Yags a boob man.

He's a moron, and I love him.


"No way, she seriously did that?"

Yashiro sniggered.

"Would I lie to you? She definitely did. Ya know that saying 'the hot ones are always crazy?'"

Iori snorted and nodded an affirmative. There was a moment of silence. Yashiro waited just long enough for it to become awkward.

"And she's really hot."

"..."

Iori narrowed his eyes and half turned to reply..

"You don't need to tell me that. I actually have eyes."

"Yeah, but you're into dudes so… "

It took a moment for that comment to process, then Iori replied with the expected answer. He was painfully predictable during verbal altercations. Yashiro always felt like a genius arguing against him.

"Shut the fuck up I'm not gay!"

"You're sounding pretty defensive there, buddy"

"I'll blow you to bits. Be quiet."

Wow… 'blow you' to bits? That's unfortunate.

There was a moment of silence where Yashiro weighed the pro's and con's of enraging his host and possibly getting tossed out the window. Iori had crossed his arms over his chest and was trying to stare holes into the back of the driver's head.

He won't freak out. He needs me for the concert… heh.

"...You're flirting with me."

"What? No. Fuck you!"

"Freudian slip much? Just admit it, don't be shy."

"Gah!"

Yashiro couldn't help but laugh, even as his toes were stomped on and Iori elbowed him in the gut. The driver up front yelled something neither of them understood. Iori replied with what was likely to be Spanish profanity.

Yashiro had his chuckle and hunkered down, waiting for his companion to cool off. He turned to admire the view from the window. Shanghai's towering buildings walled the streets on both sides, and gave the city a tremendous labrythine feel. Up ahead was a great canal filled with boats. The sky was gloomy, yet the atmosphere remained oppressively hot. Summer in Asia was no joke. If he wasn't dead, he'd probably be sweating like a pig.

Thank God Yagami doesn't sweat either… I'd hate to sit next to him if he did.

It was ten thirty in the morning and the two of them had squeezed into the backseat of a taxi cab. They had just finished doing the site overview of their concert venue and taking inventory of what they needed. Initially, the employees running the site made things difficult for them. Neither he nor Iori spoke Chinese, so most of their communication was done via writing (as the two languages shared characters). It took 15 minutes of angrily scribbled notes and incoherent shouting for everyone to fall into line. Then they were off to fetch the first thing on their list - extension cords.

So now here they were. The two of them squashed up against each other in an unfriendly taxi, sniping. Yashiro had to admit the close quarters was mostly his fault. His massive frame had his companion unhappily pressed against the window. He hadn't yet voiced complaint - but there was ample time for that. The store was still fifteen minutes further.

The car made a left, and with the help of the vehicle's momentum, Yashiro leaned into his seat-buddy harder than necessary. Iori looked up from his brickbreaker game and glared at him.

"What."

"I don't think Shermie will mind if we hit it off. She's always encouraging me to try new things...Maybe she'll even get involved."

"Kill yourself right now."

"Not into threesomes?"

"Not with you, no."

"Fair enough."

Iori finished glaring and went back to his video game. Yashiro yawned and checked his fingernails.

Before he became a heavenly king, threatened to destroy humanity and killed himself, his relationship with Iori Yagami was nothing short of nasty rivalry. He hated Iori, and if Iori cared enough to hate him back, Yashiro might not have despised the other man so intensely.

But now that Yashiro had died and come back three or four times, he had mellowed out a lot. Iori's opinion of him didn't really change - he was still indifferent - but that was fine. The guy lived in his own crazy world, and people coming back from the dead didn't even make him blink. He was the first person Yashiro met post-suicide that didn't seem to care he was 'post-suicide'.

In fact, Iori was never really one to ask questions at all. It was easy to keep secrets around him, because he hardly felt a need to learn about people's intentions. He took in Vice and Mature quite easily. He didn't mind Yashiro and Shermie either- his former enemies. He didn't ask questions. He just didn't care.

A real odd duck.

