a wild ride revisiting that memory. In other news: steamy reunion coming up! This is already my longest chapter yet, so I've decided to make you guys wait until next time for the lemon. :P