I woke up in a mass grave with the stench of blood burning my nose and awakening my bloodlust. I ached for the first time since I started to feed on Chizuru. I hadn't forgotten that tremendous pain, the fingernails digging in my heart, my intestins eating themselves in hunger. I thought I would have had more time... But I guess I would have had if I didn't put myself in such a danger. Repairing my body probably had cost dearly to my Rasetsu self. I had nothing left of Chizuru's blood in my veins.

The sun was hidden by clouds but the daylight was stil hurting my eyes and exhausting me. I needed to find some shadows and fast. Panting, sweating, suffering, I was feeling even more close to death than the day before.

I crawled out the mass of cadavers around me and found a shadowy spot for me to rest. The pain of the sun calmed down and I stayed put, waiting in agony for the bloodlust pain to go as well and bury itself back into my bones. I thought for a second that all these corpses could be a source of supply but I hadn't fell that low yet. Acting like this would give the coup de grâce to my sanity.

I waited and waited until the tide receded and I was eventually able to breath and think again. I took a few moments to savor the fact of being alive and I inspected my body. It was immaculate, free of any injuries even the big one in my guts. To be fair, I never thought that one would heal. I saw that I could plant my sword in Kaoru's stomach and that Chizuru could take a bullet there but ripped as it was, I was sure I was going to die.

Thanks gods... to give me the chance to keep fighting.

I stood up with difficulty, my body still recovering, and I walked, slowly but surely, towards our encampment, hoping to find it still standing. It wasn't on a strategical position and it was far from roads so I had good hopes for it to be untouched. I looked one last time at the pile of corpses... This war was turning us into animals. In the past, each side would have taken back their fallen soldiers in the evening, the would have sent back the bodies, or at least the heads, back to their homeland so that they could be burried where they belonged and their spirits could be free. But instead of all this, we were moving and moving again and leaving our fallen comrades to rot, far from their home and their family. There was no honor and respect in the way the armies were treating those who died for their cause, and this, on both sides. It was a massacre. The world had gone mad.

My feet were carrying me and I found my way back to camp, relieved to find it buzzing with activity. Someone saw me, I don't know who, maybe Denshutai... and he called my name and asked for help. Other warriors answered his call and they carried me to the infirmary. I wanted to tell them that there was no necessity, that I was already healed but I was too exhausted to talk. They laid me down on a futon and I fell asleep.

When I woke up again, I was clean and my clothes were gone, sign that the doctor examined me. I was only wearing an underwear and a nagajuban and I stood up to go and find proper clothes.

« No ! » I heard « don't move yet, Saito-san. »

« Who are you ? » I asked, confused.

« Aizu's doctor, Nigawa-sensei. I need to make a few tests. » he bowed.

« For what purpose ? » I asked, afraid that my Rasetsu nature showed up in my sleep.

« Your body is in prime condition but due to the state you were when you arrived, I think you probably hurted your head. I need to verify your senses and reflexes to be sure the brain's not hurt. »

« My head is totally fine, sensei. » I objected.

« Yes, I see you can understand what I say and make full sentences, that is already good » he praised, not paying attention to my protests. « Now please stand up on only one leg, please... »

I did everything he asked from me and without surprise, I was perfectly fine. My condition wasn't linked to a cerebral damage, it was linked to the sun and my need for blood, plus the exhaustion of my body after a healing process very energy consuming. He allowed me to put back on a clean uniform and to get out.

I found Shimada Kai waiting for me outside and he bowed with relief when he saw that I was feeling alright.

« Saito-Taichô » he said « I'm very relieved to find you safe. You were reported missing in action and I feared you wouldn't return. »

« Thank you, Shimada » I bowed « I am glad to find you well. »

« The Shinsengumi is packing, Taichô. »he informed « Yonezawa-han has surrendered just after the enemy took Bonari pass. Now is our only chance to get to Sendai before the roads are cut. »

« Whose order is this ? » I asked, perplexed.

« Otori-san. » he confessed.

« I'm going to have a word with Otori-san » I said firmly « lead me to him. »

He bowed and stated walking and I followed until I found Otori and his Denshutai, putting down their tents in the prospect of their departure.

« Saito-san » he said with a smile « I heard you came back this morning and I am relieved. »

« What is the meaning of this, Otori-san ? » I asked with an icy voice, looking around me.