But that wasn't a bad thing. At least he was entertaining… because he was nuts. He didn't mind buying everyone drinks, and he wasn't above having the occasional semi-intelligent conversation. What else could you ask for in an acquaintance?

The only downside was he might kill you if you said something wrong, but at this point, Yashiro was used to being killed. It wasn't that big a deal.

So with that in mind, Yashiro decided to prod Iori further. This conversation had devolved into locker room talk, and Yashiro was gonna make it as uncomfortable as possible. He cleared his throat.

"You're just afraid I might confuse you with Shermie, right? I mean you're both tiny and-"

Iori slammed down his phone and exclaimed in disbelief.

"Bitch, did you just call Shermie tiny?!"

"..."

"..."

He's passionate about that?

"... Ah. No that's a mistake."

"A mistake if I've ever heard one. Holy shit. Your woman is stacked."

Yashiro grinned.

"You're the same as her. If your shirts get any tighter, someone's gonna demand you wear a sports bra."

A pause.

"You think so? I did chest this morning. Eight sets. 250. Pumped as hell."

Iori patted himself, looking pleased with the unintentional compliment. Yashiro sniggered and rolled his eyes as his conservant continued.

"I wanna see Shermie after she does a good chest workout… you should introduce her to the bench press"

"I've got enough tit in my life. Any more and she won't walk straight."

"That's hot as fuck."

"...You're a weird one, Yagami."

"That's a surprise?"

"Oh, no. Literally not at all."

They quickly moved from locker room talk to gym talk. When that petered out, they sat in uncomfortable silence once again.

Iori went back to his game. Yashiro watched him play and offered unhelpful commentary.

"You lost again…"

"Shut up"

"It looks easy as hell."

"I said Shut up. Go die."

"Have you started seeing anyone?"

Iori's expression didn't change. He continued to play his game.

"Nah."

"Why not? Haven't met Miss perfect?"

"Too busy. I don't like dating. I've got like five years left to live. Not gonna spend any of that pandering to some chick."

"Romantic."

"Shut up."

"Just go left."

"Shut!"

He grumbled as he lost the same level for the third time in a row. It honestly looked really easy. Yashiro asked to try, and now he was in the hot seat. Iori narrated from behind his shoulder.

"Press Ok and double tap to shoot the balls. Oy! Go to the right and catch it!"

He lost. He tried again. He spoke as he started the next round.

"You have enough time to be playing video games. I could help you meet the right man."

"I'm not gay, and I'm actually busy. I spend all my time dealing with this band. Howard green behind the ears, and he still doesn't know acciaccato from acciaccatura. Like what the hell."

Yashiro blinked as his music theory PTSD came back and smacked his brain across the room. Iori must be the music teacher from hell. Nobody cared about the difference between acciaccato and acciaccatura besides for Iori. There was a pang of sympathy toward what Rock must have gone through, then a pang of guilt towered what was probably being done to him this very moment.

Hope Shermie isn't too rough...

Whatever he felt, he didn't let Iori see it. He put on his most sleazy insufferable voice and elbowed his grumpy car-mate affectionately. His job was to keep Iori sufficiently distracted such that he didn't go looking for Rock during the next eight hours. Still, Yashiro couldn't just drop this line of attack. It was just too amusing.

"Dude, just admit you're dating him. You hired him so you could stare at his ass all day, didn't you?"

That earned him an incredulous look.

"...What? Who?"

"Rocky. He's cute."

"Howard?… Seriously?… there's literally no reason for him to think I'm hot for him."

Yashiro didn't miss a beat.

"Besides for the fact you're not gay?"

He sputtered.

"Yes! Of course that! This is ridiculous."

"Ooh, big word there."

Iori turned to glare at him, clearly expecting some sort of explanation for this wild and offensive allegation. From the looks of it, the thought had truly never crossed Iori's mind. Yashiro was still playing brickbreaker, and finished off the level. He started the next one.

"You did tell him you would kiss him while we were in Sydney."

"Yeah. That was a joke."

"Well, he believed it. You ever wonder why he tries to avoid you so much? And why he's attacking you and shit?"

