A/N I was actually able to get a quickie chapter out! I was going to save it for the weekend, but decided to post it now in honor of my buddy Metalheadrailfan's birthday. So, here ya go, buddy, happy birthday!
As Time Goes By
Chapter 17
Arnold sits with his arm around his wife's shoulders and smiles at their new born daughter as she peacefully sleeps in the infant carrier that has been placed on the coffee table in front of them. He is interrupted by Phillip, who is eager to finally find out what is in the large package that sits alone under the Christmas tree. The living room floor is littered with torn bits of brightly colored paper, and bows that once sat jauntily atop of carefully wrapped packages, but now lay tossed aside, to await their eventual trip to the recycle bin.
His voice is eager, and his eyes are pleading as he awaits permission to dig into his final gift of the day. "Pwease, Daddee, can I opens the big package now?"
Arnold looks to his wife, who smiles back and nods her head. Turning back to his son, Arnold gives the go ahead. "Okay, Phillip, have at it."
"Oh boy!" Phillip exclaims as he proceeds to tear into the large box. The room is filled first with the sound of ripping paper, and then joyful squeals once the treasure inside is revealed. "Oh boy! I can't believes it! I can't believes I rweally gots a Duke Galaxycruiser battle cruiser! Oh boy!"
He picks up the box that practically matches him in size, and walks over to Arnold, plopping it unceremoniously into his father's lap. Arnold lets out a loud "OOF", relieved in the fact that the family jewels are still intact.
Phillip looks at his father with hope in his eyes. "Can we puts it together now, Daddee? Pweeease?"
It's been a long morning, and Arnold would much rather relax in front of the TV, cold beer in hand, watching whatever current Bowl game happens to be playing. He looks to Helga for support but his hopes are dashed when Joy lets out a small cry, saving Helga from being put in the middle of the discussion.
Getting up, she grabs Joy and makes her escape. "Sorry, Arnoldo, but duty calls. I'm going to head upstairs and let the two of you work this out. Besides, I've been sitting way too long and my nether regions are still sore from Joy's birth. I think I need to lay down."
Arnold watches her back as she and Joy leave the room. He mumbles a low "Traitor" at her, causing her to stop and turn around. She gives him a raise of her eyebrow. "Did you say something?"
Arnold is quick to deny. "No, dear, I didn't say a word."
Helga eyes him suspiciously. "If you say so." She says before giving him one last glare.
Arnold flashes her an innocent smile before letting out a relieved sigh once she's left the room. He turns back to Phillip, who has gone back to his spot next to the Christmas tree, and watches as the boy fights with the tape that holds the galaxycruiser's box shut.
With his hopes of a quiet afternoon in front of the TV dashed, Arnold takes the toy from Phillip and reads the outside of the box. "Let's see here, Champ, it says deluxe battle cruiser, for children ages five and up." He looks over the top of the box, wondering if Phillip isn't a bit too young for such a toy. Hoping that that's not the case, he goes back to reading. "Some assembly required, batteries not included."
The "Some Assembly Required" bit worries him, and he hopes that Helga had enough foresight to make sure they have the four, C sized batteries needed to make the toy work. He lets out a deep sigh and hands the box back to Phillip. "Here, hang tight for a minute while I go get a screwdriver and some batteries, then we can work on putting this thing together."
Phillip takes the toy from his father and studies the picture that adorns the outside of the box. He's anxious to get the ship put together and struggles once again to get the box opened. Once Arnold has gathered the proper tools, he rejoins Phillip in the living room and takes a seat on the floor next to the boy. With screwdriver in hand, he puts on what he hopes comes across as an eager smile. "All right, Phillip, let's get this thing put together."
xxxx
By the time Helga has made it upstairs Joy has fallen back into a deep sleep. Figuring that it wouldn't hurt for her to go a little longer between feedings, she places Joy in her bassinet and climbs into bed. She snuggles down into the covers, ready to join her daughter in her nap, when her cell phone begins to ring.
Wondering who it is that dares to disturb her nap time, she grabs the phone, rolling her eyes at the name that flashes from the screen. Sitting back up, she leans against the bed's headboard and tries not to sound too grumpy. "Well, well, if it isn't Miss Rhondaloid herself. To what do I owe the pleasure of your call?"