« We are going to Sendai to meet back with Hijikata-san, Enomoto-sama and the Yugitai. We are going as planned to Ezo. »

« And Aizu ? » I asked « What about them ? »

« Aizu is doomed. » he said « even lord Katamori acknowledges it. Our only chance as an army is to regroup and organize the defense. Enomoto-sama has battleships, the Yugitai, talented warriors and Hijikata-san is a true leader and strategist. We are going to need all this if we want to opose the SatCho. There is nothing left for us in Aizu. »

« I see. » I nodded, furious « I wish you a lot of success in your plan, Otori-san. »

« You're not coming, Saito-san ? » he asked in disbelief.

« Saito-san » added Shimada « The Shinsengumi needs to regroup with the vice-commander. »

« And the Shinsengumi will. » I confirmed « I'm not forcing anyone to stay with me in Aizu. The men will make their own choice according to their conscience and principals. »

« Saito-san, Aizu is about to become a graveyard. » said Otori, visibly thinking that I hit my head while I was missing in action. « Staying here has no point for our cause. »

« We've come here for Aizu. If we abandon our will and leave when seeing Aizu is about to fall, that's breaching integrity and righteousness. » I replied with an icy voice.

« You don't seem to understand, Saito-san... » he sighed, annoyed « The SatCho is taking Juroku bashi as we speak. Unfortunately, the main troops of Aizu han were at Nikko-guchi when their troops reached Juroku bashi. Lord Matsudaira Katamori had to send the Byakkotai ( White Tiger unit) to block them. These boys are between 15 and 17 years old, Saito ! They're all going to die there and be turned into cannon fodder. Wakamatsu town will fall tomorrow or the day after, at best. It's over. »

« As long as I will fight, it won't be over. » I said « now if you excuse me, I need to adress my men. »

« Saito » said Shimada Kai, uneasy « I will join Hijikata-san. »

« You have every right to » I nodded.

« Thank you, Taichô. » he bowed.

I walked away without another word and went back to the Shinsengumi section of the camp. Around me, my men were also packing, ready to go.

« May I have your attention, soldiers ? » I shouted loud enough for everyone to hear.

They all stopped packing and turned to me. They reunited in front of me and I took a deep breath before addressing them.

« As you may know, the Shinsengumi is on the leave to go reunite with our vice commander in Sendai. Personally, I will not join you. » I said and I saw their confusion on their face « I haven't forgotten that when we were called Mibu Wolves and were considered a bunch of honorless ronins, it is Matsudaira Katamori-sama who trusted us. I haven't forgotten that he was the one taking our defense, putting the rice in our mouths, making sure we were equipped aptly and providing us with meaningful missions. I haven't forgotten that he even trusted us with the shogun's life once. I haven't forgotten that he gave us that terrain on Furudo village for our new headquarters and that we were able to have animals there and eat meat at each meals. Now, Katamori-sama is asking for our help and I know that I will answer that call. I'm not asking anyone of you to answer it with me and you will follow Shimada Kai's guidance towards Sendai. »

The men looked at each other, wondering if I was expecting something from them but I wasn't. Hijikata-san would need them in Sendai and Ezo.

« Taichô » said Keisuke « allow me to stay. »

« You are free to take whatever decision you see fit for yourself, Mori. » I said calmly « but know that what awaits us in Aizu is nothing more than defeat and death. »

« I'm a bushi, Taichô » he nodded « And I will fight for you, and Aizu. »

I nodded to acknowledge his determination. It was nice to know that I will have a familiar face by my side before I throw myself into battle. I was surprised though that eleven other soldiers did voice the same wish to stay with me. Nothing was forcing them to stay and die here. If only all those samurai who treated us like scum could see how our honor was fierce. If only Kondou-san could see us...

The twelve men who decided to stay weren't joined by the others and we watched them pack and go, following Shimada and the Denshutai. The Shinsengumi, once of more than three hundred men was now a corp of thirteen fools.

Author note : The sentence of Saito Hajime

« We've come here for Aizu. If we abandon our will and leave when seeing Aizu is about to fall, that's breaching integrity and righteousness »

This is an actual quote that the historical Saito Hajime threw in Otori's face. It is a powerful one because it emphasizes the « Makoto » (here in bold below) when said in japanese so I wanted to include it in the story.

一たび會津へ來りたれば今落城せんとするを見て、志を捨て去るはの義にあらずと知る。

Saito Hajime (historical one) was reported missing in action at Bonari Pass. No one knows what happened but he did came back to the camp the next day without injuries.