Iori looked absolutely disbelieving. He was dumb, but obviously not this dumb. Yashiro realized he had dug himself into something of a hole, and just hoped he could maneuver out of it.

Iori replied slowly.

"So him screwing up concerts and attacking me is just his way of rejecting my 'romantic advances'. Sure. That's the stupidest shit I've ever heard. Stop talking out of your ass… wait you beat the level?"

"Yeah, and yeah."

"How'd you beat it?"

"Dunno. I'm better than you?"

"Hmph."

Yashiro beat two more levels before Iori demanded his phone back. Now that the stages were more difficult, Iori's attempts became even more hopeless. He didn't seem to be getting frustrated though.

"There's no way it's something like that. I spent a full month with him polishing technique before we came on tour, and nothing like this ever happened. Kagura thinks he's just scared and stressed out."

"... did Kagura talk to him?"

Iori looked up from his game and promptly lost the round. He narrowed his eyes at the bigger man.

"Wait, he told you this?"

Yashiro put on his most trusting face as he spun the dumbest lie in his lifetime.

"Yeah, why would I tell you otherwise? He knows you're going through hell and back to keep him in this band, and he's all suspicious. Didn't you buy him a phone?"

"Actually I threatened to fire him yesterday… and I had to get him a phone. He left his at home."

"Might as well have bought him flowers."

"What! That's dumb as shit!"

"Would I lie to you?"

Iori grumbled to himself and turned to glower out the window. After a moment, he picked up his phone and dialed a number. Yashiro panicked and grabbed the phone out of his hand before it's owner could hit 'call'. If Rock's phone went off, and some idiot mafioso decided to pick up and demand ransom from Iori, Shermie's entire plan would be derailed. The goal was to get Whip to go on the rescue mission, and fall into ambush. The last thing they needed was a pillar of fire shooting into the sky and consuming the entire block.

Oh, Shermie… The things I do for you.

Yashiro braced himself as Iori sliced him in the arm and made an unsuccessful grab for the cellphone. They tussled until the driver screamed at them. Only then did they resort to words.

"What the fuck are you doing?!"

"No, what are you doing."

"I'm gonna call the bastard! What the hell do you think I'm doing? Give me my phone or I'll lop your head off!"

"You can't!"

Iori was getting pissed.

"Well, why the fuck not?!"

Yashiro wracked his brain for a somewhat legitimate sounding reason for Iori not to call his employee. He blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"He's underage. You can't."

"What!? No - You're bullshitting me. Give me my phone."

Iori sliced him again, and made a grab for his phone. Yashiro shoved him away. The driver glared at them through the rear-view mirror and it looked like he wanted to murder them both.

"Hey, Ow- I'm serious! Hear me out!"

"No! Give it here!"

By this point, they had forgotten they were in a moving vehicle, and started wrestling and shouting over each other. Iori seemed more passionate about inflicting pain than anything else. Yashiro thanked his lucky starts he was already dead, and didn't feel the worst of it.

"Hey- he- Ow, fuck! You can't just call some underage kid, and tell them 'Don't worry I don't want to fuck you, I'm safe to hang out with'! That's the most suspicious thi- Goddammit It Yagami I'm bleeding everywhere!"

"I WILL TURN YOUR INNARDS INTO OUTERS! GIVE ME MY SHIT!"

(*Thud*)

(*crunch*)

"..."

"..."

Both men froze at the sound of a cell phone being folded in half. Iori had one hand wrapped around Yashiro's throat. Yashiro had an elbow planted firmly in Iori's stomach. The object they were fighting for was sparking and dropping bits of electronic debris from Yashiro's closed fist.

Iori swiveled his neck to look from his ruined phone, to the man responsible. His eyes said 'get ready for a massive bitch-fest'. Yashiro grimaced, and tried to sound as apologetic as possible. Not that it would matter much.

"... ah. My mistak- OW! FUCK!"

"YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"

Ugh, Shermie - this had better be worth it...


Rock isn't underaged - Whip is though :0

Yash and Yag are perfect together.

*lennyface*