Rhonda either ignores, or doesn't notice, her friend's sarcasm, and responds to Helga's question. "Well hello to you, too, Helga. It seems that the grapevine has been a bit slow in spreading the news of your newest arrival. Why I've only just now heard about the happy event."
Helga wonders if this is the real reason for the call. "Oh, yes, I'm sorry about that, but with it happening so suddenly, and right at Christmas, we haven't really had much time to spread the word. I do hope you understand."
If Rhonda is offended by the oversight, she doesn't let it show in her voice. "Of course I understand, Helga. I mean, after hearing what you went through in the back of that car, and all with no outside help. It's perfectly understandable that your mind would be elsewhere at a time like that."
Somehow Helga can't help but to feel like a school kid that's just gotten pardoned by the principal for writing on the bathroom walls. "Well, I'm glad that you understand. So, what's been going on with you?"
"Well, funny you should ask. There is something that I need to talk to you about."
"I KNEW IT!" Helga thinks to herself as she scowls into the phone. "Is that so? Well, don't keep me in suspense, tell me what's up."
"Well, you know, I have been thinking that it's been a while since I've been back to the old homestead, and, well, things are a bit slow here right now, so I've decided that this would be the perfect time to come back home to celebrate the new year with all my friends."
Helga is caught off guard by the unexpected news. "Oh, well, that's nice, Rhonda, but I don't know if Arnold and I are up for any partying right now. I mean it's only been a few days since Joy's birth, and I'm not really up to going out."
Rhonda is quick to cut her off. "Oh, well, that's the good part Helga, for you see, I've decided to hold the party on the boarding house's rooftop."
Helga's eyes open wide as she sputters into the phone. "Wh-what? We can't hold a party here! The place is a mess, and I'm in no shape to start cleaning up for any party."
Rhonda brushes her complaints off. "Oh, Helga, don't worry, I have everything under control. I'll be sending over a whole crew to clean, another to decorate, and I've already arranged things with the finest caterer in Hillwood. You won't have to lift a finger. Plus I'll be keeping it small, only the old gang and their better halves have been invited."
"What! You've already invited everyone? But – but"
"Like I said, don't worry. The crew will be out there on the 30th to get everything set up."
Helga tries to get a word in edgewise but is unsuccessful. "But – that's only two days away! There's no way –"
There's a beeping on the other end of the phone, signaling that Rhonda has another call coming in. "Oh, that's my agent, I've got to go. I can't wait to see everyone on the 31st. Ta-ta, Helga dear and say hi to Arnold for me."
Helga stares at the phone that now sits silent in her hand. She throws it back onto the nightstand, letting out a frustrated "Criminy!" as she lays back down on the bed. With sleep now the furthest thing from her mind, she just stares up at the ceiling, wondering what the hell just happened.
xxxx
Father and son sit together, cross-legged on the living room floor. They are surrounded by a myriad of small, plastic pieces that when assembled correctly, should make up one deluxe battle cruiser. Arnold holds the multi-page instruction manual in his hands, giving it a 45 degree, clockwise turn. He looks from the picture in the manual to the five pieces of the battle cruiser that he's so far been able to put together, and gives his head a shake.
He reads the current step he is on once again, hoping to gain a bit more clarity. "Let's see, it says, place tab AA into Slot G while holding onto piece XY, being careful not to apply too much pressure while doing so."
He reaches for what he has put together so far, gingerly holding onto piece XY. He takes the next piece labeled AA and gently tries to slide it into Slot G. He does his best to connect the two pieces together, but they refuse to cooperate, causing him to tighten his grip on the model. He applies a bit too much pressure onto the pieces that have already been put together, causing them break apart.
Phillip watches his father put the original pieces back together and offers a small bit of advice. "I think you squeezed it too tight."
Arnold is careful to keep his voice controlled. "I know that, Phillip."
Phillip picks up the piece labeled AA and starts to slip it into slot G. "I thinks you're 'uppossed to do it like this."
With his patience growing thin, Arnold takes the piece away from Phillip. "I know how it's supposed to go, Phillip." He says while finally getting the pieces to fit.
"Okay, Daddee." Phillip says as he picks up two more pieces of the model. "I think these two pieces are 'upposed to go next."
He starts to reach for piece XY, but is stopped by his father. "Hold on, Phillip! We need to be careful. Here, let me see those."
He takes the pieces from Phillip and goes back to the instructions. He reads the next step and sees that his son is correct in his assumption.
He goes to place the next piece onto the model when Phillip yells out for him to stop. "No, Daddee, not there!"
Phillip's outburst startles Arnold, causing his hand to hit the model. He watches as piece XY pops off and into the air. Phillip sits back down, placing his hands in his lap. "I'm sorrwy, Daddee."
Arnold smiles down at Phillip. "It's okay, Philly, it's not your fault. You were just trying to help. Tell you what. I think this would go faster if only one of us worked on it. Why don't you go see if mommy needs any help with Joy. Can you do that for me?"
Phillip nods his head as he gets up. "Okay, Daddee. Let me know when you're all done."
Arnold takes a moment to watch Phillip leave the room before turning his attention back to the instruction manual. Finally able to work uninterrupted, he settles in, determined to get this thing put together before the New Year.
xxxx
It has taken a while, but eventually Helga finds herself able to relax, and is just about to drift off when she hears movement coming from Joy's bassinet. Resigning herself to the fact that she will never, ever be able to nap again, she pushes herself up and reaches for her child. In a split second Joy has gone from peacefully sleeping to dying of starvation, and now frantically wails as Helga works quickly to free her swollen breast.
Joy lets out an impatient grunt as she latches onto her mother, her sucking causing Helga to momentarily flinch. "Mother of Pearl!" Helga yells out, "Take it easy, will ya."
Once the flow of milk starts to fill Joy's stomach she slows down a bit, allowing her mother to relax. Helga is enjoying her one on one time with her daughter when she notices Phillip standing in the doorway. She smiles to the boy and motions for him to come on over.
Phillip walks up to the bed and watches as his sister quietly nurses. With Helga not even home for 24 hours, this is the first time Phillip has witnessed his mom nurse, and he looks on with curiosity. He tilts his head to the side and asks his question. "Mommee, what's Joy doing?"
Helga gives Phillip a quizzical look. "She's eating sweetheart, that's how babies eat."
"They suck on your boob?"
"Yes, and we don't say boob, we say breast."
"That's weird."
"Well, you don't remember, but when you were just a baby this is how you ate too."
"I sucked on your boob?"
"It's breast dear."
"What comes out of it, hangaburgers?"
Helga lets out a little chuckle. "No, silly, it's not hamburgers, it's mommy's milk."
"Milk? Like the milk in the refrigerator? There's Mommee milk in the refrigerator?"
"No, dear, that's cow's milk."
Phillip ponders this for a moment. "Do cows have boobs too?"
"No, darling, they have udders, and remember, it's not boobs, it's breasts."
"But Daddee and Uncle Gewald calls them boobs."
"I don't care what daddy calls them, you will call them breasts."
Phillip gives his mother a smile as he walks out of the room, his questions satisfied for now. "Okay, Mommee." He stops at the doorway and turns to his mother. "So I guess I shouldn't call them bazongas either then, right?"
Slapping her forehead with the palm of her hand, Helga lets out a yell. "ARRRNOLLLLD!"
xxxx
Arnold holds his breath as he carefully holds onto Phillip's battle cruiser. The ship is just about half-way completed, and he is eager to get the next piece in place and move on. He holds two interlocking pieces together and gently tries to snap them into place when he hears his name being bellowed from upstairs. The sound startles him, causing him to drop the two interlocked pieces. They land on what's already been put together, causing piece Q to break away from the rest of the ship. He holds onto the expletive that is about to escape his mouth, slowly exhaling instead. His head turns towards the hallway when he hears his name being called a second time.
Getting up, he leaves the living room and heads for the stairs. He gets about half-way up the stairs when he runs into Phillip who is on his way down. He stops the boy and looks down at him. "What's up with your mom?"
Phillip just shrugs his shoulders and continues on down the stairs. "I dunno, we were just talking when she yelleded for you."
Arnold looks from the boy to the top of the stairs, his curiosity growing even stronger. Entering the bedroom, he walks over to their bed. He can see from the expression on Helga's face that she is not happy, and tries to lighten the mood. "You rang?"
Helga shoots him an irritated look which causes a slight chill to run down his spine. "Yes, I rang. We need to talk."
Arnold knows through experience that whenever he hears those four fateful words that it is better to stay silent and let Helga have her say. "Um, okay, what about?"
"I'll tell you what about, about you and Geraldo, and the language you use around our son."
Arnold does a quick mental rundown of any and all conversations he and Gerald have had around Phillip, in hopes of figuring out just what words he and Gerald are guilty of using. Coming up empty handed, he plays innocent. "Words? What kind of words?"
"Oh, let's see, just for an example, how about we start with words like 'Boobs' and 'Bazongas'!
An unexpected chuckle escapes Arnold. "Oh, I see."
"It's not funny, Arnold. Here I am doing my best to make sure our son grows up to respect women and you and Gerald go acting all Neanderthal around him."
At first Arnold figured her over the top reaction was due to a spike in her post-pregnancy hormones, but upon further study he realizes that there's more to it than meets the eye. Walking over to her, he sits down on the bed and places an arm around her shoulders. "Hey, I'm sorry, you're right, Gerald and I do need to be more careful in our choice of words. But why do I get the feeling that something else is going on here?"
It doesn't surprise Helga that Arnold can read her like a book, and she starts to feel a bit guilty for dumping her frustrations on him. "Because, it just so happens that there is something else. Do you know who I just had the pleasure of talking to while you were downstairs with Phillip?"
"Um, well, let's see –" Arnold begins, but is cut off mid-sentence.
"None other than the princess herself, Miss Rhondaloid, that's who. And do you know what she said?"
"Well, no, I can't say that I do –"
"Well I'll tell you. She's taken it upon herself to come into town and throw one of her grand New Year's Eve parties."
"So? What's wrong with that? Her parties are fun."
"What's wrong you ask? Well, she's not just throwing a party, she's having it take place here, at the boarding house!"
"Wait, what? We're not in any shape to host a party. Doesn't she realize that you've just gotten out of the hospital?"
"I told her that, but she insisted anyway. Says she's going to hold it on the roof, and is sending an army of people over on the 30th to set it all up."
Arnold does a quick calculation in his head. "The 30th? But that's only two –"
"- days away, I KNOW!"
"Why didn't you tell her no?"
Helga looks at him as if he's crazy. "Don't you think I tried? You know Rhonda, she wouldn't take no for an answer."
Arnold does know their friend, and he also knows that once she's set her mind to something there's no saying no. "Well then, I guess we're going to be hosting a New Year's Eve party. At least it's going to be held here and we don't need to worry about babysitters. Let's look on the bright side, who knows, maybe it will be fun. Phillip can have Gerry and Otto over to keep him occupied and they can even spend the night. Plus she's hiring people to do all the work. We can get our house cleaned for free."
All Helga can do is shake her head at her husband's unwavering optimism. "If you say so, Arnoldo."
With that matter settled Arnold places a kiss on Helga's forehead and slides off the bed. "Okay then, if all is well here I have a battle cruiser to finish putting together. You need anything before I go?"
Helga adjusts Joy, switching her over to her other breast and shakes her head. "No, we're fine, but, hey, thanks for the talk. I guess I do feel a bit better about this whole thing."
Arnold shoots her a wink. "You're welcome."
He heads back downstairs, ready to finish taking on Phillip's toy, and is stopped dead in his tracks when he enters the living room. He looks on in disbelief when he sees Phillip sitting on the floor and playing with one, fully completed, battle cruiser.
Phillip looks up at him with a smile. "Look, Daddee, I's finished putting it together for you!"
Arnold can't believe what he's seeing. "How did you-?" He stops talking mid-sentence and turns around to leave the room, shaking his head as he goes. "Nevermind, I don't even want to know.
